Help with Marriage

[catholicgirl30]

I forgot to mention to someone else who posted to me… before marriage, yes we did talk about children and he said he wanted them, and in our pre-cana he was ok with NFP and claimed he felt that if I was to become pregnant then it was “meant” to be. As I mentioned he will look at baby things with me, even suggests it sometimes… yet, with sex (our relationship as a whole??) being an issue, obviously babies are not something I should be focusing on. I’m torn with that as well… naturally NEVER wanting to put an innocent child in a stressful situation, but like one person posted, I think that child would be such a blessing to me and such a beautiful gift, I would like to think it would be the light of my life (even if my husband chose to leave or not want the baby).
My doubt and sadness makes me think (because he looks at baby things) that maybe he does want a family, just not with me. If that is the case, I just pray that God can help us to change the situation. Please, if anyone has a particular prayer or scripture that they think would help for me or him, I would be forever greatful. Again, thanks for you time in responding.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

If your husband had a broken bone and every time the doctor tried to set it, when it got painful, would he get up, grab his crutch and leave?

The fact that when the counselor starts getting too close to real issues your husband leaves is not a promising sign.

Been there done that.

Any time a marriage counselor or the shrinks my ex tried to drage me to suggested that he might be the problem, he stopped going.

Your husband is NOT behaving like a normal healthy man his age. And blaming YOU and your weight or your behavior is WRONG! Guess what? Women yell at their husbands sometimes. And they don’t have to settle for being blamed because their husband has no desire for them. They have “makeup sex” which is great.

At least the newlyweds do.

Has your husband seen a urologist or an endocrine specialist? Is he dabbling in the occult? Something spiritual seems to be going on here too. And for you to question that your love of God is getting in the way of your husband’s love for you is an indication that he has deep spiritual problems.

Again, some people go into marriage with no experience and have grand plans. But they dont’ have the capacity to carry them out once in the situation. Psychological incapacity is grounds for an annulment. Your husband’s impotence issues are either physical or in his head. He should be burning bridges down to find a reason. If he were normal.

If you are willing to settle for being his roommate for the rest of your life and being his maid and having him get angrier and angrier…

Mine was saying after 4 years also that he shouldn’t have married and wanted to see if the bachelor life was meant for him. The problem isn’t you.

He needs to call a doctor. If he refuses to, then you have some decisions to make about how you want to live the next 45 years.

 

[teme]

Did he really tell you “that I don’t turn him on, or dress sexy enough,”?

If so, no matter how much cleaning, dressing provacatively, etc you do, you’ll likely remain unsatisfied - and lose an even greater sense of your dignity. You are a beloved daughter of God. You do not need to do anything to earn His love. The same should be true for your marriage relationship.

It sounds like your husband has something else going on (like others have said), or he enjoys making you chase him. You are already unsatisfied. Trying to “get him to want you” is only going to leave you more unsatisfied - as you’ll either continue to fail, or then wonder whether he’s making love with you because he thinks you’re someone else (or out of pity).

His lack of desire is either a problem caused by him or some sin he may be indulging in. There is nothing you can do to make him want to change that right now. You can take control of your own happiness and confidence with help from God and counselling. Keep looking for a counselor who can help you find happiness and fulfillment - and keep praying.

Do not tie your self-image in whether he thinks you are sexy.
Pray to realize you are an amazing gift to the world and your husband. Whether he chooses to realize how lucky he is to have a wife who desires him, your value is so much greater than the pleasure you and he get in a sexual climax.

 

[whatevergirl]

Did he really tell you “that I don’t turn him on, or dress sexy enough,”?

If so, no matter how much cleaning, dressing provacatively, etc you do, you’ll likely remain unsatisfied - and lose an even greater sense of your dignity. You are a beloved daughter of God. You do not need to do anything to earn His love. The same should be true for your marriage relationship.

It sounds like your husband has something else going on (like others have said), or he enjoys making you chase him. You are already unsatisfied. Trying to “get him to want you” is only going to leave you more unsatisfied - as you’ll either continue to fail, or then wonder whether he’s making love with you because he thinks you’re someone else (or out of pity).

His lack of desire is either a problem caused by him or some sin he may be indulging in. There is nothing you can do to make him want to change that right now. You can take control of your own happiness and confidence with help from God and counselling. Keep looking for a counselor who can help you find happiness and fulfillment - and keep praying.

Do not tie your self-image in whether he thinks you are sexy.
Pray to realize you are an amazing gift to the world and your husband. Whether he chooses to realize how lucky he is to have a wife who desires him, your value is so much greater than the pleasure you and he get in a sexual climax.

:bowdown: