He's leaving us

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Jengl

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SOme of you know the trials that have been going on between my husband and the last year or so. From his porn addiction, to his nastiness to his distant attitude. He will not seek marriage councelling - we can’t pay for it anyway --no insurance.

I started taking some advice and started the Consecration to the Holy Family. It might not change his mind since God doesn’t interfere with free will. But maybe it will help us deal with it better.

A week ago he implied some hope when he said I’d always be his wife to him. But last night he said he’s moving out after the holidays. He loves me as a person but is not in love with me. (Though I think the porn distorted what love is for him) He wants to give the kids “one more year” before he leaves us.

I’m crushed and I know I can’t make him stay. I was up most of the night because I couldn’t sleep. He on the other hand is now parading around the house with glee.
 
*Oh no! I was hopeful things would get better. I will hold you both in my prayers. No matter what happens, God is always there for you. He doesn’t interfere with free will, BUT…He knows our needs, He won’t give us more than we can handle. As Mother Teresa once said…’‘God must think I can handle a lot!’’ :o lol

Praying for you. :console: :gopray:*
 
If its any comfort I’ve been in your situation.My wife gave me three days warning.I can only suggest that you keep praying this is a very painful experience. You have my empathy. Just try and do the right thing by God. Put your faith first, love your kids as best you can, be there for them.

I was unable to reason with my wife nothing was going to stop her from going, but I have though drawn strength from my faith. Please know that I will be praying for you and thinking of you as you go through this very difficult time

Bless you. And know that the Lord is helping you through this.
 
I don’t think he quite knows what love is, all he knows is attraction from the porn. That romanticism and lust is not love but many people think it is and have trouble realizing it isn’t. Only aiming for chastity teaches you it, because you realize how inferior one is compared to the other, pure love, vs. sensual attraction and flights of fancy…

Until that is solved… and he no longer associates instant gratification with love but instead delayed gratification and self sacrifice with love… (and this through God)…

Well that is what has to change… I think…

What journey it will take for that to change for him… is hard to say.

You have my prayers… Prayer, prayer, and more prayer… if anything can help… God’s spiritual help is what changes hearts and minds.
 
Hello, you seem like a nice person and I’m sorry to say he sounds like an idiot. I want to be nice about it and say I’ll pray for him but this situation makes me angry. Here he’s got a beautiful family and he’s throwing it all away.
I’m praying for you that you can cope with this and God gives you the strength to get through this and come out stronger than ever for your kids and for yourself.
It sounds to me like you are much too good for him…God bless you:)
 
Very sorry to hear of your hardships. 😦
You have my prayers and empathy too, my husband left us almost 2 years ago. It is devastating but sometimes in hindsight definitely for the better. It is still so very hard but the part you are in right now was the darkest and most horrible for me in my experience.

I advise you to TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF and your children…and completely turn over your husband to God. God can handle him! Continue to pray for him, but be at peace that God’s ways are above our ways, and you don’t need to bring even more anxiety and depression on yourself.

God bless you, dear heart.
 
I went through it as well. My dh left and did not want to counseling. I asked both our Patron Saints for intercession. It worked. He came back, went to counseling. It will be a long road, but there is always Hope where there is Faith. Things are better but it will be a process. Just keep your Faith and remember in absence the heart grows fonder. At this point you need to start making notes too for anything that you remember or anything that is happening now that may help with your anullment. If you are not sure then talk to your deacon or priest - if your sacrament was not valid then there is not reason that your children should not grow up with a good, Catholic man in the home.
 
whatevergirl said:
*Oh no! I was hopeful things would get better. I will hold you both in my prayers. No matter what happens, God is always there for you. He doesn’t interfere with free will, BUT…He knows our needs, He won’t give us more than we can handle. As Mother Teresa once said…’‘God must think I can handle a lot!’’ :o lol

Praying for you. :console: :gopray:*
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Thanks so much 🙂 I love that quote from Mother Teresa! I was hopeful as well. But he just doesn’t want to work on it. He says too much has gone on between us - but I’ve seen marriages involving infedility survive easier than this. I think he made up his mind to leave and nothing will change that. He told me in our conversation a week ago that he’s afraid if he leaves he’ll never come back. I don’t get it. Family is family. How can you just get up and desert your family?
 
JRPO said:
If its any comfort I’ve been in your situation.My wife gave me three days warning.I can only suggest that you keep praying this is a very painful experience. You have my empathy. Just try and do the right thing by God. Put your faith first, love your kids as best you can, be there for them.

I was unable to reason with my wife nothing was going to stop her from going, but I have though drawn strength from my faith. Please know that I will be praying for you and thinking of you as you go through this very difficult time

Bless you. And know that the Lord is helping you through this.
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Thank you for the prayers and empathy. My husbad is the same way. Faith, thankfully, has been easy for me. I know my husband pulls away from his faith when things go bad - i but I see it different. It’s a time more than ever to cling to and trust God. I said the Rosary this morning in front of the Blessed Sacrament. That helped me feel better- I’m still upset - but consoled at the same time.
 
dashso40 said:
Hello, you seem like a nice person and I’m sorry to say he sounds like an idiot. I want to be nice about it and say I’ll pray for him but this situation makes me angry. Here he’s got a beautiful family and he’s throwing it all away.
I’m praying for you that you can cope with this and God gives you the strength to get through this and come out stronger than ever for your kids and for yourself.
It sounds to me like you are much too good for him…God bless you:)
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Hi. Thank you for your prayers. I pray this experience will make him see things more clearly, but I don’t think it will. He said last night that after last week’s talk he has been in a better mood at work. And ever since last night’s talk he’s been all over the house singing Christmas carols ?!? I find that a bit insensitive. He might feel better that he’s leaving us behind, but maybe he can act happier out of my presence…But anyway. Everything happens for a reason. I trust in God’s plan. Even if this wasn’t part of His plan - He has a way of making things turn out to contribute to His plan. For instance - if any time I needed to be infront of the Blessed Sacrament - now is it. My husband chose last night to clearly state his intentions - just when 40 hours started.
 
Jengl said:
Thank you for the prayers and empathy. My husbad is the same way. Faith, thankfully, has been easy for me. I know my husband pulls away from his faith when things go bad - i but I see it different. It’s a time more than ever to cling to and trust God. I said the Rosary this morning in front of the Blessed Sacrament. That helped me feel better- I’m still upset - but consoled at the same time.
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I went through something similar,but at that time I was not in communion with our Lord.It was devastating BECAUSE I didn’t have my Faith.I do now, thank God in His Mercy.My son and I will pray the Rosary for you,your children and especially your husband.May God Bless you and our Lady prayerfully intercede for you.
 
joandarc2008 said:
I went through it as well. My dh left and did not want to counseling. I asked both our Patron Saints for intercession. It worked. He came back, went to counseling. It will be a long road, but there is always Hope where there is Faith. Things are better but it will be a process. Just keep your Faith and remember in absence the heart grows fonder. At this point you need to start making notes too for anything that you remember or anything that is happening now that may help with your anullment. If you are not sure then talk to your deacon or priest - if your sacrament was not valid then there is not reason that your children should not grow up with a good, Catholic man in the home.
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Thank you for the advice. And yes that is true - If i were ever free to marry again I would definitley be sure he is Catholic. I don’t know where God is calling me to be or what to do now, but I trust He will reveal it to me at the right time.
 
Hi Jengl,

I’m Epistemes, and I’m a sex addict. I haven’t kept up with your situation, but reading what you’ve said just now has caused me to see how much your husband needs YOU to read this book: *Hope and Recovery: A Twelve Step Guide for Healing From Compulsive Sexual Behavior *

Why? There’s a test which helps a person determine if they are an addict or not, and your husband’s actions say “Yes” to several (highlighted):
  1. Have you ever thought you needed help for your sexual thinking or behavior?
  2. That you’d be better off if you didn’t keep “giving in”?
    3. That sex or stimuli are controlling you?
  3. Have you ever tried to stop or limit doing what you felt was wrong in your sexual behavior?
  4. Do you resort to sex to escape, relieve anxiety, or because you can’t cope?
  5. Do you feel guilt, remorse or depression afterward?
    7. Has your pursuit of sex become more compulsive?
    8. Does it interfere with relations with your spouse?
  6. Do you have to resort to images or memories during sex?
  7. Does an irresistible impulse arise when the other party makes the overtures or sex is offered?
  8. Do you keep going from one “relationship” or lover to another?
  9. Do you feel the “right relationship” would help you stop lusting, masturbating, or being so promiscuous?
  10. Do you have a destructive need – a desperate sexual or emotional need for someone?
    14. Does pursuit of sex make you careless for yourself or the welfare of your family or others?
  11. Has your effectiveness or concentration decreased as sex has become more compulsive?
    16. Do you lose time from work for it?
  12. Do you turn to a lower environment when pursuing sex?
  13. Do you want to get away from the sex partner as soon as possible after the act?
    19. Although your spouse is sexually compatible, do you still masturbate or have sex with others?
  14. Have you ever been arrested for a sex-related offense?
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Think about it. The knowledge you gain from learning about his addiction may help you to help him.

God bless.
 
Jengl said:
Thank you for the advice. And yes that is true - If i were ever free to marry again I would definitley be sure he is Catholic. I don’t know where God is calling me to be or what to do now, but I trust He will reveal it to me at the right time.
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Not only that - but you may be called to vocation and you will need the anullment for that as well as I do not think your dh is going to give you permission to join an order as a married woman.
 
Your Priest will not charge you for counceling. Your Diocese, through Catholic Charities, will also have counceling on a sliding scale.

Call your priest today and make an appointment, for you yourself if your husband will not go.
 
His singing songs as he’s destroying his family…

Typical narcissist.

He’s just made himself happy and resolved his own dilemma. He’s in a great mood! He’s moving on! Oh… are you all still in the house reacting to him? He’s oblivious to your emotional needs and pain. Always was. Your emotions never mattered. Silly woman!

So endure his singing. And don’t comment on it or you’ll be accused of always ruining things and he’s trying to give the kids a nice holiday and do you have to be so negative all the timethat’swhyhe’sleaving!

Yeah, BTDT.

Don’t buy his “give the kids one last holiday” ****. It has nothing to do with the kids. Mr. Narcissist doesn’t want to be alone for the holidays and it will take him a few weeks to find a new place to live, empty the bank accounts and get his stuff moved out and serve you with divorce papers, which should arrive sometime during the holidays.

But he’s claiming to stay so he looks like the good guy.

Narcissists love to make noise. It irritates people. They live to do that. And when you complain about his Christmas carols he gets to call you the scrooge.

Put on religious Christmas music in the house. That will annoy him. Why, you’re just doing it because that’s what Christmas is really about. How could anyone complain?

😉

I’m sorry. I know how it feels.

Oh… change the locks after he leaves.
 
Wise advice, the above. The time to look towards your own defenses, financially, and otherwise is now.
 
I’m so sorry to hear that, that is absolutly terrible. All I can do is offer you my prayers, and my warmest hopes that you will pull through this.
 
oh yeah on a secular non-religious side before you say anything to the kids or touch the money consult a lawyer, pronto, now, yesterday, ASAP!!!
 
Put on religious Christmas music in the house. That will annoy him. Why, you’re just doing it because that’s what Christmas is really about. How could anyone complain?
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😉
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I’m sorry. I know how it feels.
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LOL Thanks for that 🙂 First time I laughed all day! Your description is soooooo what would happen. No matter what, I am always the bad guy. I admit to contributing to the problem - when relationships go sour it’s both parties. I’m just so shocked he’d give up so easily. Mr Family Guy… yeah right. (I apologize - my anger is setting in.I won’t dwell on it though…Well I’ll try not to 🙂 )
 
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