Help with relationship

[Seatuck]

annulments

Ok thanks. Didn’t see that mentioned

So what you want to do is study the Theology of the Body or any of the Chastity studies .

And of course you want to pray about this. Spend a lot of time before the Blessed Sacrament.

 

[WarriorofJesus]

I am looking for some advice or reading.

Myself and my GF are Catholics and we do love each other very much. We used to be intimate very often. When I say intimate, I do not mean sex, just “fooling around” quite often. We have never had sex. However, upon doing this, she always felt guilty and had to go to confession. She grew tired of doing this and we decided it was too much and asked me if we could stop fooling around so much. However, it seems to be taking a toll on me a bit.

For me, its hard to understand going from a couple that were intimate often, to never at all. we talk about it and she tells me if we were married, it would be different. I am wondering if that is true or not. If she pushes intimacy completely out of our lives, after it being a part of it for so long, it makes me insecure about whether its the act itself that bothers her, or if my insecurities are messing with me.

In this day and age, its hard to imagine a couple being together for quite some time, and living together (lots of circumstances) and not being intimate. Id like to find a way to either gain control over my insecurities of her losing interest in me, which she assures me she is not. Or Id like to convince her that its okay to be intimate as long as we draw lines, which we have never crossed.

Id like to respect her wishes more and just find a way to not desire her in that way until we get married, which can be quite some time away from now. I do not want to pressure her or bug her or try to convince her to give in, but it makes me feel as if she has lost something for me.

Yes, I know… “get over it and behave”

If it were that easy, I would not be posting here. Any advice, or reading, would be greatly appreciated

Edit: After reading this, I wanted to clarify a few things.

First of all, we are in our late 20’s. I am not a 16 year old with raging hormones (we have all been there)

She has not been a sexually active person through her life. I, however, have been. When we messed around, I felt something I have never felt with any of my former partners, a closeness. With her, it wasnt just about pleasuring myself. It felt like a bond, something that married couples are supposed to feel in a married life.

I love her very much and want to respect her wishes but not get slapped with insecurities I have.

Greetings. First of all I would like to congratulate you in the bond that you and your girlfirend have developed. Not many people are able to develop that kind of bond with one another. Second of all, I would like to recommend that you and you’re girlfriend continue in having that intimacy that was once experienced in the begenning. What I mean by this is to re-live those past moments that both of you enjoyed and had fun with. Your girlfriend should have never felt guilty about not having sex with you and shouldn’t have ended the intimate moments both of you had previously. Those moments were what actually kept the relationship living and stable. Have you noticed that now that both of you have decided to end that intimacy that was once experienced, the relationship isn’t like how it used to be?

Talk to your girlfriend about how you feel about not having those intimate feelings anymore and explain to her that you actually liked having those moments with her. Explain to her the true feelings you had while both of you had those intimate feelings and share your thoughts and opinions towards her. In other words, tell her that you actually liked sharing those moments with her and that you wish to contintue having them. Be very honest with her and tell her to be very honest with you about how both of you felt when experiencing intimacy. Ask her why she decided to end those moments and if she truely wishes to end it. Work as a couple or ‘team’ on how to find a solution to the problem and tell her that you have been experiencing insecurities since she made the decision to end it. Make sure that both of you are aware of each other feelings and that will facilitate the process of solving your problems. Do not put forth limitations in your relationship and do whatever it takes to make it enjoyable, stable, good or durable.

 

[Huiou_Theou]

Greetings. First of all I would like to congratulate you in the bond that you and your girlfirend have developed. Not many people are able to develop that kind of bond with one another. Second of all, I would like to recommend that you and you’re girlfriend continue in having that intimacy that was once experienced in the begenning. What I mean by this is to re-live those past moments that both of you enjoyed and had fun with. Your girlfriend should have never felt guilty about not having sex with you and shouldn’t have ended the intimate moments both of you had previously.

Let’s see. She saw these moments as serious enough to require confession, therefore either she is having problems with lust or some other issue, or she knows she is dragging her boyfriend into it by some external evidence.

In any event, perhaps you ought to ask exactly what those intimate moments were , eg: “fooling around”, before you advise them to “relive the moment”.
If she should never have felt guilty, then, it ought to be nothing which can’t be discussed publicly since conjugal relations are not involved. If not, then you are tempting someone needlessly.

Chaire kecharitomenH!
May Yhuwah open the blind eyes, and close the eyes of the afflcting.

 

[Shaken]

No, you are wrong on both ends in my opinion.

By both ends, I assume you mean that, no, she doesn’t want to break off the engagement? and that two self indulgent people cannot keep each other in line?

As to the latter, I was thinking that each would be more aware of areas of temptation and could better warn the other away. That is not Catholic teaching so much as my personal standard.

You also speak of two of the same type. We are all children of God and thats the only type that matters. If we both become completely holy, or as close as we can get, then God does not want us to be together, then it will not work out. What is happening here is two people who love each other very much, trying to become better Christians and having each other for support.

As I understand it, the Catholic standard is no sex outside of marriage, partly because the relationship could end up being about nothing else. Sacramental Matrimony is more about two persons uniting rather than two bodies.

 

[Shaken]

Here is something to think about with regard to your relationship.

There is the Blessed Virgin Mother and Joseph, her most chaste spouse. And there is Jesus, God the Son, who never married. And they rule in heaven.

What kind of sympathy will they have for sexual gratification difficulties?

God created sexuality and knows all there is to know about it yet look who was chosen to rule in His heaven.

 

[Alzarius]

By both ends, I assume you mean that, no, she doesn’t want to break off the engagement? and that two self indulgent people cannot keep each other in line?

As to the latter, I was thinking that each would be more aware of areas of temptation and could better warn the other away. That is not Catholic teaching so much as my personal standard.

As I understand it, the Catholic standard is no sex outside of marriage, partly because the relationship could end up being about nothing else. Sacramental Matrimony is more about two persons uniting rather than two bodies.

Yes, that is what I meant. She doesnt want to break it off.

I do believe we can keep each other in line though, I was just having a hard time with insecurities I believe.

You are correct about the understanding of marriage, or at least its the way I believe as well.

 

[Alzarius]

Just a small update.

We have only had one sexual “encounter” since I made this post.

Prayers have helped and God has helped. I have not been insecure because we dont share it often anymore and we are both working to make it non existent.

I am no longer viewing it as her not liking me as much because we dont do it as often. It is not something we even talk about anymore. The one slip we had, was nowhere near to the extent that we usually went and my personal desires for it have also declined.

This battle, although I am sure it will come up again, seems too be less of a struggle at this point in time. Now to hope and pray it stays away

 

[JRKH]

Just a small update.

We have only had one sexual “encounter” since I made this post.

Prayers have helped and God has helped. I have not been insecure because we dont share it often anymore and we are both working to make it non existent.

I am no longer viewing it as her not liking me as much because we dont do it as often. It is not something we even talk about anymore. The one slip we had, was nowhere near to the extent that we usually went and my personal desires for it have also declined.

This battle, although I am sure it will come up again, seems too be less of a struggle at this point in time. Now to hope and pray it stays away

Praise God for your improvement. Ask God for forgiveness and for His strength in your weakness.
From soneone who is in a somewhat similar situation, let me assure you that this fight will continue. The Evil one just waits for us to leave our guard down.

St Michael defend us.

Peace
James

 

[Shaken]

You could ask a priest to give you some tips for ‘controlling’ yourself as they have lots of practical experience.

*Consider that in eternity persons are not given to each other in marriage. *

 

[Huiou_Theou]

You could ask a priest to give you some tips for ‘controlling’ yourself as they have lots of practical experience.

*Consider that in eternity persons are not given to each other in marriage. *

Hmmm … I recall that it is said:

DR:

Luke 20:34 And Jesus said to them: The children of this world marry and are given in marriage:
Luke 20:35 But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:

Literally, the children of this “Age”, not the “world” in the sense of worldly/sinfully to marry. Adam and Eve were made as a married couple, blessed to be fruitful and multiply – eg: even before sin ever came to bring death such that procreation is required secondarily to maintain the Earth and it’s tending in spite of death.

But since Jesus is the life and the resurrection; to attain resurrection means to be of Jesus’ body and joined in his Holy spirit. Therefore, “they do not marry nor are given in marriage” – for the entire church is married to Jesus as his wife; Not as a sexual act, that children should come forth – and adultery be possible, but (rather) as the unity of Eucharist which the sexual act pre-figures as a sign.

St. Paul speaks of this great mystery, in reference to the church.

Also;
Mary and Joseph were given in a marriage – but not one of procreation by sexual means between themselves; Their flesh is not one by virtue of the sexual and marital act – their marriage is found in two ways, that of a special exclusive joining by promise (permanence); and in birthing and adopting the offspring of that promise.

They abstained for prayer and to build up the church due to fiat and oath (eg: in the only sinless way possible for them). Theirs is the extreme of the sacrament; for a requirement which has but mutual exception was permanently excepted in their case. I trust God tended their sacrament by insuring death came before the power of temptation in order to preserve the singular privelege he gave to Mary – Just as God granted a procreation by the Holy Spirit in lieu of the sexual act to the holy family.

Sacramental Matrimony is more about two persons uniting rather than two bodies.

I logically disagree; For the resurrection is about having a resurrected body.
Matrimony is more about love and the consequeces of the promise required of the body in individual cases – as God sees fit. It is more about the body uniting in conformity with the particular circumstances of a given marriage.

This (present) body of death is replaced by a spiritually abiding body in the resurrection – the very flesh of Jesus the Christ. St. Paul indicates that the mystery of marriage in this age mirrors the marriage of the lamb; the symbolic language of heaven.

The uniting of the two bodies and ergo souls in matrimony is a foretaste of the resurrection in one way; just as children are also a sign – one which contradicts death and separation by love expressed conjugally in bringing them forth.

The shadow of the spiritual realities; that is – the sign portion of the sacraments of this age – cease in a certain way once heaven is attained – eg: That is, they are complete in heaven – the “Great sacrament” – the manifestation of the Church triumphant as marriage to the Christ, the son of God. The shadow is replaced by the full reality.

Again, a puritanical and scrupulous sexuality is not required nor even good in many cases; it is a tendency toward Calvinistic puritanism and can infect a marriage.

I think you may have something valuable to say, but I also think the Pavlovic Montesori of the forums is an experiment of cats and molded mice.


I see problems still in the relationship…
I just don’t have the energy to swat every gnat.
Good luck with the language barrier.

Pax Tecum,
–Andrew.

 

[Shaken]

We have only had one sexual “encounter” since I made this post.

A soul can not get the forgiveness and absolution that it requires from a website forum. This is not a confessional.