Help needed with future Mother in law

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817 In fact, “in this one and only Church of God from its very beginnings there arose certain rifts…in subsequent centuries much more serious dissensions appeared and large communities became separated from full communion with the Catholic Church—for which, often enough, men of both sides were to blame.”269 The ruptures that wound the unity of Christ’s Body—here we must distinguish heresy, apostasy, and schism270—do not occur without human sin…
818 “However, one cannot charge with the sin of the separation those who at present are born into these communities [that resulted from such separation] and in them are brought up in the faith of Christ, and the Catholic Church accepts them with respect and affection as brothers… All who have been justified by faith in Baptism are incorporated into Christ; they therefore have a right to be called Christians, and with good reason are accepted as brothers in the Lord by the children of the Catholic Church.”272
819 “Furthermore, many elements of sanctification and of truth”273 are found outside the visible confines of the Catholic Church: “the written Word of God; the life of grace; faith, hope, and charity, with the other interior gifts of the Holy Spirit, as well as visible elements.”274 Christ’s Spirit uses these Churches and ecclesial communities as means of salvation, whose power derives from the fullness of grace and truth that Christ has entrusted to the Catholic Church. All these blessings come from Christ and lead to him,275 and are in themselves calls to “Catholic unity.”276
http://www.usccb.org/beliefs-and-te...x.cfm?p=17-paragraph18.xhtml#para819#note1404
277 Christ always gives his Church the gift of unity, but the Church must always pray and work to maintain, reinforce, and perfect the unity that Christ wills for her. This is why Jesus himself prayed at the hour of his Passion, and does not cease praying to his Father, for the unity of his disciples: “That they may all be one. As you, Father, are in me and I am in you, may they also be one in us,… so that the world may know that you have sent me.”278 The desire to recover the unity of all Christians is a gift of Christ and a call of the Holy Spirit.279
821 Certain things are required in order to respond adequately to this call: (827, 2791)…

—prayer in common, because “change of heart and holiness of life, along with public and private prayer for the unity of Christians, should be regarded as the soul of the whole ecumenical movement, and merits the name ‘spiritual ecumenism;’”282
—fraternal knowledge of each other;283
—ecumenical formation of the faithful and especially of priests;284
—dialogue among theologians and meetings among Christians of the different churches and communities;285
—collaboration among Christians in various areas of service to mankind.286
 
Thank you for the advice. We spoke with the priest regarding the purchase of our house and he told us that although it is not ideal it is not forbidden. With regards to having two ceremonies, under Scots law we need to have one marriage license but there is nothing legally stopping us from having one or two religious marriage ceremonies. We have checked this with both the Priest and the Kirk Session and given the fact we are from two faiths they have agreed to perform the ceremonies for us.
I do not wish to fight with his mother however I am beginning to get very annoyed that she refers to me as ‘the heathen’- something which she does in front of me. My bf has told her that we will marry despite her views. I am just trying to ensure that both of our families are happy with what we chose. I am nothing but polite to the woman- despite her attitude I am still the one who drives her and her husband to mass every Sunday!! We have agreed any children will be raised catholic and I will be undertaking classes (not sure what other word to use) with the local Priest to ensure that I am able to participate in their religious upbringing. I am just finding it very difficult to accommodate the woman right now!! I do hope it is just a phase!
 
“Even his siblings have told her she needs to relax but she is very tightly wound over the issue. Is there anything within Catholic teachings that I could ‘hit her with’ so to speak? She has begun to imply that Catholicism teaches that all non Catholics will be damned to hell- something I have never come across with any Catholic friends/Priests. I am shocked she has waited till now to bring this up as she never had one objection when we bought our house together.”

Your fiance needs to shut this down. Here’s a possible script: “Mom, it hurts my fiancee’s feelings when you call her “the heathen.” I need you to respect my future wife. If you call her that or are disrespectful to her, we’re going to have to leave.”

Future MIL can find her own ride to Mass if she’s going to insult you to your face.

(That said, there is a possibility that FMIL may be starting to suffer from mental illness or dementia. For some people, one of the early warning signs of dementia is that they stop having the usual filters or inhibitions that they would have had earlier. You should probably talk to your fiance about that possibility, as well as to your GP or other medical people.)

Best wishes! You sound like a very thoughtful, sensible person.
 
Re: the wedding itself, there need not be “consequense.” Unless your boyfriend’s mother is paying for the wedding, you and your boyfriend call the shots, period. So he can just tell her how it is going to be, and she can choose to be a part of it or not. She can be happy about it or not. Her problem, not yours. As long as your boyfriend has permission from the Catholic Church to have the wedding in the way you arrange, then you have the wedding your way. You don’t need HER permission.

Re: consequences for verbally abusive behavior towards you, it can be very simple. Either she treats you with respect, or she doesn’t have a relationship with him or you. She doesn’t have to be thrilled about you, and she doesn’t have to like you. All she has to do is be respectful towards you. And if she refuses to do that, then why would she expect her son to require you to be around her? And why would she expect her son to want to be around her if that’s how she treats the person he loves the most? This is what your boyfriend needs to say.
 
Ral91 said:
I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and lived with him for 2. I am 22 and he is 32. We are seriously considering marriage but are having issues convincing his mother to accept this. Until now she has not had any issue with me except that I was raised in the Church of Scotland and not Roman Catholic. My boyfriend and I (out of respect for ourselves and our parents- both are equally devoted to their respective faiths) have not engaged in a sexual relationship as we were both raised to believe this is something that belongs within a marriage. I have always been nothing but respectful of their faith, have attended mass and baptisms etc with no issue.
I was raised in a very small town in the north east of Scotland and attended what we call a Christian school. Assembly and service was taken by a different member of clergy each day. Monday was Catholic, Tuesday was Church if Scotland, Wednesday Episcopalian, Thursday Baptist and Friday Church of England.
In terms of children we have agreed that ours would be raised Roman Catholic but also raised to be respectful of other Christian beliefs. The local priest has agreed to meet with me in the year leading up to our marriage (we are hoping to marry late next year) in order to educate me further in the Catholic faith so that I am able to participate in the religious education of any children we have.
We wanted to marry in my local church (our local priest has said this is possible as long as we meet with him to ensure my bf has the necessary approval of the Catholic Church) as every woman in my family going back to my great great grandmother has been married there- it is family tradition. However we decided that this would not be fair on his family. Instead we have decided to marry at a local castle in what would be a civil ceremony (this would be on a Saturday). The local Priest has agreed to marry us in the Chapel on the Friday night - I believe my bf needs a catholic marriage in order to continue to receive communion however I am not certain. We agreed that only his parents would be present during this but it has caused uproar. Since we announced that we wish to marry I have been called every name under the sun. She refers to me as ‘the heathen’. I believe she is disappointed in two of other children (5 in total) - one who became pregnant outside marriage and married secretly in a registry office and one who is openly gay and living with another woman. I understand that mixed relationships are difficult but we are doing everything we can to please everyone. We wish to include our respective families in our marriage but my bf is now wanting to elope to avoid his mothers attitude. Any advice would be much appreciated
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After you marry, have as little to do with her as possible.
 
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