Help with an eleven yr. old/menstruation

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vluvski:
I was already 14.5 before I started (the week before my first day of high school), so I got teased in middle school because I was the only one who didn’t get periods. Late bloomer…

It didn’t help me like it any more though. And I still hate it! Like anything else biological, it’s not something she can will herself out of. I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Let her be a grump about it. At least she knows it’s normal and unavoidable.
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Maybe you’ll get lucky, like me! Same time scenario as you. Same attitude.

My theological response to the situation was: God is not a woman; SHE wouldn’t do this to us!

But if you start late, often you finish early. I was done, done, totally, irrevocably *done *at 40! Menopause: 30 seconds feeling a kind of warmish buzz one day in my office. My doctor said: “Yup. That’s a hot flash.” And that was it! Good luck to you!
 
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Lillith:
The problem is she doesn’t want to do it. She swears she can stop it, and that it will never happen to her. Now I know she is half joking, but the fact is that she is truely dreading and hating her body changes. I feel so sorry for her…she is my little tomboy and it has been rough on her…
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😃 I’m with your dd on this one! Being a woman can really stink at times. (Let’s face it no right thinking man is EVER going to wish he had the life of his wife!😛 ) I wouldn’t worry about it too much though. In all honesty it is unpleasant and annoying, but we all manage to adjust eventually and I’m sure your dd will be fine. She may prefer to keep this private and all your attention on her could be making it worse for her. I was horrified and bit angry that my own mother & older sisters wouldn’t just shut up about it. :o I just didn’t think it was any of their business to discuss that and if I had a question, then I’d let them know. (I’m practical to a fault.) You may want to bond with her like you did your older dd and that’s just not how this dd ticks. My mother was very hurt by my attitude, but there you have it - that’s just how I was/am.
Just another perspective here…
 
i also hated it. total misery. and then i got over it. more discussion is only going to make the anticipation worse. she knows the facts already. it’s a normal part of growing up, so no need to make a big fuss. it will happen when it happens and she’ll be fine…
 
I thank all who have responded! I am taking away from this discussion that I need to stop worrying and just let it happen…

And I will… thanks 😃
 
Two great books for girls:

The Beauty Book, It’s a God Thing
The Body Book, It’s a God Thing

by Nancy N. Rue.

Lots of info, questions to answer, a place for thoughts and prayers. Something she can read by herself. I wish it was around when I was that age.

(All I remember reading was "Are you there God, it’s me margaret!)
 
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Princess_Abby:
Ha! I remember Judy Blume books too…
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I bought it brand new. The pages were worn and torn by the time my period came. :rotfl: I still have the book somewhere…packed away now.
I couldn’t wait.

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Go to this website
mum.org/

create a short cut to your desk then look at your desk top icon for a little surprise! You should see a big red Period. 😃
 
I bought my daughters earrings with red stones and tried my best to make it a celebration. We had their favorite dinner but kept the “event” our little secret. It’s a tough transition no matter what, I guess…maybe your tomboy would like a nice red T-shirt…
 
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vluvski:
I was already 14.5 before I started (the week before my first day of high school), so I got teased in middle school because I was the only one who didn’t get periods. Late bloomer…

It didn’t help me like it any more though. And I still hate it! Like anything else biological, it’s not something she can will herself out of. I don’t think there’s anything you can do. Let her be a grump about it. At least she knows it’s normal and unavoidable.
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Oh someone else!!! Hello fellow late bloomer!!! I was so ashamed that I thought I was the only High School girl who didn’t have her period, I took a pad of Mom’s and put it in my pocket book and made sure all the girls saw it. When I finally got it at 15 it was a week after 13 year old sister got hers. I also cried for a bra, something else I really didn’t need, but wearing an undershirt with little flowers, made me the but of jokes for weeks in gym class. Now at 49, I look back and laugh, but it was a major drama for a teen.
 
Maybe not talk to her as much about it? Let her just come to you when it happens. Or maybe she’ll turn to big sis for some comfort on her own.

I know for me, my mom was actually disappointed. It came, I took care of it (between mom and that ridiculous video & “class” in 5th grade, I knew what to do), and went about my evening. Mom went up to the bathroom about an hour later, noticed things (I was the oldest of 2 girls, and Mom wasn’t on hers that week), and came to me while I was doing homework to check on me. I was so nonchalant about it, that I actually felt bad later. To me, it was something that I didn’t have a choice about, nor did I feel it changed me in any way, so why make a big deal about it?
 
Ahhh… there were four women under one roof in my parent’s home. Of course we all were on the same cycle… pharamones and all. My dad is a big fan of the camping and fishing trips. I didn’t realize it until he spilled the beans a few years ago… that those trips were scheduled according to our biological tickers and that is also why he started taking my brother with him… it was a rescue mission.

Take her out to get a good sports bra to help with the hurting jigglies. It will just take patience. I was extrememly embarassed because I was the first kid of four and 17 grandkids to go through puberty. My aunt went out shopping for a bra with mom and my female cousins and sister who were all younger than me. I can still remember her holding up a bra to my chest and saying loud as you please… “This looks like it would fit” I wanted to sink into the floor.

The year before the bra, was fifth grade and they showed us the mensturation movie. I was sooooo embarassed! They had our moms come too. Then about a month later a package came for me in the mail. My dad walked up and gave it to me and smiled and said “For the young lady of the house!” I didn’t know what it was so opened it right away only to find an assortment of various sizes and shapes of maxi pads. My dad was still standing there. I thought I was going to hurl right there. I was mortified and hid them! The fact that my dad gave them to me made it so much worse! I finally threw them away so nobody would find them.

When it actually happened , a year later, (age eleven and a half)I knew what to do and just went into my mom’s gigantic pads and used one. I didn’t tell her until that evening. She had to go out and buy smaller ones for me. By then I was much less embarassed, because so many of the girls in my class were getting theirs at the same time.
 
After being embarassed to get my first bra in sixth grade, by the end of seventh grade I was literally praying for bigger breasts! Needless to say, my prayers were answered, maybe a little too much. :o
 
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kaymart:
Oh someone else!!! Hello fellow late bloomer!!! I was so ashamed that I thought I was the only High School girl who didn’t have her period, I took a pad of Mom’s and put it in my pocket book and made sure all the girls saw it. When I finally got it at 15 it was a week after 13 year old sister got hers. I also cried for a bra, something else I really didn’t need, but wearing an undershirt with little flowers, made me the but of jokes for weeks in gym class. Now at 49, I look back and laugh, but it was a major drama for a teen.
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My best friend was 16, and very sensitive about it. The sad thing was her sister looked like Marilyn Monroe, so she was always compared to her. My friend had a breast augmentation a few years ago.

One benefit for her is that her metabolism was higher so she was a little fat burner, plus she became accustomed to running because the jiggle factor wasn’t there, so she has always been in great shape! I quit running track in ninth grade because it was extrememly unpleasant and I didn’t like comments from the guys about my chest size. I was very modest.
 
This is really a difficult time for anyone!

I am the oldest of 12 children, 5 of them girls! I didn’t have my first cycle until a week before my 14th birthday, but I wasn’tclose enough to anyone at school to talk about that, so it really didn’t matter to me so much that I was late… I really hated it, though! I never really appreciated the mystery of women’s bodies until I was engaged to be married, and I thanked God for they mysteries of life hidden in our bodies.

Luckily, my sisters had an easier time adjusting to things than I did. They are all closer in age- 3 of them were born within 5 years- and I had already broken the trail. Now, my poor Dad and brothers have to put up with 3 teen girls, my mom, and a preteen girl that will not be too long in joining the ranks of moody women!

Maybe your daughter will take some time to adjust, or maybe just not be one that talks about it to adjust. I found myself to be a quiet one-- except for complaining about the yucky nausea and cramping that always accompanied my cycle!

Pray for the intercession of Mary, and of her mother, Saint Ann. May God bless and keep you abundantly!
 
I haven’t read all the posts, so I apologize if I’ve repeated any advice you’ve already received.

I would urge you to speak to your school nurse, first privately about your daughter. Ask the nurse how many girls in your daughter’s grade have begun their period. Set up an appointment for you and your daughter to meet with the nurse on this matter. This will help your daughter in many ways: first, the nurse will know what’s going on. Second, your daughter will feel less embarrassment about going to the nurse if she needs to visit the office if she’s having a problem in this area, and third, you will help other families who might have a daughter going through this too. It might be nice to give your nurse a package of whatever hygene product your daughter intends to use so that your daughter knows she can get supplies from the nurse if she has an emergency. Also see about having your pediatrician “prescribe” motrin, tylenol, or Midol and have a bottle in the nurses clinic (which is what we call it at our Catholic school) so that your daughter can alleviate any painful symptoms as soon as they start. You might want to have a private talk with the P.E. teacher as well, but it’s probably best to leave your daughter out of that conversation unless the teacher is female. I’d talk to the classroom teachers as well, but leave the daughter out of these conversations too. The teachers need to know what’s going on - - and this is a biggie. Please keep us posted!
 
My diocese has a “Mother/Daughter Fertility Appreciation & Chastity” retreat day, as well as something similiar for fathers & sons. Maybe you could see if yours has something like that?

I did a google search & the archdiocese of St. Paul had this link to a pdf. document with several pages of resources for parents by topic: (if you copy & paste it into your browser’s address bar it will take you right to the document, or you could go right to www.archspm.org & search for it.)

www.archspm.org/family/pdfs/AIGP%20resources.PDF

I just remember craving information like crazy, no matter how cool I was trying to act! Give her plenty of info, grounded in Catholic teaching, that she can study on her own behind closed doors when she can drop the “I’m sooo not interested” bit…😉
 
I started mine when I was 12. It wasn’t too awful, although the cramps were worse than I had expected. The worst part for me was that my mom and her sisters have a tendency to gossip about their daughters so I knew that as soon as she found out, the gossip chain would start. :o

Breast development was much worse for me. They first appeared when I was 10, and then went up a cup size per year until I stopped at D-cup when I was 14. I was so ashamed of them that I wouldn’t wear any properly fitted shirts until I was 16 or 17. It doesn’t help that I’m only 5 feet tall and weigh maybe 105 lbs (and was even shorter and smaller back then). They look ridiculously out of place. I’m sure you can imagine some of the comments I got from other kids in junior high and high school.

Mother Nature sure is cruel sometimes, huh?
 
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