Help! I need advice for disciplining my boys!

[shannin]

mom of 3 boys:

I have 3 boys, aged 3, 2, & 7 months. My two older boys are out of control. They don’t respect me & listen to what I am telling them.
Please help!!!

Have you ever watched “The Nanny”? She uses a “naughty chair”. I’ve learned some really good discipline tips just from watching that show.

Shannin

 

[mom_of_3_boys]

I actually have a friend who thinks “the nanny” needs to come to my house. lol
I have seen it & they do have good ideas on there. Maybe you’ll see my family on there one day!

 

[Jennifer123]

mom of 3 boys:

I guess I am worried about the disrespect & talking back.

I would hate to have them run away from me in a parking lot or in a store.

My personal opinion is that talking back and disrespect should be treated as any other offense. In my home, there would be a clear rule…no talking back or disrespectful behavior…a warning…then a time out or if older, removal of priviledge.
I personally don’t expect a 2 or 3 yo to really understand that language, so you need to express it in a consise way so they get it.
My 2 yo likes to hit on occasion. Before I had kids I would have told anyone, “no WAY will I allow that!!”, but as a 2 yo, there’s just a lack of self-control. But it’s an immediate time-out. I think time-out gets a bad rap, but if truly done consistantly and with authority, it works. Not as quickly as spanking, but IMHO, you’ll get the same ends eventually.

Have you heard of Dr. Ray Guarendi? Oh - and if I haven’t mentioned it ( ) Parenting with Grace?
drray.com/
exceptionalmarriages.com/resources.htm
abc.go.com/primetime/supernanny/

Oh - for the parking lot thing… I never let my son’s feet touch the ground before he’s in a shopping cart. Just not worth it. Straight from the car to the cart. If we do have to walk somewhere and there’s cars around - always hold a hand. There’s just not enough self control 2 and under…3 yo now I don’t have experience yet!

Personally - I’ve heard people talk about how kids today are disrespectful bc of no spanking…but in my opinion most of this terrible behavior is due not to less spanking but to parenting wo boundaries, rules, etc. maybe out of guilt due to both parents working, parents are no longer willing to do the hard work of setting limits, etc.

Okay, enough of my thoughts and easy to give opinion. I do hope we all help you out!

 

[BLB_Oregon]

jess7396:

The one thing I wanted to say was to choose your battles wisely. I struggled with this myself, but- my kids CAN jump on the couch- I realized- #1- the couch is sturdy, #2- it is great fun for them and #3- our pediareician said she lets her kids do it too, and that it’s no more unsafe than playground equipment .

This is okay up to a point. As pre-school and kindergarten teachers will tell you, there is also such a thing as age-appropriate rules. A six year old is too old for jumping on furniture… and you have to think not only “Is it okay on my couch?” but “Is it okay on every couch in every hotel and home we ever visit?” It isn’t fair to make the rules harder on special occasions… in fact, it is more fun to have a little room to ease up when Grandma is around. A two-year-old in socks hopping on a couch won’t bother many people; a six-year-old will. The age range on one’s own bed* at* bedtime might go a bit higher. Standing on coffee tables, OTOH, is out of bounds for everyone. Kids can handle this kind of nuance. And trust me… if you enforce restaurant rules every night, both eating at home and eating out will become more enjoyable. (In fact, you will bask in the public admiration!)

When you make your older children behave older, though, you have to also make a big deal out of treating them older. A 6yo must act six, but he also gets to do six-year-old things. (Present this as a fact of life, not a choice.)

jess7396:

I have found (I also have 3 young ones) that my kids act up most when HALT - hungry, angry, lonely or tired, so- it takes extra work on my part to- be sure they are well nourished with healthy foods, well rested, given time and attention when lonely or angry.

This is a hugely important point. A good driver doesn’t drive with her eyes on the 50 feet of road directly in front of her. Likewise, you can can’t be remotely relaxed or effective as a parent unless you learn to look ahead and be ready for the “unexpected.”

By the way, when my kids were really little, I did something called a “hand time out.” I would sit them down and hold their hands together at the wrist. (I had twins, and could do both at once.) They hated it… it was a deterrent. So if mere time-outs aren’t working, you may be giving them too much freedom/stimulation or too much attention while they’re doing their time.

 

[Princess_Abby]

When children are angry, they lose cognition. The same happens with adults. (You often hear people say, “I was so angry I couldn’t think straight!” They’re right.) You are dealing with a happy-go-lucky three-year-old one moment, and the next–something sets them off and they become a crying heap of a mess. Therefore, we have to come down to the level they’ve regressed to and allow them to predict consequences for their behavior 100% of the time.

For instance, your 3 year old slaps your 2 year old. Immediately you pluck him out of the situation and say in a loud, firm voice: “You HIT, you SIT.” Immediately he is plopped into a chair, facing the wall, for three minutes. You don’t say anything else, you do not respond to their crying, screaming, pleading, whatever. Sometimes it even helps to have a visual. (Two pictures next to each other: one of hitting, one of sitting, to show the order of what happens.) You may be thinking, What? He knows what hitting and sitting mean! Yes, a three year old does. But an angry or tantruming child loses their reasoning abilities and they are sometimes incapable of listening, processing and understanding words. It helps to have a visual (at eye level) during these situations to point to, and not use any words. At first you may have to assist your 3 year old in sitting in the chair. There is a very safe “hold” called a basket-hold: The child sits in a child-size chair, you are behind the child and cross his or her arms in front of their body, then hold on and either make soothing noises or quietly interject a calming phrase in a whispered voice. (This often works because they stop in mid-cry to figure out what you’re saying.)

Addressing behavior immediately also takes away the social reward of their aggression. They might be hitting/kicking/whatever to a) get the satisfaction of watching their siblings suffer (that sounds terrible, but it’s true most of the time) and b) to get Mommy’s attention, whether or not they realize that is what they’re seeking. If they are immediately whisked from the situation and turned to the wall, they do not get the reinforcement from Mommy or sibling. However…social reward works both ways. When the 3 year old is calming down, even if still in time-out, you praise for calm, good-choice-making, whatever. You do not let an angry, still tantruming child, up from time-out IF THEY ARE NOT CALM. Time-out starts over again and every three minutes he has the opportunity to calm down. (Believe me, after the first few times, the frequency and duration will go down.)

As for jumping off the couch, etc. This is a behavior you might want to replace instead of trying to bring to extinction. For instance, investing in a mini-trampoline. These are relatively inexpensive, fairly safe with supervision and a great energy releaser. You can start telling the 3 year old that he gets one warning about the couch, and then it’s off to time-out. You then remind him that if he wants to jump, he can use the trampoline. The trampoline also becomes a privilege. (As does the tv, certain toys, etc.)

In terms of defiance, “If, first, then” needs to become your favorite phrase. “If you want to play with trucks, first you clean up the playdoh. THEN we play with trucks.” If he screams, whines, whatever, set a timer. “When the timer goes off, I want the playdoh put away. If the timer goes off and the playdoh is still out, Mommy will put it away and there are no trucks today.” Ignore the screaming, crying, begging, whatever after you set the timer. If it becomes out of control after the timer has beeped, time-out again. AND STILL NO TRUCKS! Re-direct with other activities. “If, first, then” can be used in so many situations…

The only other thing that comes to mind is to praise, praise, praise when it is due. “Good listening!” “I love how gently you help me with the baby.” “That lego castle is so creative.” Etc. Oldests have major displacement issues, especially when the other two are so little and need time. He may have decided that the only way to win your attention is to get negative attention. Turn it around so that he realizes you are constantly paying heed to his good little deeds.

 

[mom_of_3_boys]

Princess Abby
Thanks for the great advice. I have definitely been putting these suggestions to good use. I know it will just take time for it to “sink in”. They are such good boys & we do praise them for the good things they do. Today has actually been a little better than the last few days.
thanks.

 

[jess7396]

BLB_Oregon:

This is okay up to a point. As pre-school and kindergarten teachers will tell you, there is also such a thing as age-appropriate rules. A six year old is too old for jumping on furniture… and you have to think not only “Is it okay on my couch?” but “Is it okay on every couch in every hotel and home we ever visit?” It isn’t fair to make the rules harder on special occasions… in fact, it is more fun to have a little room to ease up when Grandma is around. A two-year-old in socks hopping on a couch won’t bother many people; a six-year-old will. The age range on one’s own bed* at* bedtime might go a bit higher. Standing on coffee tables, OTOH, is out of bounds for everyone. Kids can handle this kind of nuance. And trust me… if you enforce restaurant rules every night, both eating at home and eating out will become more enjoyable. (In fact, you will bask in the public admiration!)

I taught pre-school, kindergarten and Fourth grade before I had my kids, I agree that there are age appropriate rules, but- I will not be telling my now 5 year old on her 6th birthday that she is no longer allowed to jump on the couch, that seems arbitrary to me (as most age-related rules are IMO).

In my experience both teaching and raising my own kids, kids will naturally outgrow certain things like wanting to jump on the couch- I jumped on the couch as a kid (and my parents were pretty strict, spanked, etc.- but also allowed kids to be kids), and I know I naturally outgrew it at some point. In my experience, I have noticed that kids who are not overly controlled by arbitrary rules, will go through the stage and get past it. I have noticed the most poorly behaved children I have worked with are either those who are told “hey stop that” and then no consequence, or those who are so over taken with arbitrary rules at home that when they are in school and the rules are lessened- they go wild, not having been able to experience these things before.

As far as expecting restaurant behavior at home, I guess that would depend on what you expect in a restaraunt. I do expect my kids to sit at the table (not stand on it while we eat-lol), and to be polite if they don’t care for something, etc. But- that is all modeled behavior.

What I want most, beyond getting my kids to heaven- is to have a joyful family. That was my biggest reason for learning to choose my battles very carefully, and let my kids be kids. Letting kids be kids does not mean they will be rude, obnoxious, etc. It does mean that they will be very physical, they will laugh about poop constantly, they will fart and think it is funny, and then say “excuse me”. They will laugh at inappropriate times (like when Grandpa toots - luckily Grandpa is all about kids being kids too).

I don’t know- I just see so many people who do not seem to be having joy in their homes, they are not happy, their kids are not happy. In other situations, either the parents or the children are happy, but not both. I think it is worth working through things so that the family is joyful and kids consider home the best, most fun, most safe, most comfortable place to be. I know families with grown children who are that way, and that has been the biggest help, I try to model our family after theirs.

PS- I know that sometimes kids will be angry with rules we enforce and not be all happy at home, but- I want the general tone to be one where they are comfortable here, I have no chance of teaching them properly if they are more influenced by their best friend’s parents who are more fun than me. I think I can be fun and still raise them in the faith, by putting issues of faith and safety first, and letting lots of other things go.

PPS- I had considered one of those indoor trampolines when my kids first started the couch jumping (I was resistant to the idea of allowing that at first) and I asked my pediatrician/friend about them, and she said she has seen more broken arms from those than couch-jumping, and that if I got one, I should put it in a room where I can close it off, unless I am right there next to them every minute. With 3 kids and dishes and laundry, I just can’t have my eyeballs on them every second, so we skipped the trampoline and allowed the couch jumping (which has been about a year now with no injuries, and the couch is in good shape too ).

 

[mom2boyz]

Remember each child and parent are individuals. While it is good to listen to advice from others, you are going to have to find out what works with each child and it will be different. My 1st son (6 1/2 yrs) was easy, put on time out and before the timer went off for the 1 minute per year he was already a happy camper and had moved on. The 2nd son (just turned 4) was just beginning the throes of a tantrum when the timer went off and if I let him off time out the behavior just escalated. So I don’t use the timer. He has to settle down and then when I see he has been settled for a time he can come off. #2 started spitting and screaming while on time out. So for that he gets a spanking (3 stinging swats to the behind). My friend suggested varying his position from sitting to standing. This has helped for both sons. Hey they get tired standing after a while. For my older son I take away privileges and make him write sentences. With my younger son I make him say what the rule is before he comes off time out. For example he might have to repeat after me “I will not say mean words.” Also anything that gets thrown in the house goes on immediate time out for the rest of the day. And if you hit or say mean words to your brother after time out you have to say you are sorry and give a hug. That means looking in the eyes when saying sorry. I try really hard to do what a friend told me that she never let misbehavior go. She would even take them into the bathroom at a restarant when they were older and correct their behavior. She said just the threat of going to the lady’s room was enough to get them to straighten up. Sometimes my boys get warnings, but they always know I am serious and follow through. I remember when my oldest was 2, I looked at him during one defiant time and realized if I didn’t get a handle on this now I was in for a long painful job. So far I haven’t found a parenting book that tells you about that! I do make sure they get lots of praise, hugs and kisses, and “I love you’s.” Also I try to remember they are boys and they have a lot of energy. So in my house jumping on my bed is allowed until I make it which some days isn’t until the evening. There are rules such as no things on the bed and no throwing the pillows. They are also allowed to take off the covers and make tents and whatever. They are allowed to run in the basement and I try to get them outside often.

As for spanking I once asked my friend who has 3 boys if she ever regrets spanking them. Now they are older and she is a preschool teacher. She said she doesn’t because she feels like they earned it. She is my model and her boys are the best behaved. She is also on of the most requested preschool teachers at her school and a wonderful Christian too.
Whatever you chose follow through, your children have to know you are serious. But also remember kids will misbehave. It is just going to happen and it isn’t a reflection on you, but what is, is what you do about it. It isn’t a do A and you get B. It is more of do A, do A, do A, do A, do A for weeks finally you get B. It takes a lot of perserverence and grace from God.

 

[JKirkLVNV]

My amazing mother, with the help of my saintly grandparents and without the help of my father (may he rest in peace) raised three sons (she paid for college and law school for 17 straight years!). You have all my sympathy and all my respect. Someday, they’ll raise an altar over your bones!

I would not, however, underestimate the value of a swat to the behind. My mother spanked, as did my grandparents. I grew up to be a teacher, the middle boy is a lawyer, and the youngest is an engineer. None of us had any substance abuse problems (well, I smoke, but that’s not my mom’s fault, that started when I began teaching), none of us ever got a girl in trouble, and we can cook and do our own laundry. Not bad! God bless you and all mothers, esp. the One who gave us the Redeemer (now She probably didn’t have to spank)!

 

[BLB_Oregon]

jess7396:

I taught pre-school, kindergarten and Fourth grade before I had my kids, I agree that there are age appropriate rules, but- I will not be telling my now 5 year old on her 6th birthday that she is no longer allowed to jump on the couch, that seems arbitrary to me (as most age-related rules are IMO)

Your point is well-taken. Still, there is an age at which jumping on the couch is going to take a toll on the springs. Likewise, there are landmarks in life. On the first day of kindergarten, there are a whole new set of rules. This isn’t arbitrary… it is a new time in their lives.

If your kids don’t “outgrow” behavior fast enough, I think you choose natural landmarks… along the lines of “I know you like jumping on the couch, but you’ve just gotten too big for that. The poor couch isn’t going to be able to take it.” Our kids used to be allowed to run in the house, but their size and strength is such that the likelihood of injuring themselves, breaking the furniture, or putting holes in the drywall has gotten too high. But now, they’re also old enough to take to the back yard without supervision… so they can take it outside.

As you suggest, a birthday is a poor time to lay down the new laws. And yes… trampolines, even small ones, are more dangerous than people think. For those “incorrigible” jumpers, though, they have their place. Some of us are going to wind up gymnasts! (Put the orthopedist on speed-dial, Mom! )

 

[mom_of_3_boys]

Thanks for the encouraging stories. I guess I worry too much about what other people think. I do spank them if I feel they really need it & we don’t give in to them when they are throwing a fit. I want them to know they will not get rewarded for bad behavior.
They are not spoiled by any means & they also know they are loved very much by Jesus & by us.
I love hearing all of your advice. I think I am on the right track w/our boys. Just some days I feel like I have no clue!! Anyone else have those days?
They are very smart little boys & the oldest has an obsession w/the Pope. He has had dreams about Pope John Paul II, and he’s only 3!!!
He has so many questions about Jesus, and has just a wonderful little heart.

I do let my boys jump on our bed, too. I know some of my friends would think I am crazy to let them do that!
I just don’t want them to get out of control. My prayer every night for them is that they will grow up to be men who love God & want to do what is right in His eyes. I pray that my husband & I will do the best we can for these boys. They are so awesome!
It’s such an awesome job we have & I don’t want to do them harm.
I thank you all for the encouragement.
God Bless you all…

 

[Princess_Abby]

I think a lot of this comes down to personal preferences.

The OP has stated that she does not want her children jumping on the couch. (Hence the reason she keeps asking her oldest to STOP doing so.) Personally it would drive me crazy to have either a 3 year old OR a 6 year old jumping on my couch repetivelyl, but again, that is just me. For others, it is not a big deal. Since we are talking about the OP, however, I think it is important to give her suggestions that pertain to her personal preference.

Because children DO generalize, I think there is also something to be said about teaching the idea that we respect property and also respect the function of any object, especially one that is expensive and belonging to Mommy and Daddy.

The function of a couch is to sit.

The function of a trampoline is to jump.

Yes, some objects have multiple intended functions, so there is no need to post examples.

As for injuries on a mini-trampoline, yes, it could happen. I did indicate that it would need supervision. However, I would hope that couch-jumpers also have supervision. I have used mini-trampolines in therapeutic sessions for children with developmental delays who are far less coordinated with their motor skills than a typical three year old.

With summer months ahead, you might even consider investing in a large trampoline that is for outdoor purposes. You can buy them with safety netting that surrounds the exterior circumference and an adult (or two) can easily jump with children, too. The tricky part is setting it up, though. These are really fun and I have spent countless hours with a variety of children jumping away the afternoons and fufilling their PT and OT goals My nieces and nephews, all typical children, LOVE it, too.

I think what Jess pointed out about joy in a home is very important. I agree that we all want a joyful home and for children to bask in the love, humor and acceptance that a family embrace offers. However, I have consulted in a variety of home settings where there is little joy until certain rules are employed that allow for much more peace (and less worry for Mom). Children crave structure and when it is offered in a loving way with consistancy, they flourish. Chaos and fighting amongst siblings is not joy, it’s a headache!

What mom2boyz said about “do A, do A, do A, do A, do A THEN get B” is sooooooooooo true. Consistancy is key, and so is patience. Behavioral changes take time, and often there is an “extinction burst” before things become more positive. Meaning the child will test and test and test and test before the behavior gets better. The important thing is to stay consistant with your strategy so as to not teach that if the child whines, cries, screams or complains loudly or long enough, Mom will just give in at the end.

Mom of 3 boys: I’m so glad to hear yesterday was better! You sound like such a loving mom and very intuitive about needed goals for your kiddos. I am praying for your success.

 

[jess7396]

The truth is it is not about jumping on the couch. The only reason I brought that up was because, I was the OP a year ago wrt the couch jumping, and I had to make a decision as to wether or not that was something I wanted to fight about for a number of years (having a bunch of small kids and hoping for more). My decision was that I was fighting something- that when I really looked at it, was not worth fighting for me. It may be worth fighting for someone else, and that is ok.

I am inviting the OP to rethink all kinds of “rules” and really decide which battles she wants to engage in with great forethought (she’s got a number of years of this coming too, with 3 boys , at least I had a girl first, who frankly, never dreamed of jumping on the couch until she saw my oldest boy do it ). I don’t let my kids jump on the bed, our beds are all on hardwood floors and are all right next to second story glass windows, totally not safe to jump on the beds here, the couch OTOH, is on carpet and not near a window, etc. And- nope- I am not in the room every single time one of my kids gets up on the couch and jumps down .

I think it really is about consistency, and choosing battles carefully. When you don’t have a ton of arbitrary rules, the rules you do have take on much greater significance. I think that was the best parenting advice dh and I got when I was pregnant with my first- “have very few rules, but the rules you do have, don’t back down for an instant, and be consistent”.

I have ammended that to include making rules only about safety and morality/ politeness. Although- I do have a couple of pet peeves like scrapping forks across plates, which I do go a little crazy over .

 

[Princess_Abby]

Jess, I totally agree with having few rules and instead teaching through principle.

My parents had exactly one house rule: Respect. They were amazinnnnnnnnnnnng at teaching us how to apply this in every area of our lives.

We were taught respect for the Church’s authority, our own parents’ authority, respect for our minds, bodies, souls and those of other people. They made the concept of respect very age-appropriate and continued through adolescense.

My parents expected us to respect their property and in turn, the property that they gave us and/or shared with us.

We learned that loving our siblings and our parents meant choosing to treat one another with kindness. Hitting, screaming, being defiant, non-communicative, refusing to participate in household chores, etc., did not show respect for those we loved, where we lived, etc

When we were older, ignoring curfew or failing/forgetting to call Mom or Dad and tell them our whereabouts, would always be followed with a question and discussion about how this was disrespectful to their concern for us and the reasonable expectations that they had clearly communicated beforehand. Consequences for disrespect were always fairly meted out. They were also good about engaging us in discussion about appropriately respecting our bodies and our need for sleep, no matter how late we thought we could stay up.

My brother, in another example, is possibly the single most hilarious person I have ever encountered in my entire life. He was simply born with an innate ability to make people laugh. My parents cultivated this humor of his and from the beginning taught him that respecting other people meant never getting a laugh at the expense of others. He is 23 now and still hilarious as ever, but his humor never disrespects anyone else. He is a marine and even his burly, stoic staff seargeant nearly splits his sides with laughter over my brother’s wit.

I firmly believe that we can instill respect into very young children. As you said, little kids will forever be laughing about bodily functions and other such exciting stuff. (Though even that has a time and place, which can again be taught.) They still need to learn that when Mom says no, she means no, and they need to respect her authority with obedience–whether the request is to stop jumping off the couch or getting along with a siblings.

When respect is an understood concept in the house, there are few “battles” to be fought. Reminders, yes. But kids begin to learn and predict with 100% accuracy what the consequences will be for disrespect in whatever form. It becomes much simpler to just listen to Mom and get off the couch rather than have to go sit in time out for three minutes every time they choose not to obey. Getting to that point can take a little time, but it does happen.

 

[mom2boyz]

When I pray I try to remember to ask God to strengthen my boys’ guardian angels to protect my boys. I figure they are around the boys constantly so I want them to be as strong as Fort Knox.

 

[BLB_Oregon]

mom of 3 boys:

I love hearing all of your advice. I think I am on the right track w/our boys. Just some days I feel like I have no clue!! Anyone else have those days?..
I just don’t want them to get out of control…
It’s such an awesome job we have & I don’t want to do them harm.
I thank you all for the encouragement.
God Bless you all…

I have lots of days when I feel like I have no clue. Everything is different from when Mom & Dad had kids… carseats, child molesters, trans-fats, spank vs. no-spank, peanut allergies, divorces, alternative lifestyles, and forty-plus hours of children’s programming a week where you can’t expect the worst kid to be Eddie Haskel. But at least the kids with ADD aren’t simply told to settle down and quit being so lazy. More complicated isn’t necessarily worse.

Control is a tightrope, particularly since we need more than we want to work for and sometimes want more than we should rightly have. You need enough for security and to build character, but not so much that you take the spirit of children out of your house.

Still, kids who are loved are very resilient. They are a wonderful gift. Hang in there, and do not forget to check the mirror when you pass it, to see if you still have a smile.

 

[jess7396]

BLB_Oregon:

I have lots of days when I feel like I have no clue. Everything is different from when Mom & Dad had kids… carseats, child molesters, trans-fats, spank vs. no-spank, peanut allergies, divorces, alternative lifestyles, and forty-plus hours of children’s programming a week where you can’t expect the worst kid to be Eddie Haskel. But at least the kids with ADD aren’t simply told to settle down and quit being so lazy. More complicated isn’t necessarily worse.

Control is a tightrope, particularly since we need more than we want to work for and sometimes want more than we should rightly have. You need enough for security and to build character, but not so much that you take the spirit of children out of your house.

Still, kids who are loved are very resilient. They are a wonderful gift. Hang in there, and do not forget to check the mirror when you pass it, to see if you still have a smile.

Very beautifully put.

Princess Abby- your parents “Respect” rule sounds like what I used in my classroom and often talk about at home, it really does work, esp. as kids get older and can see another person’s point of view.

It is a simple truth that some fabulous parents will have kids who majorly screw up and some very poor parents will have children who are the best of the best. Prayer remains the very best “parenting technique” out there.

I love the idea of talking to the kids guardian angels, we do that at night before sleep, but good idea for keeping them safe while they play.

 

[Jennifer123]

Princess_Abby:

When respect is an understood concept in the house, there are few “battles” to be fought. Reminders, yes. But kids begin to learn and predict with 100% accuracy what the consequences will be for disrespect in whatever form. It becomes much simpler to just listen to Mom and get off the couch rather than have to go sit in time out for three minutes every time they choose not to obey. Getting to that point can take a little time, but it does happen.

Absolutely. I’m enjoying this thread immensely bc I have a lot to learn as well. But I agree 100%. I personally think (bc I’ve seen it) that a lot of people think children are just “things” to shape and mold in our image. I don’t think a lot of these same people realize that their children are human beings that deserve respect just as anyone else. Just because they are children doesn’t mean they aren’t entitled to respectful behavior.
Not every day is perfect - I’ve cried and cried to Mary and Jesus out of sheer frustration, believe me. But I would say there are more good days than bad? And I hope and pray it will just keep getting better and better. With patience and consistancy it will!!
Don’t worry what people think - I’ve taken my child into the corner at malls, in restrooms, playgroups, etc. These are your children and only you as mom know what’s best!!!

 

[siamesecat]

My parents had 3 kids and besides slapping my leg a little when i was younger I wasnt spanked. My parents simply said “no tv for a week” or “no computer for a week” or “you cant watch the premiere of zenon on disney tonight” (That one made me cry for a week!) and they always enforced it. knowing i really had something to lose, i behaved. My sister rebels a lot more than I did, but sometimes i feel like my mom has gone soft…giving in to her and letting her watch american idol…so she just does it more. I get sick of hearing parents (not you in particular as i dont know your situation) complain about how their kids just dont behave. I go to friends houses and their kids swear at them and they complain about how awful they are…but do nothing to stop it. One kid i know…his mom was undergoing chemo and she couldnt drive him to hockey and he called her a “fat cow” and said horrible things…so she drove him. In that situation, she should say if he was going to treat her like that, he shouldnt go to hockey. I see things like this all the time. Discipline your kids where it hurts (and i dont mean physically) and CARRY THROUGH. If you say they cant play video games dont let them play video games! dont give into their complaining. It works…at least for me.

 

[DJgang]

shannin:

Have you ever watched “The Nanny”? She uses a “naughty chair”. I’ve learned some really good discipline tips just from watching that show.

Shannin

Just browsing through, not much time to read everyone’s posts, but I have to say…I tried the “naughty chair” and it works!

My son is 4 yo…I used spanking when he was younger…at the age that he didn’t understand me verbally just yet, but needed corrected, especially in “safety” situations when he could get hurt and very disrespectful situations, like destroying property, etc. Then one day, spanking didn’t get his attention…now, the “chair” is just like the fear of Hell to us, to him. I just have to threaten and he’s under control. About four times in the chair is all it has taken to get him under control. I highly recommend it, especially for your 3 yo…once 2 yo sees some things going on…he’ll start acting better also. I wouldn’t underestimate a quick swat on the 2 yo’s bottom to get his attention…then to tell him, short and sweet, why.

BTW, my 4 yo, I can’t remember when the last time I spanked him…that’s how well the chair works! Even my hubby was impressed one Sunday morning when the sweet son wouldn’t listen to him and I put him in the chair…chaos was over and we were off to church with no more problems. Hubby said “that works” and I said, “yeah, next time you sit him in it and then all you’ll have to do is threaten him once…”