Help!!! My wife was told she can't receive 1st Holy Communion.

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utdetorres

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I am a divorced catholic and remarried. I have not applied for an annulment. My wife of 32 years is an RCIA Initiate and scheduled to be baptized and confirmed on Holy Saturday. She just found out she can’t receive her 1st Holy Communion. Why? She is very upset because she doesn’t feel worthy now. I don’t know what to tell her. 😦
 
If you were married before, and you were not granted an annulment, then the church presumes that your first marriage is valid and binding. As a result, your current marriage is not considered valid until you are granted an annulment.

The good news is that if your current wife goes to confession, and the two of you agree to live as brother and sister, (e.g. no sexual relations), then she should be able to receive. The exact thing same standard goes for you as well. I would seek guidance from your pastor on this, but from what you have posted here, confession and that agreement should be sufficient.

In the meanwhile, start the annulment process. There is no guarantee that your first marriage will be considered null (never really happened). If your first marriage is found to be valid, then you are not free to marry in the church until your first wife has passed away. Again, seek guidance from your pastor.

I will keep you in my prayers. Don’t let you wife become discouraged!
 
utdetorres said:
I am a divorced catholic and remarried. I have not applied for an annulment. My wife of 32 years is an RCIA Initiate and scheduled to be baptized and confirmed on Holy Saturday. She just found out she can’t receive her 1st Holy Communion. Why? She is very upset because she doesn’t feel worthy now. I don’t know what to tell her.
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very sadly, because she is married to a divorced Catholic who has never had his first marriage declared null, she cannot receive any of the sacraments. That is because she would automatically be entering into a situation that is objectively sinful, that is, adultery. The worse thing is that she should never have progressed this far and be told at this time right before Easter, the situation should have been spelled out, and the right questions asked, at her initial interview when she began the process. Make sure she understands none of this is her fault, and it has nothing to do with being "worthy. It is a sad fact that the pastor or his delegate dropped the ball because they did not do a complete interview and inform her of all the ramifications of the marriage situation.

The ball however is now in your court to remedy the situation and facilitate her entry into the Church. You can get the pastor’s advice on the annulment right after Easter, and should, hopefully, that be successful, she can be fully initiated as soon as you are free to convalidate your marriage. These things take time but it is a graced time of waiting, comparable to Lent.

My advice is to try to get hold of the pastor this morning as he will be very busy this afternoon and evening, and the rest of the weekend, and make sure when you call he understands it involves your wife’s reception at the Vigil so it is an urgent matter that cannot wait. Tell him the entire situation–my guess is he has been out of the loop also. Yes, she could receive sacraments if you both agreed to “live as brother and sister” until the marriage situation is rectified but this is something resolved in the internal forum (his pastoral advice to you about matter for confession) nothing for public knowledge and discussion.
 
Thank you for your responses. I spent most of the night reading posts concerning anullments and now understand why our priest told her last night that she can’t receive her First Holy Communion. I tried to explain to her this morning but she feels she didn’t do anything wrong and feels it all boils down to the fact that the church doesn’t feel she’s worthy of binding herself to Christ, something she has been so eager to do, especially during the last six months as she attended classes. She understands the importance of baptism now because of the RCIA instruction but asked me through her tears, “why should I be baptized in the Catholic church when I’m not good enough to receive Jesus?” She is hurting so badly.

Update: I have talked to our Deacon that taught the classes and have also met with my priest this morning. We have prayed and Father will meet with my wife soon to discuss this with her. I am hopeful that her fears and trouble will be put to rest as I have much hope that she will come to understand the process and remain hopeful. No fault or blame has been cast, it’s just a matter of the timing. God does things for a reason and I believe this to be the case, though we may not understand right now. I have received an anullment packet and will begin working on my testimony today.:signofcross:

Thank you for your prayers. God Bless…
 
fermat said:
The good news is that if your current wife goes to confession
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She doesn’t need to go to confession. She can’t. She will only be baptized this Saturday. Baptism will wash away all sins.
 
We had a similar situation in our parish, only the husband told the wife he had an annulment and we found out a week before Easter that he never completed it. Now he won’t apply for it so she is stuck. She comes to Mass faithfully and is even involved in some ministries. I feel so bad for her but there is nothing we can do until her husband decides to do the right thing.
 
utdetorres said:
I am a divorced catholic and remarried. I have not applied for an annulment. My wife of 32 years is an RCIA Initiate and scheduled to be baptized and confirmed on Holy Saturday. She just found out she can’t receive her 1st Holy Communion. Why? She is very upset because she doesn’t feel worthy now. I don’t know what to tell her. 😦
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This is a very interesting point. Even though by Church Law, you are both living in sin. She will be baptised, thus cleansed of all sin. I doubt that from that point top the point of recieving the Echarist she would have been able to sin (unless mayby bad thoughts) .
It might be a tough call, but pastorally I would let her recieve, with the understanding that unless you and she lived liked brother and sister until the annulment was final and you exchage vows, she would not be able to recieve again. After 32 year, this might be a sacrafic both of you are willing to make.

good luck and happy Easter,
Dcn Frank
 
I had a somewhat similar situation. My husband and I were both long time Christians from another faith when we began our conversion to the Catholic faith. We attended RCIA faithfully, had filled out all the required background information. We produced our baptism certificates which were accepted as meeting the Catholic church’s requirements.

Two weeks before the Easter Vigil during RCIA another form with miscellaneous information was passed out. At the very bottom was an itme that stated if you had been married before you couldn’t be accepted into the church unless an annullment was acquired. When we found out the what was required for an annulment my heart sank. I know the despair that your wife is feeling. We have been married 30+ years but I was married for a very brief time many years ago. I knew it would be all but impossible to receive an annulment.

An annulment is not something the Catholic church gives out freely. It is a process which can take quite some time to receive. At first I felt unworthy to even go to Mass, but my desire to be one with the church was strong. I prayed constantly about the annulment for it proved hard to obtain due to it being so long ago and trying to find people who could provide testimony were hard to find.

BUT I found that the Catholic church has been around for 2000 years and doesn’t move quickly but has survived all these many years. I also accepted whatever was thrown in my path as just another hurdle that needed jumping.

December 2009 I was confirmed and received my first communion after three years of waiting. It was worth the wait. Please tell your wife that whatever time she must wait is small in comparison to how long the Church has endured. It will be worth the wait. God bless you as well as you begin the process of receiving your annulment. Please don’t lose site of what you both will gain when all these hurdles are done. It just makes it all so much sweeter.
 
Radical sanation of the first marriage is a possibilty here. Thirty two years has passed, so I am assuming that childbearing days are over. The sheer fact of the time lapsed and the childbearing situation makes sanation quite possible. Do some research and talk to your pastor. This sanation process can also make it possible that the first spouse not even be involved. 👍
 
joshua1 said:
Radical sanation of the first marriage is a possibilty here. Thirty two years has passed, so im assuming that childbearing days are over. The sheer fact of the time lapsed and the childbearing situation makes sanation quite possible. Do some research and talk to your pastor. 👍
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I think you’ve got your terms mixed up. What he needs is a decree of nullity for the first marriage – the Tribunal has to investigate and find that the first marriage was invalid. If a decree of nullity is granted, then he can get a convalidation for his present marriage which would solve his ‘wife’s’ problems.
 
StateofGrace said:
I had a somewhat similar situation. My husband and I were both long time Christians from another faith when we began our conversion to the Catholic faith. We attended RCIA faithfully, had filled out all the required background information. We produced our baptism certificates which were accepted as meeting the Catholic church’s requirements.

Two weeks before the Easter Vigil during RCIA another form with miscellaneous information was passed out. At the very bottom was an itme that stated if you had been married before you couldn’t be accepted into the church unless an annullment was acquired. When we found out the what was required for an annulment my heart sank. I know the despair that your wife is feeling. We have been married 30+ years but I was married for a very brief time many years ago. I knew it would be all but impossible to receive an annulment.

An annulment is not something the Catholic church gives out freely. It is a process which can take quite some time to receive. At first I felt unworthy to even go to Mass, but my desire to be one with the church was strong. I prayed constantly about the annulment for it proved hard to obtain due to it being so long ago and trying to find people who could provide testimony were hard to find.

BUT I found that the Catholic church has been around for 2000 years and doesn’t move quickly but has survived all these many years. I also accepted whatever was thrown in my path as just another hurdle that needed jumping.

December 2009 I was confirmed and received my first communion after three years of waiting. It was worth the wait. Please tell your wife that whatever time she must wait is small in comparison to how long the Church has endured. It will be worth the wait. God bless you as well as you begin the process of receiving your annulment. Please don’t lose site of what you both will gain when all these hurdles are done. It just makes it all so much sweeter.
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Your willingness to carry this cross will bear fruit in the lives of others–in fact, it already is by your witness on this forum. Thank you for sharing your story…
 
utdetorres said:
I am a divorced catholic and remarried. I have not applied for an annulment. My wife of 32 years is an RCIA Initiate and scheduled to be baptized and confirmed on Holy Saturday. She just found out she can’t receive her 1st Holy Communion. Why? She is very upset because she doesn’t feel worthy now. I don’t know what to tell her. 😦
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You need to agree to live as brother and sister until you receive an annulment and then your marriage is convalidated, then she can participate in all the sacraments.

It may be a struggle now, but remember that when we bear our crosses with patience and great love, we will be happier in the end. God bless you and your wife, you are in my prayers!
 
utdetorres said:
Thank you for your responses. I spent most of the night reading posts concerning anullments and now understand why our priest told her last night that she can’t receive her First Holy Communion. I tried to explain to her this morning but she feels she didn’t do anything wrong and feels it all boils down to the fact that the church doesn’t feel she’s worthy of binding herself to Christ, something she has been so eager to do, especially during the last six months as she attended classes. She understands the importance of baptism now because of the RCIA instruction but asked me through her tears, “why should I be baptized in the Catholic church when I’m not good enough to receive Jesus?” She is hurting so badly.

Please remind her that NONE of us is worthy to receive Jesus.

Update: I have talked to our Deacon that taught the classes and have also met with my priest this morning. We have prayed and Father will meet with my wife soon to discuss this with her. I am hopeful that her fears and trouble will be put to rest as I have much hope that she will come to understand the process and remain hopeful. No fault or blame has been cast, it’s just a matter of the timing. God does things for a reason and I believe this to be the case, though we may not understand right now. I have received an anullment packet and will begin working on my testimony today.:signofcross:

Glad to hear the update.

Thank you for your prayers. God Bless…
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utdetorres said:
Thank you for your responses. I spent most of the night reading posts concerning anullments and now understand why our priest told her last night that she can’t receive her First Holy Communion. I tried to explain to her this morning but she feels she didn’t do anything wrong and feels it all boils down to the fact that the church doesn’t feel she’s worthy of binding herself to Christ, something she has been so eager to do, especially during the last six months as she attended classes. She understands the importance of baptism now because of the RCIA instruction but asked me through her tears, “why should I be baptized in the Catholic church when I’m not good enough to receive Jesus?” She is hurting so badly.

Update: I have talked to our Deacon that taught the classes and have also met with my priest this morning. We have prayed and Father will meet with my wife soon to discuss this with her. I am hopeful that her fears and trouble will be put to rest as I have much hope that she will come to understand the process and remain hopeful. No fault or blame has been cast, it’s just a matter of the timing. God does things for a reason and I believe this to be the case, though we may not understand right now. I have received an anullment packet and will begin working on my testimony today.:signofcross:

Thank you for your prayers. God Bless…
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Not sure what you mean by “this is a matter of timing.” This was 100% aviodable. The Christians in this poor woman’s life have really let her down. The RCIA team for one and you for the other.The Deacon and /or Priest should have apologized to your wife. You don’t seem like you are taking responsibility for your part in this injury to your current “wife”. Do what you can to reassure your her that this is your responsibility to “fix”. Apologize to her. You as the Catholic and even more importantly you as the leader of your domestic church bear the responsibility. I applaud you if you had some part in your wife’s conversion but seriously, you must work a bit harder on practicing your faith. The tone of your post seems like you are willing to do this. I commend you on that and offer you prayers for the journey. You have been living in a sinful situation for a long time. You have to do some soul searching and discernment to try to understand how this was possible.Ignorance? Stubbornness? Figure that out so you can take your role of husband and leader in a more complete and sacramental way should that opportunity come to you . So if you mean this was timing by God to get you to awaken up to your faith and responsibilities then yeah that is very possible. Would have been nicer if you had heard him a little earlier so that the tender faith of your wife would not have been damaged and her feelings so hurt.

Was your first marriage attempt done according to the teachings of the church? That will affect how things go .You should consider reading a book or two on the annulment process if necessary before you put pen to paper.There is one by Michael Forster that is good. It’s called the Wedding that Wasn’t or something close to that. As was suggested you need to cease any marital relations if that is part of your relationship with your current wife.You should talk with your priest about whether you need to move out of the same bedroom or house , even. If you haven’t done so you need to go to confession regarding this situation. Especially if you have been going to communion all these years while living in this manner.

Please start reading the Catechism of the Catholic Church , perhaps start with the section on Marriage to help with the situation you are in now. This will also help you in practicing the faith. You have been legally bound for many years. You must have been doing something right. Now you may be given the opportunity for a sacramental union. It’s a bit different. You may even have been attempting this all these years but you were lacking the sacramental grace that comes with a sacramental marriage. I really hope you will be able to experience the difference. This may be one of God’s greatest gifts to you.

Lastly, if you were married in the church the first time you may have to prepare yourself for the news that, that marriage was valid.

So , again I offer you prayers. I have had some difficult learning and growing to do as a person of faith so I know how hard it can be. Some life lessons are painful. Take responsibility , ask God for forgiveness and move forward.

One final though. This is Easter. The season of taking responsibility for our wrongdoings and being forgiven and living a new life in Christ. How you are living this!
Peace be with you .
 
all of this assumes your first marriage was a Christian marriage. While not stated by you, it is likely. Then, the scenarios laid out for you apply.
If, however, your first marriage was not Christian (i.e. Jewish or other religious ceremony) then all that is needed is a Pauline Privilege (and civil divorce, of course). Check this out, but frankly it sounded like you were a Christian when initially married and married in the Church. That would requite an annullment.
 
utdetorres said:
I am a divorced catholic and remarried. **I have not applied for an annulment. ** My wife of 32 years is an RCIA Initiate and scheduled to be baptized and confirmed on Holy Saturday. She just found out she can’t receive her 1st Holy Communion. Why? She is very upset because she doesn’t feel worthy now. I don’t know what to tell her. 😦
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As others have said, you need to apply for annulment. This is your issue. Your wife has done nothing wrong. You need to get your process started. Talk to the priest again with your wife. Tell you wife you are sorry and that you will do everything you can to rectify the situation. Know that you may not receive an annulment depending on your circumstances. You should also be refraining from the Eucharist until your situation is resolved. I will pray for you. God bless you.
 
One thing I never hear mentioned in these responses. What if the annulment never comes thru? What if the church rules he is still married to his first wife? Are you willing to follow Christ on his terms or yours.
 
DSJJ said:
One thing I never hear mentioned in these responses. What if the annulment never comes thru? What if the church rules he is still married to his first wife? Are you willing to follow Christ on his terms or yours.
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With the moment comes the grace of the moment.
Asking about this now is out-of-sync to such a moment.

IMO.
 
That’s a rough situation. Perhaps it will be a comfort to your wife that you can’t receive Holy Communion, either, so you could make a spiritual communion together in the pew.
 
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