Help in dealing with non-catholic friends

[angierabbit2012]

Invite them to your house for supper, or take them out for coffee.

I wouldn’t go back to their church for any reason; it could potentially be misinterpreted that either you aren’t fully convinced of your Catholic faith, or that you don’t understand the difference.

Yes you are correct! The thought has occurred to me that going back might signify confusion about what I believe. I have decided to not go back.

 

[angierabbit2012]

I’m glad I read this as I was considering going to my old Methodist women’s Bible study which is startng up tomorrow but as I am still in RCIA wasn’t sure I should go back to something so soon at the old church. My Methodist friends know and accept it- more curious than anything about it and I am sure they chalk it up to the fact that I am married to a Catholic man and maybe it is his turn to pick the church-LOL! (not what the story really is- getting my husband to revert when I decided to convert was hard work!). Anyway, I think I will just keep with RCIA and then pick the activities I want do so after Easter vigil in the parish and great point about also checking out other parishes. I was uber committed in my old church and my husband made me promise not to get so involved until I was through RCIA and had time to settle in as he worries about me burning out again on volunteer work.

I very quickly realized that my former “church mates” were NOT as understanding and accepting as I hoped they would be. No one has really been rude, but it seems like they are trying to “fix” me. Welcome Home, by the way!!! I’m sure you will love it as much as I have. Bless you!

 

[onemangang]

I very quickly realized that my former “church mates” were NOT as understanding and accepting as I hoped they would be. No one has really been rude, but it seems like they are trying to “fix” me. Welcome Home, by the way!!! I’m sure you will love it as much as I have. Bless you!

Welcome Home! Like you, I had friends try to “fix” me by sharing the “true message of Christ”. I think the best thing to do is, try not to argue. As a recent convert you may feel compelled to provide the Churches position in opposition to those who speak out against her. If possible, hold your tongue, be slow to speak and quick to listen my friend. I have once heard it said “Speak the truth in LOVE and do all things in Charity”. My biggest flaw when sharing my Catholic Faith with those that are hostile towards it, is to omit LOVE from my speech! I, at times would misrepresent a Catholic tenet of faith unknowingly, only to learn I misspoke later. (I had to de-Calvinize, it took a while) You have been handed a wealth of knowledge gained through the deposit of faith, explore it! Your friends will come around eventually, and the ones who don’t, that is their choice. Between Catholic Answers, The Journey Home, EWTN, receiving the Eucharist and a host of other Catholic new media, you will deepen your faith daily! (I know I have) TWO books I highly recommend which I hope is OK to do on this forum is Not by Faith Alone, The Catholic Doctrine of Justification by Robert Sungenis, and The Teaching of the Church Fathers by John R Willis S.J. Both great books that have deepened my faith and helped in sharing the faith with others! After you get all the questions answered, you feel you needed answering, Check out some of the Spiritual Masters like St. John of the Cross, St Therese of Lisieux, St. Faustina and a host of others. Getting a Spiritual adviser is always beneficial, talk to your local parish priest, he will point you in the right direction. This is simply a reflection on how I benefitted and hope it may benefit you!

Peace and LOVE in Christ
God Bless

 

[Bob_Crowley]

I must admit that I have already feared this! I feel a tension at times that wasn’t there when they thought I was coming back into the fold! When I made it clear to them that I had joined the Catholic Church and was only visiting, the mood changed. /sad isn’t it?!

I’m not a overly social peson, and in any case I didn’t convert from fundamentalist groups. Nevertheless there were those who were a bit shocked when I converted.

However in my case, a geographic move meant some ties were broken or weakened anyway.

While it’s possible you may keep a few friends from your previous church/es, you will probably find you make new friends in your new Catholic circle. Ideally you’ll have both, but I think you might find you go through a dry patch, where you haven’t got a lot of either.

It’s a case of time and patience.

 

[angierabbit2012]

Welcome Home! Like you, I had friends try to “fix” me by sharing the “true message of Christ”. I think the best thing to do is, try not to argue. As a recent convert you may feel compelled to provide the Churches position in opposition to those who speak out against her. If possible, hold your tongue, be slow to speak and quick to listen my friend. I have once heard it said “Speak the truth in LOVE and do all things in Charity”. My biggest flaw when sharing my Catholic Faith with those that are hostile towards it, is to omit LOVE from my speech! I, at times would misrepresent a Catholic tenet of faith unknowingly, only to learn I misspoke later. (I had to de-Calvinize, it took a while) You have been handed a wealth of knowledge gained through the deposit of faith, explore it! Your friends will come around eventually, and the ones who don’t, that is their choice. Between Catholic Answers, The Journey Home, EWTN, receiving the Eucharist and a host of other Catholic new media, you will deepen your faith daily! (I know I have) TWO books I highly recommend which I hope is OK to do on this forum is Not by Faith Alone, The Catholic Doctrine of Justification by Robert Sungenis, and The Teaching of the Church Fathers by John R Willis S.J. Both great books that have deepened my faith and helped in sharing the faith with others! After you get all the questions answered, you feel you needed answering, Check out some of the Spiritual Masters like St. John of the Cross, St Therese of Lisieux, St. Faustina and a host of others. Getting a Spiritual adviser is always beneficial, talk to your local parish priest, he will point you in the right direction. This is simply a reflection on how I benefitted and hope it may benefit you!

Peace and LOVE in Christ
God Bless

Thank you for the WELCOME and the great advice. I shall look for the books you recommended. I am an avid reader and I already own the works by Saint Therese…she is my confirmation Saint.

I have Saint Faustina’s Diary as well.

I talked with my Sponsor before I visited my former church and she (and her husband) both said it was okay AND quite common. I should have gone to my priest! My experience with my former fundamental “friends” has been strained at BEST!

In one of the Bible studies that I attended, the “teacher” taught on "WHY YOU DON’T NEED A POPE TO BE A CHRISTIAN!! She kept making little side glances in my direction while she “taught.” If I didn’t love her like I do, I would have walked out!

I really thought that if they could see how happy I am now, they might be at ease with my decision, but that has NOT been the case!

 

[JustaServant]

I would stop going to their Bible studies.

 

[puzzleannie]

. How can I maintain relationships with non- catholic friends outside of the church building? Thanks in advance for your help and GOD bless!

It will be hard to impossible if those friends feel it their duty to constantly challeng and belittle your new faith. That is one of the hardest things new CAtholics have to deal with is the reaction of friends and family and I wish there was some way in RCIA we could do more to help with that.

Focus on the individual friends themselves and where you can find shared interests. Go to the social events and potlucks, but stay away from the bible studies that is way too much pressure. Look for a service project your friends are in you could be part of, one that is not trying to proselytize but serve.

MOst of all, become involved in service, apostolate and ministry in your new parish community. Ask your sponsor and RCIA director to point you in the right direction. Serving as a sponsor for a new candidate is a great way to do this.
Welcome home.

 

[angierabbit2012]

It will be hard to impossible if those friends feel it their duty to constantly challeng and belittle your new faith. That is one of the hardest things new CAtholics have to deal with is the reaction of friends and family and I wish there was some way in RCIA we could do more to help with that.

Focus on the individual friends themselves and where you can find shared interests. Go to the social events and potlucks, but stay away from the bible studies that is way too much pressure. Look for a service project your friends are in you could be part of, one that is not trying to proselytize but serve.

MOst of all, become involved in service, apostolate and ministry in your new parish community. Ask your sponsor and RCIA director to point you in the right direction. Serving as a sponsor for a new candidate is a great way to do this.
Welcome home.

THANK YOU! Becoming Catholic has been one of the greatest gifts of my life!! GOD is so good!!

 

[angierabbit2012]

I would stop going to their Bible studies.

I have decided to NOT go back! It was just too awkward! I think perhaps, they were as uncomfortable as I was.

 

[JustaServant]

I have decided to NOT go back! It was just too awkward! I think perhaps, they were as uncomfortable as I was.

Here is a blog post I wrote a couple years ago.

Fundamentalism and Elitism.

My world became smaller when I was a fundamentalist. That was because fundamentalists find it difficult to “fellowship” with those different from themselves.
I once heard a fundamentalist preacher say this about any association with Catholics:
“Ignoring their lost state, being tolerant of their false doctrine, and pretending they are one of us is not going to help them get saved.”
The bolded statement is an eye-opening glimpse into the dark pit of the fundamentalist soul. If one believes that he or she has experienced what no other has (being “born again”), and possesses what others other than them could not possibly have (the Holy Spirit), it creates an elitist world-view that allows only those to whom we agree with, to enter.
Over the years I have heard “that person is now a (insert opposition group here), so I had to ’break fellowship’ with them” This is the fundamentalist doctrine of “separation”. A superior, elitist attitude of belonging to a privileged group. Those who do not belong to the group are called “unrepentant brothers and false teachers”
The problem is, that encompasses quite a population if one takes that to its logical conclusion. This encompasses people far beyond hated Catholics and people they percieve to be liberals. It also includes people within their own ‘circle’ with whom they disagree. To belong to this *ever shrinking circle *becomes the object they strive for.
In rationalizing that Christians who don’t agree with you are all “compromisers,” they assume that is the indicator of true spirituality.
They truly believe they are superior.
This theological “rigidity” is more important than all other factors. And sadly, there is a trail of broken relationships in their past that is blamed on the actions of the people they “separated” from. Tragically, these broken relationships include family members and former friends.
This completely went against how I was raised by my parents. We did not abandon family and friends based on disagreements or world-view. Jesus taught us to love one another, not to pick and choose whom we love.
I believe one of the reasons fundamental Baptists think this way has to do with living in a fantasy world of their own making.
They look to a reality that never existed, and hope for a Utopia that never will exist. When struck by the fact that it does not, it destroys their illusions and they lapse into cynicism and depression. They deal with this by *altering reality through ‘separation’ from whatever or whoever is not like themselves *and an end-times fairy tale which allows them to press on in world that does not accept them.
“Fellowshipping” with a group who truly believe they are better than others can be a surreal experience. It leads logically to exclusion based on reasons that hardly fit into their “Biblical world-view”. Many times it is based on race, class, education, and sex.
The sad part is, the longer one “fellowships” with fundamentalists, “separation” from them becomes a relief.

 

[angierabbit2012]

Here is a blog post I wrote a couple years ago.

Fundamentalism and Elitism.

Thank you so much for this post!

I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about, I was a part of that world for quite a while. It’s kind of scary when you start to realize the hatred that is being taught as truth!

I just feel so thankful that the Lord lead me into the Church, His Church!!

 

[stanncie]

HI angie

As a cradle catholic I want to welcome you home! You have already received good advice from the other posters and I’m thankful that there are many converts here to help you.

I want to express how happy it makes me whenever someone posts about their conversion.

Some of us cradle Catholics lack the excitement of converts and maybe we are sometimes grouchy but please be kind to us as we have been here our whole lives and sometimes we don’t appreciate all that we have been given.

I would advise you to join any ministry that interests you and start to make friends whom you can share your new found faith. There are so many ministries and so much to do you won’t be lacking especially if you go to neighboring parishes if none interest you in your home parish. You can also go to confession at any parish if confessing to your parish priest is uncomfortable for you. I think many converts don’t realize this.

If you ever travel out of state or abroad it’s a nice experience to go to mass, there you can really see the universality of the church. It feels so familiar to go to a catholic church even if you don’t understand the language. You also feel an immediate bond with your fellow Catholics there even if your culture is completely different.

Again welcome home, St Therese is also my confirmation saint and she is a great friend who has always been very patient with me so you got a good start already.

 

[angierabbit2012]

HI angie

As a cradle catholic I want to welcome you home! You have already received good advice from the other posters and I’m thankful that there are many converts here to help you.

I want to express how happy it makes me whenever someone posts about their conversion.

Some of us cradle Catholics lack the excitement of converts and maybe we are sometimes grouchy but please be kind to us as we have been here our whole lives and sometimes we don’t appreciate all that we have been given.

I would advise you to join any ministry that interests you and start to make friends whom you can share your new found faith. There are so many ministries and so much to do you won’t be lacking especially if you go to neighboring parishes if none interest you in your home parish. You can also go to confession at any parish if confessing to your parish priest is uncomfortable for you. I think many converts don’t realize this.

If you ever travel out of state or abroad it’s a nice experience to go to mass, there you can really see the universality of the church. It feels so familiar to go to a catholic church even if you don’t understand the language. You also feel an immediate bond with your fellow Catholics there even if your culture is completely different.

Again welcome home, St Therese is also my confirmation saint and she is a great friend who has always been very patient with me so you got a good start already.

Thank you!

This is sooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!! Having so many fellow Catholics to share experiences with is amazing to me!!
GOD bless you!

 

[Miriam1947]

Thank you!

This is sooooooooooooooooooooo cool!!! Having so many fellow Catholics to share experiences with is amazing to me!!
GOD bless you!

Your enthusiasm is wonderful. I am so happy for you.

Every single day I thank God for making me Catholic.

 

[couponfit]

Hello there everyone! I am a new convert and I came into the Church after leaving an INDEPENDENT FUNDAMENTAL BAPTIST CHURCH. I was a part of that church for many years and developed some friendships there that I would like to maintain. I have found this to be very difficult. I tried to attend a Bible study there and even attended a few services, but after becoming Catholic and seeing the beauty of the Mass, I NOW see the many flaws in the teachings and beliefs AND “worship” in my former church. However, I still want to maintain my relationships with some of my friends from the baptist church…I just don’t know how. Attending services and Bible studies there only made me feel uncomfortable. How can I maintain relationships with non- catholic friends outside of the church building? Thanks in advance for your help and GOD bless!

As a catholic who is comfortable to attend services of many faiths, I can say there are some basic tenets I use to help me.

God is everywhere! He is listening to your prayers at night, he is with you when you drive your Car and think of him and even when you don’t. As I hold this faith, and wisdom I accept that God is also within the walls of any building, even one that has the word Baptist on a sign out in front. Whenever a group gather to pray to God even in explicit and vague form, even incompletely and inadequately, but sincerely and faithfully–The Holy Spirit is present. I attest without doubt or hesitation that the Liturgy is a mass worth attending weekly, even daily. I attest that there is nothing of our needs, expression, or faith that cannot be found within the Catholic Church and it’s many orders, rites, doctrines, disciplines, movements, and ministries. But I recognize that for whatever reason not all children of God have found this way… and I accept that which is. I accept these beings as having opportunity to receive the Grace of God. I give them my peace and I will pray with them. Praying with those of other faiths is not the same congregating with those of other faiths. Praying with other faiths makes us ask many questions about why and what we believe as Catholics. It brings about why and we are not willing to accept “Because” as the answer.

Here’s a story to help you:

My Uncle attended a Protestant service, not sure which one. But when service was concluded and the hall mostly empty, he prayed. He prayed as he does in his home or in a field: He knelt and made the sign of the cross. The pastor approached when he was concluded in prayer and said “I can see you’re a visitor because the congregants here do not kneel and make the sign of the cross”. My Uncle said, “Pastor, I bring the Church in my heat, and today it came with me here.” And the pastor replied: “Thank you!”.

Here’s a second story:

As a young boy, I was attending born again non denominational and Pentecostal services with my Grandmother nearly every day but sunday and church in communion on Sundays. During my 7th year, when preparing for reconciliation and communion, the father spoke to me privately as all children for a one on one discussion of our choice. I asked an old pre-vatican II priest: “Father, are you born again”. He asked me: “What does that mean?”. I replied it means “That you accept Jesus Christ as the Son of God and as your own personal Lord and savior, and promise to live your life as he has taught”. As I spoke I realized that what I was asking the priest was basic to his beliefs before he replied. And he uttered one statement in response: “Well then by your definition, I suppose yes, I am”.

That one moment change my view of faith and allows me to enter any place of worship with a pure heart to pray and serve as testimony and witness of the Godhead.

 

[angierabbit2012]

Your enthusiasm is wonderful. I am so happy for you.

Every single day I thank God for making me Catholic.

I thank Him daily as well!!! I also ask Him to help me to NEVER forget this gift that I’ve been given and to NEVER take it for granted.

I believe that the time I spent as a FUNDAMENTAL has actually helped me to TRULY appreciate being Catholic. By that I mean, there’s a LOT of oppression in that type of church (especially for women).

There is also an air of superiority within the group. SEPARATION is not only taught but is expected in the fundamental society.

When I came into the Church and found UNIVERSAL joy, I couldn’t hardly believe it.

While sin is admonished within the Catholic Church, we aren’t told to separate ourselves from the sinners of the world.

We are however, encouraged to pray for them often! UNIVERSAL love!!

I feel so blessed to be Catholic and my only regret is that I didn’t become Catholic years ago!

God Bless You!

 

[lovemyboys]

I would recommend never bringing up anything Catholic to them, especially Mary. They’ll go off the rails if you even imply that the mother of God is even a little bit important or special.

 

[15thClub]

St. Paul writes (and forgive me for forgetting where) in one of his epistles that “knowledge puffs up but love builds up.” You, like I and many others here, left one path for another and in so doing, left our friends and family to continue on that former path of their choosing. The other night, I had a chance to talk with friends who have remained on the Protestant path. There were some hard questions posed to me but thanks be to God, I was able to calmly and cogently answer their questions. While I did not state that the RCC is the true church, I did hold fast, citing the historical record that the elements of the RCC today are consistent with that of the first early church. I explained our love of Mary to them to which they were surprised to hear. They thought that Catholics did not adhere to the trinitarian nature of God, I explained the work of Augustin of Hippo to them much to their surprise. I also explained why the RCC puts a high premium of understanding the languages of which scripture is written. Engaging our Protestant brethren requires we have the knowledge of our faith to answer their questions BUT it is important not to lose one’s composure in the conversation. Like landing an airplane, it’s all in the approach. Convey your knowledge in love. If you don’t know the answer to the question, be honest and tell them you’ll follow up and do not get or let them see if you get flustered. Finally, I strongly encourage you to buy either the book or the DVD series on Catholicism by Father Robert Barron and also listen to Father Barron on You Tube. Good luck, and last but not least, pray for love and a discerning mind in your conversations.

 

[angierabbit2012]

St. Paul writes (and forgive me for forgetting where) in one of his epistles that “knowledge puffs up but love builds up.” You, like I and many others here, left one path for another and in so doing, left our friends and family to continue on that former path of their choosing. The other night, I had a chance to talk with friends who have remained on the Protestant path. There were some hard questions posed to me but thanks be to God, I was able to calmly and cogently answer their questions. While I did not state that the RCC is the true church, I did hold fast, citing the historical record that the elements of the RCC today are consistent with that of the first early church. I explained our love of Mary to them to which they were surprised to hear. They thought that Catholics did not adhere to the trinitarian nature of God, I explained the work of Augustin of Hippo to them much to their surprise. I also explained why the RCC puts a high premium of understanding the languages of which scripture is written. Engaging our Protestant brethren requires we have the knowledge of our faith to answer their questions BUT it is important not to lose one’s composure in the conversation. Like landing an airplane, it’s all in the approach. Convey your knowledge in love. If you don’t know the answer to the question, be honest and tell them you’ll follow up and do not get or let them see if you get flustered. Finally, I strongly encourage you to buy either the book or the DVD series on Catholicism by Father Robert Barron and also listen to Father Barron on You Tube. Good luck, and last but not least, pray for love and a discerning mind in your conversations.

Helpful advice…THANK YOU!
I have enjoyed many wonderful Catholic programs on YOUTUBE but I don’t know Father Barron. I’ll look him up today!

GOD Bless!

 

[angierabbit2012]

I would recommend never bringing up anything Catholic to them, especially Mary. They’ll go off the rails if you even imply that the mother of God is even a little bit important or special.

I haven’t found that option to be possible.

When I told my dearest friend from my former church that I had joined the Church, her immediate reaction was “How can you be Catholic, don’t they pray to Mary?”

INDEPENDENT FUNDAMENTAL BAPTISTS believe that it is their duty to evangelize EVERYONE they meet! They also believe that Catholics CAN’T be and are NOT saved because we believe we must take accountability for our own actions regarding our own salvation. In other words, Catholics believe that Christ paid the penalty for our sin, but we still have to make reparation when we sin. We have to confess and atone for the sins we commit against Him.

Fundamentals believe ONCE SAVED/ALWAYS SAVED!

They literally believe that once you “accept” Christ as your PERSONAL SAVIOR, you become a SAVED person and NOTHING you do can change that!

You can rape, murder, steal, lie, cheat, etc. and, because you said “the sinners prayer” at some point in your life, you ARE STILL SAVED and on your way to Heaven.

Their thinking is so flawed, there is NO WAY that my becoming Catholic won’t come up.