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rpp
Guest
I am desperate and need immediate and urgent help to inspire my sense of humor!! :whacky:
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gardenswithkids
Guest
Here’s the joke of the day from World Net Daily today. Seems appropriate for CAF Family Life. I hope it inspires your sense of humor. worldnetdaily.com/index.php?fa=PAGE.view&pageId=95285
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whatevergirl
Guest
*rpp–are you being serious? 
You could always go back and read through the long hair thread…for a quick laugh or two…or three…
Wait, that thread isn’t that funny.
opcorn:*
You could always go back and read through the long hair thread…for a quick laugh or two…or three…
Wait, that thread isn’t that funny.
opcorn:*
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whatevergirl
Guest
or the politics forum…hahahahaha!Come on Rpp, snap out of it.Go over to the “Politics 2009” Thread’s and say something logical to one of the Libs. and see what humorous and silly response you get.
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rpp
Guest
I thought about that, but the lack of logic and the slobbering adoration for something other than the Eucharist and the boundless lack of charity there leaves me sad. In fact, I have decided to completely avoid the politics area as it brings out the worst in me.Come on Rpp, snap out of it.
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rpp
Guest
*rpp–are you being serious?
You could always go back and read through the long hair thread…for a quick laugh or two…or three…
Wait, that thread isn’t that funny.
:ehh:
:crying:
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pasancharan
Guest
Shamelessly taken from another thread now long buried somewhere on this forum:
How the new organist sealed the deal on his job
A new organist was hired in a small parish. The parish, like all others, was always in need of donations for building repairs and the like. So, one Sunday, the priest distributed Communion and when everything was finished, he stood up to make an announcement. “Dear brothers and sisters, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but…there’s been a leaky spot in the roof and we’re going to need about $200 in addition to the normal offertory to fix it. Anyone wishing to donate should stand up.”
Everyone started groaned and fidgeting in their seats. A few people got up and left.
At that moment, the organist started playing “The Star Spangled Banner.”
The church rasied over $2,000 that day.
How the new organist sealed the deal on his job
A new organist was hired in a small parish. The parish, like all others, was always in need of donations for building repairs and the like. So, one Sunday, the priest distributed Communion and when everything was finished, he stood up to make an announcement. “Dear brothers and sisters, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but…there’s been a leaky spot in the roof and we’re going to need about $200 in addition to the normal offertory to fix it. Anyone wishing to donate should stand up.”
Everyone started groaned and fidgeting in their seats. A few people got up and left.
At that moment, the organist started playing “The Star Spangled Banner.”
The church rasied over $2,000 that day.
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system
Guest
Three couples on a golf outing have a terrible mishap. Their cart goes over a cliff and, by the mercy of God and the angels, they feel no pain at all but just find themselves seated before Saint Peter at the gate.
Peter gets immediately to his “review” and blasts the first man for his love of drinking, scolding him: "you loved drinking more than anything else! Why, you even married a woman named, “Brandy!.” You will not be admitted without time in purgatory!
Next, he turns to the second man, "You loved money above all things! You even married a woman named “Penny” because of your love of money!! You cannot enter without purgatory!
At this time the third man’s wife asks him how things are going. He replies:
“I’m not sure* FANNY*, but things are looking bad!”
Peter gets immediately to his “review” and blasts the first man for his love of drinking, scolding him: "you loved drinking more than anything else! Why, you even married a woman named, “Brandy!.” You will not be admitted without time in purgatory!
Next, he turns to the second man, "You loved money above all things! You even married a woman named “Penny” because of your love of money!! You cannot enter without purgatory!
At this time the third man’s wife asks him how things are going. He replies:
“I’m not sure* FANNY*, but things are looking bad!”
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lwillo
Guest
How about this one,
Three men die and approach the gate where St. Peter is awaiting them. He states to them that they will all be issued a car to get them around Heaven, but the type of car they will drive will be based on their faithfulness to their wives while they were on earth. So the first guy steps forward and St. Peter asks, " did you ever cheat on your wife?" and the man, rather boastfully stated, “No, I have never cheated on my wife.” So St. Peter issued the man a beautiful Cadillac to drive, and the gates opened and the man drove away. The next guy, rather sheepishly steps forward. St. Peter asks, “did you ever cheat on your wife?” The guy states, “well there was one time when I gave into my weakness, and was unfaithful to my wife.” So St. Peter brings out a Honda, the gates open and the man drives away. The third man, with utter dread on his face, steps forward. St. Peter asks, “did you ever cheat on your wife?” The man begins to sob, and states, “yes, I had several transgressions during my life.” St. Peter issues the man an old, beat up, Yugo, and the gates open, and he drives away. It isn’t long before the man in the Yugo spots the man who had been given the Cadillac sitting on the side of the road, crying his eyes out. He pulls his beat up Yugo over and yells out the window, “What are you crying about, you got the Cadillac!” And the man yells back, “Ya, but I just saw my wife driving a scooter!”
Three men die and approach the gate where St. Peter is awaiting them. He states to them that they will all be issued a car to get them around Heaven, but the type of car they will drive will be based on their faithfulness to their wives while they were on earth. So the first guy steps forward and St. Peter asks, " did you ever cheat on your wife?" and the man, rather boastfully stated, “No, I have never cheated on my wife.” So St. Peter issued the man a beautiful Cadillac to drive, and the gates opened and the man drove away. The next guy, rather sheepishly steps forward. St. Peter asks, “did you ever cheat on your wife?” The guy states, “well there was one time when I gave into my weakness, and was unfaithful to my wife.” So St. Peter brings out a Honda, the gates open and the man drives away. The third man, with utter dread on his face, steps forward. St. Peter asks, “did you ever cheat on your wife?” The man begins to sob, and states, “yes, I had several transgressions during my life.” St. Peter issues the man an old, beat up, Yugo, and the gates open, and he drives away. It isn’t long before the man in the Yugo spots the man who had been given the Cadillac sitting on the side of the road, crying his eyes out. He pulls his beat up Yugo over and yells out the window, “What are you crying about, you got the Cadillac!” And the man yells back, “Ya, but I just saw my wife driving a scooter!”
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allhers
Guest
HOW TO KEEP A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with, “In accordance with the prophecy.”
Don’t use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won! I won! Third time this week!!!”
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down.
Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
Put your garbage can on your desk and label it “IN.”
Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over his or her caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
Finish all your sentences with, “In accordance with the prophecy.”
Don’t use any punctuation
As often as possible, skip rather than walk.
Specify that your drive-through order is “to go.”
Sing along at the opera.
Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don’t rhyme.
Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.
Five days in advance, tell your friends you can’t attend their party because you’re not in the mood.
When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, “I won! I won! Third time this week!!!”
When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot, yelling, “Run for your lives, they’re loose!”
Tell your children over dinner. “Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go.”
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whatevergirl
Guest
these are REALLY funny…I’m laughing out loud! Especially the bolded ones…don’t disguise your voice while paging yourself…hahahahahahaha
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CTA1967
Guest
Hey, you can get the same nonsense but without the depressing angriness! :newidea:I thought about that, but the lack of logic and the slobbering adoration for something other than the Eucharist and the boundless lack of charity there leaves me sad. In fact, I have decided to completely avoid the politics area as it brings out the worst in me.
weirdhat.com/gibberish.php
Just put in an insanely high number for “number of paragraphs” and “maximum amount of sentences” and check the “title” box to generate a liberal novel! My novel is “ODOSASU DELI”, which gives you a whopping zero results on Google; no chance of copyright lawsuits!
Edit: Oh wait, this one’s even better! Gives you stuff like the liner notes from Bob Dylan’s Highway 61.
watchout4snakes.com/CreativityTools/RandomParagraph/RandomParagraph.aspx
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CTA1967
Guest
Hey, rpp, I spent about ten minutes trying to generate a paragrah for you. Here’s the one I settled on:
And here’s the exciting conclusion:
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allhers
Guest
I found that one here, its a Christian email forward site.
blessingsforlife.com/favforwards/healthysanity.htm
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Morwenna
Guest
I was going to add a couple of links, but no way can I top these!
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rpp
Guest
I found this post the exact opposite of funny. Worse than that, I found it sacrilegious. Take your insults and profanations elsewhere.rpp;5103665:
Admit it, you drooled on the minister when he gave you your cookie, didn’t you?
didn’t you?
***- Status