help :(

[Norseman82]

I don’t understand why everyone is being so negative.

I think you answered your own question:

One minute I was the best thing in his life and made him so happy, he got very very depressed and the next minute he said he didn’t love me anymore. we never ever argued, there was no one else therefore it has to be his depression because he couldn’t hasve changed his mind that quickly with no reasoning behind it and he is no the kind of person who would lie - if he didnt mean the things he said then he wouldnt had said them.

because of the distance i have only seen him 4 times since our 3 month break up. all 4 times have been in drunken situations where either friends or stranges have kept butting into the conversation - the only sober conversations we’ve had hgave been on the internet. every single time i’ve tried to suggest meeting up sometime he’s said it’d be a good idea, then when i actually suggest a day or whatever he tells me hes too busy. if he was genuinly over me and fine with just being friends an thats all he wants like he keeps saying over and over he’d be able to find at least one hour to spare to see me.

if i had been at home this whole time then i’m sure in these 3 months we’d have met up at least once sober and on our own. therefore the distance is dragging it out and making it worse.

Alcohol is clearly a factor here. Who is the one who is drunk, he, you, or both? Do you really want to go through this roller coaster for the rest of your life? Trust me, I went through it in HS with an alcoholic family member, and it is NOT pretty; it drains the life out of you.

 

[milletsmo]

He is not an alcoholic. I’ve only seen him on nights out where drinking has been involved.

Yesterday I apologised for arguing with him and he apologised for saying what he said and said it was unacceptable of him. He then told me he wants to meet on Tuesday if I do so we are. No drinking will be involved (except coffee or juice) so I have finally got what I want…a sober conversation face to face.

 

[Trishie]

May God be with you both, and may things go as God would wish for you both.
May God give you both the maturity and wisdom, the empathy, and the communication skills that will help the relationship work if it’s what is best for you both.

 

[milletsmo]

May God be with you both, and may things go as God would wish for you both.
May God give you both the maturity and wisdom, the empathy, and the communication skills that will help the relationship work if it’s what is best for you both.

Thank you. I am very nervous but I guess its not long to wait now. x

 

[milletsmo]

Well we met up.

We didn’t talk about “us” but we just talked as friends. It was kind of like a first date. He was obviously nervous, and then drank some coffee so got a bit jittery which was cute. He notcied little details, like how I had a new pencil badge on my coat and that it was the same colour as my nails and noticed my new necklace and things.
We went for coffee (I had juice) and then he was going to get the train home, I said it was fine but I wished we could have had more time together because his train was 1 hour and 48 mins after we had met up … Then his train was delayed, and kept being delayed so we ended up spending two hours longer together. It was like God wanted us to be together longer or something haha.

I’m going to see him again in three weeks as it’s when we will go to the music festival together (and with four other friends) I’m sure it will be fine. I am trying my best not to get my hopes up, but from Tuesday night’s meeting I really feel positive.
I guess I’ll just have to be patient and wait and see…

 

[Sierrah]

I don’t understand why everyone is being so negative. You don’t know him, we were together for nearly 3 years, we were best friends and everyone including us thought we were perfect for each other. He loved holding hands, he loved seeing me as often as possible (hard due to distance) and speaking to me every day.
One minute I was the best thing in his life and made him so happy, he got very very depressed and the next minute he said he didn’t love me anymore.

Yes been there too. One moment it’s like you’re the best thing that’s happened to them then the next they disappear either physically or emotionally. I run into this time and time again. Best advice I can give is let it go and move on. I had to do that again recently just a few weeks ago and I did think the last one was different. He was actually just a little nicer but more of the same. Let go and spare yourself the misery.

i am not missing out on the festival, first of all i have spent a lot of money on it and been looking forward to it for nearly a year. why should i suffer even more by missing out it isnt fair.

I would ask him for your ticket and plan on going without him. You’re entitled to it because you paid for it. If he refuses ask for your money back.

because of the distance i have only seen him 4 times since our 3 month break up. all 4 times have been in drunken situations where either friends or stranges have kept butting into the conversation - the only sober conversations we’ve had hgave been on the internet. every single time i’ve tried to suggest meeting up sometime he’s said it’d be a good idea, then when i actually suggest a day or whatever he tells me hes too busy. if he was genuinly over me and fine with just being friends an thats all he wants like he keeps saying over and over he’d be able to find at least one hour to spare to see me.
if i had been at home this whole time then i’m sure in these 3 months we’d have met up at least once sober and on our own. therefore the distance is dragging it out and making it worse.

Any guy that meets up with you drunk is a loser…ditch him and move on. He’s not showing you any respect and it’s not doing you any good to try and hold on to some sort of interaction with him. It’s never works to hold on to relationships that are over…it’s just putting yourself through more pain. I’ll say a prayer for you.

 

[flyingfish]

Well we met up.

We didn’t talk about “us” but we just talked as friends. It was kind of like a first date. He was obviously nervous, and then drank some coffee so got a bit jittery which was cute. He notcied little details, like how I had a new pencil badge on my coat and that it was the same colour as my nails and noticed my new necklace and things.
We went for coffee (I had juice) and then he was going to get the train home, I said it was fine but I wished we could have had more time together because his train was 1 hour and 48 mins after we had met up … Then his train was delayed, and kept being delayed so we ended up spending two hours longer together. It was like God wanted us to be together longer or something haha.

I’m going to see him again in three weeks as it’s when we will go to the music festival together (and with four other friends) I’m sure it will be fine. I am trying my best not to get my hopes up, but from Tuesday night’s meeting I really feel positive.
I guess I’ll just have to be patient and wait and see…

Just don’t wait with bated breath for him to tell you that he loves you after all and wants to get back together, or you will be waiting for a long time and setting yourself up for a lot of pain.

Hang out with him if you want, but still move on. Work on your life, meet other people. If it works out with him in the end, it works out. If it doesn’t, you won’t be crushed and crying.

 

[milletsmo]

I’m trying my best to stay positive without getting my hopes up, however its a very fine line between the two and is very hard. If I get my hopes up and set myself up for a fall I will obviously be hurt, but if I’m negative I will always be hurt, so unless the third option happens (either getting back together or hope that we will in the future) I can’t imagine myself being anywhere near remotely happy for a very long time.

 

[Liberanosamalo]

And if you link your decision to be happy and your emotional response for the rest of your life to another person’s free will and whims and mental stability, you will be miserable and controlled by other people’s choices for the rest of your life. A recipe for never being happy.

You’re basically saying to someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart that your enjoyment of life will be dependent upon whatever they decide to dole out to you at any particular moment in time. That’s giving way too much power to someone who can’t even decide if THEY want to be happy or not.

 

[flyingfish]

I’m trying my best to stay positive without getting my hopes up, however its a very fine line between the two and is very hard. If I get my hopes up and set myself up for a fall I will obviously be hurt, but if I’m negative I will always be hurt, so unless the third option happens (either getting back together or hope that we will in the future) I can’t imagine myself being anywhere near remotely happy for a very long time.

I know how you feel because I have been through the same thing. It took me over a year to get over my first true love. At the time it didn’t seem like the pain would ever end. But it did, and sooner than I expected.

The best thing you can do for yourself right now is move on. I know it will be no use to tell you to stop contact with your ex, since your main hope is still to get back together. But even if you feel you must maintain contact, you have to move on in other ways. Work on having a rich personal life with your friends, with school if you’re in school or work otherwise.

I read over some of your older posts about this guy, and you just have to be ready that he will never want to be in a relationship again.

 

[jenlovesyu]

Never make someone your everything, because once they are gone, you’ve got nothing.

That is, with the exception of Jesus the Christ of course

A mortal man may be in your life one moment and then out the next. He may be kind to you one moment, and then mean the next.

Jesus will never leave your side. You can be sure of that. Always consistent. Patient. Loving.

Jesus can help you look past the pain and do what is best for you. He WANTS what is best for you. Like many posters have said before, don’t let a mere mortal man control you by making your life depend on him.

I know a thing or two about despair. Don’t give in to it. When you do, you let the devil get exactly what he wants. Real Love shouldn’t make you fall into despair.

Jesus wants your heart much more than any man on this planet. Go to him. He loves you more than you’ll ever know