Help! Getting mixed messages about NFP

  • Thread starter Thread starter Xander
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
Xander said:
Well I was 100% gungho about going to our class tomorrow, until I read this thread For the Guys (Mostly): “Side Effects of NFP”. It makes me very nervous because my fiance has already admitted to me that she has a very low drive and that she is rarely in the mood, even when we kiss or I do something nice for her. I apologize for the TMI, we are chaste right now but haven’t been in the past. I am very worried about what NFP might do to our sex lives once we get married in April. I made a list of things to discuss with her this evening. Any further help would be great.

Xander
Click to expand...
**Try not to worry about that too much right now:). Give it until after the wedding and see how things go over time. For me, as a woman, sex is much more tied in to emotions rather than natural “urges”. So since you guys are remaining chaste until your wedding she might have just “turned off” that part of her. Not consciously of course… or she could have some type of hormone issue going on which NFP will help her spot.

let us know how your talk and your first class goes!!!

Malia**
 
For people with low drive, part of their major problem with NFP is that their libido seems to rise when they are ovulating and if they use NFP to avoid pregnancy, then it means that they have to avoid sex when the drive is highest. I know i will have alot of attack for this, but it is the truth. I know that the body is biologically designed somehow to have increased libido at ovulation. I feel same. However what i can advice is that a woman can enhance her drive mentally and phycologically and by just reading a few books on christian sexual intimacies can help. I read those and have gone from a zero drive to a healthy one.

Tell her not to worry. I believe that NFP is part of the reason why my husband and i have a very healthy and happy relationship. I go for my daily masses and it hurts bad if i cant recieve communion because of ABC. With NFP, you are at peace with God and once you are at peace with God, things work.

My husband is not a detail person, very choleric, i take care of the chart, he complies. i however encourage men that get involved, its a good thing.
 
Well Hilary and I had a great conversation last night about our fears and excepations, and it went really well! We have a much better understanding of what we both want and need. Also we went to our first Creighton class this morning, and we are very happy about it. First we had a great teacher, and second with the knowladge of how it works allayed our fears that we would be abstaining most of the month. From a lot of what I had read, albeit on one of the griping threads, that people were abstaining for most of the month and only chose to be intamite for a few days. Well this is their choice, with this model we can choose when we want to, which is more often than we had first believed. We are very happy to be learning things His way and not the worlds. His way promotes more closeness between a husband a wife and it promotes us being closer and fully giving ourselves to each other. We both are very happy with our decision, but I have no doubt we will have questions as we go.
 
Well Hilary and I had a great conversation last night about our fears and expectations, and it went really well! We have a much better understanding of what we both want and need. Also we went to our first Creighton class this morning, and we are very happy about it. First we had a great teacher, and second with the knowledge of how it works allayed our fears that we would be abstaining most of the month. From a lot of what I had read, albeit on one of the griping threads, that people were abstaining for most of the month and only chose to be intimate for a few days. Well this is their choice, with this model we can choose when we want to, which is more often than we had first believed. We are very happy to be learning things His way and not the worlds. His way promotes more closeness between a husband a wife and it promotes us being closer and fully giving ourselves to each other. We both are very happy with our decision, but I have no doubt we will have questions as we go.
 
Well the first couple of lines says it all. If you can keep that going, you’ll have a wonderful marriage! Congrats!
 
Ogo_nwa_maria said:
For people with low drive, part of their major problem with NFP is that their libido seems to rise when they are ovulating and if they use NFP to avoid pregnancy, then it means that they have to avoid sex when the drive is highest. I know i will have alot of attack for this, but it is the truth. I know that the body is biologically designed somehow to have increased libido at ovulation. I feel same. However what i can advice is that a woman can enhance her drive mentally and phycologically and by just reading a few books on christian sexual intimacies can help. I read those and have gone from a zero drive to a healthy one.

Tell her not to worry. I believe that NFP is part of the reason why my husband and i have a very healthy and happy relationship. I go for my daily masses and it hurts bad if i cant recieve communion because of ABC. With NFP, you are at peace with God and once you are at peace with God, things work.

My husband is not a detail person, very choleric, i take care of the chart, he complies. i however encourage men that get involved, its a good thing.
Click to expand...
GOOD POINTS! The part about the increase in libido during the fertile stage is one that probably should get more attention, so couples won’t be surprised when they pursue NFP.
 
Thanks to everyone for the wonderful responses. I originally expected around 2 or 3 responses. My fiance and I have been doing a lot of talking and praying and brought up our hopes and fears about doing things the right way. We are already charting, since it is a little over a month until the wedding we wanted to start now so we would know what to do after the wedding. We have our first follow up with our classes in about about a week, and all the talking between us about charting and everything that goes with it has made us come to the realization that we want children much sooner than we thought we did. At first we were going to wait for 5 to 6 years before we had kids, and now we are looking at maybe sometime next year and the only reason we want to wait that long is to make sure I am set in my job since where I work is going through some financial strains right now. Its like God flipped a switch in my head about doing things His way. I had thought NFP was antiquated, and now I realize not only is it not antiquated or out of touch, it is scientific and very intouch with a couples own bodies and His will. We are so very happy about our decision to live our marriage the way He wants us to.
 
God bless you and your fiance for seeking God’s Will in your life.
Perhaps the two of you could pray about being totally open to His Will, by letting Him decide when and if you should become pregnant.
(Talk about going against the world’s view, huh?)

My husband and I have found, that sometimes what we consider “grave” reasons, are exactly the times when God thinks we should have a child; and blesses us with one!

Try to trust that HE knows better than you or your (to be) husband what is best for you and in His Plan. HE WILL PROVIDE…and He gives the graces with each blessing, to be able to cope and handle pregnancy and parenting.

I just thought I’d offer this as another option. Sometimes, if we feel confused…it is a prompting from the Holy Spirit to pray further; and perhaps seek another way.

Remaining always open to life is a way to say, “Lord, we completely trust You and welcome Your blessings”.

You will both be in my prayers; and I wish you a fruitful, joyful, holy and happy marriage in Christ!

His Peace,
Judy
 
Thank you Judy! Hilary and I have been talking and praying, and we have decided to start trying for a child this summer. The only reason we are even going to wait that long, is that we want to get our house in order, literally and figuratively. When we decided we wanted to start a family now, I was giddy for the whole evening. The idea of being a father and holding my child in my arms made me want to cry with happiness.
 
First of all, FORGIVE ME for assuming that the author of your posts was the FEMALE fiance!!! How rude of me!!!

Secondly, GOD BLESS YOU BOTH! See how the Holy Spirit prompted you and Inspired you right out of your confusion…into CLARITY!!! Praise God!

What a beautiful marriage you will have; and how much strength to get through the rough times that eventually come along the journey…for you, at the BEGINNING, have CENTERED yourselves in CHRIST! HE WILL NOT FAIL YOU!

May He bless you with the child for whom you are already longing!

And remember, when you have one baby, He gives you the grace for that one…you don’t get the GRACE to handle 3, or 6, or 10, until you HAVE 3, or 6, or 10 🙂 He gives the proper grace at the proper times!

God Bless You and Hilary,
Judy
 
Xander said:
Thank you Judy! Hilary and I have been talking and praying, and we have decided to start trying for a child this summer. The only reason we are even going to wait that long, is that we want to get our house in order, literally and figuratively. When we decided we wanted to start a family now, I was giddy for the whole evening. The idea of being a father and holding my child in my arms made me want to cry with happiness.
Click to expand...
Haha! Well, don’t be too disappointed if your house is not in order when she gets pregnant. When I got pregnant my DH and I just bought a house and were smack dab in the middle of renovating it. We were sleeping on a mattress on the floor, all the floors had paper on them, the house had the trim ripped off, no doors on bedrooms and bathroom, no TV, no A/C, no internet, tools on the living room floor, no furniture (we sat in lawn chairs for a long time)…haha I could go on and on! But the house is livable again. It turned out ok. Just wanted you to realize that if it does happen before you planned, that all will be well. 😃
 
StratusRose said:
Haha! Well, don’t be too disappointed if your house is not in order when she gets pregnant. When I got pregnant my DH and I just bought a house and were smack dab in the middle of renovating it. We were sleeping on a mattress on the floor, all the floors had paper on them, the house had the trim ripped off, no doors on bedrooms and bathroom, no TV, no A/C, no internet, tools on the living room floor, no furniture (we sat in lawn chairs for a long time)…haha I could go on and on! But the house is livable again. It turned out ok. Just wanted you to realize that if it does happen before you planned, that all will be well. 😃
Click to expand...
Likewise, even if you have your house “in order” at the time of conception, there’s no telling where you’ll be nine months down the road. My husband and I thought we had it all straightened out before our first child was born … then he lost his job, couldn’t find another one in the area, and we high-tailed it across the state to be near my parents … two weeks before the baby was born. Talk about not being set up for a baby!

So as long as you and your wife are present and accounted for when you bring the baby home, you’ve got the essentials. One of the things that amazed me about newborns was that they needed very little in terms of equipment. With my second baby, since we were doing ecological breastfeeding and co-sleeping, all we really needed were diapers, clothes, and a car seat! And he didn’t seem to mind if the house was a wreck. As long as he had us, he had all he needed. 😉
 
Again thanks to all. The one reason I want to wait just a few months is so that we can both be down to a healthy weight, I can take a little longer than she can, but we do want her to be at a healthy weight before the pregnancy, just so we don’t add one more complication to things. She doesn’t have too much more to go, she needs to be at least down to 150lbs to be healthy according to her doctor, she is loosing about 10lbs every two weeks so it wont take too long. She agrees with it, but she REALLY wants to have our child soon, but understands that we both need to be healthy for our child.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top