Oh here’s a recent post from another section of CA.
If you smoke pot (or somehow feel sympathetic to it) I personally, from my heart, encourage you to stop it and pick up a less harmful habit. Eat carrots; go running, go fishing, talk to your family, play soccer.
I don’t have children yet, but hopefully in the near future that will change.
What I do have is a nephew-in-law who smokes pot and is talking about becoming a drug dealer. He’s only 17, but has already made some attempts. His mother caught him with several bongs and some pot, and he tried to grow it as well.
To him it seems like an easy way to get rich. He is a high-school dropout and everyone has pretty much given up on him. His parents are not willing to do anything, so the rest of the family doesn’t have too many options.
We’ve been told flat out to stay out of it since he is not our child and we are not parents at all (like that’s the qualification needed to say that this is not a good career path). So now we don’t even comment and they don’t talk about it in front of us since we disapprove.
My husband resents their lack of action.
But I’m worried about the interaction between him and our child when we are parents. Actually, I don’t want it.
So here are my thoughts, you tell me if I’m overreacting.
- If he cleans up, really cleans up, we’re good.
But that seems very unlikely, since they are all acting like it’s a phase and he will grow out of it while he sinks deeper and deeper.
- If he continues to use drugs, we don’t see him.
We stay away from events which include him or take place where he lives (with his mother and grandmother, my husband’s cousin and aunt).
That would mean coming to some events after he has left and staying away from their place and missing their birthdays. Sad, but they are the ones who refuse to do anything about his lifestyle and I refuse to take my child to a drug den.
They would be able to come over if they wanted, as long as they didn’t bring him.
- If he really does go into dealing drugs, we don’t go where he goes, even when he’s not there.
That would be very unfortunate since it would include my in-laws’ house.
I love my in-laws, but they are soft and tolerant of this whole situation, and I love my child more. If his friends know he uses their place as his hideout, I don’t want to go there.
Background for this:
Not so long ago he wanted to spend a weekend at his grandparents’ house (my in-laws). It seemed a little odd, it had to be that very weekend. During that weekend he didn’t answer his phone or made very sure he couldn’t be overheard. He went out with some friends and they knew where to find him. It seemed like he was hiding from someone and needed to spend a few days out of town. On the other hand, the people he did see also seem very suspicious.
I’ve seen situations where various characters (from legal debt-collectors to less legal enforcers) came to family members’ houses to find someone who didn’t want to be found. It wasn’t nice and I don’t want to take the risk.
My husband agrees in principle, but he is also torn since he loves his aunt and cousin.
They don’t take things very seriously, they are used to shrugging their shoulders and taking the easy way out with the kid, and they wouldn’t really understand why anyone would want avoid their place just because they have a drug addict in the house.