Holding Hands During the Our Father

[blossom02]

It is such a distraction. The families that hold to this hand holding in my parish just end up playing with each other through the prayer. Some of those that listen to our pastor and stopped holding hands now are using the orans postion:shrug: He has tried to tell them that they don’t need to do his job but they just don’t get it(the orans postion is reserved for the priest).

 

[Guitar]

Take up organ-playing at Mass. Usually fixes the problem.

 

[briang72]

Anybody stop holding hands with others after years of holding hands? I’ve been uncomfortable with the practice for awhile and recently (last weekend) got up the gumption not to hold hands with my neighbors. I don’t want to seem like a jerk, but I just don’t want to hold hands anymore. No dirty looks last week, so I’ll keep it up!

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

Why did you stop?

 

[aurora77]

:clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:

Why did you stop?

I attended a Marian Conference a couple of weeks ago. Before the opening Mass, one of the priests got up and reminded everyone that hand holding and the orans posture are unapproved. Later that night, our group was talking and not one person wanted to hold hands, but we all felt compelled to. It got me thinking about how many other people might feel the same way. I figured someone had to be the first to break the habit.

 

[Seamus_L]

I detest this practice, particularly when it’s practically mandatory in some churches. It’s a touchy feely warm and fuzzy false expression of unity, and the Evangelicals can keep it.
If you think that's bad enough though, I was at at a mass in the late 90's where a guy about 6-3 and 350 lbs was practically bearhugging people around. One attractive young woman in her 20's looked a bit uncomfortable when he put the squeeze on her. I doubt the guy meant any harm, and he was indiscriminately embracing everyone around him, but hugging people you don't even know during mass doesn't belong in a Catholic Church.

 

[kitkatty]

I detest this practice, particularly when it’s practically mandatory in some churches. It’s a touchy feely warm and fuzzy false expression of unity, and the Evangelicals can keep it.

                      If you think that's bad enough though, I was at at a mass in the late 90's where a guy about 6-3 and 350 lbs was practically bearhugging people around. One attractive young woman in her 20's looked a bit uncomfortable when he put the squeeze on her. I doubt the guy meant any harm, and he was indiscriminately embracing everyone around him, but hugging people you don't even know during mass doesn't belong in a Catholic Church.

I dont like it either. Being brought up in the Byzantine Church it wasnt ever something I was exposed to but for years now being in an area without a Byzantine Church remotley close I have attended Novus Ordo Mass and I am blessed the parish church still looks like a Catholic Church and actually pretty traditonal, no guitars, people kneel for communion, etc. except for this holding hands during the Our Father. I dont like it and I just dont do it.

 

[Stratiotes]

Actually, I kindof like it despite the fact that I’m generally very very conservative about such things. I am a former protestant and the first time I saw this in a Catholic church I was impressed remembering the scripture and early fathers talking about praying “lifting up holy hands…” My first thought was that I liked lifting up my hands and holding hands is like holding each others’ hands up just as Moses’ hands were held up during the battle. I would therefore disagree with Mr. Madrid that there is no scriptural precedent - I think there is. Usually I am right in line with Mr. Madrid but I guess this is one place we’ll just have to disagree.

But, I don’t think anybody should feel uncomfortable for not holding hands either. I generally let my neighbor decide if they want to or not…most don’t.

 

[Finkelstein]

I wonder why this matter receives so much discussion? That’s what concerns me. Either hold hands (be considerate of others) or don’t hold hands (don’t put on a show) but either way focus on the Mass and not on others.

 

[Jennifer_G]

I know a few people who do that. Personally, I never held hands during the Our Father, even in my old Lutheran church. Now, during my great-aunt’s funeral Mass, the chapel priest and nuns (she was in a retirement home) held hands.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

It’s not supposed to be done in our diocese, but about 1/3 to a 1/2, depending on the parish, do. It seems the earlier the Mass, the better it is. I don’t. My husband doesn’t. Our kids don’t. I do kiss my husband at the Sign of Peace, but we stay in our pew and only handshake those who wish it directly around us. Those that don’t get a head nod with a “Peace be with you.” We do not allow the girls to go on Sign of Peace marathons, and we don’t allow them to perform Sign of Peace gymnastics.

 

[marleelynn]

growing up my family never held hands during the Our Father. Now when I go myself, I usually don’t “hold hands” unless someone would offer me their hand, which is very rare. Some people in my parish do hold hands, along with other parishes I attend.

 

[I_Believe]

We were taught in grade school (mid sixties) to hold our hands together in the traditional manner while praying. Palms together, fingers extended, pointed upward towards heaven. We were also taught to bow our heads slightly.

That is how I do it today as well. I find it keeps me focused on God, as well as assuring I pray the prayer with sincerity and reverence. I’ve noticed that many who hold hands during the Our Father, also tend to tilt their heads upwards. This is the opposite of how I was taught.

After the “For the Kingdom, the Power…”, I keep my hands in this position to maintain my awareness that another very important prayer is about to be said following the sign of peace.
I find it very hard to turn my focus away from my standing in the presence of God , to focusing on my neighbor, and then just as abruptly, immediately praying the Agnus Dei.

So, for the sign of peace, I simply look first to the person beside me in the pew. If they turn my way, I’ll say God bless you brother/sister, and offer a smile and nod. If anyone else in my pew looks my way, I’ll smile and nod. Once those in my pew have been acknowledged, I’ll return my focus on the Altar Crucifix, unless someone in the pew in front of me is turned my way. If not, I’ll close my eyes and bow for the Agnus Dei.

The only time I’ll turn to the pew behind me, is when I’m at a weekday Mass, and no one else is in my pew or the one directly in front of me.

If someone offers to shake hands during the sign of peace, I simply separate my hands slightly from the prayer position, turn a palm toward them, smile and nod. The majority of the time, they return the smile, seemingly ok with that. The only exception I will make, is if a small child offer his/her hand as a sign of peace. If a small child is learning to follow the Mass, I’ll not confuse them by rejecting their offer of kindness in a manner they may not understand. Kids emotions are fragile.

To those who have no problem with holding hands and shaking hands during Mass, I have no problem with them doing so. I don’t believe God is offended either.

 

[ac_claire]

Actually, I believe this practive came about from an entirely different entity.
People over the past 60+ years have held hands at the Our Father at the end of meetings of recovery… I always find myself wanting to say “kep coming back, it works” at the end of the Our Father, just as I do in meetings.

Very interesting! I never thought of this before, but yes…there is a strong parallel.

I’m almost 30, so for about the last 25 years, or as far back as my memory goes, holding hands during the Our Father was always just a part of the mass. We did it in my parish in New Mexico when I was a kid, at my university chapel, and every church I’ve attended in Dallas and Austin.

Of course, now I know that it’s an un-official custom that grew among the laity, and not actually part of the mass.

I personally don’t have a problem with it. I’ve always thought it was an expression of unity and charity. Reminds me of how a family will hold hands to say grace before meals…fitting because the Sacrifice of the mass is also a family meal.

But obviously if you don’t want to do it, you don’t have to. Nobody should be grabbing people’s hands. Someone offering their hand to you isn’t the same thing as grabbing. Just folding your hands together before the prayer starts is good advice. That’s what I do if there’s nobody sitting nearby or offering a hand, or if I just don’t feel like holding hands that day…

I honestly don’t think that most people are gonna look down on you or think you’re an uncharitable jerk if you choose to not hold hands. That’s a projection. It’s human nature (well, I know it’s my nature) to think that everyone is as focused on us as we are on ouselves. Truth is, most people are too busy with their own issues at mass to care about what we’re doing.

 

[ac_claire]

I see the looks now…
“How could you not hold hands? What’s wrong with us that you wouldn’t want to hold our hands? You need to start loving God and take this seriously.” Ugggg.

It’s a sort of thing where you appear mean and disconnected if you don’t do it. That’s not a fair assesment b/c I’m not mean or disconnected.

Don’t worry about what you think other people are thinking.
I’ll bet that nobody really sees you as mean or unloving or disconnected…Those are all your words. If you’re in a parish where most people hold hands and you decide to stop doing it, you’re naturally gonna be kind of self-conscious and uncomfortable at first. But most people don’t judge us as critically as we judge ourselves. Most people, in fact, don’t care.

I was a real shy and self-conscious little kid. I always thought people were looking at me funny and judging me. A big turning point was when one of my teachers told me, “you think everyone is noticing you? They’re not. You’re not that important!”

 

[JimR-OCDS]

For those of you who think holding hands during the Our Father is a liturgical abuse, may I suggest that you go on a bread and water fast, until this stops?

Jim

 

[Windmill]

I would love for a priest to poll a congregation:

“Who would prefer not to hold hands.”

The results might be surprising.

 

[Eugene]

I have no problem with holding hands during the Our Father. It is not a parish wide custom but several in the congregation practice it…it is certainly our little family custom and you know what? It is an excellent way to get our three year old to stand still for a couple of seconds!

I’m off to Confession now as I believe my eternal damnation is otherwise at hand!!!

Oh and by the way, whilst you are all clicking your tongues, shaking your heads, frowining and wondering where I’ve lost it, could you perhaps spare a moment to pray for the people of Kenya?

Thanks.

 

[KofC_SirKnight]

I do not hold hands at the Lord’s Prayer. I hold them clasped together in prayer. However, I don’t know what is happening in your parishes, but here it is a sight to behold and I don’t know how this happened. The Instructions tell the priest to join his hands together for the Doxology. For some strange reason, I have seen so many people reach their arms higher to the skies for the Doxology. I never understood that.

Richard

 

[anamchara]

I teach my CCD children to not do this, as it is discouraged by the church.

We never held hands in our Protestant Church but I don’t mind it too much. Our parish does it and our bishop hasn’t said anything about it. He is a good Bishop. I see some merit it in so it’s’ fine by me. But if they did away with it I’d be fine as well.

I am a bit concerned that you would tell children it is discourage by the Church. Where in the Church does it say this? Also, is your parish holding hands? I wouldn’t be happy if my daughters CCD teacher told her it wasn’t ok but then she comes to Mass and everyone is doing it. You are putting children in a difficult conflicting spot when you do this.

Opinions off of EWTN or an apologist is not Church authority. Why not wait to find out what your Bishop in your diocese says and the Vatican before giving children your personal opinion?

I wish this debate with get resolved.

 

[benedictgal]

I don’t care for it either, but I did ask a priest in a parish that it seemed to be very prevalent. He had no problem with it and considered it in the arena of local custom. His point was that if you attended a Mass in Africa you would see other local customs which in his estimation were no different. I still resist it.

Somehow, I don’t think his argument holds much water. First of all, this is not a matter of inculturation. Inculturation is meant for indigenous peoples (tribal villages in Africa and/or South America, as an example), not for what is happening with the Pater Noster.

Hand-holding during the Pater Noster is not a local custom. It is something that was based on the idiosyncracies and personal tastes of the group that started it. Furthermore, it places an undue emphasis on the community, as if the faithful are the actors in this as opposed to God the Father. It is too much of a horizontal action that does not take the vertical into account. I agree with the assertions that the OP from Relevent Radio. There is just no basis for doing this. Furthermore, ask the person in the pews why hands are held during the Pater Noster and they will probably tell you that they have no idea.