Help, need support after miscarriage, parents unsupportive

  • Thread starter Thread starter JennLKD
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I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet baby. My Dh and I understand your heartache as we have been there too many times. Prayers said for you both and your children. I wanted to share a link with you if you were not familiar with it. It is the shrine at the Church of the Holy Innocents, your childs name wil be inscribed in the book at the shrine and Mass is said regularly for all the babies. Gods peace.

innocents.com/bookoflife.html
 
I’m very sorry for the loss of your dear child. I wish I could say something that could take away the grief, but I can’t. I’m afraid that empty place will always be with you. Even many years later, you’ll wonder what she would be like now. Little dates and times will trigger your memory, from now on. They will say it gets better over time, but I can attest, it simply gets more bearable. It will never go away, but I don’t think you really want it to.

As for your parents, I’m sure they love you and share your sorrow the best way they know how. My guess is they’ve never lost a child, so they probably just don’t know what to do. They may just know how to discipline and criticize. You could be the President of the United States and your still their baby girl. Probably the best thing to do with them, and everyone else, is just ‘let it go’.

If not, muster all the charity you have, and ask them what to do, being prepared to ask good, tough follow-up questions. For example, They say, ‘don’t have any more kids.’ Ask ‘Should we use contraception, or unilaterally deny our spouse their marital rights? What choice accepts God’s plan?’

Again, it’s probably better just to let it go, but they might ease up a bit if they could hear themselves giving their daughter advise that is absolutely contrary to the teachings of their own Church.

I don’t mean to help you pick a fight, but we’ve gotten the same treatment, and I know what it’s like. You can’t believe that your own parents will say some of the things they do.

Just keep doin’ what you’re doin’, following God’s plan.
 
I’m so very sorry that you had to suffer at the hands of your parents during the time they could be of most comfort to you. I’m especially sorry for the loss of your precious little one. My father has a tendency to be very cold and say stupid things to any of us who are/were pregnant. And he absolutely fawns over his grandchildren. I don’t think your folks even realize how hurtful they are. When you are in a more settled emotional state, perhaps you can discuss it calmly with them.

God bless you and hold you close.
 
I don’t know if these words will be of comfort, but what I have usually told friends who miscarried who want more children is this: "Take your time, heal from this. And I have to believe when these things happen it’s not always that God is saying no. Sometimes he’s just saying “not now.”
 
I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Shannon - I hope you’ve had some time to heal, but I can only imagine that the pain is still very real and raw.

A very dear priest-friend of mine once told me that God does not make these painful things happen to us - in other words - things DO NOT always happen for a reason. But no matter how tragic, how painful or devastating… He can ALWAYS make something good come of it if we allow Him to.

I will keep you, your family, and little Shannon in my prayers. And if you can, try to find some comfort in the fact that you have worked in partnership with God to bring a precious soul into all eternity - that is a beautiful thing. Your baby only spent 16 weeks here on earth, but now has the gift of eternal life in Heaven!
 
I am sorry for the loss of your dear little Shannon. And I am sorrier still that your children witnessed such inappropriate behavior from their grandparents in such a painful time.

Your parents have done their job. They raised you to be better people than they were. You don’t owe them answers any more. They stand in place of God when we are little and instruct us. When we are adults they must step aside. We don’t answer to them any longer. We answer to God Himself.

I am sorry your parents were never open to the joy a 5th or more child would have given them. Maybe that is at the heart of their smallness here.

For the record, in my own family, our 5th sibling became a very caring nurse who has helped many suffering and dying people and prayed with scared patients in dark hospital rooms. Our 6th sibling is the funniest person I’ll ever know and has brightened the days of many people and been a good and loyal wife and mother to a husband with a difficult job. And the 7th sibling is one of the holiest and most honorable military officers on the planet.

All wonderful and productive members of society. What the world would lack if my parents had stopped having children…! They’re some of my best friends in the world.

God is wiser than we are and He sends children for His reasons. And He calls them home for His own reasons. You will meet little Shannon again someday. Until then, take some time and space away from your parents and concentrate on your beautiful family and heal.

God bless you.
 
I’m so sorry for your loss. You and your DH are in my prayers.
 
I am deeply sorry for your loss…I can’t even begin to imagine…And so sorry about your parents, mine were like that and I didn’t know bcps were inappropriate and sinful…Even my mother a practicing Catholic used them after their last child was born my youngest brother… It was really difficult for her to accept me wanting children…Because I was broke whatever etc etc etc… I will keep you in my prayers…God bless…Hang in there…Dont stop praying for them. And God bless you and your family!
 
I can’t believe how insensetive they were to you - and at hospital! I kind of envy you with your 4 children (that’s how many my husband and I wanted)- it’s amazing that you’re open to whatever God sends your way - I would be frightened to death I think! All I can say is to pray for them and find some good Catholic friends at your church. I hope and pray things will get better for you.
God Bless and Good Luck-
Rye
 
Just bringing it to your attention that this thread is 4 years old and the poster hasn’t posted since 2005.
 
Hello Jenn, I am very sorry for your loss. I will pray for you and your family. May God enlighten your parents that they too may understand your point of view. And that He may stregthen you and fill you with his love and peace.
May our Blessed Mother will comfort you in your difficulties.

My dear you are not alone. Do not be afraid you are making the right decision and I am sure God is please with you.

I come to a big family too we are ten and mother suffered same because people dont understand.

Jesus I trust in you …Mother Mary pray for us! Amen
 
So sorry that you lost your precious baby…and I hope time has been helpful to heal some of the wounds.

Just to note, the OP posted this 4 years ago, and hasn’t been on the forums for 4 years.
 
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