Hi!

[Pax2u]

I haven’t read the last few pages of posts…frankly the OP has made me too angry!!! I truly believe you had best rethink your attitude toward your marriage or you may find out how many hours a week you will need to work to pay child support for 7 children.

You talk about your wife as though she is there for your use…in bed and to run your home. What about what SHE wants? Yes, maybe years ago when you were both young and starry eyed you made “an agreement” how it was going to be. Well guess what…things can change, people change, circumstances change.

I started reading this thread thinking it was a joke, posted to get women riled up. Well it certainly did me. Stop worrying about your wife going to heaven and look at yourself more clearly,

 

[maryjk]

I haven’t read the last few pages of posts…frankly the OP has made me too angry!!! I truly believe you had best rethink your attitude toward your marriage or you may find out how many hours a week you will need to work to pay child support for 7 children.

I wonder how many times she is going to tell him “no” before she tells him to “get out.” No, I don’t agree with this. BUT really how many times does he need to treat her like he owns her, before she stops the abuse?

You talk about your wife as though she is there for your use…in bed and to run your home. What about what SHE wants? Yes, maybe years ago when you were both young and starry eyed you made “an agreement” how it was going to be. Well guess what…things can change, people change, circumstances change.

I am sure she never imagined that she was marrying someone that was going to treat her the way he does. In essence he wants a person that spends her entire life cooking, cleaning, and doing the heavy lifting around the house and in addition he wants her to be ready and willing to drop everything so he can have “release.” Because he has “needs.” Of course her needs are met simply by seeing him happy.

I started reading this thread thinking it was a joke, posted to get women riled up. Well it certainly did me. Stop worrying about your wife going to heaven and look at yourself more clearly,

Most here are convinced that he is either a troll or the most selfish husband there is.

 

[Calliso]

Yeah I am about 99.9% sure this OP is just a troll coming here to get people mad. The scary part though is I realize that there are people out there that think the way the OP do. If the op is for real which I seriously hope he isn;t and doubt he is then he is the one that needs some serious help. I mean really he can;t deal with having a little pain in that area and being a little grumpy yet he thinks his wife is being unreasonable when she is taking care of 7 kids pretty much 24/7. I am willing to bet your wife probably feels sore and tired and grumpy pretty much most of that time dealing with all that. Then on top of that she has a husband who dismisses her own needs and seems to think that as long as his needs are being met well she aught to be happy too. I am not even a Catholic and even I understand enough just from reading these forums that your wife aren;t required to just keep popping out babies until she falls over dead. You seem to think that because your wife isn;t falling over dead she must just not be tired enough but like others have said mental health is important as well.

 

[Castello]

Don’t Feed The Troll.

How about them Yankees?

 

[Mummsie]

So, the consensus seems to be if you’re not a troll, seek out help from your priest/spiritual advisor.

If you are a troll, thank you. As a newbie to this site, I’ve been able to observe more Christian love and tolerance than I’ve seen in quite a while. And I’ve learned a lot about NFP and how it relates to a good marriage of love and respect.

Thank you posters.

 

[samiam1611]

I am very concerned that you have all misunderstood me. Obviously, as I am being attacked for being concerned about my wife’s salvation, I have not portrayed myself in the best light. In my attempt to be humble, I gave you all the impression that I am disrespectful/rude/a troll. Please accept my apologies for your confusion.

I am calling our parish this afternoon to discuss my wife’s problems with him. Hopefully he will help me figure out a way to REACH HER that does not compromise our marriage, our vows, our worship of The Lord, and our need to allow GOD to decide our family size.

Someone asked earlier if I thought that I would get to Heaven by having a large family. I do not believe this. What I do believe is that those of us who are equipped with the Shield of the Lord are obligated to allow HIM to decide our family size, and not just give up when it gets a little inconvenient or hard. What if #8 is going to be the next Joe Montana or Jonas Salk?

I realize that some of you women deny the existence of male needs. However, I work 70+ hours a week and when I come home, I do need to release and I find that I am in a much better mood when I can achieve a release with my wife. Many of you have suggested that on top of working 70 hours a week, managing a business, and bringing home the bacon, I should also sign up to do my wife’s housekeeping. I assure you that I would be much better equipped to do this if my male needs were met.

Hi Roland,
I don’t think you are a troll. I think you are resistant to the answers/advice you’ve gotten though. I get the impression that you are a nice person; I don’t picture you blowing up at your wife or anything like that.

Also, I believe what you say about the pain or discomfort. I started a thread awhile back asking about that. The mods closed it but not before I got some good answers (and a few PMs) indicating that while not everyone is affected,some definitely are.
If you click on my thread you will see that there is a solution to your pain. There might be a few days(?) of frustration though.

I have gotten a feel for your views on marriage, children and God. Your beliefs sound to me like that of a Quiverfull. Quiverfull is a Protestant movement promoting procreation as God wills it. (Please click on the link for more info.) But Roland, you are not a Protestant or a Quiverfull. You are a Catholic. Your views on marriage and children and marital relations, etc are reminiscent of the Catholic view of these things but you kind of crossed the line. Catholics say “responsible parenthood.” Quiverfulls say it’s all up to God, He opens and closes the womb. IMO that’s not very responsible. Maybe it’s the atheist in me talking but it reminds me of those bumper stickers that say “relax, God is in control.” I think that’s a stupid bumper sticker and a stupid way to go about life. or “let go and let God.” IOW, sit back and let the universe take its course.

If you think God is in control, why bother trying hard at anything? If God is in control, why should that driver bother going to driving school, when he can just get in the car and God will protect him? Why bother working hard at school in order to get a good job if God is going to take care of me? Why bother with regulating births, self-restraint, careful discernment, if God is just going to take care of it no matter what?

I know I am taking that bumper sticker more literally than it is meant to be taken. But I think you are too, but in the opposite way.

You say leave it up to God…so, what, you think if God wants you to have another kid you will and if He doesn’t you won’t? It doesn’t work like that Roland. If your wife is fertile, you should basically expect another child. Your wife knows that. You don’t see her saying, “well I don’t want another child but God knows that and if I have sex he won’t get me pregnant.”

You and your wife are in control of if you have another baby or not (pretty much.) Not God. I mean yes God is involved with everything, sure, whatever. But seriously, if your wife gets pregnant with a child she doesn’t want bc you were feeling grumpy that day and she gave in, whose fault is that? Yours or God’s?

Yours, Roland. You (and your wife) are in charge of if you have another baby. If your wife has a legitimate reason to not want another one (WHICH SHE DOES!!!) than you need to man up, not “leave it up to God.” What a cop-out for taking responsibility.

There are multiple ways for you to be able to know God’s will. One is, do whatever the heck you want to do and if it turns out bad, you’ll say, well I guess that was God’s will. Or, you can be proactive about preventing bad things from happening (i.e. miscarriage due to advanced maternal age). Look around, look at the signs. Are the signs saying, "[SIGN]don’t worry Roland. I’ll take care of you and your family no matter how selfish you are.[/SIGN]
Or are the signs saying [SIGN]hey numbskull, your wife is hearing My will, listen to her![/SIGN]
What do the signs say?

 

[LightBound]

As far as trolling…when one uses their full name and then gives their spouse’s name and extreme personal details…it does make you question the validity of the posts. For the sake of his family, I really hope he is a troll and making up names. If not, I can only wonder how many of the OP’s fellow parishioners might have read his posts already. That’s beyond awkward.

And to the OP…if you are for real and you actually consider cooking, cleaning, and laundry “women’s work”…you are doing your sons a great disservice. They are going to be up a certain creek without a paddle when they get to college, seminary, or out on their own. Having “traditional roles” in the family is one thing…not being able to cook a meal or wash clothes because of what genitals you happen to have been born with is a lame and pathetic excuse, especially when it’s more than obvious to anonymous strangers on the internet that your poor wife is exhausted raising your sons. I agree that you need to take a week-long vacation and do her job…all 24/7 of it and see how you feel at the end of the week.

 

[ryecroft]

I haven’t said anything until now, but something you mentioned, really made me think and I checked. There is NO sin in abstinence even when married. I can’t imagine EVER telling my husband that I will not have sex with him, but I DON"T have 7 kids to take care of! I think you really are trying to be a good husband and I know that when you write statements out, they often don’t come out the way you said them or meant them when you heard yourself in your head (if I said that right - see what I mean?)
You mentioned that you ‘agreed’ to her having as many children as God would give you - but this was before she had raised 7 kids - it’s easy prior to marriage to say ‘I’d like 4 kids’ or in your case we might like to have a bakers dozen - and much more difficult when you are EXHAUSTED MENTALLY to want to allow yourself to get pregnant again. You’re wife has had 7 children - and been pregnant for over 5 years of your marriage (possibly more if there were ever any miscarriages)- no offense but you have never had a baby inside you - never puked your guts out from ‘morning’ sickness that lasts not only during the morning but also during the day and all through the night - and still made yourself get up to help the kids get ready for school and other activities. I have no doubt you love your wife - it’s just kind of coming across that you want what you want when you want it and that you and your wife made and agreement and gosh darnet you mean for her to keep her agreement. If she is saying she is tired, she is tired and with good reason. Please don’t force her to choose - you may not like the outcome. I think many of us would feel much more empathy for you if we knew you were at least open to abstaining at least for a while, but you say you ‘need a release’ every few days. Wow, you are lucky, I don’t know of a lot of people with 7 kids who’s wife is able to have enough energy to be with her husband that way every 2-3 days.
Let me mention, that even if her cycle is off there are machines out there that will tell you when you’re about to ovulate. She might even try it if you brought one home - who knows (granted there would need to be some time where information would be entered, which may not allow you to be intimate for a while, but sounds like you’re there already)
Please, please take what you’ve told us to a priest and see what he says. I bet it will be very similar to some of what you’ve heard on here, but at least you’ll hear from a priest that abstaining from sex is not a sin in marriage.
God Bless and Good Luck -
Rye

 

[RolandSimms]

If you think God is in control, why bother trying hard at anything? If God is in control, why should that driver bother going to driving school, when he can just get in the car and God will protect him? Why bother working hard at school in order to get a good job if God is going to take care of me? Why bother with regulating births, self-restraint, careful discernment, if God is just going to take care of it no matter what?

I know I am taking that bumper sticker more literally than it is meant to be taken. But I think you are too, but in the opposite way.

You say leave it up to God…so, what, you think if God wants you to have another kid you will and if He doesn’t you won’t? It doesn’t work like that Roland. If your wife is fertile, you should basically expect another child. Your wife knows that. You don’t see her saying, “well I don’t want another child but God knows that and if I have sex he won’t get me pregnant.”

You and your wife are in control of if you have another baby or not (pretty much.) Not God. I mean yes God is involved with everything, sure, whatever. But seriously, if your wife gets pregnant with a child she doesn’t want bc you were feeling grumpy that day and she gave in, whose fault is that? Yours or God’s?

Yours, Roland. You (and your wife) are in charge of if you have another baby. If your wife has a legitimate reason to not want another one (WHICH SHE DOES!!!) than you need to man up, not “leave it up to God.” What a cop-out for taking responsibility.

There are multiple ways for you to be able to know God’s will. One is, do whatever the heck you want to do and if it turns out bad, you’ll say, well I guess that was God’s will. Or, you can be proactive about preventing bad things from happening (i.e. miscarriage due to advanced maternal age). Look around, look at the signs. Are the signs saying, "[SIGN]don’t worry Roland. I’ll take care of you and your family no matter how selfish you are.[/SIGN]
Or are the signs saying [SIGN]hey numbskull, your wife is hearing My will, listen to her![/SIGN]
What do the signs say?

Thank you for this considerate response. I have to say, though, that I do have to disagree with you on one thing but I think it is God’s will that you brought up the issue of His providence. Let me explain.

For the last two years, I have been writing a book that is tentatively titled, “Pass The Check to Christ.” It is basically about the rat race in the USA and how we, as men and as heads of household, need to STOP working like slaves and START relying on God to fulfill our needs. We are called to have as many children as God gives us, and we need to start relying on HIS ability to provide for us in all situations as long as we fully trust in HIS goodness and grace.

Do you see where I am going? For far too long we have bought the lie that you have to work like a dog and save your money, buy health insurance, home owner’s insurance, car insurance… All as an alternative to trusting in HIS GOODNESS. We fear that, in the end, God will not really provide (I have fallen into this TRAP too) and so we ruin our spiritual lives and our families working, working, working and worrying, worrying, worrying. At the end of the day, what does the Lord want from us??? Perfect obedience, perfect reliance on HIM for ALL our needs!

It is my belief that if you have perfect reliance and perfect faith in HIS GOODNESS AND PROVIDENCE, that you could literally go to a restaurant, eat, and then walk away from the table, knowing the Christ will pick up the check. The book I am writing explores the idea that we do not rely nearly enough on His Will and we do not really trust that He is in charge and will care for ALL (YES ALL) of our needs if we only let him.

Who do you want to be in charge of your life? You? An unworthy sinner? Or THE CHRIST? I choose Christ!

 

[mini_me640]

Thank you for this considerate response. I have to say, though, that I do have to disagree with you on one thing but I think it is God’s will that you brought up the issue of His providence. Let me explain.

For the last two years, I have been writing a book that is tentatively titled, “Pass The Check to Christ.” It is basically about the rat race in the USA and how we, as men and as heads of household, need to STOP working like slaves and START relying on God to fulfill our needs. We are called to have as many children as God gives us, and we need to start relying on HIS ability to provide for us in all situations as long as we fully trust in HIS goodness and grace.

Do you see where I am going? For far too long we have bought the lie that you have to work like a dog and save your money, buy health insurance, home owner’s insurance, car insurance… All as an alternative to trusting in HIS GOODNESS. We fear that, in the end, God will not really provide (I have fallen into this TRAP too) and so we ruin our spiritual lives and our families working, working, working and worrying, worrying, worrying. At the end of the day, what does the Lord want from us??? Perfect obedience, perfect reliance on HIM for ALL our needs!

It is my belief that if you have perfect reliance and perfect faith in HIS GOODNESS AND PROVIDENCE, that you could literally go to a restaurant, eat, and then walk away from the table, knowing the Christ will pick up the check. The book I am writing explores the idea that we do not rely nearly enough on His Will and we do not really trust that He is in charge and will care for ALL (YES ALL) of our needs if we only let him.

Who do you want to be in charge of your life? You? An unworthy sinner? Or THE CHRIST? I choose Christ!

First off, if you really believe this, why do you insist you have to keep working 70 hours and thus can’t help with the household chores?

Secondly, sometimes God provides through our own labor. He’s not a genie. He gives us abilities, talents, and opportunities to use.

 

[severus68]

Thank you for this considerate response. I have to say, though, that I do have to disagree with you on one thing but I think it is God’s will that you brought up the issue of His providence. Let me explain.

For the last two years, I have been writing a book that is tentatively titled, “Pass The Check to Christ.” It is basically about the rat race in the USA and how we, as men and as heads of household, need to STOP working like slaves and START relying on God to fulfill our needs. We are called to have as many children as God gives us, and we need to start relying on HIS ability to provide for us in all situations as long as we fully trust in HIS goodness and grace.

Do you see where I am going? For far too long we have bought the lie that you have to work like a dog and save your money, buy health insurance, home owner’s insurance, car insurance… All as an alternative to trusting in HIS GOODNESS. We fear that, in the end, God will not really provide (I have fallen into this TRAP too) and so we ruin our spiritual lives and our families working, working, working and worrying, worrying, worrying. At the end of the day, what does the Lord want from us??? Perfect obedience, perfect reliance on HIM for ALL our needs!

It is my belief that if you have perfect reliance and perfect faith in HIS GOODNESS AND PROVIDENCE, that you could literally go to a restaurant, eat, and then walk away from the table, knowing the Christ will pick up the check. The book I am writing explores the idea that we do not rely nearly enough on His Will and we do not really trust that He is in charge and will care for ALL (YES ALL) of our needs if we only let him.

Who do you want to be in charge of your life? You? An unworthy sinner? Or THE CHRIST? I choose Christ!

Then you should stop working outside the home or work the minimum to feed and clothe and help your poor wife around the house, with the children and teach your sons to do chores. Your wife will then have the energy, mental and emotional, that she so needs and will appreciate that help and support.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Wow. You seem to have misunderstood me. I apologize for lacking clarity. My wife, who is supposed to be Catholic, is giving me two options: one of us get sterilized or use condoms OR stop having marital relations. As I see it, both are grievous sins that would likely end in the destruction of our holy union.

Right now Patricia is going through a hard time. I do appreciate that. She’s acting out. I humbly submit as her spouse to most of her whims. But this is going too far and asking me to possibly condemn the BOTH of us to the fires of Hell.

In days of yore, mothers took care of all the household duties with nary a modern convenience. Patricia has a dishwasher, a washing machine, a dryer, a computer, hot water, an automobile… My grandmother had 11 children in the early 1900s, lived without electricity OR indoor plumbing and never hired a day’s worth of work out. Never ordered food from a restaurant. Never used an automobile! She took pride in her vocation as mother and wife, took pride in her housekeeping and cooking. She not only kept an immaculate home, put three squares on the table every single day of her life, and raised 11 children (three of whom went on to religious vocations), but she hand sewed all the clothing for her family, got water from a well every day, and did needlepoint.

You can’t tell me that my wife is “done” and “over it” and “burned out” when the women of yesteryear endured so much more and raised what would become THE GREATEST GENERATION.

And many women of that generation died in childbirth, or died young from sheer exhaustion. My father’s mother died when he was 8, after having a baby boy who also died with her. The town doctor was widely known to have a drinking problem, and my grandmother died from an infection. You think those days were some sort of utopia for women?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

To answer your questions…

-It is not healthy for me to go more than a few days without a release. I start to have mood changes and I feel a soreness in the area.

-My wife is totally unwilling to use NFP because she has strange cycles and she does not “trust” it to be as effective. On my part, I have a really hard time with up to 20+ “NO INTIMACY” days per month. However, I might be willing to consider temporarily using NFP, but my wife won’t even consider it. It’s artificial birth control, sterilization or abstinence. My preference would be letting God decide our family size.

-I am not sure how a woman could be injured in such a way that the necessary area was no longer available for service. Honestly? If such a thing did occur, it would be extraordinarily difficult to deal with. I am not sure “what” I would do, as obviously I am committed to Patricia through sickness and health. We would deal with it, I guess, but always work toward a resolution that allowed marital unity.

-I believe there are such things as male needs. I understand that many women are not interested in the language of love and just want a paycheck and a Mercedes, but the way I show my wife that I love her is through the meeting of my male needs in our marital bed.

Sorry, I hadn’t read this response before my last post. This is so obviously a troll, just from the last paragraph. Trying to stir up a response by being provocative.

 

[RolandSimms]

And many women of that generation died in childbirth, or died young from sheer exhaustion. My father’s mother died when he was 8, after having a baby boy who also died with her. The town doctor was widely known to have a drinking problem, and my grandmother died from an infection. You think those days were some sort of utopia for women?

No, I do not think it was a utopia… But probably a lot more of those women led Godly lives and went to Heaven than modern women.

 

[jilly4ski]

No, I do not think it was a utopia… But probably a lot more of those women led Godly lives and went to Heaven than modern women.

Who still go to heaven at higher rate then men who can’t control their sexual urges.

 

[Carina20]

I think that you and your wife need to take some time for jut the two of you. Find a babysitter and take a weekend trip. Even if you just go to a movie and a bed and breakfast. You may not even need a sitter with three teenagers at home. I agree that you should get your sons to do some chores. Our house has a chore list. Even the youngest can help fold clothes and clean their rooms. When the two of you are alone, be romantic with her. She may be bored with the monotony of daily life and craves romance. If over the course of a few months with the kids doing chores and her having less work to do all by herself, she may be open to more kids. But she may feel like she is lacking in romance and all the chores may make her feel weighed down. Pray for her and with her as a couple. If she knows you guys agreed to accept children and she knows Catholic teaching is against artifical birth control, then where would that leave you? I think you both need to pray and examine your hearts. If all the chores were reduced and the boys were more respectful to their mom, listening to her when she tells them to do something, do you think she would be less stressed and more receptive? I’m not going to call you names or say you are selfish. You know your own wife better than I do. But if you will ever be able to resume a physical relationship, and you cannot use NFP, then you and your wife need to deal with the fact that another baby may come. I think you should hold off on the baby talk for a little while until your sons have taken on responsibility of chores for a while and you and your wife have had some alone time without the kids.

 

[dailey]

Sorry, I hadn’t read this response before my last post. This is so obviously a troll, just from the last paragraph. Trying to stir up a response by being provocative.

Ewww, his last sentence made me cringe… ><

 

[TheRealJuliane]

Ewww, his last sentence made me cringe… ><

Yep, TROLOLOLO…

troll song

 

[LightBound]

Yep, TROLOLOLO…

troll song

Yep, Troll Extraordinaire! He did his research before coming on here though, didn’t he? Certainly knew all the “extreme trad buzz words and phrases” to sprinkle throughout his posts!

At the very least, hopefully the mods will remove this thread since he’s managed to post both a name for himself and his wife…and I think that’s kind of a violation of privacy, isn’t it?

 

[severus68]

Yep, Troll Extraordinaire! He did his research before coming on here though, didn’t he? Certainly knew all the “extreme trad buzz words and phrases” to sprinkle throughout his posts!

At the very least, hopefully the mods will remove this thread since he’s managed to post both a name for himself and his wife…and I think that’s kind of a violation of privacy, isn’t it?

Yes, lol. Unfortunately as another poster said, there are actually husbands like this, so called Catholic ones too.