Help please!

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Have you asked your doctor about the facts on herpes?

The test is relatively inexpensive as well.
 
startingover222 said:
Well his kids come first and I certainly don’t disput that. I haven’t met them yet., and because of that there are weeks with them… And work … We can’t see each other more than once or so. It’s not easy to be in a relationship with someone like that.

As for the herpes… I got a cold site right away. I know I got THAT. However I don’t know about genital. That’s what I’m concerned about.
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Well you need to get tested and talk to a doctor about that pronto. If you had sex with him (if he performed oral or you guys had vaginal sex) especially without a condom, then there is a chance you may have it. You can still get it even if you use a condom. There is no cure for herpes and it is something that you risk spreading every time you have sex with anyone oral or vaginal.

You need to get out of this relationship. He gave you something that you will have the rest of your life without giving you the information that could have saved you from getting it. Then again he tries to get you to have sex with him without a condom, which he darn well knows ups the chances of you getting genital herpes as well. :eek: Sounds to me he cares more about getting his sexual gratification then protecting your health.
 
Yes… I know that if I were to continue with him…, and ask that he use a condom… He would … But it wouldn’t be pretty. He had told me that sex is very important to his relationship… So I would guess things would go downhill quickly.

Stinks. Problem is I really liked the guy. He’s smart… Successful… A good father… And Christian. Too bad…
 
startingover222 said:
Yes… I know that if I were to continue with him…, and ask that he use a condom… He would … But it wouldn’t be pretty. He had told me that sex is very important to his relationship… So I would guess things would go downhill quickly.

Stinks. Problem is I really liked the guy. He’s smart… Successful… A good father… And Christian. Too bad…
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Can’t be too good a Christian when he puts your health on the line to get his sexual gratification. Plus as a Catholic you shouldn’t be sexually active with someone that you are not married to and shouldn’t be dating a divorced man. I don’t know how if you are a practicing Catholic, but I think that you probably already know these things.
 
So am I completely ridiculous for forgiving him and looking past the fact that he didn’t tell me before oral sex? I guess I just keep thinking there’s a bunch of guys out there who would never tell at all…, I am obviously in need of this feedback.
 
startingover222 said:
So am I completely ridiculous for forgiving him and looking past the fact that he didn’t tell me before oral sex? I guess I just keep thinking there’s a bunch of guys out there who would never tell at all…, I am obviously in need of this feedback.
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Well he not only did this but then he goes and wanted you to have sex with him without protection. You said also that if you tried to get him to wear a condom in the future (for your protection) it wouldn’t be pretty. That is unacceptable. He has no right to get upset at all on you insisting on your safety. He has shown in the past at least twice from what you say (the oral sex incident and trying to get you to have sex without a condom) that he puts his sexual gratification before your health. Good guys tell. Good guys don’t put your health at risk and then ask you to do it again. You see a selfish pattern with him not calling you, but not a selfish pattern with this? This selfishness risks your health and it is a permanent condition.
 
There are SO many red flags here! His not telling you he has herpes is only one of them.

Think about this, really – you’ve been seeing him for 4 months. It’s serious enough for you to have sex. But it’s not serious enough for him to have you meet his children?

I say this with all seriousness: RUN! And don’t look back!!
 
I think this is an excellent point. And I think this is what I’m going to say to him. I’m going to tell him I’ve decided I need to take a step back from intimacy until he’s ready to introduce me to his kids. And I think that will produce his true feelings and expectations.
 
I don’t think you should meet his kids. They shouldn’t meet any new lady and have to come to trust a new person just for it ‘not to work out’ later. If he’s serious about getting engaged, I think the kids should meet the new lady. Until then, it’s courtship time for the 2 of you, and frankly, he’s not measuring up.

The way God designed sexual intimacy is for marriage. The reason is that it is a superglue for couples, and when that super glue is applied before it’s time, it’s hard to think straight. Too many couples are intimate way too early and some time down the road they wonder what on earth they are doing with this person. The courtship time is a sober time to think clearly and to look at the other person, and yourself too. In a lifetime, the courtship time is so short, he should be ‘guarding’ your wholeness and learning about you. If he’s any dad at all, he would be furious if someone treated his daughter like how he treated you. Shame on him. The fact that you are having trouble seeing it seems like the super glue is working.
 
startingover222 said:
So am I completely ridiculous for forgiving him and looking past the fact that he didn’t tell me before oral sex? I guess I just keep thinking there’s a bunch of guys out there who would never tell at all…, I am obviously in need of this feedback.
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There are a bunch of guys who would never tell at all. You shouldn’t date them either!

If I were you, I would just break this off. You need a guy who cares about you enough that he wouldn’t knowingly put your health at risk for his own sexual gratification. :mad: Not telling you he had an STD was totally unacceptable, and showed you exactly the kind of man he is: not one you want to spend your life with; not one who will love you as Christ loved the Church and as a man loves his own body; in other words not one who would make a good husband.

Please take care of yourself! I don’t just mean your health, though that’s important. Please, be careful about who you date. This guy sounds like bad news from beginning to end. Who knows what else he hasn’t told you. Who knows what else he’s willing to do that will be harmful to you. There are way better men out there who will love you and treat you well. Don’t settle for scraps. Don’t settle for a man who doesn’t even love you or respect you enough to care about protecting your health. 😦
 
PennyinCanada said:
The way God designed sexual intimacy is for marriage. The reason is that it is a superglue for couples, and when that super glue is applied before it’s time, it’s hard to think straight. Too many couples are intimate way too early and some time down the road they wonder what on earth they are doing with this person. The courtship time is a sober time to think clearly and to look at the other person, and yourself too. In a lifetime, the courtship time is so short, he should be ‘guarding’ your wholeness and learning about you. If he’s any dad at all, he would be furious if someone treated his daughter like how he treated you. Shame on him. The fact that you are having trouble seeing it seems like the super glue is working.
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:sad_yes:
 
I agree… You are right. I have got to get strong. The other thing is this guy does very well … But is still trying to finalize his divorce… 2 years later. So his accounts are locked and he has said he was “embarrassed” but had me pay for a couple of our dinners. He rarely takes me out… I really don’t get much out of the relationship. It helps… With me putting all this out there.

He was not married in the catholic church. But he would need to be divorced fully before he is free… I need to just end it based on that.
 
Do you believe in God?
Try to make some time for him, today.
If you knew how much He loves you, you would cry. For days.
And you would never let men use you again.
 
Hello startingover222,

I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but you shouldn’t be having sex outside of marriage, you shouldn’t be dating a divorced man who hasn’t had an annulment, and you shouldn’t be using condoms or other forms of birth control (you can’t use them even if you’re married).

Have you been to confession and talked to a priest recently?

Remember you can’t receive Communion until you’ve been to confession.
 
There are plenty of women in the Church that have struggled with these things…myself included…letting go of your attachment to men, sex, whatever it is frees you to be in a relationship with the Living God. It’s worth it.
 
startingover222 said:
I agree… You are right. I have got to get strong. The other thing is this guy does very well … But is still trying to finalize his divorce… 2 years later. So his accounts are locked and he has said he was “embarrassed” but had me pay for a couple of our dinners. He rarely takes me out… I really don’t get much out of the relationship. It helps… With me putting all this out there.

He was not married in the catholic church. But he would need to be divorced fully before he is free… I need to just end it based on that.
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He is selfish and puts your health at risk and has shown on atleast 2 occasions that he makes it a habit. He will put his sexual gratification before your health and is willing to give you a disease (and put you at even greater risk of getting this STD) to get off. He puts you lower than getting sexual gratification. He doesn’t care about you, he is using you.

To add to it he is not even divorced yet and you shouldn’t even be dating a divorced man that is not annulled (because the Church teaches that he is still married even if he wasn’t married in the Catholic Church and he is committing adultery with you). You shouldn’t be having any sort of sexual relations with him and it sounds like he is applying pressure in that area. You shouldn’t be in a relationship where you have to wear condoms every time you have sex to help prevent you from getting an STD (when according to Catholic teaching you shouldn’t be using condoms at all). Also you can never get married to this man in the Catholic Church if he does not get an annulment.

I think the situation is clear. You keep on ignoring when people point out that you are going against Catholic teaching to be with this man and is it really worth it? Is it worth going against your faith to be with a man who has put your health at risk and shows that he would much rather keep a little extra sensitivity even if it means putting you at greater risk? Sure you like him, but as you say, you are really not getting anything out of this relationship and you are going against your faith to stay in it.
 
I don’t know if I was clear about this before, even if he was never married in the Catholic Church, he is still married and ineligible to be dated according to Catholic Church teaching. He would have to still get an annulment in the Catholic Church before he would be eligible to date according to Church teaching.
 
I understand what you are telling me. However, I really wish I could understand why I can’t get myself to take action and mean it.

I consider myself a Catholic… Even attending Mass and confession. However I had a very bad experience with a priest and it’s left me wandering.

I really appreciate your feedback and insight. It’s helping me. I just need to get it through my head. I keep making excuses for him in my head… Hoping that I’m just overreacting.

I will tell you he asked if he could come to my house for an HOUR on Friday (he’d leave his kids home alone for a bit) … I’m sure you could guess what he wanted. I made up an excuse and told him I couldn’t meet him at that time. I offered to drive to him anytime this weekend to meet him for lunch… If he wanted to leave his kids for an hour. Guess what? He hasn’t been able to make that work…maybe it’s because it doesn’t involve sex. He could offer it up today… But I don’t think he wants to “talk”.
 
You’re having problems because you don’t have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. In order to do that you have to be willing to give up everything and come follow him. As women, our spiritual battle often involves our emotions. Sometimes we “feel” something is right even when it isn’t. I would encourage you to start praying.
 
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