I’d like to hear from anyone with experience with a parent with Histrionic Personality Disorder. My mother suffers from this condition, and the rest of us are suffering quite a bit as a result. If you’ve been in my position:
Do you maintain a close relationship with the person?
Do they have regular contact with your children?
How do you explain their erratic behavior to the kids?
Do you call the person on the behavior when it happens, or do you just let it go?
To whom do you vent your frustrations? Your spouse? A friend? A priest?
Answers, anecdotes, ideas, feedback… all would be helpful and greatly appreciated. I’m feeling a bit lost and overwhelmed at the moment.
Peace of Christ,
Mary
You need boundaries and to be able to remain sane and as calm as possible when dealing with her. Look into a concept called ‘rational detachment’ (easier said/recommended than done) but I have developed the ability to do this over the years. It is more difficult with family members however.
A close relationship? How close? The closer you get do the crazier you get? If so finding the right balance, the degree you need to have separation (i.e. less frequent phone calls, taking breaks from contact, etc).
If my mom or anyone behaved in a way that I felt would harm my child’s development emotionally, (or otherwise) I would not allow contact or only do so with family under my direct supervision. As I observed I would be assessing the interactions and potential impact on my son ongoing and limit or cut contact alltogether depending on the degree of negativity if there were negativity aside from what would be considered in the range of ‘normal’, as in less than perfect as no one is perfect. But I would have a CLOSE eye and follow up as appropriate.
Does your mom have insight into her issues? Does she have the capacity to gain insight? Does she acknowledge her negative behaviors if confronted or does she blame, deflect, etc?
Explaining to kids- IMO depends on kids age and degree of non normalness. I think if the child is old enough it’s OK to just simply generalize, but I would’t keep this a secret from mom, especially if she is ever to have contact with them when your not there.
I believe on calling people on their behavior. More importantly, if I am going to set a limit on someone (i.e. if you do x again I will do y) you better follow through, always! Or don’t set the limit. If calling her on her behavior results in time and time again her not seemingly being able to acknowledge her behavior (depends on degree to which she is impacted by her isssues) and essentially unable to ‘reality test’ (she won’t agree with your view regardless of trying time and again…well arguing with a brick wall doesn’t make much sense, does it? So it might be best to limit contact and avoid calling on behavior if that is the case.
Vent to anyone you trust, and do it often! lol It’s stressful, you need to get this stuff OUT. Therapy can also be helpful but is typically more of a long term thing rather than a few session venting in your case IMO. It would be better to have at least a few people to ‘vent’ to as being vented to is stressful as well lol You don’t want to vent to one person, overwhelm them, then have them set a limit on you of not talking to you as your driving them crazy with your constant venting. So if you have several people you can spread the venting. And if you have therapy you can work with a professional on strategies to cope, etc in addtion to venting.
It makes a big difference if this is something you can work on WITH your mom. If not it’s a different ballgame.
You can also vent online, there are various groups here with various topics where people share their stories, experiences, etc… check them out. There are probably other resources on the internet in dealing with histrionic people, books, etc. And other internet forums to ‘vent’ also.
Good luck and God Bless,
Bill
