If I am correct in what i have studied so far, no one on this earth is perfect so unless everyone plans on becoming monks and move somewhere up in the hills, then the best thing we can do is continue to fight the fight to become holy everyday.
Your study is reasonable; but I would like to rephrase what you have said;
With respect to perfect, we are speaking of sin — and of course even monks can sin…
But there is still this “puritanical guilt” which I see in American culture – and even in translations of the actual infallible teachings of the Catholic Church, the translators betray and insert this fallacy into their writings.
Recall our Lord was perfect (the trivial exception), and his mother was perfect (permanently graced) from the moment(/s) of conception. Yet, setting aside the original sin inherited, or contaminated which each of us save our Lord and his mother have had at one time – there is no law which says a person can not be perfectly holy; The only teaching is that it can not be done throughout one’s life
without the help and gift of God. There is no infallible teaching that everyone sins every day, nor that the sexual act itself is in any way sinful (although it is tied mysteriously to the sin of Adam). In Trent, this statement was reaffirmed from an earlier infallible council – but:
Let me demonstrate from EWTN’s library of English translations what I mean:
Here is the English of the council of Trent session 6, chapter XI (11), Justification:
For though during this mortal life, men, however holy and just, fall at times into at least light and daily sins, which are also called venial, they do not on that account cease to be just, for that petition of the just, forgive us our trespasses,[62] is both humble and true;
But the actual Latin – which is
ODDLY not found at the Vatican website under Latin (as of yesterday, but hopefully fixed in the future?) the documents reads:
in levia saltem et quotidiana, quae etiam venilia dicuntur, peccata quandoque cadant, non propterea desinunt esse justi.
The phrase highlighted in English carries a relational statement, asserting they [venial sins] are “even now pardonable/ed, as OFTEN AS” fall(en into)." meaning that a man does not fail to be just no matter how often these venial sins are fallen into.
It does not say anything about how often one must “sin” – and if you find the “Our Father” in Latin, the phrase “give us this day our DAILY bread” is “Panem nostrum cotidianum da nobis hodie;”
None of these words appear in the Latin of Trent, and the root for “Daily” is simply not there. The translator has used an ambiguous statement of “Daily” to represent “common” or “easily fallen into”. My son asked a question about the Baltimore catechism, and so having read the earlier councils in Greek – I decided to look into this; One should NEVER assume that his neighbor has even venial faults each day, or any day once they are baptized. It is the better path to assume everyone is better than one’s self and take the lowest place, then the Lord will glorify you by raising you up.
We have helped each other grow closer to God since we started our relationship. Conquering one battle after the next. We, together and with prayer, have fought off many other insecurities and worldly struggles that interfere with ones search for holiness.
Not only that, once we beat this, and we WILL beat this, then maybe we can help some other couple that has to go through the same thing.
How very noble; There is a group called Retrouvaille that does just that for couples already married who are failing; Perhaps there could be some synergy between you and them, for what you speak of is needed.
You also speak of two of the same type. We are all children of God and thats the only type that matters. If we both become completely holy, or as close as we can get, then God does not want us to be together, then it will not work out. What is happening here is two people who love each other very much, trying to become better Christians and having each other for support.
I could have said this in the days of my engagement; I don’t wish to speak now, for it is too hard. But there is more wisdom that you need than what is stated above – I caution you to think carefully about this, for there are some subtle traps that one can fall into based on it; and very painful ones.
Peace of Christ, May the Spirit of his Wisdom lead you into all truth.
–Andrew.
I also think that seeing you both were married before, there are things you both might need to heal from. You can do this! The first step towards positive change is always hard. But, after a few steps, it gets better…but know that you might fall…stumble. Just get back up as Jesus got back up, when He fell carrying His cross. This could be a great opportunity for you both, to heal…sometimes, situations are presented to us for just that reason.
Besides, quite honestly, your “intimacy” wasn’t intimacy at all, in the truest sense, because fooling around was actually hurting her. True intimacy will cause us to rise above our own desires and desire the good of the other…and right now, you are thinking just about you. your insecurities. Take a back seat. Put her first.
Women used to die often in child birth, but that did not excuse them from sexuality if they chose marriage – eg: all these thousands of years before surgery became reliable. More on this below…