Help me by telling me about your marriage!

[LaughingBoy1503]

I was 26 when we got married. We actually got married on my birthday. She was 19.
I was looking since puberty. . But only realized the type of woman you party with and the type that is the mother of your children are different people about six months before I met my wife. We met at work and she started going to mass with me. We were both converts. She converted 6 months prior to our wedding. I was her sponsor…

Got you beat then. I have been interested in the opposite sex since 5 years old and I am 32 and still alone. I win… wait… no I dont :crying:

 

[E_7]

Am I late to post? I encourage you to PM a single woman in CAF. That’s how husband and I met, in CAF. It’s different than using a dating site.

 

[fbl9]

Am I late to post? I encourage you to PM a single woman in CAF. That’s how husband and I met, in CAF. It’s different than using a dating site.

 

[fbl9]

Am I late to post? I encourage you to PM a single woman in CAF. That’s how husband and I met, in CAF. It’s different than using a dating site.

How about starting a thread ,single women, please PM me. Or look in the Groups section of CAF.

 

[fin]

True. People don’t know how lonely it feels. I have a lot of love to give, but to whom?

And I don’t want another lecture on oh, but you can show your love to God, and love through family, friendships, other people. We know that romantic love has that added dimension to it. And what if you already have a relationship with God, a prayer life? It’s not as if I’m not working on my spiritual life, and have tried every possible means to find a spouse.

It’s hard to judge someone, their situation, and actions if you’re not the same situation. I find this when people say to single, you’re too picky, you’re not going out, you’re trying too hard, you’re not trying hard enough, you’re being too desperate, blah blah blah. A lot of these dating advice are conflicting.

I don’t know how to comfort you, Laughing Boy. I am so sorry you feel the way you do. I will pray for you as I can relate to how lonely it gets when you have so much love to give and no one to give it to. Please, whatever you do, don’t give up. Please know that there is someone out there for you and you will find her. I just know it.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

How about starting a thread ,single women, please PM me. Or look in the Groups section of CAF.

A thread like that would be quickly locked, I have seen it happen. The single groups on this site are dead zones. Complete dead zones.

The only single Catholic woman I have connected with on this site lived pretty far and we talked for awhile but I guess she kinda lost interest in talking to me so she eventually just stopped.

 

[LaughingBoy1503]

True. People don’t know how lonely it feels. I have a lot of love to give, but to whom?

And I don’t want another lecture on oh, but you can show your love to God, and love through family, friendships, other people. We know that romantic love has that added dimension to it. And what if you already have a relationship with God, a prayer life? It’s not as if I’m not working on my spiritual life, and have tried every possible means to find a spouse.

It’s hard to judge someone, their situation, and actions if you’re not the same situation. I find this when people say to single, you’re too picky, you’re not going out, you’re trying too hard, you’re not trying hard enough, you’re being too desperate, blah blah blah. A lot of these dating advice are conflicting.

Sometimes I feel like it does take a certain element of luck too. I hear all these storied about meeting people but I have never ran into another single woman even close to my age at any church related event or group I have gone to. Heck, I decided I would drive on down to the big Our Lady of The Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles today in hopes of maybe meeting people, hopefully some single women my age. It was a dead zone. I try. So, what do I really need to do? Take up a different class or event every day of the week until I get so little sleep that my work performance slips and I get fired or I get myself killed because I am not alert enough, because my job is very dangerous? Cant do it. I can try for once a week maybe on a Saturday and wish for the best I guess.
.

 

[Viki63]

Just a thought: several people on this thread have mentioned that they found their spouses after giving up and figuring they would stay single the rest of their lives. The same happened to me. I was a single mom for 17 years before meeting my 2nd husband. Now that has not been unalloyed bliss, as he has had health and other problems, but he is probably helping me get closer to heaven, one way or another.

My recommendation would be to relax, and pray in thanksgiving and gratitude for your current situation.

I know it’s painful, and lonely, and everyone else seems wallowing in marital bliss. The truth is, not all of them are. You don’t have a wife, but then again, you don’t have a wife who is two-timing you, or spending all your money, or has insane relatives who make your life miserable. Thank God for your life, and for the future he has for you, and work on becoming the best man you can.

God knows your heart, and has a plan. If you thank him for what he is doing in your life, it will free him up to work even more effectively. Remember Abraham, who got impatient waiting for God to keep his promises, and decided to help him out? That didn’t go so well.
God bless.

.

 

[Hoosier_Daddy]

Sometimes I feel like it does take a certain element of luck too. I hear all these storied about meeting people but I have never ran into another single woman even close to my age at any church related event or group I have gone to. Heck, I decided I would drive on down to the big Our Lady of The Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles today in hopes of maybe meeting people, hopefully some single women my age. It was a dead zone. I try. So, what do I really need to do? Take up a different class or event every day of the week until I get so little sleep that my work performance slips and I get fired or I get myself killed because I am not alert enough, because my job is very dangerous? Cant do it. I can try for once a week maybe on a Saturday and wish for the best I guess.
.

Colleges usually have late masses in the Newman centers etc that don’t show up on regular websites and they are PACKED with young singles. Tonight we went to one at 7 pm and it was full and vibrant.
And if that doesn’t help, try the later (evening) masses at different parishes.

Also have some family or friends who know Catholics set you up.

Are you active in the parish you are at?

 

[Xantippe]

Sometimes I feel like it does take a certain element of luck too. I hear all these storied about meeting people but I have never ran into another single woman even close to my age at any church related event or group I have gone to. Heck, I decided I would drive on down to the big Our Lady of The Angels Cathedral in Los Angeles today in hopes of maybe meeting people, hopefully some single women my age. It was a dead zone. I try. So, what do I really need to do? Take up a different class or event every day of the week until I get so little sleep that my work performance slips and I get fired or I get myself killed because I am not alert enough, because my job is very dangerous? Cant do it. I can try for once a week maybe on a Saturday and wish for the best I guess.
.

Aside from the safety issues, you’ll burn out on socializing if you do it every day.

If you do an event where you are likely to meet new women two times a month, I think that’s just fine. Once a week would be fabulous

By the way, I bet there are a lot of single Catholic school teachers. Also, as mercenary as this may sound, if there is some sort of big convention or conference for catechists, that I would suggest you go if you can manage it.

You have a lot of advantages living near a major population area.

Just keep swimming!

youtube.com/watch?v=0Hkn-LSh7es

 

[CallMeDad]

OP, my two cents:

• I hear you saying that you do not want to hear anymore about praying for deliverance from the single life, but I would say that part of prayer is yielding to the will of God - like really yielding. Women can sometimes sense over-eagerness or even desperation and they do not always find it attractive, in my experience. Letting go can sometimes allow you to present as more relaxed, and actually more confident. That can be appealing.
• Second, you also said that you do have contacts with married people in both church and perhaps even work. There are many married people that will go into overdrive if they know someone they like is looking for a serious relationship. Certain people are fixer-uppers, and they are keen to promote good bets, like “that nice boy from church.” It’s a little like networking; you are making contacts generally with people just for the sake of the contact and generally your objective (for example, increase business volume, get a job, etc.) are made known. When I’ve used networking to help find a job, most of the people I speak with are not in a position to hire me, and that’s fine. The point is that I’m putting what I need out there, and the people who like me or think I would be a good employee will help if they can. You don’t need to be very direct in explaining that you are seeking a life partner; it’s the kind of thing that comes up in conversation pretty organically.
• In my case, I was married at 42, and I can see God’s providence in my waiting that long. We worked together, and in fact I hired her. At the time, I was not doing anything to meet a potential wife; she literally walked into my life. I remember soon after I began dating my wife my brother was trying to fix me up, so it did help that people around me knew I was “on the market” Anyway, you’re still young; you do have time.

 

[Winter_Warlock_1]

Laughing,

It can be a pain in the search. I was in my upper 40s and went on CatholicSingles.com I met my now wife after about 3 months (coming up on 2 years of marriage with a 1 year old)… The thing is: God has a plan for us All, and He works on His schedule - not ours.

Try not to rush, easier said than done, but have faith and trust in God - he will deliver.

May God grant you peace and happiness.

Winter

 

[EnglishTeacher]

How did you meet your spouse and how long did you date until you got married? Here is why I ask…

I am a 32 year old man and single. I have been having a hard time meeting women for the last several years that I have been a practicing Catholic. I came into The Church from Protestantism back in 2013. So far, every woman I have ever met through my parish is either already married, engaged or has a boyfriend. I have no prospects and I never do. I volunteer, I am active at my parish and nothing. I work in construction, which is 99.9% men. The only women any of my friends know are all women who have 2 or 3 children and pretty much did nothing throughout their 20’s except make babies out of wedlock. No thanks. I would date a single mother of 1 child but not a woman with several. Not to mention none of them are practicing Catholics.

I have been using online dating for years, with some success… One relationship, met several women and made some friends. The problem is that it takes a very long time to find another woman interested in me so as a result I get maybe 2 dates with 2 different women a year. And out of all of them so far, only one wanted to be with me and she was definitely the least knowledgeable Catholic of all of them. The practicing ones just seem so hard to get to give me a chance although we always connect so well on the spiritual level.

How did you meet your spouse? Maybe I can get some ideas.

My husband and I met at a Catholic young adult group that had recently been formed in our area. (The ages of the people in the group mainly ranged from mid-twenties to mid-thirties.) We didn’t start dating until about 2.5 years later, though–I had a boyfriend at the time we met. We did become friends, though, and often hung out with the same people. He says that he had liked me for a long time, but he is shy, so it took him a while before he finally asked me out. We dated a year before getting engaged, and then were married last fall. At the time of the wedding, I was 35; he was 33.

 

[Xantippe]

My husband and I met at a Catholic young adult group that had recently been formed in our area. (The ages of the people in the group mainly ranged from mid-twenties to mid-thirties.) We didn’t start dating until about 2.5 years later, though–I had a boyfriend at the time we met. We did become friends, though, and often hung out with the same people. He says that he had liked me for a long time, but he is shy, so it took him a while before he finally asked me out. We dated a year before getting engaged, and then were married last fall. At the time of the wedding, I was 35; he was 33.

Awwww!

Along with the young marrieds, there are a lot of CAFers who marry in their late 20s/30s.

It genuinely can take a long time to find the right person–but it is often just a matter of time.

 

[Lea101]

I’m obviously not married and have never been in a relationship so feel free to ignore my advice

Ok so…

Whilst listening to the advice posted here, it would also do you good to improve yourself. Work on your empathy (apparently this is a huge issue with religious guys here-they are often judgemental and rude when it comes to certain things because they are really passionate about the Church), hobbies, work etc. Don’t come off as desperate, don’t rush the relationship, develop your skills and all…

I don’t mean to insinuate anything but I usually see people talking about how they can’t find anyone, but they don’t really focus on being Mr. or Mrs Right for their dream spouse, you know?

 

[fbl9]

I’m obviously not married and have never been in a relationship so feel free to ignore my advice

Ok so…

Whilst listening to the advice posted here, it would also do you good to improve yourself. Work on your empathy (apparently this is a huge issue with religious guys here-they are often judgemental and rude when it comes to certain things because they are really passionate about the Church), hobbies, work etc. Don’t come off as desperate, don’t rush the relationship, develop your skills and all…

I don’t mean to insinuate anything but I usually see people talking about how they can’t find anyone, **but they don’t really focus on being Mr. or Mrs Right for their dream spouse, **you know?

This makes so much sense but just who is Mr./Mrs. right?
And right for you is not right for me, so how can one know if they are the right one just the way they are or need changing.

 

[pensmama87]

This makes so much sense but just who is Mr./Mrs. right?
And right for you is not right for me, so how can one know if they are the right one just the way they are or need changing.

Well, in your mind, what makes a good husband or wife?

Then whichever one you want to be, do that.

(Some common trends would be: taking care of your physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial health. Learn skills that would be helpful in parenthood or in household management. Volunteer and help the poor.)

Now there’s a lot of ways those specific things could be done, but it’s not like doing any of that is going to actually harm your chances at finding a good spouse.

I am not speaking about anyone on this thread, but I do know some people who are single who mope around on Facebook and drink and watch Netflix and work a dead-end job. I would say their chances of finding a spouse are much lower than someone who actively works to serve others (and to be in a good position to be able to serve others.)

 

[Dulcie]

You asked for stories of how we met our spouses. Well, I met mine online, on a Catholic dating site. But I would say that the dating site was just the mechanism, really. If you are really asking HOW I met my spouse, well, I would say that it had a lot more to do with making myself ready to meet him. And the actual act of clicking on the “subscribe” link didn´t have that much to do with it. I would say that, for me, the most important things were:

• I focused on making the very best of myself and my life. I got a great education, a good job, lots of interests. I had a great relationship with my family, and lots of friendships. I went back to church and learnt to pray. I also lost some weight!
• I used to be a bit rubbish with men, quite nervous and awkward, so I focused on cultivating (chaste, cheerful) friendships with them. Obviously I didn´t go chasing men in relationships for friendships - that would have been deeply weird and inappropriate - but I focused on cultivating groups of mixed friends as well as just female friendships, and I got more relaxed around men. The great thing about being around men in relationships was that I could just enjoy being friends, rather than worrying about whether or not they found me attractive (or vice versa).
• I realised that if marriage matters to you, you have to be prepared to invest time in it. So I joined various groups where I thought I might meet nice men. I didn´t meet anyone that way, but it was all good for my social life, interests, and social confidence. Signing up for online dating was just one part of that. I could have met someone anywhere. I stopped making excuses for why I couldn´t do it, and made it a priority because it mattered to me.
• I worked on myself, and not just on the externals. I thought about why I was finding it difficult to negotiate relationships with men. I calmed down. I realised that it was OK to want to meet someone. I tried to think about what I had to offer a man, and not just what they had to offer me. I took on board - deep down, not just paying lip service to it - that I wasn´t going to meet somebody perfect, because I wasn´t perfect myself. And finally - and I think this might be really important for you too, from some of the things you´ve written - I listened to a wise friend when he told me that everybody has “baggage”, it´s just that some people´s baggage is external and some people´s is internal. So I met and married a wonderful, kind, funny, mature, intelligent, hardworking, family-minded, educated, faithful, devout man who just so happened to have children, be quite a bit older, and live thousands of miles away. And we made it work. I could have married a different man, one with no previous marriage and no children who lived just down the road from me, but he could have been less kind, or less interested in the things I´m interested in, or less financially solvent, or in other words been less wonderful than the one I met despite his “baggage” and the less than perfect geographical situation.

So if you will forgive me for offering advice: I think you might be a little more flexible in your ideas. If you rule out women who are ten years younger than yourself, women with children, women who have not spent their 20s in exactly the financial situation that you think they should, then you are ruling out many possibilities of lovely women with lots to offer. No-one is perfect, and everyone has baggage. Based on my own experience I would say it´s important to focus on reducing your own baggage first, and on developing as much as possible to offer a spouse: that´s the real story of how I met my husband.

 

[Xantippe]

You asked for stories of how we met our spouses. Well, I met mine online, on a Catholic dating site. But I would say that the dating site was just the mechanism, really. If you are really asking HOW I met my spouse, well, I would say that it had a lot more to do with making myself ready to meet him. And the actual act of clicking on the “subscribe” link didn´t have that much to do with it. I would say that, for me, the most important things were:

• I focused on making the very best of myself and my life. I got a great education, a good job, lots of interests. I had a great relationship with my family, and lots of friendships. I went back to church and learnt to pray. I also lost some weight!
• I used to be a bit rubbish with men, quite nervous and awkward, so I focused on cultivating (chaste, cheerful) friendships with them. Obviously I didn´t go chasing men in relationships for friendships - that would have been deeply weird and inappropriate - but I focused on cultivating groups of mixed friends as well as just female friendships, and I got more relaxed around men. The great thing about being around men in relationships was that I could just enjoy being friends, rather than worrying about whether or not they found me attractive (or vice versa).
• I realised that if marriage matters to you, you have to be prepared to invest time in it. So I joined various groups where I thought I might meet nice men. I didn´t meet anyone that way, but it was all good for my social life, interests, and social confidence. Signing up for online dating was just one part of that. I could have met someone anywhere. I stopped making excuses for why I couldn´t do it, and made it a priority because it mattered to me.
• I worked on myself, and not just on the externals. I thought about why I was finding it difficult to negotiate relationships with men. I calmed down. I realised that it was OK to want to meet someone. I tried to think about what I had to offer a man, and not just what they had to offer me. I took on board - deep down, not just paying lip service to it - that I wasn´t going to meet somebody perfect, because I wasn´t perfect myself. And finally - and I think this might be really important for you too, from some of the things you´ve written - I listened to a wise friend when he told me that everybody has “baggage”, it´s just that some people´s baggage is external and some people´s is internal. So I met and married a wonderful, kind, funny, mature, intelligent, hardworking, family-minded, educated, faithful, devout man who just so happened to have children, be quite a bit older, and live thousands of miles away. And we made it work. I could have married a different man, one with no previous marriage and no children who lived just down the road from me, but he could have been less kind, or less interested in the things I´m interested in, or less financially solvent, or in other words been less wonderful than the one I met despite his “baggage” and the less than perfect geographical situation.

So if you will forgive me for offering advice: I think you might be a little more flexible in your ideas. If you rule out women who are ten years younger than yourself, women with children, women who have not spent their 20s in exactly the financial situation that you think they should, then you are ruling out many possibilities of lovely women with lots to offer. No-one is perfect, and everyone has baggage. Based on my own experience I would say it´s important to focus on reducing your own baggage first, and on developing as much as possible to offer a spouse: that´s the real story of how I met my husband.

Very nice!

And I have to say regarding internal baggage, sometimes the person himself or herself doesn’t know what baggage they are carrying. It was only recently (after several kids and many years of marriage) before I realized that my parents’ relationship provided me with a flawed model of how a husband and wife ought to relate to each other, or that my husband’s relationship with his father shaped his relationship with me negatively.

Not that any of these relationships are fatally flawed, but they weren’t ideal, and the flaws in the family of origin relationships were being carried over into our marriage.

So, yeah–everybody’s got issues.

 

[Dulcie]

Very nice!

And I have to say regarding internal baggage, sometimes the person himself or herself doesn’t know what baggage they are carrying. It was only recently (after several kids and many years of marriage) before I realized that my parents’ relationship provided me with a flawed model of how a husband and wife ought to relate to each other, or that my husband’s relationship with his father shaped his relationship with me negatively.

Not that any of these relationships are fatally flawed, but they weren’t ideal, and the flaws in the family of origin relationships were being carried over into our marriage.

So, yeah–everybody’s got issues.

Yes, exactly. It´s not a process that magically stops once you reach the altar - unfortunately!