Help with baby!

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LaSainte

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I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. The four month old doesn’t sleep. Ever. He literally wakes up every hour at night. I double swaddle him, but he squirms free. I try leaving him unswaddled, or swaddled with one arm out, and he keeps waking himself up. Not only this, but he has started waking up for the day at 5 in the morning. I am at my wits’ end. I am a human zombie. I don’t know what to do 😦

This has turned me into a terrible mom and wife. I have no patience with my kids or my husband. I am always in a bad mood. I have yelled at my own baby. I can’t take this much longer. Any advice?
 
May the Lord find you and your children and at this time and bless you. May you find some peace and some answers to why this is happening. As per God’s will please allow this baby to rest well and for this mother to find the power and love through you to continue to provide for these children.

Amen
 
LaSainte said:
I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. The four month old doesn’t sleep. Ever. He literally wakes up every hour at night. I double swaddle him, but he squirms free. I try leaving him unswaddled, or swaddled with one arm out, and he keeps waking himself up. Not only this, but he has started waking up for the day at 5 in the morning. I am at my wits’ end. I am a human zombie. I don’t know what to do 😦

This has turned me into a terrible mom and wife. I have no patience with my kids or my husband. I am always in a bad mood. I have yelled at my own baby. I can’t take this much longer. Any advice?
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You poor thing. I’m so sorry. I’m with you–when I don’t sleep, I can’t function. I actually get sick to my stomach and throw up.

The first thing to do is have your pediatrician check the little one.

Many four-month olds still do some waking up at night, and they are active during the day, sometimes only taking one or two naps.

But most four-month olds are capable of sleeping at least a few hours at a stretch, and usually 4-6 hours at a stretch.

The doc needs to check out the child and make sure that there isn’t a physical problem, e.g., reflux, or colic, or perhaps an allergy to mother’s milk (or formula), that is keeping the child from sleeping.

So please, as soon as possible, have a doc check out the baby to rule out any physical cause for the wakefulness.

Not that it matters, since all babies are different–but what were your first child’s sleep habits? Is there something that you did differently with Baby #1? (Of course you did something differently–you didn’t have another child to take care of back then! 🙂 Life was easier!)

Also, I would suggest timing your 4-month-old’s wakefulness and sleeping. You state that the baby is awake every hour. Make sure that’s true. Sometimes when you are exhausted, your sense of time is distorted, and a minute seems like an hour, or a hour seems like a minute. Perhaps your baby IS sleeping for 2 or 3 hours at a stretch, but it just feels like only an hour to you. Of course, a 2-3 hour stretch is not very long, and I’m hoping that your baby can learn to sleep at least 4 hours at a stretch, and preferably 6 hours or more. But make sure of the sleep cycles. It would be helpful to know this information for certain when you consult with the doctor.

(BTW, I’m a 54-year-old woman who has raised two daughters.)
 
I agree that a doctor’s checkout is in order.

One of my friends had this problem with #3. She just could **not **sleep.

The only two things that worked for them were first driving her around in the carseat (but of course that means either Mom or Dad are awake)… and then they stumbled upon the second one which was to keep her in her car seat and put it on top of the dryer. Set the timed dry on the dryer for as high as it will go (unfortunately theirs was only 1 hour) and turn it on. The noise and vibration combination lulled her to sleep!
 
Have wind-up swing or cradle? Saved my sanity. Son did not sleep through the night until he went off to kindergarten.:eek: Didn’t nap much either. 😦

Do go to doctor. Baby might be ready for more substantial food. My mil was an advocate of higher percentage of cream in milk. It worked. If you are breast feeding, might want milk checked.

Teething? Gas? Bundle baby up and put outside for nap. Fresh air in lungs and he sleeps better.

I watch the Duggars but often wonder why they never show the Nite of the Zombies where the parents are walking around with crying baby until the wee hours. It had to have happened with some of their 19…or maybe all. :hypno::sleep::juggle:
 
Yes, a doctors check would be good. Have you tried laying the baby down on hos/her side? (I could not swaddle my 4 month olds because of their size and squirmeness). But my eldest had to sleep on his side, like it was an extension of breastfeeding. With my second, my husband was working nights, and so I put the baby down on husbands side of the bed (on top of a waterproof pad and blanket), and I was able to scoot over and nurse him when he would stir. I think this contributed to him sleeping really well until he got about 8 months.

:hug1: Hang in there.
I was just musing about this myself recently, because my 1 year old is now a terrible sleeper. When we are satisfied with the status quo we are getting enough sleep and feeling good, but when we can no longer handle the status quo and need to change it, is precisely when we are too tired (exhausted really) to actually accomplish what ever goal needs to be accomplished. 😛
 
Do you have any help, like a willing grandma, or nice parishoner that could come over for a couple of hours a day.

Mothers caring for their children is not a new thing, mothers isolated with their children is totally new thing. 😦

Is your DH willing to help?

When DD was a new born she would be cared for by DH with him while I slept from 8 to 11 pm. That chunk of sleep really helped.
 
Praying for you! That was my first baby - had to hold her ALL the time, doctor visits didn’t help. She was just high maintenance - not sure if you’re breastfeeding or bottlefeeding or both, but perhaps it’s hunger? Slip a little rice cereal in the milk (if bottlefeeding or breastfeed followed by breastmilk mixed with rice cereal to fill up that tummy).

Perhaps gassy? Allergic to dairy? Doesn’t like something you ate and you breastfed? Could be many things - but know that this time WILL pass! Sneak sleep in when you can, do you have help at night or day so you can sleep? Family or friend perhaps? There’s nothing wrong with asking help!
 
I was right there with you this time last year. Have you considered co-sleeping? It was the only way I got any sleep and once I discovered it, it was amazing. Just decide ahead of time on an end game (like, the baby will be out of your bed by his 8 month birthday or whenever) and maybe keep putting him in the crib occasionally or for naps so that he is comfortable with it.

Has he been touching his ear at all? My 12 month old had been doing this for a couple of weeks and I kept giving him things to chew on, thinking it was teething pain. Turns out ot was an ear infection and once we started him on antibiotics he started sleeping much longer stretches.
 
Lots of good advice above.

You need to catch up on your sleep. Sleep when the baby sleeps. Whenever the baby sleeps.

Get a friend, relative over to look after the baby during the day while you sleep.

Get as much help as you can.

Have hubby look after the baby on weekends while you sleep.

Sleep when hubby comes home.

It can feel like a living hell, but stick with it. soon enough they will be teenagers and you’ll never be able to wake them up in the morning!😃
 
You really do have a lot of great advice above, but I just have to add my :twocents:

First, make sure there are no medical issues. Sometimes it is hard to tell if a wee one has an ear infection, but sleepless nights can be an indicator of pain, especially if your babe is up every hour.

The one thought I had is how are the feeding sessions going at night? Sometimes a baby is too sleepy to feed fully and the baby wakes up again in just another hour to finish what he started. Co-sleeping does not work for me for just this reason…both the baby and I are just too tired to get the job done correctly. I find that if I actually get up out of bed with the baby and nurse fully (even if I have to wake the baby a bit to nurse on both sides) he ends up sleeping for a bit longer in between sessions. I have notorious bad sleepers, and this doesn’t prevent all the wakings, but it does allow me to get 2-3 hour stretches. My night last night was baby fell asleep about 9:00 pm and slept til 1:00 am. I nursed until 2:00, using the TV to keep me awake and then I put him down at 2:00. He then slept to 4:00 and we nursed til 5:30 and then the family was up for breakfast. I am exhausted by the end of the day, but hubby finishes night time duties so that I can go to bed when baby does.

Good luck to you!! and many prayers. Babies are hard work!
 
Some children just aren’t great sleepers. 3 or my 4 are like that. It’s been awhile since it was that bad, as the youngest is 8.

But here are some of the things I did with my poor sleepers. They hated the crib. period. We put a twin mattress on the floor, and when they cried, I climbed in with them. I co-slept most of every night for years. It was sanity saving. I still end up with the youngest some nights if she’s had a nightmare. Even for nursing baby, laying with them made it easy, I didn’t have be wide awake, I could doze, we were warm and safe.

When I got pneumonia one year, dh took over to some extent. I got ear plugs, and he took care of the baby. If baby needed to nurse, he’d bring baby to me, then when done, tuck baby back in.

I never tried this, but I am currently caring for a 7mo 🙂 SO sweet, but she’s not a good sleeper at night. She is breast fed. A few months back, mom was exhausted, and decided enough was enough. She fed her at bed time, gave her a soother, and put her to bed. The first time she woke, she cried and cried. Mom told her she was fine, put the soother back in, and walked a way. It was a hard night. But night 3, baby was sleeping 4 or 5 hours at a time. Now, she’s sleeping from 10:30 to 6am!

It’s hard to figure out, the baby doesn’t come with a manual, and if he/she did, I doubt the baby will read it anyway. Try some of the suggestions given, have baby looked over by dr. and go from there.
 
aicirt said:
Have wind-up swing or cradle? Saved my sanity. Son did not sleep through the night until he went off to kindergarten.:eek: Didn’t nap much either. 😦

Do go to doctor. Baby might be ready for more substantial food. My mil was an advocate of higher percentage of cream in milk. It worked. If you are breast feeding, might want milk checked.

Teething? Gas? Bundle baby up and put outside for nap. Fresh air in lungs and he sleeps better.

I watch the Duggars but often wonder why they never show the Nite of the Zombies where the parents are walking around with crying baby until the wee hours. It had to have happened with some of their 19…or maybe all. :hypno::sleep::juggle:
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Yep, usually food related. Have four, including twins that took shifts waking up. Didn’t sleep for 2 years…lol. Talk to dr. about food intake and type.
 
LaSainte said:
I have a 2 year old and a 4 month old. The four month old doesn’t sleep. Ever. He literally wakes up every hour at night. I double swaddle him, but he squirms free. I try leaving him unswaddled, or swaddled with one arm out, and he keeps waking himself up. Not only this, but he has started waking up for the day at 5 in the morning. I am at my wits’ end. I am a human zombie. I don’t know what to do 😦
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Doesn’t everyone get up at 5 am?

I agree with the food suggestions. We found that ceriel later in the evening makes them sleep longer.

Our 9 month old was sleeping through the night - but having 6 teeth come in at once has put an end to that.
 
Swaddling blankets with velcro, sound machine, and a good, reclining swing. I could not have survived that age without these things.
 
Early teething? Whatever the reason, babies can get into a bad pattern like this and it’s not easy to break them of it. Does he sleep during the day? Sometimes babies get day and night confused and have to be retrained to sleep at night.

I want to know if you have anyone who can take care of your 2 year old and help you with the baby. I went through similar things when mine were those ages and I was a basket case. I needed sleep so much that I ended up hiring a woman to stay with the baby so I could just get some rest (we had a house with 2 rooms and a rest room away from our room). I hired her through an agency so nobody yell at me please!

Your mom could help. Your MIL could help. An auntie could help. Your grandmother if she is still alive. You need some help!
 
Where does baby sleep? What does baby eat (formula or breast)? Any signs of reflux or colic?
 
I’ve taken one or other of my kids for a drive (in the middle of the night) if they were screaming and carrying on (without any cause we cold figure out). They would always fall asleep in the car. It gave my wife a break… unfortunately the little… er angels… would often wake up as soon as I got them out of the chair.
 
I also have a 4mo and a 2yo. The 4mo doesn’t sleep more than 2hrs at a stretch before wanting to breastfeed. And that is 100% normal, if exhausting. How much do you feed during the day? Baby may be “reverse cycling.” Ideally a baby gets the majority of their calories during the day (i.e. they feed more often during the day) and then go longer stretches without eating at night. Sometimes, however, babies will do the opposite, especially if they are busy learning a new skill (rolling over) or mom isn’t around because of work or something. There is also something called “the 4 month sleep regression.” I highly recommend you check out the website www.kellymom.com. A true lifesaver!

On another note, I could have written those exact words about your mood. I went and had a long talk with my (Catholic) healthcare provider, who recognized Post-Partum Depression. I insisted that was not what I had, but she asked me to try taking an anti-depressant for 6 weeks. If it made no difference, I could stop. I figured what the heck. I can’t believe the difference it has made. The previous website also has info on PPD. Please, just take a glance at it!

PM me if you ever need someone in the same boat to commiserate with. No judgement, just sympathy!
 
I know all the medical professionals will yell at me for this, but with my 2 month old, I lie her down on my chest (I’m dad) on her tummy and just rock her slowly with my hands on her bum.

I did this with 3 or my 4 and they all slept well like this, even to this day when I crawl into bed with my 2.5 year old he wants to climb on top of me and sleep. It’s cozy and warm for both baby and me and they sleep.

The 2 month old has been sleeping from 11 pm until 7am, sometimes later, I usually wake her up when I have to get up to go to work, for a while. It’s not a perfect solution and it’s not the best sleep for me, but with it being my fourth (and my wife unfortunately telling me there will be no more), I’m trying to savour every moment of my baby…I know I’ll catch up on the sleep later, but it really is such a short time over our lifetimes.

I hope that you are able to find a solution to this problem. I would second seeing a doctor just to make sure as well.
 
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