Holding Hands During the Our Father

[bsdman]

On Relevant Radio last night, Patrick Madrid (guest apologist) was asked by a caller about when people in the Church first started to hold hands during the Our Father. I remember when this was new, and did not know what to make of it.

Patrick’s view is my view on this. He said this was a part of the recent charasmatic movement that has influenced the Church to some degree, especially in the US. There is no biblical precedent, no Church teaching, no opinion given by a Saint - there is nothing in our Church that states this is something we ought to do. It is a nice outwardly gesture - a show of unity of sorts - but to be honest, as a man, I really don’t like holding hands other than my wife’s. My thoughts during this time of Our Lords Prayer are up toward God, not a near stranger’s clamy hands. It is distracting at a key point of the mass and it is unfounded in our history. This act seems very Evangelical, and not Catholic at all.

Can anyone point out why we are doing this, and should it stop? I think it should.

 

[janman55]

I don’t care for it either, but I did ask a priest in a parish that it seemed to be very prevalent. He had no problem with it and considered it in the arena of local custom. His point was that if you attended a Mass in Africa you would see other local customs which in his estimation were no different. I still resist it.

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

Can anyone point out why we are doing this, and should it stop? I think it should.

I can live with a married couple holding their hands during Our Father but otherwise I find it annoying and distracting. It wasn’t done before so I don’t see why some people should try to impose it now. We see other people around us so I don’t understand why we should emphasize that we are a community, especially today when Holy Mass is often turned into a social gathering that is more oriented towards us than God.

 

[Joe_5859]

The Church has not spoken one way or the other on this practice.

A priest friend of mine (whose special area of study is liturgy) told me that the practice originated in the 70’s because of Marriage Encounter weekends. Couples would be encouraged on the weekend to hold hands with their spouse during the Our Father. They would then continue the practice after the weekend. Others in the parish would see them and think it was a good idea. I’m not exactly sure where he got this information. It’s probably a difficult thing to pin down exactly.

It is very widespread. I myself am uncomfortable with it, but there are certainly worse liturgical abuses out there. I think the whole point is to emphasize unity (the “our” in the “Our Father”). I personally think it’s rather cheesy, but I know people who really like doing it.

I usually just bow my head, close my eyes, and keep my hands together right before the Our Father starts and people take the hint. Not always, though! I did once have someone reach over and wrestle my hand out of its prayerful position in order to hold it! I was so shocked that I really found it more funny than offensive.

At this point, it seems it would be impossible to stop the practice unless it was mandated that people not do that (and even then, maybe not). It seems unlikely that the Church would regulate this as it’s a relatively minor thing, but you never know.

 

[Joe_5859]

I can live with a married couple holding their hands during Our Father but otherwise I find it annoying and distracting. It wasn’t done before so I don’t see why some people should try to impose it now. We see other people around us so I don’t understand why we should emphasize that we are a community, especially today when Holy Mass is often turned into a social gathering that is more oriented towards us than God.

I agree that it shouldn’t be imposed. There is nothing in the GIRM that mandates it. No bishop that I’m aware of has mandated it. So people should be free not to do it if it makes them uncomfortable.

I have no problem emphasizing community (to an extent) because the Mass is, after all, the communal prayer. But it is in partaking of the Eucharist where we are truly united as a community of believers. It’s not because we hold hands during the “Our Father.”

 

[bsdman]

especially today when Holy Mass is often turned into a social gathering that is more oriented towards us than God.

I couldn’t agree with you more on this point. I do think that the US Church has been influenced by Western society as a whole - and not necessarily in a good way. Networking, socializing, organizing schedules - and…time to shut off your cell phone… mass is starting.

I bet we would all be terribly surprised and perhaps a little impressed with how we Catholics approached Church and mass as little as 5 decades ago. I see people talking whenever they get a chance. Or if not talking, being quiet as opposed to being reverent.

Holding hands during the Lords Prayer does not symbolize or reflect anything about our servant Church. Time to stop holding hands, and time to start putting them together.

I’m off my soap box. Sorry!

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

I couldn’t agree with you more on this point. I do think that the US Church has been influenced by Western society as a whole - and not necessarily in a good way. Networking, socializing, organizing schedules - and…time to shut off your cell phone… mass is starting.

I bet we would all be terribly surprised and perhaps a little impressed with how we Catholics approached Church and mass as little as 5 decades ago. I see people talking whenever they get a chance. Or if not talking, being quiet as opposed to being reverent.

Holding hands during the Lords Prayer does not symbolize or reflect anything about our servant Church. Time to stop holding hands, and time to start putting them together.

I’m off my soap box. Sorry!

Yes, re-orientation towards God is the key. Turning our faces to God should be the first step…and yes, I’m referring to the liturgy done Ad Orientem.

 

[justinthemartyr]

Actually, I believe this practive came about from an entirely different entity.

People over the past 60+ years have held hands at the Our Father at the end of meetings of recovery. I do not doubt for one second that this is one strong aspect of where the practice began and spilled over into the Mass. Knowing my strong willed tendencies, I would have done something like this in order to try to conform things to what I want. I always find myself wanting to say “kep coming back, it works” at the end of the Our Father, just as I do in meetings.

I teach my CCD children to not do this, as it is discouraged by the church.

Just think, in the past 2000 years of the mass, if only 1 aspect of the mass was changed every 100 years, there would be over twenty changes to the mass that would make it look and sound entirely different than God intended it for us.
peace, justin

 

[GandalfTheWhite]

I agree that it shouldn’t be imposed. There is nothing in the GIRM that mandates it. No bishop that I’m aware of has mandated it. So people should be free not to do it if it makes them uncomfortable.

Yep, but when people try grabbing your hands it is already annoying. You can ignore them, sure, but by that time you’re probably distracted by hoping that they aren’t somehow offended.

 

[justinthemartyr]

We immediately fold our hands in front of us and close our eyes when we stand to say the Our Father.

 

[quasimodo]

It’s not in the GIRM and so it should probably not be done …

HOWEVER … for pastoral reasons even most priests who oppose it do not and should not touch it. The GIRM may allow it some day, till then - ignore it if you don’t like it and don’t force it on others if you do.

One way or the other, it’s not part of the deposit of faith.

 

[Joe_5859]

Yep, but when people try grabbing your hands it is already annoying. You can ignore them, sure, but by that time you’re probably distracted by hoping that they aren’t somehow offended.

I agree that it is annoying and distracting. I’m not sure what the solution is, though, except for the Vatican to put out some official statement. Until that happens, I just try my best not to let it distract me.

 

[BlestOne]

Hi My name is BlestOne and I am a recovering OUR FATHER HAND HOLDER…

Ahh I feel better now! Anyway, I will tell you when I started holding hands… when my ex left… yep you heard it right, it was the only way I could find to make the kids hold still so I could pray the Our Father at mass… Thankfully, the kids are older and we don’t do it anymore…

 

[neophyte]

Actually, I believe this practive came about from an entirely different entity.

People over the past 60+ years have held hands at the Our Father at the end of meetings of recovery…

Interesting theory.

In the recovery community to which I belong it’s customary to put our arms around each others shoulders or waist as we satnd in the circle. I sure hope that that doesn’t spill over into the Mass!

 

[puzzleannie]

I used to take an annual retreat at a center which also offers retreats throughout the year for AA members and leaders. during their Masses, the handholding thing was done for the OF and the priests explained this is an AA thing from their meetings, so the custom spread to all their Masses, but warned us if it is not the custom at our local parishes not to add it. we also did this after Girl Scout meetings in the 70s in a troop with girls from several churches, so I think the CAtholic girls picked it up there.

 

[bsdman]

I see the looks now…
“How could you not hold hands? What’s wrong with us that you wouldn’t want to hold our hands? You need to start loving God and take this seriously.” Ugggg.

It’s a sort of thing where you appear mean and disconnected if you don’t do it. That’s not a fair assesment b/c I’m not mean or disconnected. I don’t feel any thing when I am nearly forced to do to hold hands. All I feel is the passing thought in my head “Wow… this lady has HUGE hands. Bigger than mine… wow” or “Yuck - this guy has clammy hands”.

A man at our church pretends to have a cold every week so he doesn’t hold hands. At first I was offended, but the more I thought about it, I agree with him (but he should not hide behind a fake cold). I will continue to hold hands as long as the Church is doing it. If asked, I will offer up my opinion, however.

I don’t think people made any sort of conserted effort to have this in all the mases, it just sort of creeped in one church at a time, and quickly spread, and you look bad if you don’t join in. Not very fair.

 

[jbethity]

I had someone grab my hand once. I just went with it even though I can’t stand it (hey, I was on my honeymoon and in a good mood >D). everything about it bothers me - holding a stranger’s hand, the way people stretch across aisles and over rows, the way they hold their hands up higher at the end (are they mocking the priest or trying to be more like him?).

when it’s time for the our father, I either hold my hands in front of me or at my sides. sometimes I have my arm around my daughter because she’s decided to snuggle against me. I haven’t had anyone try to grab my hand in quite a while.

 

[ElizaCatherine]

The parish we live in holds hands. They think everyone should hold hands, including the priest. In fact, when I mentioned my distaste for this practice, he told me I didn’t have to hold hands, I could just use the same hand positions as the priest! My immediate thought was to ask him if he was really serious, but my reply was, “or I can keep my hands folded”. I’m sure that made him think a lot of me.

I’ve heard some say they think this sort of thing came into the Church with protestant converts. I am one of those converts, and we would have never help hands during the OF in my protestant church either. It’s extremely distracting, and I wish people would not take it as an offense when I ignore the offer of their hand.

I guess I don’t mind so much when families do this, but I prefer it not become a show with the raising up of that hands at the end. I think that is quite distracting too. I just think that the “community” or “our” part is already accompished by us praying together, and that we don’t need the choreography to go with it.

 

[aurora77]

Anybody stop holding hands with others after years of holding hands? I’ve been uncomfortable with the practice for awhile and recently (last weekend) got up the gumption not to hold hands with my neighbors. I don’t want to seem like a jerk, but I just don’t want to hold hands anymore. No dirty looks last week, so I’ll keep it up!

 

[teadough]

Actually, I believe this practive came about from an entirely different entity.

People over the past 60+ years have held hands at the Our Father at the end of meetings of recovery. I do not doubt for one second that this is one strong aspect of where the practice began and spilled over into the Mass. Knowing my strong willed tendencies, I would have done something like this in order to try to conform things to what I want. I always find myself wanting to say “kep coming back, it works” at the end of the Our Father, just as I do in meetings.

I

I had read an article from some Catholic site that stated your exact opinion on the subject. I,too,have to stop myself at group settings as to not say “thanks for sharing” and such.Especially at my RCIA class. A guy in another 12 step group attends RCIA and started off with “Hi,my name is Thomas” the other night.

I