HELP ME! Spiritually going "down"

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Paris Blues:
Yes, and that’s another thing I was concerned about too. I DON’T want it to be about me! It’s about our Lord and all! But on the other hand, I guess you can keep your eyes on our Lord the whole time through Mass and hopefully I can get through it…

That’s another thing too…I know we all once in awhile think, what about me, my me and this and that when we should be focusing on our Lord. But I’ve prayed something like that, like Lord, help me die to myself… but nothing happens! What am I doing wrong? I KNOW that God’s time is not our time yet you also want to humble. Doesn’t God want us to be humble? Yes but when we ask for it, why doesn’t it happen? Is it because we expect things to happen quick or is there a reason why we’re not given the grace at that moment?
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Well, when we ask God for humility, if He gave it to us right away, it would probably lead us into greater pride because we would think we were so great for being humble. He allows us to struggle with our sin so that we can see that we cannot win the struggle; only He can. Growing in humility is rarely easy, and even more rarely enjoyable. To grow in humility, we must die to ourselves, and that can be very difficult. It sounds like the situation you’re in now may be God’s answer to your prayer to grow in humility in the form of a situation where you must continually put God first and deny your own desires. When you do that often enough and consistently enough, you will eventually develop true humility. Be patient with yourself and with God.
 
Thanks guys for your help! Just by reading your suggestions and thoughts on it actually gave me encouragement!👍 Now at this point I have an actual desire to attend Mass again Sat. evening and will leave work early (my manager’s aware of it) to see our Lord! Thanks again! See, I’m so glad I came back to this forum!😛
 
Paris Blues:
That’s another thing too…I know we all once in awhile think, what about me, my me and this and that when we should be focusing on our Lord. But I’ve prayed something like that, like Lord, help me die to myself…** but nothing happens**! What am I doing wrong? I KNOW that God’s time is not our time yet you also want to humble. Doesn’t God want us to be humble? Yes but when we ask for it, why doesn’t it happen? Is it because we expect things to happen quick or is there a reason why we’re not given the grace at that moment?
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This is the trap you keep falling into…not your fault, mind you, many of us get stuck along the way and from time to time.

Something does happen, always…we just don’t recognize what that something is because we’re too busy looking for what we expect rather than what He’s giving.

You’re asking for something, but you’re also demanding to be answered in YOUR way. It’s hard to let that go, I know, but when you do, you’ll start to recognize the gifts He’s giving you, and then you can appreciate them, and it brings you closer to Him.

Right now you’re pulling yourself away because He isn’t giving you what you want, when you want it, the way you want it.

Picture a 3 year old child in a tantrum…she’s screaming about wanting a particular book, or toy or food…whatever. She’s expected Mom or Dad to give her what she says she wants.

Instead, Mom or Dad gives her a big hug, strokes her hair, speaks calmly and lovingly to her, and she finds herself calming down. Afterward, she’s happy, secure, content - even though she didn’t get what she thought she wanted, and **asked specifically **for, she got something even better - LOVE, PATIENCE, UNDERSTANDING, SECURITY - and she recognized that was what she really wanted - really needed - but didn’t know it at the time.

God knows what you need, what you desire - and he provides that for you, even though you may not know it yourself. Trust Him.

I hear in your posts that longing to be a part of Him and that, in itself, is a response from God to your prayers. Despite your frustrations, that longing is still with you, isn’t it? It’s getting tiresome fighting it, but you know what? That’s the Devil doing his bit to keep you from crossing over the threshold. Remember that, and never underestimate Satan’s manipulative talents. When you feel that ‘me, me, me’ thing stirring…Pray the prayer to St. Michael the Archangel or if you don’t know that say “GET THEE BACK, SATAN!” and then pray one Our Father, One Hail Mary and the Glory Be. Call it as you see it and you will find strength.
 
Although receiving Holy Communion is a very important part of the Mass, the Mass is principally an act of worship directed to Almighty God, where we acknowledge our dependence on God for … everything! and thank Him and praise Him and adore Him and offer Him in return our very best, ourselves and our Lord Jesus Christ. These are things that everyone can and should do.

Remember too that when the words of Consecration are spoken, Jesus Christ becomes really and substantially present right there in the Church under the appearance of bread and wine. Use your imagination a little and see Him standing there and bask in loving His presence.

When I don’t receive Holy Communion, I prefer to sit in the back of the Church and, instead of going up in the Communion line for a blessing, I remain in the pew and use that time to speak to Jesus from my heart and make an act of spiritual communion.

Read Revelation, chapters 4 and 5, where the heavenly worship is described and try to imitate the humility of the twenty-four elders and angels.
 
Paris,

Just a few suggestions…

Don’t leave early. It isn’t respectful, and gives a bad example to others even if your motives are pure.

If you don’t want to go up for a blessing, don’t feel obligated. Staying in the pew is fine.

Most importantly, take all of that frustration and angst that you’re feeling, and offer it up to Jesus on behalf of all of those Catholics who DON’T appreciate the tremendous gift that they’re receiving. Or for those atheists whose hearts have become hardened…or for your parents’ conversion----whatever you wish to pray for. Remember that as a Catholic, there is no such thing as wasted suffering!! If you go to Mass, even if it’s painful, and offer up that pain on behalf of others, you will be making tremendous strides in your spiritual development. Most of us have a hard time learning how to take our frustrations and trials and join them to Christ. This could be a great opportunity for you, when properly considered!

It’s nice to “see” you again. Your enthusiasm and freshness is always a pleasure to experience.
 
My Dear Paris! Hi again!

Didn’t they tell you! You CAN go up during communion and receive a Eucharistic blessing! Just sit where you are sure to land in the line for the Priest and when it comes your turn in line, just bow your head and keep your arms folded accross your chest and the priest will bless you every time. It’s like a special blessing for those who know & believe what the Eucharist is all about and for some reason can’t receive yet, (like you). See this non-Catholic article that talks about it. CA Apologist Peggy Frye deals with a similar question here
Hang in there Sister and it’ll be alright very soon.

BTW…think of just how very much Our Lord longs for you to share this celebration with you as well! 🙂

That suggestion of the “Spiritual Communion” is a great idea as well, and of course The Anima Christi afterwards is always a good idea as well. I pray it all the time & especially after communion.
Pax tecum,
 
Guess what guys? Last Saturday night I went to Mass… and I should say that during the middle of the week when I had that “spiritual breakdown” and came here whining to you guys all about how I felt about it (having to get up and get a blessing and no Communion yet), I think our Lord gave me a suggestion…I suddenly had this thought of instead of sitting in the way, very back pew of the church, go and sit UP FRONT on the side pews (remember these are the pews where everyone can get a great view of you or who’s taking Communion) only in the way back. I told myself what good would that do but only then I realized that it would lighten the burden! Before this happened, I KNEW that this would work! If I sat up front in the last row (which has a wall behind so no one is sitting behind you!😃 ), hardly anyone would notice me because people would be getting up to take the Eucharist and these were the pews who went FIRST and then the other pews would go. I was a little hesitant but I knew I could trust in our Lord.

Well, I went Sat. evening and sat in the last row in the side pew and wow! It happened! Less burden! I felt SO MUCH comfortable and though I did not get up to get a blessing, I felt so much better where I was. I was not in the “out” so to speak. I guess I can say that maybe this was an answer to my prayers perhaps? Why, even before going to Mass, I had an INCREASED desire to attend and sit up front to the side!
 
Paris is sounds to me like you worried about what other people are thinking of you which is a totally normal human concern. When we changed parishes last year, we discovered (no one pointed this out before) that because hubby and I we not married in the church we should not be recieving holy communion (unless we were living as brother and sister). No one cared to mention this before even though my husband went through the RCIA program several years earlier.

So until our marriage was convalidated-which was about 3 months (not as long as you have been waiting) we could not recieve. We have a nine year old daughter who has already recieved first communion so imagine how odd it looks that her parents remain in the pew while she goes up for communion. Yes we got some strange looks.

Accept it as God teaching you humility. You have been given a great grace to believe in the real presence of Christ in the Eucharist, when many do not. Nine months may seem like an eternity but in the scheme of life it really isn’t.

The book club here is reading an excellant book “The Imitation of Christ” which you can read free online. You may want to think about joining the group, I think it would be a good experience.

God Bless.
 
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rayne89:
Paris is sounds to me like you worried about what other people are thinking of you which is a totally normal human concern.

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Yes, that’s one thing and another is I LONG to take Communion and watching others take it, oh boy, tears almost come to my eyes. :crying: And by being in the back too, it’s kinda hard to see the people up there because you have people standing and sitting in your way so I guess that kinda helps. I know, I’m so pathetic!:hmmm:
 
Paris,
I went through a similar thing when I was prepareing to be recieved into the Church. Don’t worry too much about what people think, worry about what our Lord wants. If you feel incredebly self concious about going up to recieve the blessing then simply remain in your pew.

When I was prepareing to be recieved into the Church I became very aware of our Lords eucharistic preasence. I had an agonizing desire to recieve him. It was unbearable. My sugestion to you would be to think of this time as if it were an engagement. And look forward to your first communion when you will be joined to jesus at the marrage supper of the lamb.
God bless
ben
 
Paris Blues:
I’ve been attending Mass ever since I started RCIA (back in December 2004) and have been longing for Holy Communion ever since and I’ve been forcing myself to go to Mass no matter what! Now, it’s pure torture not being able to go up and recieve and I’ve been going up for the last 9 months and folding my arms as if I’m a corpse in a coffin and recieve a blessing from the priest…I have to say that even doing that is torture and everyone who sits up front look at me like I’m some crazy lunatic or something, how lovely! Unfortunetely, there are pews on both sides of the tabernacle (besides the main pews)and when I go up, yes, you can see their faces due to the postition of the pews being on left and right side so they can get a great look at whoever’s taking communion.

I finally can’t take it anymore…I’ve considered going to Mass a huge burden and an obligation (yet I’m not confirmed yet!)! I even leave work early to go on Saturday nights! I know this is terrible but I’ve done my thing long enough that I CAN’T (I repeat, CAN’T!) take this anymore. It’s pure torture and it hurts not to go up. I know this sounds so pity and pathetic but you guys don’t quite understand, or do you?:rolleyes:

I’ve prayed and prayed and prayed that this burden will be lifted but it doesn’t seem to be taken off me and I think even the priest is sick and tired of me going up there acting like a “dead corpse” and last Saturday when I went up, he didn’t do a thing, acted like I wasn’t there and I left Mass feeling worse than the worse. I finally was in enough spiritual agony so to speak that I finally made the worst prayer of my life: I said something like, “Lord, I can’t take this anymore and I don’t have the desire to go to Mass for awhile!” and ever since that, I’ve been struck with a terrible desire to leave the CC (that made it worse and a terrible thought came to mind: what if our Lord is kicking me out?) and who knows what to do, yet I still have a tiny, ity bity desire within me to keep on pursuing the CC but I cannot pursue that desire quite yet, not with the way I feel and all that.

I know you guys think I’m some kinda pathetic young lady who’s the most ignorant on Catholicism but I can’t keep this feeling in anymore! I’ve been kinda suffering with it for the last 8 or so months and I’m spitting it out right now to tell how much it actually hurts! I didn’t even want to go to RCIA Tuesday and I didn’t! What’s going on here? I pray but nothing’s working or whatever and I have the desire to give up! Heck, I have no desire to go to Mass this coming weekend…

You suggestions would really help!
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For now, be proud that you are honoring the Eucharist by your dishonor. He will personally thank you for that.

You’ll go through the same experience who you refrain from Communion because you are in a state of mortal sin. Ooooh, you’ll burn, as family or friends look at you. Be pround then, also, of honoring the Eucharist because of your dishonor.

This guy…

gracehome.com/images/jesus-bloody.jpg

…had a pretty mortifying time, too. He did what he did just for enthusiastic love of a pig like me!
 
Paris,

My prayers are with you in this trying time.

If Jesus invited you to His home tonight, would you go? Would feel blessed or cursed to be invited? Would you feel terrible if Jesus did not offer you a meal while you visited with Him, or would you still feel blessed to be with our Lord?

As Catholics, we believe that Jesus is really present in His Real Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity in the Eucharist. This means that when we go to Mass (something Jesus invites us to do), we are in the actual presence of Christ. Where else can you go to be in the actual presence of Jesus’ Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity?

Also, when people go to receive, do you do an act of spiritual communion? If not, here is the prayer, say it each time you go to Mass when everyone else is receiving the Lord:

My Jesus,
I believe that You
are present in the Most Holy Sacrament.
I love You above all things,
and I desire to receive You into my soul.
Since I cannot at this moment
receive You sacramentally,
come at least spiritually into my heart. I embrace You as if You were already there and unite myself wholly to You. Never permit me to be separated from You.
Amen.

I hope this helps. God Bless you.
 
Here’s something from an ex-Catholic, now an atheistically inclined agnostic. No wait! - I have something to say that might help a little. Paris, you are very focused on what people might think of you when you either go up and decline communion or you stay in the pew. You are focused on where you sit and who can see you. It doesn’t matter - really it doesn’t.

I have been a Catholic long enough (so very long) to know that others RESPECT you for refraining from communion - in no way do they think less of you for it. OK, maybe one or two smug people do think less of you - but don’t you see that they are just the people whose opinions you should discount. Value the opinions of those who cherish your desire to come to the Church and who hold your restraint in good opinion.

Since I have given up the faith, I have occasionally attended Mass with the very best of Catholic friends and, of course, I have refrained from communion. Whether you are refraining because you are in such a state of doubt that you no longer feel that you understand in your soul what it means to be in God’s grace or because you have not yet been received through RCIA doesn’t matter - the point is that you are present at Mass because you respect what it represents, because however distant, it means something to you. And when your friends and sponsors go up for communion and you don’t, you are expressing your respect for the solemnity and grace of the sacrament and realising that you should not receive it until you fully accept and understand in your mind, your heart and your soul what it means. In my case, I don’t expect that I will reach that understanding and acceptance ever again, and yet the Catholic congregations I have attended Mass with recently don’t make me feel the slightest censure or embarassment when I stay in the pew at communion.

But in any case, no truly good Catholic, no matter how devout, will think less of you for refraining from communion if you do so for conscientious reasons - in fact they will think more of you - I promise you that, if the promise of an ex-Catholic can mean anything to you. My promise is, in any case, based on real experience. Do not worry about what others think of you - worry only about your own integrity - the physicist, Richard Feynman is a great teacher of this life-skill.

Now your yearning to receive the Eucharist is an entirely different thing - that will remain with you until you are received.

Alec
evolutionpages.com
 
Hi Paris,

I don’t know that I can add much to the awesome things that have already been said… I just wanted to tell you that the time I spent in RCIA was some of the most miserable times in my LIFE! It seemed that Satan just kept throwing all sorts of junk my way. I can’t tell you how many times I wanted to forget the whole thing… but I didn’t. I hung in there… and I was received into the Church this past Easter. Oh Paris… PLEASE HANG IN THERE TOO!!! It is sooooooo awesome to be on this side! You’ve already come this far - no doubt you’ve struggled with lots of questions & issues… don’t give up now! Don’t let Satan discourage you. Whatever pain you are going through now will be so worth it in the end. I promise.

I said a prayer for you. 🙂
CM
 
Don’t give up. Just remember all the suffering Christ did for us. When you fall, get up just like Christ did on the way to Calvary. We all have our ups and downs. Nobody said it would be easy. From “The Pilgrim’s Progress” - ‘Choose the hard, but right way.’

Blessings.
 
Paris…I love you…see my other thread for advice. Vivat Jesus, Sonny
 
The good part is, a couple weeks ago at RCIA, I wanted to double check when my confirmation date would be and the director told me that I and a few others would be recieved on November 20, 2005! That’s like in two months or so! I really need to hang in there!
 
Paris Blues:
Well, I went Sat. evening and sat in the last row in the side pew and wow! It happened! Less burden! I felt SO MUCH comfortable and though I did not get up to get a blessing, I felt so much better where I was. I was not in the “out” so to speak. I guess I can say that maybe this was an answer to my prayers perhaps? Why, even before going to Mass, I had an INCREASED desire to attend and sit up front to the side!
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Wow. He called you closer to Him and you responded affirmatively. That must have felt awesome!! 👍
 
Paris Blues:
The good part is, a couple weeks ago at RCIA, I wanted to double check when my confirmation date would be and the director told me that I and a few others would be recieved on November 20, 2005! That’s like in two months or so! I really need to hang in there!
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That’s very exciting news. Congratulations!
 
Paris Blues:
The good part is, a couple weeks ago at RCIA, I wanted to double check when my confirmation date would be and the director told me that I and a few others would be recieved on November 20, 2005! That’s like in two months or so! I really need to hang in there!
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Paris,

Yay, hooray, and celebrations! :dancing:

I can remember when I was going through RCIA and attended Mass. The priest would hold up the consecrated host and say “Behold the Lamb of God, behold Him who takes away the sins of the world. Happy are those who are called to His banquet.” And all I could do was kneel there and say to God, “Yes, happy indeed are those who are called.”

Once when I was living in Liberia the American ambassador was invited up to the college where I was teaching. They held a formal dinner for him and issued formal invitations to all the teachers. The formal wording on the invitations began, “You are invited to witness a dinner …”. (Yes, we did get to eat also.)

Hang in there! God will not ask anything of you that is too much for you to handle.
  • Liberian
 
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