Help with an embarassing problem

[PhanxicoXavier]

Hi,

I’m currently 15 (turning 16 in a few months) and go to a public high school. I try to live a devout Catholic life, go to the Latin Mass and Confession as often as possible, pray the Rosary daily, pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows of Mary daily, pray the Stations of the Cross daily, etc.

As everyone may very well know, the moral conditions of public schools are non-existent, so in the past I’ve often struggled with sins of the flesh, and although I’ve put those behind me, I know from past experience that even one small slip can lead to mortal sin, which leads to more mortal sin, etc.

But now I have a new problem. I’ll readily admit that the way that the girls dress at my school is so depraved and immodest that anyone can’t go there and not be tempted against purity (except Saint Paul of the Cross, Saint Alphonsus, Saint Pius V ) so I always avoid talking with people or walking around “hanging out” with people. I usually read history books or my spiritual reading instead. I don’t go around looking for occasions of sin, and whenever I find myself in one, I always try to focus my mind on God instead. That stuff is easy to repel - but how do I deal with it whenever I have stupid “crush” on one particular girl?!?!? How do I stamp out and destroy this inordinate affection? I feel as though I push aside the Sorrowful Mother and Jesus Christ whenever I think about her.

 

[Will_B]

Does this young lady you have a crush on dress modestly? If yes, then she is sending a message of purity and respect… If no, then she may not the type of girl you want to ask out or take home to meet Mom and Dad?? The way a young girl dress sends many different messages. Too many to write about here.

It sounds like you have your brain on properly… We are all tempted, it’s what we do with the temptation that matters… Peer pressure is a very big temptation… It temps you and the young ladies. Trying to fit in by dress or actions is a temptation to put aside your values, as well as her’s…

Advice to a young gentleman from a guy old enough to be his grandfather. Been there, done that in the 1960s

 

[Spirithound]

I’m currently 15 (turning 16 in a few months) and go to a public high school. I try to live a devout Catholic life, go to the Latin Mass and Confession as often as possible, pray the Rosary daily, pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows of Mary daily, pray the Stations of the Cross daily, etc.

As everyone may very well know, the moral conditions of public schools are non-existent, so in the past I’ve often struggled with sins of the flesh, and although I’ve put those behind me, I know from past experience that even one small slip can lead to mortal sin, which leads to more mortal sin, etc.

But now I have a new problem. I’ll readily admit that the way that the girls dress at my school is so depraved and immodest that anyone can’t go there and not be tempted against purity (except Saint Paul of the Cross, Saint Alphonsus, Saint Pius V ) so I always avoid talking with people or walking around “hanging out” with people. I usually read history books or my spiritual reading instead. I don’t go around looking for occasions of sin, and whenever I find myself in one, I always try to focus my mind on God instead. That stuff is easy to repel - but how do I deal with it whenever I have stupid “crush” on one particular girl?!?!? How do I stamp out and destroy this inordinate affection? I feel as though I push aside the Sorrowful Mother and Jesus Christ whenever I think about her.

Dear Little Brother

This is one of the toughest crosses for a young man to bear. God has blessed you immensely so far! May He continue to uphold you!

First thing: being attracted to women is not a bad thing. God made women beautiful, and He made marriage a good and holy institution, and He made sex to be in that sacrament.

That being said, inordinate attraction can certainly be sinful. You have put your finger right on the solution though! You said that you feel as though you push aside our Sorrowful Mother and Jesus whenever you think of this girl. So…pull Mary and Jesus back to you! Pray for this girl. It is a very good thing to pray for your future wife (even if this particular girl doesn’t end up being her). So pray for this girl and offer up your attractions for her to Jesus and ask Him to purify your attraction, and purify the girl and turn her into a lady. The Rosary is a powerful weapon.

 

[choy]

all i can say is, i’m impressed
at your age to realize the temptation and have that much strength

when i was your age, i would have given in to temptation. thankfully i was in an all-boys school, so not much girls around there but you are strong and your head and your heart is in the right place and i admire you for that. just pray and ask God to lead you where His Will wants to take you, and you will find your answer.

 

[jesuspsr]

Young man I’m telling you that youre a much bigger man then me, and I’m an old fart.
Thank you for your post you have tought me a good lesson.

God bless you and I’ll pray for you for strength.

 

[JKirkLVNV]

I don’t think it’s an “inordinate affection” for a teenaged boy to have a crush on a girl. It would be problematic if you compromised the Faith to please her or gain her approbation, but a “crush” isn’t any more sinful that falling in love. Just keep it within its bounds.

 

[PhanxicoXavier]

Thank you everyone for the replies!

The thing that I find so embarassing about this is that I know that its an entirely superficial attraction and I know that it will pass with time, just like every other temptation (even the ones that seem irresistable for a while).

Will B,

I agree with your post. In my opinion, a young woman that I would want to marry would be one that spurs me to greater purity and love of Jesus Christ and Mary - not one that would compete with Them!

Maybe a “crush” is not inordinate affection, but I think it has gone to far when I think about a girl more than I do Jesus and Mary throughout the day. I don’t think that I have to worry about ever becoming scrupulous - I already have enough faults to conquer as it is!

Ah, what am I going to do with myself and my childish daydreams - why did I have to be born a Melancholic…

 

[shannonfbc]

Hi,

I’m currently 15 (turning 16 in a few months) and go to a public high school. I try to live a devout Catholic life, go to the Latin Mass and Confession as often as possible, pray the Rosary daily, pray the Chaplet of the Seven Sorrows of Mary daily, pray the Stations of the Cross daily, etc.

As everyone may very well know, the moral conditions of public schools are non-existent, so in the past I’ve often struggled with sins of the flesh, and although I’ve put those behind me, I know from past experience that even one small slip can lead to mortal sin, which leads to more mortal sin, etc.

But now I have a new problem. I’ll readily admit that the way that the girls dress at my school is so depraved and immodest that anyone can’t go there and not be tempted against purity (except Saint Paul of the Cross, Saint Alphonsus, Saint Pius V ) so I always avoid talking with people or walking around “hanging out” with people. I usually read history books or my spiritual reading instead. I don’t go around looking for occasions of sin, and whenever I find myself in one, I always try to focus my mind on God instead. That stuff is easy to repel - but how do I deal with it whenever I have stupid “crush” on one particular girl?!?!? How do I stamp out and destroy this inordinate affection? I feel as though I push aside the Sorrowful Mother and Jesus Christ whenever I think about her.

There is nothing here that you should be embarrassed or ashamed of… it is perfectly normal for a young man (or even young woman or old man etc.) to have a crush on another person. You are already demonstrating alot of strength and dedication in your actions… I do realize that the thoughts going through your mind might not be pure and in that case you should pray for assistance in avoiding temptation and impure thoughts.

I do understand what you mean by the way young girls dress the kids that get on the bus during my commute are shocking (catholic uniforms altered so the skirts look like belts etc) I will keep you in my prayers.

God Bless

 

[Brian777]

Hey man, its tough i know…you just gotta keep up the prayers(particularly for the young woman) I wouldnt be tooo quick to dismiss a girl who dresses in a less than traditionally modest manner as an occasion of sin however. I am in college, but while in highschool I had several practicing and devout catholic female friends who were quite attractive and about 50% of the time would wear clothing that could be tossed up as immodest. The major problem stems from what society says the trens are…if those immodest trends are in place, even the pure girls will dress that way and even occassionally act that way from time to time. If the young woman is Catholic, i suggest trying to talk to her more often and find out where she is with her relationship with Jesus and Mary. If not, well then maybe forget about it…pray for her and try your darndest to move on…

All in all, every school has an attractive good Catholic girl out there somewhere…its like where’s Waldo only with a female whose holding a rosary…

God bless you though for your love of the traditional form of the Faith.

 

[CatholicOf94]

My dear brother in Christ. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I am 16 sixteen (Birthday: APril 7).
I sadly had to transfer to a public school when I finished 5th grade in my Catholic School. Since then I have toiled with soo many temptations. My High school is what I like to call a ‘cesspool of sin’. It literally is! I see kids making out in the middle of the Hallway, I see girls in the most immodest attire at Times. Curse words being thrown around like a tennis ball, etc.
And I feel your sorrow to be a devout Catholic in a Public is extremely difficult. But I hang in there, as you should. Pray to the Blessed Mother. Pray to St. Dominic Savio who was around our age when he died. Pray especially to St. Maria Goretti, who died protecting her virginity.

I highly advice you to say this prayer that will help you throughout your day: My Jesus, my Confidence.

PROTIP: Pray for those poor parents who have abandoned their post and gave their little children to the world.

My hat goes off to you good sir. God bless you.:tiphat:

 

[PhanxicoXavier]

My dear brother in Christ. I know EXACTLY what you mean. I am 16 sixteen (Birthday: APril 7).
I sadly had to transfer to a public school when I finished 5th grade in my Catholic School. Since then I have toiled with soo many temptations. My High school is what I like to call a ‘cesspool of sin’. It literally is! I see kids making out in the middle of the Hallway, I see girls in the most immodest attire at Times. Curse words being thrown around like a tennis ball, etc.
And I feel your sorrow to be a devout Catholic in a Public is extremely difficult. But I hang in there, as you should. Pray to the Blessed Mother. Pray to St. Dominic Savio who was around our age when he died. Pray especially to St. Maria Goretti, who died protecting her virginity.

I highly advice you to say this prayer that will help you throughout your day: My Jesus, my Confidence.

PROTIP: Pray for those poor parents who have abandoned their post and gave their little children to the world.

My hat goes off to you good sir. God bless you.:tiphat:

That sounds like my school as well. I keep you, and of our fellow youth, in my prayers.

I seriously doubt that God intends me to be married to this girl. I think that she may be Catholic, but if she is then she does not show it at all. I am very grateful for the advice given here. I included the young lady in my prayers today, and I asked that the Sorrowful Mother would strip all inordinate affection that I have for her and replace it with genuine Christian charity and help me to only love her as a sister in Christ. If the opportunity ever presents itself, I think that I may try talking with her (if I have the courage to!) and try to share the Catholic faith with her, like maybe giving her a rosary or something…

 

[valient_Lucy]

I agree with the other posters who say that you haven’t done anything to be ashamed of. I also don’t think that Jesus and Mary keep track of how much time you think about them compared to this girl. Pray for her, and talk to her.

 

[Palomas]

Can I say, it is **SO **refreshing to read about a young man so devoted to his faith amidst the incredible temptations that surround him! PhanxicoXavier, will say a prayer for you and all who find themselves in a similar situation…

Just wanted to share a very powerful, yet simple prayer when one is caught in the moment of temptation, to pray, “Precious Blood of Jesus, wash over me!”

God bless you!

 

[Lamafacaja]

PROTIP: Pray for those poor parents who have abandoned their post and gave their little children to the world.

Ouch! Are you referring to all parents who send their kids to public school? I wish I could homeschool mine, but it’s not to be.

 

[Lamafacaja]

Hi Phan,
Well it’s a jungle out there. I’m just wondering, if you had any other option at your disposal, would you rather be home schooled or go to private school?

What’s to be done? I’m sorry you have to endure this, endure the total immodesty of these little girls whose mothers should know better than to let them dress in such ways. What are the moms thinking?!?!? As you know, I have a son in high school, too. So I see it. The mini skirts? :dts: :byzsoc: Public schools need uniforms for lack of common sense in the world today.

If my daughters had skirts like that, I’d confiscate them and throw them out, and my girls know I’d do that. So they don’t dress like that. Problem solved.

But Our Lord is using this experience to prepare you for something in the future, no doubt.

Prayers for you. :byzsoc:

 

[Spirithound]

Ouch! Are you referring to all parents who send their kids to public school? I wish I could homeschool mine, but it’s not to be.

I think the poster was referring to what you highlighted in the post just above this one. Sadly, even in the Catholic schools the girls will hike up their uniform skirts as much as possible.

 

[jphelins]

That sounds like my school as well. I keep you, and of our fellow youth, in my prayers.

I seriously doubt that God intends me to be married to this girl. I think that she may be Catholic, but if she is then she does not show it at all. I am very grateful for the advice given here. I included the young lady in my prayers today, and I asked that the Sorrowful Mother would strip all inordinate affection that I have for her and replace it with genuine Christian charity and help me to only love her as a sister in Christ. If the opportunity ever presents itself, I think that I may try talking with her (if I have the courage to!) and try to share the Catholic faith with her, like maybe giving her a rosary or something…

PhanxicoXavier,

I personally feel that you have over thought this matter. At 16 you shouldn’t be concerned with whether or not you are destined to marry someone, you should be more concerned with enjoying yourself. This is not to mean that you should give in to all temptations, but that you should experience life. If i were you I would start talking to her, but not about your faith right away as that might scare her away. As a college student I can tell you that this is just the beginning of your temptations, and that you will end up giving into a lot of them. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have sinned, it just means your human.

J.Helinski

 

[valient_Lucy]

PhanxicoXavier,

I personally feel that you have over thought this matter. At 16 you shouldn’t be concerned with whether or not you are destined to marry someone, you should be more concerned with enjoying yourself. This is not to mean that you should give in to all temptations, but that you should experience life. If i were you I would start talking to her, but not about your faith right away as that might scare her away. As a college student I can tell you that this is just the beginning of your temptations, and that you will end up giving into a lot of them. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you have sinned, it just means your human.

J.Helinski

To some extent, I agree with this post. I say to some extent, because I have read over the OP’s posts several times, and I am confused whether he is struggling with lustful thoughts for this girl, or if he simply has a crush on her and feels guilty about it. I DON’T think he should give into temptations, though I’m not sure if what he is experiencing is lust or simply infatuation.

If he is entertaining lustful thoughts, then he is sinning. If he simply finds himself preoccupied with this girl, then I don’t think he should feel guilty. He implied in a previous post that he shouldn’t think about a girl more than he thinks about Jesus and the Blessed Mother. While God must be at the center and the heart of everything we do, I don’t think he feels jealous that you are thinking about a girl (that was created in the image and likeness of God and was redeemed by Him on the cross) any more than Jesus feels jealous when you think about His Mother or a saint instead of Him.

I do think he should talk to her. If nothing else, talking to the person you like pulls you out of the fantasy and grounds you in reality. However, I do agree that if you start by bullying her about your faith, you’ll probably just alienate her and drive her even farther from the faith. (How many times do we attempt to convert someone to gratify our own ego?)

Also, don’t forget, charity is an action, not a feeling. Don’t pray that you feel charity for this girl, pray that you will act charitably towards her. Then go out there and do so, regardless of your own feelings.

 

[PhanxicoXavier]

Under different circumstances, I would much rather go to a Catholic private school, although I only have 2 years of high school left anyhow, it wouldn’t make much of a difference.

I’m sorry, let me clarify my first post. I don’t have entertain any lustful thoughts towards her. I’m suffering what you can call a “childish infatuation”.
I know that just jumping in and saying something like “Hi ____, my name is ________, oh by the way there’s no salvation outside the Catholic Church!” would probably not be the wisest thing to do.

Thank you for reminding me that charity is an action. Although perhaps the best course of action for me is to remain detached and simply pray for her salvation.

(and btw, my version of fantasies is like moving to a farm in the South, home schooling my children, and playing the harpsichord )

jphelins,

Hi, I agree that at my age I shouldn’t try to go around being a hero for the Faith and converting people, but I wonder what you mean by “experiencing life”. Do you mean joining in with my peers in their activities (like Prom, etc)? Because if you do, I don’t think that that is a good idea (for me at least). I do enjoy life, but mainly through reading, taking walks and enjoying nature, playing and listening to music, (and I’m getting a little kitty cat soon!!!), etc. I guess you can say that compared with the average high school student I don’t have that interesting of a life, but I have a lot to keep me occupied and happy, so I’m good.

Palomas,

Thank you for that beautiful prayer!

 

[jphelins]

valient Lucy,
Would you really say that a teenage boy, who at 16 would still be going through the puberty hormone cycle, is being lustful be cause he notice a teenage girl, and that by noticing her he is sinning. If so I must rethink everything I have ever been taught as a scientist, and a catholic. After all “lust” is what drives sex, and sex is what allows any creature to exist (probably not the best way to word it on a religious site). Though I am happy that we agree about the not harassing her about your faith part.

PhanxicoXavier,
By saying “experiencing life” I do mean interacting with your peers and doing things besides reading, and spending your time alone. I am not saying that these thing are for everyone, but if your just doing them to keep you occupied, then maybe it is time for you to meet a girl that you can hang out with.