Homeschooling fights

[Cath4life]

Start with prayer!!! Prayer to The Holy Spirit to give you the wisdom to help your child and be able to find the proper curriculum. No one else knows your child better than God and you…

The advice given in previous posts has been outstanding. Some children don’t learn in traditional ways and we need to be ready to customize their way of learning. it’s not easy and my heart goes out to you

Please read the book “The Last Child in the Woods” by Richard Louv. Young children need a lot more playtime outside. (green areas!) the curriculum needs to be engaging (perhaps unit studies, lots of hands on, etc…)

Another awesome book boysadrift.com/excerpt.php. written by a psychologist Leonard Sax. Shows great insight on boys behavior and also talks about more engaging and fun.

Hope it gets better!

Blessings,

 

[Regina7]

Thank you all for the great advice. It seems I have a lot of reading to do

 

[Cat]

Thank you all for the great advice. It seems I have a lot of reading to do

And perhaps while you’re doing all that reading, tell you son that he is “doing school without books or worksheets”. Tell him it’s “Lego School.” And let him play, and play with him during your reading breaks.

 

[Selah_KY]

My first thought upon reading the OP was that the boy should be allowed to play all day. He’s only 7! And he’s developmentally-delayed, so he’s actually younger than 7.

Yes! Yes! Yes! To everything you wrote!

I’ve homeschooled my children all the way, the youngest is now 17. If a 7yo is balking at doing seat work, the problem is the work and the parent, not the child. Our goal as parent/teacher should be to disciple our children, not break their will.

 

[Regina7]

Yes! Yes! Yes! To everything you wrote!

I’ve homeschooled my children all the way, the youngest is now 17. If a 7yo is balking at doing seat work, the problem is the work and the parent, not the child. Our goal as parent/teacher should be to disciple our children, not break their will.

How will I know when he’s ready to start schooling?

 

[Selah_KY]

How will I know when he’s ready to start schooling?

Because you’re spending a lot of quality time with him - at least that should be your goal. It sounds hard, but it really isn’t. Introduce new things and if he’s ready, he’ll engage.

At seven, though… the best thing he can do is move, and explore, and dream. Help him answer his questions, watch movies, read books (even non-fiction, like DK or Usborne books), take walks and explore nature.

And you can read, too… homeschooling books, especially. When we first started homeschooling all those years ago, the “in thing” was writing a family homeschooling mission statement. I thought it was a bit over-the-top at the time, but every time I found myself struggling, wanting to quit, or butting heads with one of my kiddos, I would go back and read it. Then it was easy to see if the issue was really important in the grand scheme of things or not.

 

[Regina7]

Because you’re spending a lot of quality time with him - at least that should be your goal. It sounds hard, but it really isn’t. Introduce new things and if he’s ready, he’ll engage.

At seven, though… the best thing he can do is move, and explore, and dream. Help him answer his questions, watch movies, read books (even non-fiction, like DK or Usborne books), take walks and explore nature.

And you can read, too… homeschooling books, especially. When we first started homeschooling all those years ago, the “in thing” was writing a family homeschooling mission statement. I thought it was a bit over-the-top at the time, but every time I found myself struggling, wanting to quit, or butting heads with one of my kiddos, I would go back and read it. Then it was easy to see if the issue was really important in the grand scheme of things or not.

I love the idea of a mission. I keep trying to remind myself that the goal is heaven, not Harvard.

 

[Selah_KY]

I love the idea of a mission. I keep trying to remind myself that the goal is heaven, not Harvard.

Same here, but over and over and over and over… I would slowly fall into that trap. It’s really hard not to without having something tangible to hang on to as a reminder!

BUT, regardless what we do, the most important thing is to remember every single day to do our best with what God’s given us, and trust Him with the rest.

 

[CatholicRaven]

As someone else mentioned, it’s not necessary to do “school-at-home” when you homeschool. Keep in mind, we don’t have to always (or ever!) do a “worksheet” or use a textbook to gain knowledge. Education isn’t something that only happens between 8am and 3pm in a brick-and-mortar building, right? We don’t have to teach things (or even measure education) the same way the school does–because if that was working for the child, then in many cases, we wouldn’t need to homeschool.

So how do you know when he’s ready to learn something new? You’ll learn to gauge that by the way he responds. Sometimes, he’ll ask questions about something, such as how something works, and it may be a simple answer, or it may lead to some research. And sometimes (perhaps more often), you’ll introduce new topics, and see if he engages–but it helps if it’s not introduced in a dry, boring, “textbook” way.

For example, maybe soon you’ll plan a garden and ask him to choose something to plant in it, and you’ll work in the garden together… and as the seeds grow, one day you’ll talk about the parts of a plant and another day, about how insects pollinate them and worms help aerate the soil, and another day, about nutrition or the food chain… and who knows what else. And he might not even realize he’s learning anything, because it’s just interesting conversation about what you’re experiencing together in the dirt and sunshine!

You might sometimes find that when you introduce a topic (say, levers and pulleys), he runs with it and within a few days, you find yourself surrounded by “simple machine” physics models (which, uh, may or may not have happened at my house once or twice). Or you might discover that you’ve introduced a concept that he’s not really quite ready for yet (say, multiplication). So you might back off for now, or try giving him a smaller part of the concept (like grouping items by fives) and seeing if that’s closer to his level of readiness.

For instance, if he can sort Legos into groups of five, and can tell you how many Legos are in two of those groups (it’s okay if he counts them one by one), he’s already learning the connection between addition (5 + 5) and multiplication (5 x 2)… and is that any less effective than writing it down on a worksheet? It could even be more effective, because he can actually see how to put the concept to use.

I do agree with Cat that “play,” especially imaginative play, is important at this age. Besides, it’s entirely possible that he’s learning quite a few important concepts while building with Legos. He’s probably learning things about physics, sorting, counting, patterns, etc., but just can’t explain it yet. And he’s probably developing a great imagination, as well. Try sitting and building things with him sometimes. You’ll probably learn more than you’ll realize, too (mostly about him).

In any case, you’re his mother. You know him, you know what is likely to work, and what probably won’t. You know where he needs to work a little harder, and where he excels. You know where he needs the most encouragement, too. So take what you’ve read here, and what you read in books, and just filter out what you need for him… and ignore the rest. Really. We can all make suggestions, but we can’t tell you which ways will work best to teach your son. You’re the expert there. You’ve already been doing it for seven years now, after all.

 

[Cat]

As someone else mentioned, it’s not necessary to do “school-at-home” when you homeschool. Keep in mind, we don’t have to always (or ever!) do a “worksheet” or use a textbook to gain knowledge. Education isn’t something that only happens between 8am and 3pm in a brick-and-mortar building, right? We don’t have to teach things (or even measure education) the same way the school does–because if that was working for the child, then in many cases, we wouldn’t need to homeschool.

So how do you know when he’s ready to learn something new? You’ll learn to gauge that by the way he responds. Sometimes, he’ll ask questions about something, such as how something works, and it may be a simple answer, or it may lead to some research. And sometimes (perhaps more often), you’ll introduce new topics, and see if he engages–but it helps if it’s not introduced in a dry, boring, “textbook” way.

For example, maybe soon you’ll plan a garden and ask him to choose something to plant in it, and you’ll work in the garden together… and as the seeds grow, one day you’ll talk about the parts of a plant and another day, about how insects pollinate them and worms help aerate the soil, and another day, about nutrition or the food chain… and who knows what else. And he might not even realize he’s learning anything, because it’s just interesting conversation about what you’re experiencing together in the dirt and sunshine!

You might sometimes find that when you introduce a topic (say, levers and pulleys), he runs with it and within a few days, you find yourself surrounded by “simple machine” physics models (which, uh, may or may not have happened at my house once or twice). Or you might discover that you’ve introduced a concept that he’s not really quite ready for yet (say, multiplication). So you might back off for now, or try giving him a smaller part of the concept (like grouping items by fives) and seeing if that’s closer to his level of readiness.

For instance, if he can sort Legos into groups of five, and can tell you how many Legos are in two of those groups (it’s okay if he counts them one by one), he’s already learning the connection between addition (5 + 5) and multiplication (5 x 2)… and is that any less effective than writing it down on a worksheet? It could even be more effective, because he can actually see how to put the concept to use.

I do agree with Cat that “play,” especially imaginative play, is important at this age. Besides, it’s entirely possible that he’s learning quite a few important concepts while building with Legos. He’s probably learning things about physics, sorting, counting, patterns, etc., but just can’t explain it yet. And he’s probably developing a great imagination, as well. Try sitting and building things with him sometimes. You’ll probably learn more than you’ll realize, too (mostly about him).

In any case, you’re his mother. You know him, you know what is likely to work, and what probably won’t. You know where he needs to work a little harder, and where he excels. You know where he needs the most encouragement, too. So take what you’ve read here, and what you read in books, and just filter out what you need for him… and ignore the rest. Really. We can all make suggestions, but we can’t tell you which ways will work best to teach your son. You’re the expert there. You’ve already been doing it for seven years now, after all.

Beautiful post! This is a lovely way for children to grow up.

I want to add that those parents (like me) who choose to send their children to school can and should try very hard to do all this anyway.

When our daughters were commuting to the nearby Big City for their synchronized skating team practices (65 miles one way), we didn’t just drive in silence (unless they were sleeping!), or crank up the radio. (iPods didn’t exist back then, and MP3s were just getting started–hard to believe, isn’t it?!). We talked. We discussed past and current events, and every topic under the sun.

Same when they were tiny tots–we didn’t just go for walks. We looked at rocks and bugs and trees, and talked about the sun and the earth. (I majored in Biology/Medical Technology.)

And we did tons of singing and music. And I took them to every free or cheap class I could, and library Story Times, and museum visits, and lots of field trips to churches (to see the pretty building) and historical sites and nature sites–we learned constantly, but it never felt like learning. It felt like fun to the kids and me!

And they STILL went to school!

 

[RedSoxWife]

I know you said that you’ve had him evaluated, but has he been evaluated for sensory issues (I know in our evaluations at psych places that gets overlooked a lot and just lumped in with ADHD). As a mom of two kids with pretty severe sensory issues, one of who has ADHD, I’d definitely recommend reading The Out of Sync Child.

Before we p(name removed by moderator)ointed my oldest’s sensory issues anything involving reading was a nightmare. She was great at math, but on off days even that was impossible. And from your description it definitely sounds like a possibility (some kids get wild like mine when they don’t have the right sensory balance, but others get sluggish or have other reactions.

I also found that the midline played a huge roll in teaching my oldest to read. When she first started out, if the book wasn’t to her right she couldn’t read the words. We had crying every single day. Once we figured out her midline and vestibular and proprioceptive issues (she also has delays from speech to gross motor to fine motor) it helped with her reading hugely.

 

[fencersmother]

YES YES YES to not hurrying a 7 year old boy into a “school day”!!! Excellent advice!

Here are a few ideas which may make mom (or dad) feel more like “something is getting done, which resembles what Bobby is doing down at St Mary’s School”:

When you want to encourage Junior to write, give him a 5x7 index card, lined on one side, and ask him use the unlined side to *illustrate * a favorite story or scene from a movie, or saint… whatever topic. Then, he can write (print) on the other side, a few words (not necessarily sentences) which describe his drawing. As he gets better at this, and has more confidence, gently suggest he write a sentence.

Legos are wonderful math tools! He can learn sorting, sets, subsets, multiplication, division, all those things. He can make numbers and letters using them, reinforcing what he’s learning.

If you do feel compelled to have something resembling a worksheet (maybe you have a worried husband or grandparents), write ONE or TWO math problems on the above mentioned index cards… have him complete ONE card every other or every third day. And, let HIM make up a problem for you to complete! He will have to know the answer (demonstrating mastery), and he won’t feel like this is something that you are making him complete, while you drink coffee and eat bonbons (as all homeschooling mothers spend their time).

Let Junior make up the dinner menu! He can make menu cards for Dad and siblings (writing, spelling, etc), and have him keep a recipe book for his favorite foods. Let him write up the family chore chart. Let him keep track of the saints of the day on a family calendar. Let him post descriptions of birds he’s seen or flowers growing around the neighborhood. Sneaky ways to get him writing.

I can’t stress the physical activity for young boys especially. And, if you let him practice and recite some spelling words while jumping up and down on a mini-trampoline, you may be surprised at what a great little speller you’ve got!

In any case, no panic, no upset, no tears, no pushing or shoving… But no backtalk allowed either.

 

[CatholicRaven]

When you want to encourage Junior to write, give him a 5x7 index card, lined on one side, and ask him use the unlined side to *illustrate * a favorite story or scene from a movie, or saint… whatever topic. Then, he can write (print) on the other side, a few words (not necessarily sentences) which describe his drawing. As he gets better at this, and has more confidence, gently suggest he write a sentence.

What a great idea! I think I’m going to try this with my 5-yr-old.

See? I’ve been homeschooling my kids for 12+ years, and I’m still learning new things!

…while you drink coffee and eat bonbons (as all homeschooling mothers spend their time).

 

[slh3016]

Wow, you’ve received great advice already!

I homeschool 3 kiddos and I would say that for a boy at this age, the only subjects that really need to be addressed are math, reading, and handwriting (the 3 R’s). The rest (science, etc.) is definitely something that can wait and/or should be learned through discovery like nature walks, etc. Another option is to let him pick a topic that HE wants to learn more about (i.e., frogs, electricity, etc.) and do a unit study on that topic. There are tons of lapbook ideas out there for this.

As for math, I’ve found that, at least for my kids, using coins is the easiest and cheapest curriculum out there for math. Soooo many concepts can be learned by using money as the manipulative (skip counting, addition, multiplication, decimals, percents, etc.)

As for reading, one program that really set one of my 7yo daughters off on reading was called Reading Eggs which is an online subscription based program. We had started with Explode the Code, which was okay, but her hand dexterity is still lacking and ETC requires TONS of writing, so that that made her end up in tears. She blew through Reading Eggs like a rockstar and is now on a 5th grade reading level in just one year! It’s fun, interactive, and colorful

My other 7yo daughter, though, did not thrive with Reading Eggs. I have just now figured out that this particular daughter does not do well with phonics-based reading. She is more of a chunk reader/sight word reader. I was spending so much time with her trying to teach phonics concepts that just didn’t seem to stick from one day to the next until a friend advised to just get real books…her reading ability increased by leaps and bounds! I’m still in awe at how quickly it increased and by how much less stressful reading is for her now.

For handwriting, that can be very creative (and messy ) Let him trace letters in shaving cream, sand, flour, etc. No one ever said it has to be in a workbook

Now, for my 11yo son, I encounter some of the same attitude that you describe and I’ll admit, most days I blow it in how I react/relate to him. To the person who said that our mission should be heaven, not Harvard, thank you!!! That was just what I needed to hear

I also want to stress that at this age, getting your children to be a lover of good books is crucial! Don’t settle for “twaddle” as Charlotte Mason says. Read the classics with him. This alone will increase his vocabulary, reading comprehension, and later his writing ability. Our read aloud time is the favorite part of our homeschool day, mine included. Right now, we are reading Charlotte’s Web There is a book called Honey for a Child’s Heart which is a wonderful guide for selecting age appropriate literature for your child.

 

[ahollars]

Dad here.

I have a 12 year old son who was doing all of the same things at age 7. He was held back a grade also. I can say with certainty that the best thing would be to get him physically active. His mind is already thinking play, but it’s a sign that his body is telling him to do something. I know this might get lost in translation, but I believe it’s true, especially among my 2 sons and 4 daughters. Elementary schools are geared towards girls. Teaching styles, lesson plans, schedule formats, and evaluation methods are all designed for girls. It has become common place for parents to expect their daughter to perform well in school and the boys will catch on later. The reason for this is that most schools have eliminated gym and recess, or at least have reduced them to once or twice a week. A generation ago, recess was twice everyday, and gym was everyday.

Boys are not designed to sit still. Get him active, and the more active the better. Find him a soccer team or Cub Scout pack, or both, preferably something where Dad will be forced to participate with him. Once he sees that learning bears fruit, the rest will kick in. Don’t get discouraged, because you might have to wait awhile before he crosses that bridge, but eventually, he will understand that learning brings rewards when you know what to do with the knowledge you are given.

Recently, my kids were struggling with fractions, so I sent them to the kitchen to make macaroni and cheese. Then they baked a cake on their own. I told them to follow the directions on the boxes, and the lights in their heads suddenly started working. Find real world examples that he can relate to for his lessons. It will work every time.