Help. I'm losing it!

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Dave18

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I really do not where to begin.

First of all, i do have major depressive disorder, anxiety and i believe ocd of the the obsessional kind.

I believe that i am a prisoner of my own conscience. For instance, I argue with myself to detemine what has come from God and what I have done based only on my conscience. This happens constantly throughout the day. When it becomes hard to bear I crack open the bible and read read from a prayer book. This backfires because i struggle to determine if reading the bible and praying will actually help or am i just trcking or telling myself it will help. sometimes i can’t even read or pray and progress because of this constant struggle with my mind. I also struggle to realize if it is God’s will for me to struggle with this and to have severe doubts before i realize that he has helped me. But how can i really be sure? It is said that if you are down on your knees and have made yourself vulnerable to the Lord that he will in some way answer you. I know that we can’t just ask God for things or ask him for a sign but i feel that if you really are beat and asking for his help he will help you. Because you can’t really know God unless you have full acknowledgment that he is the only way.

I deeply appreciate your help and I have more to say but i’ll start with that. Thank you.
 
Hi Dave,

It sounds like you are in a battle and not doing very well. Don’t worry you are not alone in your battle. Jesus is with you and fights for you and with you. The Holy Spirit protects you. God our Father guides you. Mary our Mother looks after you. Everyone here on this Catholic Forum can understand your battle and prays for you.

I’m sorry if I cannot be of any personal help. Hopefully someone here can help you more. You are in my prayers tonight.

God bless.
 
I believe the depression causes me to feel uncertain about what i really believe and actually begins to affect what i’v always believed.
 
I understand the struggle. I,myself, have been diagnosed with Major Depression, Dystymia (a mild, chronic form of depression), OCD, Anxiety disorder and BPD (Borderline Personality disorder) with avoidant, dependant and paranoid tendencies. Quite a load!

Got with a doctor on this. It may take changing doctors on this a few times. But one you find someone who works with you, it’ll be a big help. And medication may be needed. I’m on several myself. I’m not going to say that I’m cured, or that everything is under control, because it isn’t. I still have flare ups of anxiety and obssessive thinking. But with God’s help, and my meds, I get through.
 
Also, don’t forget, our faith is the faith of the Church, not just what our own minds can determine. If it was up to us to determine everything, we wouldn’t get very far!

It sounds like you might be suffering from scrupulosity, which is a religious form of OCD about sins. I’d advise you to look up anything you’re unsure about in the section of the Catechism on the 10 commandments. If the catechism doesn’t say that it’s a mortal sin, then put it behind you. If you’re not sure whether you sinned or not, then you didn’t, because there wasn’t full knowledge and full consent of the will. I know from my own experience this isn’t always easy advice to follow - I keep thinking I must be misunderstanding things, that God’s standards really must be higher than that, but the truth is that He gave His Church that power to bind and unbind sins, and we have to trust in it.
 
I thought scrululosity was feeling guilty about little things that aren’t sinful. I’m not positive i qualify.

I feel that i’ll never be sure that the things i believe are not just my own consience trying to compromise with itself or with me.

I’m not jealous(or maybe i am) when people feel they can sense God’s presence and that they know without a shadow of doubt that It was God’s presence that they felt, i feel, in a way. left out. I long to feel that way. I was reading a catholic book and it talked about how your conscience leads you to reason but your conscience can’t actually feel the faith(or something like that.)

I just feel like i’m trapt in this continuous pattern and end up getting nowhere.

where do i find the catechism of the ten commandments?
 
Offer your depression to Jesus for the conversion of sinners (or whatever good intentions you have in your heart) 🙂
 
Ah, the times that try one’s Faith.

As you say Dave, “How can I be sure?” This is where Faith is at it’s best… it is sure. Thoughts and arguing with one’s self (been there, and had to be told to “stop it” by a friend of mine… which knocked me out of orbit long enough to see what I was doing to me), chasing one’s tail always going in circles and never catching it.

And when one is down, on their knees, it is hard to recognize God’s hand reaching down to you through others, sometimes a friend, sometimes a stranger, sometimes a pet that wants to ‘fetch’, sometimes a walk in the park (nature), sometimes the reading at Mass, sometimes even a police officer, sometimes reading Job in the Bible, sometimes a movie, sometimes even on this forum. You name it, it could be Him trying to reach you, as in this merry-go-round of thoughts you have lost sight of Him… but He has not lost sight of you!

Be aware of what’s outside of you, and the inside will come into focus again. Look at God’s creation, the animals and birds, the forest and the trees, the river flowing, the waves slapping the shore, the clouds in the sky, the stars at night, the sunrise and sunset, feel the breeze and the warmth of the sun, taste the food you eat, sense how unconsciously you can walk, add your own here. See the wonder all around you, put your mind to really really looking at it… God is there. Faith will follow.
 
I think it will help to remember the words “Be still and know that I am God.” If you are second-guessing your beliefs, I sugggest you look back at why you have them; study your own logic. On paper, make a map of sorts, starting with pieces of scripture or core beliefs you are sure of. Then draw lines from those to conclusions you can make from them. This may help you organize your thoughts. If my words aren’t painting a clear mental image, it should look something like a spider web, or a family tree. As a more general suggestion, I think you should study Church teaching more, starting with the Catechism. Though if you would prefer to search it for a specific topic, use this link. Peace be with you.
 
Michael_David said:
Ah, the times that try one’s Faith.

As you say Dave, “How can I be sure?” This is where Faith is at it’s best… it is sure. Thoughts and arguing with one’s self (been there, and had to be told to “stop it” by a friend of mine… which knocked me out of orbit long enough to see what I was doing to me), chasing one’s tail always going in circles and never catching it.

And when one is down, on their knees, it is hard to recognize God’s hand reaching down to you through others, sometimes a friend, sometimes a stranger, sometimes a pet that wants to ‘fetch’, sometimes a walk in the park (nature), sometimes the reading at Mass, sometimes even a police officer, sometimes reading Job in the Bible, sometimes a movie, sometimes even on this forum. You name it, it could be Him trying to reach you, as in this merry-go-round of thoughts you have lost sight of Him… but He has not lost sight of you!

Be aware of what’s outside of you, and the inside will come into focus again. Look at God’s creation, the animals and birds, the forest and the trees, the river flowing, the waves slapping the shore, the clouds in the sky, the stars at night, the sunrise and sunset, feel the breeze and the warmth of the sun, taste the food you eat, sense how unconsciously you can walk, add your own here. See the wonder all around you, put your mind to really really looking at it… God is there. Faith will follow.
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This is a beautiful post…and so true. Thank you for putting words to what I also feel. Hopefully this helps Dave and whoever may read this post.

How are you doing today Dave?

God bless.
 
Hi Dave,

While I don’t have depression or obsessions to the same degree you seem to have, I can give you a bit of advice. Try your best to do things that will help you stop thinking about all this. You can do anything, go for a walk, go to the store, exercise. Probably not read since your thoughts will make it hard to read. Something active is best.

And don’t try to think of a big plan to make a big change in your activities, or plan a list of activities that you’re going to do later. Just put your shoes on and head out the door when you read this and go for a walk and see where it takes you.

Hope that might help a bit. I’ll pray for you to get some relief.

Neil
Dave18 said:
I really do not where to begin.

First of all, i do have major depressive disorder, anxiety and i believe ocd of the the obsessional kind.

I believe that i am a prisoner of my own conscience. For instance, I argue with myself to detemine what has come from God and what I have done based only on my conscience. This happens constantly throughout the day. When it becomes hard to bear I crack open the bible and read read from a prayer book. This backfires because i struggle to determine if reading the bible and praying will actually help or am i just trcking or telling myself it will help. sometimes i can’t even read or pray and progress because of this constant struggle with my mind. I also struggle to realize if it is God’s will for me to struggle with this and to have severe doubts before i realize that he has helped me. But how can i really be sure? It is said that if you are down on your knees and have made yourself vulnerable to the Lord that he will in some way answer you. I know that we can’t just ask God for things or ask him for a sign but i feel that if you really are beat and asking for his help he will help you. Because you can’t really know God unless you have full acknowledgment that he is the only way.

I deeply appreciate your help and I have more to say but i’ll start with that. Thank you.
Click to expand...
 
Will pray for you Dave. God knows you’re trying and that means a lot…
 
Last night i was extremely agitated. i relaxed, took deep breaths and really concentrated on prayer and scripture.

My problem continues that i dwell the possibility that i did it myself. i know it was my belief that helped but how can i be sure it’s from God?

Hopefully i can continue to relax whie praying and just hope that i can understand.

But now i feel i may have a problem with scrupulousness. I just took down posters of girls on my wall that i thought might be offending the Lord but know i fear i’m starting to concentrate on things that i must root out of my life that could be sinful and it’s causing me anxiety.

thank you so much for your advice
 
*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

I have just said a Divine Mercy chaplet for you.
Divine Mercy Chaplet ewtn.com/Devotionals/mercy/dmmap.htm

I have seen symptoms that may have been similar to your own develop into extremely delusional and life-threatening behavior requiring hospitalization. Some people may flame me, but I think that I owe it to you to tell you my current perception. (And I am happy to accept wisdom if anyone desires to share it.) Some of the major psychiatric disorders, that today we call psychiatric, my personal suspicion is that in the day of Jesus they called - demonic spirits. And simple prayer will not get rid of them. As the Sacred Heart of Jesus said in the Bible, when the disciples wondered why they couldn’t cast the evil spirit out, “This type does not go out except by prayer and fasting.”** (Matthew 17:21) **- note, not all versions of the Bible have this line for some odd reason, you can check the footnotes if you don’t see it immediately in your Bible. You may want to consider three types of options (1) intense prayer and moderate fasting or (2) checking into some type of weekend psychiatric facility or (3) contact with a Catholic spiritual warfare/deliverance.

I recommend (1) because I know someone who it worked for. With Daily Mass, the Rosary, and forgoing meat, her thoughts were under control despite the fact that many professional people thought that couldn’t happen and she would have lifelong problems. The Rosary should be said every day - it’s no huge commitment… it’s only 15 minutes - it could probably said during the time that it takes to check this site. However, the more of the Rosary that is said consistently, the greater the effect in improving -spiritual peace, concentration, discernment, productivity, fruits of the Holy Spirit, etc. It may take two months or so of saying the full 3 or 4 mystery Rosary daily and with devotion to see the effect reach the point where you are doing better with your prayer than you were before you started instead of just staying stable.

If you have the urge to do anything strange, sleep over it and pray over it until you feel a deep spiritual peace and loving hope before you make a decision. If you think that God is talking to you, ignore it and pray harder. This does not sound to me like the Holy Spirit. The fruits of the Holy Spirit are: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control” (Galatians 5:22) Restlessness, anxiety, turmoil, impulsiveness, and anything evil is not holy.

If you choose the prayer route, I would not recommend spiritual reading or the Bible until things get better. I would recommend the Divine Office and the Rosary, especially the Rosary, and adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. The Rosary is a soothing, meditative, simple prayer with deep spiritual effects due to the intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, much more powerful than any of the other angels and saints. I try to read the bible daily, but the bible is easy to misinterpret and is not a complete protection against the devil. After all, the devil quoted scripture to the Sacred Heart of Jesus in the temptation on the mountain. If you are seriously losing it, all the spiritual advice given in many books, the criticisms many authors put forth, and the ease with which one misinterprets the Bible may add to your confusion. There are reports of people who cut off body parts because of the verses in the Bible telling people to cut off things that cause them to sin. Many of these spiritual books are for well people seeking to improve themselves, not people in deep psychological confusion.

Stick with simple prayer and reading of spiritual psalms that express feelings or praise to God and do not have direct commands. The Divine Mercy prayer may be helpful but I do not know too much about its origin. When you feel better, I would recommend reading The Secret of the Rosary and True Devotion to Mary so that you can understand why Mary is such a powerful intercessor - but not now!!! As Ecclesiastes says, “there is a time for everything.”

My strong suspicion is that the thoughts in your head are not from God and it would be better to ignore them and stick with the spiritual guidance of a priest and simple logic in order to make your decisions. You do need to root out sin in your life. Every sin is a crack where evil can come in, but let a priest help root it out for you and let your mind rest.

Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse. Come Holy Spirit, come by means of the powerful intercession of the Immaculate Heart of Mary, your well beloved spouse.

*Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with Thee. Blessed art Thou among women and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death. Amen. *
 
Dave18 said:
Last night i was extremely agitated. i relaxed, took deep breaths and really concentrated on prayer and scripture.

My problem continues that i dwell the possibility that i did it myself. i know it was my belief that helped but how can i be sure it’s from God?

Hopefully i can continue to relax whie praying and just hope that i can understand.

But now i feel i may have a problem with scrupulousness. I just took down posters of girls on my wall that i thought might be offending the Lord but know i fear i’m starting to concentrate on things that i must root out of my life that could be sinful and it’s causing me anxiety.

thank you so much for your advice
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Hi Dave.

Maybe try just setting a limit on your prayers or scripture readings so you don’t feel that you are not praying enough. Take a deep breath and concentrate like you did yesterday. Did that help?

For example. Start with maybe offering few Hail Marys and an Our Father to God for peace and understanding. Ask the Holy Spirit for guidance. Then later in the day, do the same. But try to place a limit on your daily prayers so once you say them, you move on to your normal activities. That way you can slowly expand your prayer life and not get overly anxious in feeling you aren’t doing enough. You can add a little more prayer or scripture, but at least you are not over doing this to the point of becoming anxious.

Does that make sense?

Ill continue to pray that you feel peace and God’s love…
 
Dave18 said:
Last night i was extremely agitated. i relaxed, took deep breaths and really concentrated on prayer and scripture.

My problem continues that i dwell the possibility that i did it myself. i know it was my belief that helped but how can i be sure it’s from God?

Hopefully i can continue to relax whie praying and just hope that i can understand.

But now i feel i may have a problem with scrupulousness. I just took down posters of girls on my wall that i thought might be offending the Lord but know i fear i’m starting to concentrate on things that i must root out of my life that could be sinful and it’s causing me anxiety.

thank you so much for your advice
Click to expand...
God gave you the power of will you needed, and you used it. It was a dual effort.

God doesn’t expect you to instantly fix everything in your life. It would be impossible; we are continuously learning and growing in faith. As long as you are trying, that is enough. If you see something in your life that you have realized might offend Him, you don’t have to go overboard asking for forgiveness; you have only to ask once. Simply seek the knowledge to know for sure if it is wrong, and in the meantime quit doing it just in case. Again, you don’t have to go into a frenzy trying to learn everything at once. It’s ok to pace yourself.
 
You are on the right track. Hang in there. Keep loving God. God loves you.

1 Corinthians 13

Love
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
 
Dave18 said:
I really do not where to begin.

First of all, i do have major depressive disorder, anxiety and i believe ocd of the the obsessional kind.

I believe that i am a prisoner of my own conscience. For instance, I argue with myself to detemine what has come from God and what I have done based only on my conscience. This happens constantly throughout the day. When it becomes hard to bear I crack open the bible and read read from a prayer book. This backfires because i struggle to determine if reading the bible and praying will actually help or am i just trcking or telling myself it will help. sometimes i can’t even read or pray and progress because of this constant struggle with my mind. I also struggle to realize if it is God’s will for me to struggle with this and to have severe doubts before i realize that he has helped me. But how can i really be sure? It is said that if you are down on your knees and have made yourself vulnerable to the Lord that he will in some way answer you. I know that we can’t just ask God for things or ask him for a sign but i feel that if you really are beat and asking for his help he will help you. Because you can’t really know God unless you have full acknowledgment that he is the only way.

I deeply appreciate your help and I have more to say but i’ll start with that. Thank you.
Click to expand...
I erge you to pray to Jesus and to Saint Jude, St. Jude is a saint of hopelessness and he will help you in your darkest days… I had depression and I fought it and I understand your situtation

Please say this prayer below I did and it helped and keep on saying in the blood of Jesus when fear strikes you! Pray the rosary and I also would have you read Psalm 91 as well. May God help you in this troubling time my brother… Have holy water with you too…

Dear Jesus, I walk in the valley of darkness for I suffer from depression. I feel unloved. rejected, useless to myself and useless to others. I feel lost in a world I no longer understand. At times, I want to sleep and never wake up again. Lord, I believe that Your love is a transforming love. Jesus, Son of David have pity on me. Out of the depths, I cry to you. :highprayer:

Lord, even though I feel nothing, I still praise you for the wonder of my being. You have formed me in my mother’s womb and watched over me to this moment. I am precious in Your eyes and You love me. On the Cross, you shed your blood for me. You have carved me in the palms of Your hands. For all this I give you thanks and praise.

May your Precious Blood give new life to me and to all those who suffer as I do. Take each one of us and hug us to your sacred and loving heart. Through your glorious wounds may we be healed.

:highprayer: Dear Jesus, when you fed Ihe crowd in the desert, you wished to gather up the fragments, lest anything be lost. As I wander through a desert and darkness of my own, I ask you to gather up the fragments of this shattered being, lest anything be lost. Through the prophet, Joel, Your promise to restore the years that the locusts have eaten. I ask you, lay Your hands gently on my weary head and restore me. Let your face shine upon me and give me back the peace and the joy that has been lost. :highprayer:

And wear a rosary and have your house blessed from the Priest it really works even have pictures of Holy images like Jesus and Mary and some saints around the house that helps too and go to youth groups or some prayer circle and make new friends Happy thanks giving…👍
Amen

:byzsoc:
 
I can’t thank all of you enough for your prayers.

During the day, i go through extreme fluctuation of feeling happy and then depressed and miserable. And all this can occur within minutes. My mood changes extremely rapidly. Like some form of bipolar disorder… When i have this feeling i try to relax but little things will make me angry and i feel like i’m in an emotional frenzy. I imagine that that is what hell is kind of like( if humans can imagine). Sometimes my eye will catch my crucifix on the wall and i have sort of this anger that i fight off and try the get out of my head. I think to myself, and i guess i’m saying it to the Lord to “i am doing the best i can possibly do, could you console my mind a bit. I pray to you and your saints, i recieve the sacraments regularly, you know i cannot handle this. you know i am in torment”. These thoughts go through my head but i tell myself that it’s not God’s fault.

Is it possible i could have some kind of demon in my head? I never do anything physically, it’s all in my head.
 
Dave, I want you to know that you have what it takes to be a real spiritual warrior in service to the one true King Jesus Christ. You may have been knocked down in battle, and may even lost a few battles, but the war continues, and we need you. Do not be afraid. Jesus will meet you in the battles of your life and with Him you will find your strength. He is our King who fights with us and for us. We serve Him and unite our sufferings with His. Do not be afraid of death or demons as long as you have Jesus in your heart and by your side. Tell yourself over and over you are a spiritual warrior in service to the the one true King Jesus Christ. Believe it. Live it. Keep Jesus in your heart. Jesus is with you. He fights with you and for you. Serve Him. He is our King.

:knight2: HOPE :signofcross: LOVE :console: FAITH :highprayer:
 
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