Help me justify my morals to my boyfriend?

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Thanks for asking this question and seeking to be good!

This is the heart of the issue. You were made by God, who knows you inside and out, better than you know yourself. He knows what will make you most happy, what will make you thrive, and it’s his way or a less happy way, because he created human nature. God’s purpose for sexuality is clear: It is meant as a total, unreserved, fearless gift of self (1 John 4). Total, because you give your whole self, unreserved, because you give your fertility, and fearless, because you’re married and your spouse promised to stand with you forever.

Fertility. Sex is about fertility as much as it is about bonding, and it’s designed so that, ideally, only people who love each other have babies. Love creates life, which is as it should be. Sex is equal parts union of the couple and the fruit of that love–new people! This is essential, and all coherent reasons for pre-marital abstinence are derived from it.

Good, that’s as it should be! Think about this, too: oral sex is not good enough. It’s permissible only if it leads to vaginal intercourse, which is permissible only if you’re married. Otherwise, you’re not giving yourself and so you’re not loving.

This is bad. A good man wants to help you get to heaven. Imagine yourself before God explaining why you’re not above reproach. Take it from an engaged guy: Bad boys really are bad.

Yup. I’ve been engaged for fifteen months, and we’ve got six to go. It’s tough, but it’s worth it. You’ll be unhappy otherwise.

Yes. Re-read how you summarized his position. It’s patently selfish. He is having a hard time being good and caring about what’s good for you. Oral sex would not be an expression of love. If he loves you, he must crucify his own desires and wait until you are married and can have real sex.

It is not antiquated, and it is repression only if you over-stimulate each other with prolonged kissing. If you don’t go window-shopping, you won’t think about buying things. Mutatis mutandis, if you don’t kiss too much…

Other posters should be gentler. The issue at stake is grave, but it seems that you both should read and pray more about the beauty of God’s plan for sexuality and why it is inextricably linked to marriage, children, healing, and salvation.

To that end, check out Jason Evert, John Kippley, Gregory Popcak, and Scott and Kimberley Hahn. Not a big fan of Christopher West. Also, read 1 John, 1 Corinthians, and maybe Song of Songs.

Keep your heart set on heaven.
👍:amen:
 
The real issue here is about the nature and purpose of our sexuality. Sex is a wonderful gift from God and is meant to be an opportunity to share in his divine nature of love, communion, and creation. It is a perfect parallel to the Eucharist. Lets compare the two:

Christ is the Groom, the Church is the Bride.

Christ sacrifices himself for his Church and in response the Church gives herself to Him - the Groom gives himself completely to his Bride, she gives herself to him.

Christ gives us his Body and Blood in the Eucharist and says about it, “This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world. John 6:51” - Husband and Wife literally give their bodies to each other through marriage and sex, and just as with the Eucharist, new life is the result.

We consume the Eucharist and absorb Christ’s body into our own. He says, “Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, and I in him. John 6:56”. - The bride literally absorbs the husband’s body into her own and the two literally become one flesh. That bond is indissoluble.

The product of the Eucharistic gift is new life, rebirth - the product of the Marital gift is new life as well.

So, as you can see above, marriage is a perfect sign of and is perfected by Christ’s gift to his Bride. No more than a person would approach the altar to gorge on the Body of Christ or get drunk on His Blood should people approach the marriage sacrament to merely be taken away by their passions. Neither should a person approach the altar without discerning the Body and Blood of Christ should a person approach sex without discerning this wonderful gift that sex is, an opportunity to share in his divine nature of love, communion, and creation.

This is why contraception, premarital sex, homosexuality, masturbation, and adultery are all wrong, because they all fall short of the perfect picture of God’s love and of Christ’s sacrifice and emphasize instead our own selfish desires and passions. This is also why the Catechism refers to many of these practices as “disorder”, not in the sense that many people misunderstand as meaning “mental problem” or “disease”, but actually meaning “wrongly ordered”, “disruption”, or “disorganized” because they do not reflect the picture of God’s communion with humankind or of the mystical communion that exists in the Holy Trinity. Desire and passion are good things but they must point to Christ.
 
To that end, check out Jason Evert, John Kippley, Gregory Popcak, and Scott and Kimberley Hahn. Not a big fan of Christopher West. Also, read 1 John, 1 Corinthians, and maybe Song of Songs.

Keep your heart set on heaven.
Amen, I’m not a fan of Christopher West either. His theology and reasoning is probably just fine, I just have a big issue with many of his opinions that, to me, just seem distract from the central issue.
 
Hello all,

[snip]

I love him very much and I feel guilty for not being able to “please him” or love him in that way. Sometimes I feel very selfish.

[snip]

Please help me make my boyfriend understand why I am so sexually strict by explaining why premarital oral sex, and sex, is wrong. I need more concrete support than my own personal reasons.
Firstly, you are in no way selfish and should in no way feel selfish. Your denial for God exhibits your selflessness, so don’t even remotely think that you should feel guilty for something that is a moral sin. Duty to God is above the duty to man.

As to your boyfriend and Church teaching, you’ll need to be authoritative. Stress Church teaching, since this isn’t your own personal reason. You need nothing else.

Roma Locuta Est- Causa Finita Est ‘Rome Has Spoken, Case Closed’ is something I prefer to use when dabbling on why we can or can’t do this, since in the end it requires authority to exert such principles.

Also, Traditional teaching states that any other form of sex other than what is supposed to be is morally wrong.

Hope this helps,

God Bless,

Chris.
 
Sex should not be primary in dating stage. If it does, such relationship is based on wrong ground.

I had a boy friend who pressurized me, not to have sex, but to do enough to make me feel guilty about the whole thing. I told him about my feeling but he kept pressurized me. I did considered that he would be my future husband. But after awhile I began to think that “those things” were the only things he wanted from me. I cut him loose the moment he forgot to pick me up one day. I cried almost every night for a long long time, but I just knew he did not really love me. Not the kind of love I wanted.

When I dated my husband, he had never pressurized me. We enjoy each other company not because of those sexual reason. We held hands to the cinema, kissed (light kiss), teased each other, laughed. We still do those until now, and even more our jokes and converstions and our life get “deeper and deeper” that no man can ever replace him. Our sex life is also very good, despite we had never had sex until the wedding day. I knew he was the one because I enjoy his company and he enjoy mine, not because of sex. I belive good sex is a result of good relationship.

After I knew my husband, I knew for sure that he was the one. He was like heaven compared to the previous one: with my previous boyfriend, I did not have relationship. With my previous was empty passionate kissings all the time. He did not care about me disaggreeing about those. He did not care about how I felt. I perceived such as a bad sign, and I followed my guts. To break off from him was the most difficult but also second best decision I’ve ever made in my life. My best decision was to marry my hubby 😉
 
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