Help! Please pray in time of spiritual crisis

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Nicod

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Hello brothers and sister in Christ, I’m going to be honest, because I don’t know who to tell this. I’m getting trough a difficult time in my life. I am 17 years old, I’m a baptised Catholic since childhood. I lived without God for the last 5 years.

Half year ago a miracle happened, I truly believed in Christ like never before and came trough a deep spiritual conversion. For a few months, I was practically an anti Catholic evangelical Protestant, but with time I could discover the beauty and fulness of the Catholic faith.

Since I came back to the church, I had many difficulties, not saying that I hadn’t many beautiful moments. I made few confessions, but the first ones weren’t really prepared. I thought to give up my faith, convert to Protestantism or even Judaism (not believing in the New Covenant). I have struggled with the sedevacantist position, but I’m recovering from it. I also start to see the links between the Old and New Covenant. I had some experience with New Age before that for a short while, which scares to this day, because of the spiritual dangers it could make. I often feel dryness and don’t trust or even doubt the love and mercy of our Lord. I think sometimes that there is no hope for me and many others. I often pray and try to make acts of contrition.

My mind is at this moment a constant theological battlefield. I always think of something to keep everything ‘integrated’. One bad thought and everything is ruined for a day. I’m constantly tired and often don’t fulfil my duties. It’s the worst in the morning, because I have the feeling that if I make a problem, I have an entire day to loose it. Because of that I’m not focused and worry my family.

I’m actually preparing for a general confession, but I don’t know how many mortal sins have I done, especially in my mind, because I used to have many, many very sinful, lustful and deadly thoughts. How am I supposed to tell all of them?

All I ask are prayers for me and my family members, because most of them don’t believe in the Gospel, especially my mother and sister, but in the end, God only knows what’s in their hearts. Looking for a brighter future.
Do you know any helpful Bible chapters or quotes, any books?

God bless you!
 
If I ever have doubts or worries I remember Luke 1:37…“For with God nothing shall be (name removed by moderator)ossible”.
Use this good thought to battle your daily bad thought!
 
For your question of how to confess, please trust and talk to the priest.

For the rest, I’ll pray for you.
 
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Try to be at peace that God loves you and will lead you. Remember in James it says that anyone who asks for wisdom it will be given.

This prayer of Thomas Merton is very helpful when you’re confused or overwhelmed:
"MY LORD GOD, I have no idea where I am going or what I am doing. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, or if I am doing Your will. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please you. I want to have that desire in all that I do, and hope I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that if I seek to please You, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone. Amen.
 
One bad thought and everything is ruined for a day
Are these just thoughts that flit across your mind?

If you do not consent to the thought, you have not sinned. If you realize your mind has gone into a sinful direction and you reject it and fight against it upon that realization, you have not sinned.

Even if you were to have consented to the sinful thoughts for some brief period (which sounds unlikely at this point) it does not mean your entire day is ruined. Just make an Act of Contrition and “reset” your day. You would have to spend your entire day willfully sinning in order to ruin your entire day in God’s eyes!

ETA: A good book is Light and Peace by Fr Quadruppani, available at Gutenberg, Librivox (audio), and Amazon. PM if you need links.
It’s the worst in the morning, because I have the feeling that if I make a problem, I have an entire day to loose it.
Do not worry about this; instead, each time this sort of thought comes to you, ask God to help you. Just say something like, Dear Lord, without Your help, I am afraid I will displease You by sinning. Please send me Your grace so that I will glorify You through my acts.
but I don’t know how many mortal sins have I done, especially in my mind, because I used to have many, many very sinful, lustful and deadly thoughts
All you need to do in Confession is list type and number. So, I envied people to the point of wanting to steal at least 5 times a day for 2 years.

Add something only if there is an additional detail that makes it worse: sometimes I even thought of stealing from the collection plate at church.

If the priest needs any more detail than that, he will ask you. Otherwise, rest assured that he has enough information.
 
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I am praying for you. I highly recommend praying Psalm 23.
 
I’m actually preparing for a general confession, but I don’t know how many mortal sins have I done, especially in my mind, because I used to have many, many very sinful, lustful and deadly thoughts. How am I supposed to tell all of them?
When I went on retreat (Spiritual Exercises of St. Ignatius), one’s first general confession covered one’s entire life up to retreat. After one’s first Ignatian retreat, one made one’s general confession from one’s last Ignatian retreat.

If I went on an Ignatian retreat this year, I would examine my conscience over the past 6 years
since I haven’t been on an Ignatian retreat in 6 years.

On retreat, the priest would give us guidelines on how to make a general confession. Example: I missed my morning prayers at least 3x/per week for 6 years.

The most important thing is to ask the Holy Spirit, Our Lady and your Guardian Angel to help you make a good general confession.
 
Light and Peace by Fr Quadruppani, available at Gutenberg, Librivox (audio), and Amazon. PM if you need links.
It’s also available from TAN Books 1-800-437-5876. (Yes, I got it from TAN ❤️)
 
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I am praying for you!

How to tell all your sins in confession, when you have too many to count?
Dig to the deeper sins by answering “Why?”
Why do you lust and think deadly thoughts? Perhaps your are envious.
Do you “think” those are wrong behaviors or “know” they are wrong? “Thinking” may indicate a deeper sin of sloth or not taking your faith serious enough to understand deeper, while “Knowing” may indicate a deeper sin of pride, in which you lack trust in God.

Any good books?
Saintly Solutions to Life’s Common Problems
 
Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless, and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us, and increase your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments, we might not despair nor become despondent,
but with great confidence, submit ourselves to your holy will,
which is love and Mercy itself.
Amen.
 
Thank you, I need a deeper understanding of my sins, the question “why” can lead me to the “source” of my sins. This will definitely help me.
 
I got the “Spiritual Exercises” by Saint Ignatius Loyola recently. The practices there are very deep and studious. The book will be a good guide. Thank you, may God bless you all.
 
Thank you for this truthful and beautiful prayer.

“But if any of you want wisdom, let him ask of God, who giveth to all men abundantly, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”
[James 1:5]

“But the wisdom, that is from above, first indeed is chaste, then peaceable, modest, easy to be persuaded, consenting to the good, full of mercy and good fruits, without judging, without dissimulation.”
[James 3:17]

Glory to God. Amen.
 
I can relate to much of what you have said. The evil one is like a roaring lion these days especially and seeks to steal away as many souls as possible from our Lord. I have just made a decision recently actually to pray the Divine Mercy chaplet daily to strengthen my trust in the Lord. It immediately gave me relief from my distrust. Stay close to the Church even if the waves are roaring around you an you will be safe. I’ll pray for you and your family today in my Rosary. Take care, and God bless you.
 

Eternal God, in whom mercy is endless, and the treasury of compassion inexhaustible,
look kindly upon us, and increase your mercy in us,
that in difficult moments, we might not despair nor become despondent,
but with great confidence, submit ourselves to your holy will,
which is love and Mercy itself.
Amen.
 
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