Help! How to loose a Guy who is infatuated?

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Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. I gave no interest so he eventually got a girlfriend. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook and had not heard from him UNTIL this summer. He sent a friend request, so I accepted wanting to avoid being a snob. But, I have a feeling that he is single because he was very flirtatious in his messages to me.I have tried ignoring him but he isn’t getting the message. He won’t stop using certain emoji and its really freaking me out. I’m worried he will try to see me in person. The reason I am not reciprocating the feelings is because he is not catholic and I am not attracted to him at all. I really want to end this but I feel like sending him a message is not appropriate. What should I do? :confused:
 
Kateri92 said:
Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. I gave no interest so he eventually got a girlfriend. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook and had not heard from him UNTIL this summer. He sent a friend request, so I accepted wanting to avoid being a snob. But, I have a feeling that he is single because he was very flirtatious in his messages to me.I have tried ignoring him but he isn’t getting the message. He won’t stop using certain emoji and its really freaking me out. I’m worried he will try to see me in person. The reason I am not reciprocating the feelings is because he is not catholic and I am not attracted to him at all. I really want to end this but I feel like sending him a message is not appropriate. What should I do? :confused:
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Not send him a message. Or, if that feels too anti-social, answering maybe 1 in 2 of his messages or 1 in 3.

But if he’s sending you a lot of unreciprocated messages, definitely don’t send him anything.

When you have some time, read The Gift of Fear.
 
I’m not comfortable with the messages you are sending me. Please do not contact me again.

Unfriend.

The End.
 
Kateri92 said:
What should I do? :confused:
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For now I recommend that you do not respond at all. I think that there are settings on Facebook where you can set your status to invisible for some people (though I confess I am no expert). That way he can’t tell if you’re online at any particular moment, which makes ignoring incoming messages less awkward. Don’t actually open the message because I think he is automatically notified that you’ve read it. If he begins to escalate then find a polite but explicit way to tell him to stop as recommended by [user]1ke[/user]. This should be done in writing and you should save/print out a copy of it that has a date stamp. The dated communication will help authorities to pursue harassment charges against him if it becomes necessary. Any further unsolicited contact and you should involve help, from family, mutual friends and/or the authorities.

[user]Xantippe[/user]'s recommendation to read The Gift of Fear is a good idea as it will actually help you feel less afraid and more in control.
 
1ke said:
I’m not comfortable with the messages you are sending me. Please do not contact me again.

Unfriend.

The End.
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Right.
Just unfriend him. Hopefully he doesn’t have enough personal info about you or your location.
 
Kateri92 said:
Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. … etc.
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He sounds like Lloyd Christmas, Jim Carrey’s character in Dumb and Dumber:

Lloyd Christmas: What do you think the chances are of a guy like me and a girl like you … ending up together?

Mary Swanson: Well, Lloyd, that’s difficult to say. I mean, we don’t really …

Lloyd Christmas: Hit me with it! Just give it to me straight! I came a long way just to see you, Mary. The least you can do is level with me. What are my chances?

Mary Swanson: Not good.

Lloyd Christmas: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?

Mary Swanson: I’d say more like one out of a million.

[pause]

Lloyd Christmas: So you’re telling me there’s a chance ?.. YEAH!
 
1ke said:
I’m not comfortable with the messages you are sending me. Please do not contact me again.

Unfriend.

The End.
Click to expand...
👍 Can you no longer black people on facebook? It would in no way be rude or wrong to do so.
 
Kateri92 said:
Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. I gave no interest so he eventually got a girlfriend. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook and had not heard from him UNTIL this summer. He sent a friend request, so I accepted wanting to avoid being a snob. But, I have a feeling that he is single because he was very flirtatious in his messages to me.I have tried ignoring him but he isn’t getting the message. He won’t stop using certain emoji and its really freaking me out. I’m worried he will try to see me in person. The reason I am not reciprocating the feelings is because he is not catholic and I am not attracted to him at all. I really want to end this but I feel like sending him a message is not appropriate. What should I do? :confused:
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Two options
    • unfriend him and hope you two don’t ever run into each other, and he doesn’t take it as a challenge
    • tell him you are not interested directly, cease contact (continuing to talk/chat/text may be seen as interest or flirtation, like ‘no’ is more ‘maybe’), unfriend him
 
JD1789 said:
👍 Can you no longer black people on facebook? It would in no way be rude or wrong to do so.
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I think you meant to say block not black 😃

And that is what I would recommend I have blocked many of my best friends on social media, Facebook in particular, because I get tired of their nonsense. Unfriending is not enough as they can still send you messages and comment on your posts, please do yourself a favor and block this guy.
 
As others have said, unfriend him. Infatuation only dies when you ignore him and keep a wide distance. Every time you respond to him, you renew it and strengthen it. Unstoppable II’s point in particular is important to remember: boys (notice I said boys, not men) infatuated think like conspiracy theorists. Every little thing is interpretated to fuel his feelings; the more you say no, the more he will hear an implicit yes (she’s just playing hard to get…)

Usually this intense sort of infatuation is a sign of serious emotional problems, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior. If he wants to be a man and one day marry, he needs to learn to control himself.

Christi pax,

Lucretius
 
You are fortunate that it is only on Facebook and not in person. I never read my Facebook, at least not often.

When I was younger, I was harassed by the building complex maintenance man. I owned a condo, and this man was after me. It scared me because he was so bold - he would knock on the outside door, and I would ignore it. Then a neighbor would open the door and let him into the hallway. He would then proceed to pound on my door. I would often take off the other way and go somewhere to get away from him, but he would find me. I lived in fear.

Looking back on it, I wish I had called the police and pressed charges.

If it is only on Facebook you just don’t bother to read it.
 
Try to tell him nicely that you are not interested and that he should stop sending you messages. If he persists in bothering you then “block” him.
 
Kateri92 said:
Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. I gave no interest so he eventually got a girlfriend. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook and had not heard from him UNTIL this summer. He sent a friend request, so I accepted wanting to avoid being a snob. But, I have a feeling that he is single because he was very flirtatious in his messages to me.I have tried ignoring him but he isn’t getting the message. He won’t stop using certain emoji and its really freaking me out. I’m worried he will try to see me in person. The reason I am not reciprocating the feelings is because he is not catholic and I am not attracted to him at all. I really want to end this but I feel like sending him a message is not appropriate. What should I do? :confused:
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I’ve had more than one suitor look me up when he “hit the open market” again. They haven’t tended to pursue things when it becomes obvious that nothing will come of it.

Why is it not appropriate about a direct message? Send him a response that says, “When you sent the friend request and I accepted, flirtation is not what I had in mind. You probably have other female friends who feel differently, but as it is I’m not looking to flirt and I’m not looking to be flirted with. I trust that you’ll stop, now that you know how I feel about it.” You ought to be careful to provide an “I’m sure it was an honest mistake” out, but other than that don’t have any qualms about being honest about your boundaries.

If he doesn’t stop, then “unfriend” him without further comment. Draw the boundary kindly, enforce the boundary firmly, and feel free to refuse contact with any people who give themselves permission to repeatedly violate boundaries that you’ve made very clear.
 
Kateri92 said:
Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. I gave no interest so he eventually got a girlfriend. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook and had not heard from him UNTIL this summer. He sent a friend request, so I accepted wanting to avoid being a snob. But, I have a feeling that he is single because he was very flirtatious in his messages to me.I have tried ignoring him but he isn’t getting the message. He won’t stop using certain emoji and its really freaking me out. I’m worried he will try to see me in person. The reason I am not reciprocating the feelings is because he is not catholic and I am not attracted to him at all. I really want to end this but I feel like sending him a message is not appropriate. What should I do? :confused:
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You are being polite out of fear of hurting his feelings.

Send him a message, that you are just acquaintances and you are not interested, and sorry but could he please stop sending messages. Then unfriendly him. And block him from visiting your Facebook page. Harsh but necessary.

You can’t be polite forever when the truth is more important for.the two of you.

There is nothing wrong with sending him a message, you are being too polite, you don’t want to meet him in person and explain -that would be much more difficult for him to bear because meeting up with you would send out the wrong signals and get his hopes up, and he might be even more disappointed/ hurt to hear this in person.

Send the message in a nice way, unfriending him, and block him from your page. He’ll understand!
It’s the only way, you can’t keep messaging him forever out of politeness sake, “The truth will set you free.” He needs to hear the truth, and you are being unfair to him by continuing to message when you have no interest at all. Be truthful in a message and move on.
 
As far as The Gift of Fear goes, how is someone suppose to recognize a dangerous person vs. a person who is emotionally immature?
 
Kateri92 said:
Okay, so there is this guy who is infatuated with me. It started a few years ago when he wouldn’t stop perusing me. I gave no interest so he eventually got a girlfriend. I ended up unfriending him on Facebook and had not heard from him UNTIL this summer. He sent a friend request, so I accepted wanting to avoid being a snob. But, I have a feeling that he is single because he was very flirtatious in his messages to me.I have tried ignoring him but he isn’t getting the message. He won’t stop using certain emoji and its really freaking me out. I’m worried he will try to see me in person. The reason I am not reciprocating the feelings is because he is not catholic and I am not attracted to him at all. I really want to end this but I feel like sending him a message is not appropriate. What should I do? :confused:
Click to expand...
Is this someone you know or have known in person? If so, tell them you are not interested and that you feel you two would not be a good match. If that doesn’t stop the behavior, block him.

If this is some guy you’ve never met who is randomly messaging you, just block him.

If this is some guy from another country who is messaging you, it could be a scam and block him.

In any case, I think he is trying to wear you down.

Why are you worried he will try and see you in person?

At this point, I would say don’t be too alarmed, and trust your instincts. I find that it’s when women make excuses for a guy is when they open themselves up to trouble.
 
Kateri92 said:
As far as The Gift of Fear goes, how is someone suppose to recognize a dangerous person vs. a person who is emotionally immature?
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Good question. I think, though, the same actions (no response, unfriend) would work for either one.
 
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