Help - was this a mortal sin?

[Student09]

I have been having frequent attacks of anxiety/panic lately (was in therapy for this for a while). Yesterday evening I had an attack and in the midst of it, at one point I had the thought “I hate God.” I immediately told Him, “No, Lord, I don’t hate you, I’m sorry and I don’t know where that thought came from.” But now I’m afraid. I was planning to go to Mass today. Should I not receive Communion?

 

[Monica4316]

I wish I had the answer but this is what i’ve been struggling with for two months now. I don’t know where these thoughts come from.

 

[Student09]

I wish I had the answer but this is what i’ve been struggling with for two months now. I don’t know where these thoughts come from.

Do you have an anxiety disorder?

Usually when I am having a panic attack, I have lots of negative thoughts about myself. Sometimes I also have negative thoughts about God but that hasn’t happened in quite a while. I don’t want these thoughts and I do my best not to entertain them willingly.

It’s hard to know whether you’ve given full consent of your will to something. But I want to say that I didn’t in this case … I’m just worried about being wrong.

 

[Joe_Brown]

This sounds like it was an intrusive thought that you did not want to be there. Sometimes these thoughts can be so intrusive that you think you meant to say it. If so then it is not a sin. I know this is extremely hard to tell the difference between. I have OCD so I have been troubled by this for a while. You just have to tell these intrusive though to shut up

 

[kristie_m]

A very wise man once was explaining when temptation becomes sin. He was speaking of sexual matters at the time, but I believe it applies to any sin, mortal or venial.

When it is past lunchtime, and you drive past McDonalds, don’t berate yourself for feeling hungry. In other words, it’s not the initial thought that is sinful, but rather what you do with it. Try as I might, I cannot control every random thought that comes into my head, but I decide whether to entertain those thoughts, or push them away. The sin is not in the random thought (which was brought about by an anxiety attack) but in what you do with it afterward. It sounds to me like you did the right thing. Confess it if you think you need to, but don’t stress over it.

 

[UncommonGrace]

Our priest, who is very by-the-book and also very on fire with his faith (he’s only 32, which has been such a blessing to our parish), told our little first reconciliation students that if a thought comes to your mind but you immediately put it out, then it’s not a sin.

When you pray, and you are open to God’s voice, do you ever have thoughts come to mind that you might not have thought about? A word of consolation, etc.? I tthink this is God talking to you. So, it follows that when a sudden negative thought comes to mind that you wouldn’t normally think, it could be Satan trying to tempt you. If you immediately put it out of your mind, it is probably not a sin. Of course, you could always go to confession. It never hurts to do so!

 

[revert_jen]

I have been having frequent attacks of anxiety/panic lately (was in therapy for this for a while). Yesterday evening I had an attack and in the midst of it, at one point I had the thought “I hate God.” I immediately told Him, “No, Lord, I don’t hate you, I’m sorry and I don’t know where that thought came from.” But now I’m afraid. I was planning to go to Mass today. Should I not receive Communion?

It never hurts to go to confession, but my opinion (which is totally non-binding and you should ask a priest) is:

1. It is probably very difficult to give full consent of the will to a passing thought had while in the throes of a panic attack.
2. Having the thought for a second is one thing. That may be more a temptation than a sin. IMO, what would make it a sin is if you kept with that thought on purpose. I personally would view it the same as an impure thought–if you didn’t put yourself in the way of it (e.g. by watching some sort of porn) and once you had it you rejected it immediately, it was a temptation overcome, rather than a sin. So as long as you weren’t, e.g. reading atheist propaganda or something, it probably wasn’t a sin at all, much less a mortal one. But that is just an opinion.

On the other hand it is much better to be safe than sorry. Maybe you could get a minute to talk to the priest before Mass and make sure? Perhaps a phone call would be OK (to determine whether it was a mortal sin, not for confession)–I don’t really know, but it couldn’t hurt to ask.

Best wishes,

–Jen

 

[tr1strev]

IMO it was not a mortal sin. A random thought that comes into your mind that you immediately reject is not a sin at all, let alone a mortal sin. If so, people would have to live in the confessional because bad thoughts such as these enter everyone’s minds at times.

 

[Student09]

My priest is out of town right now and there are several retired priests taking turns filling in for him, so it is hard to find one to talk to. I was just baptized at the Easter Vigil and haven’t even had my first confession yet so it’s all new to me. I already asked Fr. Vincent Serpa about something similar and he told me it wasn’t a sin. I don’t know. Now this is all causing a lot more anxiety … I’m suddenly feeling terrified of going to Mass at all.

 

[StillWondering]

Hello Student09,

Depending on what you meant and how you did it. Did you meant what you say? Did you apologized right away. Do you do this often.

If you didn’t really meant it and you apologized right away, then more importantly than thinking if that one act was a sin, go back through yourself and ask why would you say such a thing. If it’s a seed from the Devil, then cast it out and determine not to let it bother you again. Don’t let yourself churn it in your head, cause then it will create neural pathways and make it harder to get rid of. Don’t scrupulosity over it or you risk making a habit of scrupulosity.

Now if you meant it and really meant it. Ask yourself why? If there a deeper issue that you have with yourself that you can’t shake? If so, go to confession and talk about the deeper issue with someone. A stuff animal helps, but a person helps even more. Make sure it’s a good person that respects you!

Sin is both a long term development and a individual bad choice. Each builds on the other. So if there is something you want to change, take a step back and ask “why did I do this?” “did I mean to?” “if I didn’t what did I do to trick myself into doing it anyways?” “is this now a habit and I should focus on replacing this habit with a good habit such as immediately making the sign of the cross and remembering my baptismal promises and that now I am a member of Christ’s body?”

 

[Student09]

After re-reading the Catechism definition of mortal sin … I think it was not a mortal sin. I really love God and did not want to have such thoughts. This is just my stupid anxiety disorder playing havoc with my mind again. What else is new.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

I have been having frequent attacks of anxiety/panic lately (was in therapy for this for a while). Yesterday evening I had an attack and in the midst of it, at one point I had the thought “I hate God.” I immediately told Him, “No, Lord, I don’t hate you, I’m sorry and I don’t know where that thought came from.” But now I’m afraid. I was planning to go to Mass today. Should I not receive Communion?

It definitely was not full consent. How can you be giving full consent to a thought if you don’t want it in your head and reject it the instant it turns up?

If you deliberately thought this thought, freely and not under pressure, then that would be full consent. It sounds like the thought just crossed your mind and you rejected it immediately. If you had assented to its presence out of weakness while under pressure, that would be venial sin but not mortal, for you would not have been giving the thought full consent. But if you don’t even assent to the thought’s presence at all but reject it immediately, there’s no way that’s full consent. It’s not any kind of consent, for consent is in your Free Will decisions, not in what happens to plop into your mind. The Catechism points out that full consent can only be given when you do what you do deliberately. You did not think, “I hate God” with free and deliberate desire and choice. The thought was just in your head, and you rejected it right off, just as you should. That’s not a sin at all.

If you had assented to the thought’s presence out of weakness and under interior or exterior pressure, because being under constraint reduces culpability, you would have committed venial sin, not mortal. But if the thought crosses through your mind and you reject it immediately, as you did, there is no sin present at all . You glorified God in your choices.

 

[Student09]

Thank you to everyone for your replies. I have pretty much wasted my whole morning worrying about this, unfortunately, and not done any of the things I was supposed to do today. That might be more of a sin than the initial thought.

If I make it to Mass I will receive Communion, but as soon as my priest comes back I am going to talk to him about this and hopefully get some guidance on the best way to deal with my anxiety over this whole mortal sin issue so that it does not take over my life. I don’t want to go down the road of scrupulosity.

 

[Lief_Erikson]

Good decision . We’re all growing in faith together.

Student09:

That might be more of a sin than the initial thought.

Well, the initial thought was not a sin.

Try to go easy on yourself and remember that we’re all children of God. Children, not adults. Fathers and mothers go easy on their children because they aren’t mature. God knows our weakness and takes it into account as He covers us with His love. He treats us gently when we sin, or mistakenly think we have sinned.

I read a section of St. Francis de Sales’ writings about what we should do when we’ve sinned, and it’s really perfect. I’ll see if I can find it and post it here in a while.

 

[Monica4316]

Student,

if you didn’t want the thought, then you didn’t choose it

one thing the devil really tried to do with me is to get me away from Communion, by first tempting me and then making me believed I sinned - even sinned in an unforgiveable way.

Just look back, and ask yourself, how much control you had. If you didn’t want the thought and rejected it right away, probably not much control at all. pray about this… but dont let fear take over.

God bless

 

[srlucado]

I have been having frequent attacks of anxiety/panic lately (was in therapy for this for a while). Yesterday evening I had an attack and in the midst of it, at one point I had the thought “I hate God.” I immediately told Him, “No, Lord, I don’t hate you, I’m sorry and I don’t know where that thought came from.” But now I’m afraid. I was planning to go to Mass today. Should I not receive Communion?

I used to get some pretty serious panic attacks, and I can see how people would believe in demonic possession; I felt as though I was being taken over.

You shouldn’t feel bad for having an evil thought pop into your head uninvited and beyond your control. It wasn’t welcome there and was quickly dispatched, sort of like waking up from a horrible dream.

Let it go.

 

[Joe_Brown]

I sense Scruples! I suffer from them also. I think it’s time to put it in the back of your mind

 

[Student09]

Thank you, everyone for your replies. I did receive the Eucharist and felt much peace and gratitude. I still have a little worry that I should not have received but I am trying to give it to the Lord and let it go. He knows that I would not have received Him if I had really believed it would offend Him.

 

[Monica4316]

Thank you, everyone for your replies. I did receive the Eucharist and felt much peace and gratitude. I still have a little worry that I should not have received but I am trying to give it to the Lord and let it go. He knows that I would not have received Him if I had really believed it would offend Him.

yes

you can mention all this at your next Confession if you want to ask for guidance and clarify if this was a sin or not but it really doesn’t seem like you fully consented to it!

feeling peace after Communion is a good sign. I’m not saying feelings can’t deceive… they can. But peace comes from God and if you felt peace after the Eucharist, that can definitely be a grace. maybe God was trying to help you see that everything is alright. Try to trust Him and leave it in His hands… if this was a sin, He will show you.

God bless

 

[Brywan]

As someone who has suffered from all variety of anxiety disorders/scrupolosity/OCD, I can tell you that this episode has all the warning flags of OCD and scrupulosity. Catholic Answers has a forum specifically devoted to this disorder, I believe, which you may want to check out. In the meantime, I would recommend any one of the following books for your consideration (they are all available on Amazon):

A Thousand Frightening Fantasies

The Doubting Disease

Understanding Scrupulosity

Also, google “Scrupulous Anonymous”–a ministry of the Redemptorists They publish a monthly newsletter available for free…

I believe that if you ARE suffering from this disorder, knowledge about how it manifests itself in your life is critical–you need to educate yourself about OCD/scrupulosity, find yourself a good confessor who is knowledgable about the specific problems of the scrupulous and begin to practice some very practical steps toward freedom…

Otherwise, all of your spiritual practices will start to become obsessive behaviors to alleviate the anxiety you are feeling…instead of becoming more free in Christ, you will only be tightening the noose around your neck…

All this from someone who has been there…

May God bless you and grant you HIS peace…