Holding hands during the Lord's Prayer-Respectfully Declining

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Welcome to the ONE, HOLY, CATHOLIC and APOSTOLIC CHURCH, Mary Kay. At Mass, I always make sure that I have my eyes closed, head bowed, and hands folded in a prayerful manner when we are to say the Our Father. It helps me concentrate on the meaning of the words AND avoids the hand-holding (which is NOT in the Rubrics). When we are exhorted to offer one another the sign of peace, everyone around me is smiling and no one appears to be offended.

When we finally get a permanent priest, as a member of the Parish Council, I shall bring up this issue with him and, then, he can choose to pick his battles.

Peace of Christ be with you,

Boswell
MaryRita85 said:
What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand:rolleyes:.
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Brendan said:
This works for me as well. If I have my hands clasped in prayer and my eyes closed, no one has every tried to pry my hands apart.
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Same here. You just have to do it very quickly when it’s time for the Our Father.
🙂
 
MaryRita85 said:
What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand:rolleyes:.
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The appropriate way for me was to go to Latin Mass 😛

But in the regular or “new mass” I’ve offended a few by refusing to hold hands…and the “Peace be with you” handshaking part I always dread every mass. Feels forced and insincere.
 
The fake hand is cracking me up, I wonder if they have a more feminine hand?😛
 
If I am at my home parish it is usually my family next to me so no problem, but if away I just keep my hands folded. I can’t really believe anyone would be offended.
 
MaryRita85 said:
What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand:rolleyes:.
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I keep my hands folded, eyes closed. FYI: The Congregation for Divine Worship at the Vatican speaks with the authority of the pope on questions submitted to them regarding the liturgy. They record their answers for us in their ongoing publication, Notitiae (11 (1975) 226). They said, “Holding hands during the Our Father has become common place, but it is an illicit addition to the Liturgy. Holding hands is a sign of intimacy and not reconciliation, and as such disrupts the flow of the Sacramental signs in the Mass which leads to the Sacramental sign of intimacy with Christ and our neighbor, Holy Communion.”
 
ARags said:
I used to hold hands and other times hold my hands up during the prayer. I copy-cat-ed the many others doing that, it seemed a pleasant gesture. Then I went to a class by our priest about those changes of wording in the Mass, and he was asked other questions. He said the Church never approved holding hands during the Lord’s Prayer – people just started doing it. Also he said the people were not supposed to be holding their hands up while praying; that posture belongs only to priests, like we see them doing in Mass when praying.

I wonder if there are other things the people are doing that isn’t approved? Why don’t they educate us, I wondered. Not that it is such a huge issue, but… So I stopped doing both. (Although if some person reaches for my hand, I do not ignore, but hold their hand.) Kindness is important.

When I WAS still holding hands, I never grabbed anyone’s hand, but waited to see if their hand lifted towards me. If it did not, I didn’t take it personally.

Actually I liked the hand holding with family while we prayed, my husband, my mother – and would not stop doing that. But they are no longer here, so I’m glad I held their hands when I could.

PS: I have been on this Catholic Answers site for two days. I got a message that someone has sent me a reply, but I cannot FIND IT. !
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Welcome ARags.

At the top of the page you will see a list odfe you will see the word Profile. Click on that and you will see the words private message. That is where you will find ur reply.
 
johnnykins said:
Folded hands with head bent has worked for me for years with one exception…a young lady, about 13 grabbed my hand. I offered it up and just held hands. Kids, especially teenagers, are barely civilized anyway, so no need to make a big issue of it. If an adult had done it, I’m not sure how I’d react, but probably the same way, though I really like the fake sneeze ploy. 😃
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Thank Goodness I don’t have this problem in Mass in Ireland, we keep our hands to ourselves during the Our Father, one can fold them, put them by your side, whatever, the only time we shake hands and that is at the Sign of Peace, and even that you get the odd person who wont shake hands for they give you a bow, but this is rare.
 
Except for a few people who do it with family members, I have not seen hand holding done in my parish at the Our Father. In recent years (since the SARS outbreak) most people no longer shake hands at the sign of peace. They just nod, smile or wave. If someone near me does extend a hand, I will shake it so as not to be rude but this does not happen very often.
 
Usige said:
I find keeping my hands folded in front of me with my eyes closed generally works. If not, looking them in the eyes with a slight shake of the head when they reach for you hands is enough.
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That has worked for me most of the time.

However, when I was traveling recently, a woman grabbed my hand as I was in the process of bringing them together in front of me. I smiled politely and gave a small head shake, and she became very offended. She would not even look my direction during the sign of peace and virtually ran away after Mass before I could explain why I declined.
 
jwinch2 said:
That has worked for me most of the time.

However, when I was traveling recently, a woman grabbed my hand as I was in the process of bringing them together in front of me. I smiled politely and gave a small head shake, and she became very offended. She would not even look my direction during the sign of peace and virtually ran away after Mass before I could explain why I declined.
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Maybe I have spent too much time around monks, but wouldn’t it have been better to imitate our Lord who said, “Not my will, but thy will be done” and just held the woman’s hand rather than offend?

-Tim-
 
I tend to keep my hands slightly apart but centred on my body and I don’t make any movement to the side when we stand for the Our Father. I don’t mind prayer with holding hands, but I don’t like it in the middle of the mass as I find it distracting.
 
TimothyH said:
Maybe I have spent too much time around monks, but wouldn’t it have been better to imitate our Lord who said, “Not my will, but thy will be done” and just held the woman’s hand rather than offend?

-Tim-
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I understand where you are coming from, though I don’t thinking taking our Lord’s words regarding the will of God the Father is particularly appropriate or applicable in this situation.

However, there are two mitigating factors. The first of these is that I had a cold at the time and I was trying not to spread it. Secondly, the whole thing happened very rapidly. My hands were already completely clasped together when she grabbed and tried to pull them apart so that by the time I registered what was going on, they were completely clasped and we had already started the prayer. One could reasonably suggest that if she looked and saw my hands clasped together in front of me, perhaps it would have been polite to leave well enough alone.

If I could have spoken to her afterwards I could have explained it, or even during the sign of peace, but she did not give me that option. There are many times in my life where I have been the bad guy, but i’m not seeing it here.
 
MaryRita85 said:
What is the appropriate way to decline the holding of hands during the Lord’s Prayer? When the person next to me tries to hold my hand what do I do? Sometimes I can just act like I don’t notice them but other times, they will just grab my hand:rolleyes:.
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I’m am suprised when I read this on CAF. I have never had a none family member try to take my hand during the Lord’s Prayer. In any church I’ve attended.

I usually have my hands folded (fingers interlocking) when praying. And during the Lord’s Prayer I often also have my eye’s closed.

In my own parish, even when folks next to me join hands, the person on the end doesn’t try to “link up” ouside the family/group. He usually just holds his “outside” hand up, but isn’t grabbing anyone. I’ve seen families/groups steated in the same pew and they will each hold hands within the family/group, but not with the family/group next to them.

Edited to add: in answer to the question, I’d just smile and shake my head no - and keep my hands folded in prayer.
 
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