Homeschooling in 2020

[DivineMercy01]

I’m single and have been praying about my vocation. If the Lord calls me to be a mother, I want to homeschool.

Before you Catholic and public school advocates get all defensive about it, let me list the reasons I’ve discerned this:

1. I have looked around at all the families I want to emulate. All the families I want to emulate have one common denominator: homeschooling. They have this tightness that I want for my family.
2. I have looked around at the adults I want my future kids to emulate: autonomous, mature, striving for virtue. What do all these adults have in common? They were homeschooled.
3. Catholic schools where I live cost $17000 per child per year. I work in the education field. What I make per year is less than what it would cost to put 2 kids in Catholic school for a year (or any decent day care for that matter). If I were to continue to work full time and be away from my kids, Catholic school would not even make financial sense.
4. Efficiency. I want my kids to be able to get their schoolwork done in four hours if they can and have the rest of the day for hobbies, work, etc. Regular school wastes a lot of time with commuting and in between classes.
5. Self-Discovery. Going along with #4 I want my kids to have the time to figure out their interests and gifts.
6. Modern Public schools. Enough said. I don’t want my children to think homosexual activity is normal, that contraception should be handed out like candy, that one should see his first R-rated film at age seven, or that everyone should have their first hangover in high school.
7. Modern Catholic schools. I went to Catholic schools from 1997 to 2014. It was not a Catholic experience. About 75% of the students didn’t practice their faith. The administration seemed to be more interested in getting kids into good colleges than getting them to heaven. Some Catholic schools do a great job of making theology the focus. Mine did not, and the trend I’ve noticed is that most do not. Not worth $17000 a year to me. Not to mention lots of Catholic schools are closing due to the financial model that is not made for modern times.
8. Cultural Relativism: As an educator, I have noticed kids who go to Catholic or Public schools tend to do things that everyone else is doing, without thinking about it. As a product of Catholic school, I can tell you I made some of my worst decisions just because everybody around me was making the same decisions.

Now that we have the foundation for all my reasons to want to homeschool, I want your homeschooling parents’ advice:

1. How do you homeschool a child with ADHD or attention problems?
2. Say you have seven kids different ages. How do you keep up with all their schoolwork?
3. Is it beneficial to have a curriculum, such as Seton Home Study School?
4. Does anyone have any experience with “unschooling” Unschooling: Laws & How to Start | Time4Learning
5. How do you deal with family members who are critical of your unconventional choice to homeschool?

 

[choose_to_love]

Shouldn’t this be in Catholic living or parenting subforum?

 

[JulianN]

Yes. I moved it.

 

[Peeps]

You mention “families I want to emulate”, so I would suggest talking in person to real-life people that you know (or at least know about) who are homeschooling.

Although there are similarities, there are also differences depending on which state and what kind of neighborhood you live in. Also, there will be differences depending on what your resources, especially financial and time, are.

E.g., homeschooling in a Chicago suburb is a lot different than homeschooling on an Iowa soybean farm. Even in the Chicago suburbs, it will depend on which suburb (or Chicago city neighborhood) you live in. And homeschooling in Colorado will be a lot different than homeschooling in Florida!

There may be different requirements (testing, hours, inspections, etc.) for the different states.

Best to check in person with real people. They’ll be happy to talk to you about it, even if you don’t know them well.

I have to say that if I were a young mom, I would seriously consider homeschooling in my city. We spent a lot of money on a private college prep school, and it was amazing and our daughters have done well in life. But we are just now (at age 62) getting to a place where we are really tackling our debts. If we had homeschooled, I would probably be able to retire by now, and we might be able to move out of our city into a safer rural area of Illinois.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Hello! Thank you. The "families I want to emulate are homeschool families in my parish and I do frequently ask them for advice on the topic. I just wanted to expand because there are a lot of homeschool families in the world who aren’t in my parish.

Yes, I have thought about geography. Currently live in a college town-not sure if I’ll stay, but the Lord provides.

 

[1ke]

I’d suggest that you not go in with preconceived ideas. You should let schooling unfold as you have children. I have a ton of home school friends, and they’ve home schooled for lots of different reasons. I’ve had friends move their kids from public or private schools to home school and I’ve had friends go the other way.

I’ve had friends whose kids thrived in home school, and I have friends whose kids did not thrive in home school and did thrive in traditional school.

If it’s about what is best for each child, be open minded that it’s not a one size fits all solution, and in fact not a good fit for all kids.

I have a friend who did home school, but currently her oldest child is in virtual school-- which is technically a public school but a MUCH better fit for him-- and her younger child is in public school. Both are on the autism spectrum, the older much moreso, and she was not able to home school him adequately, but with the virtual school with one on one help and an IEP he’s doing well.

Also, be mindful that we are in the world but not of the world. I’ve seen some friends go overboard trying to shield their kids and build some kind of idyllic world around them, a little bubble. Kids did not go for it, rebelled, and some have fallen away as adults due to too much isolation and too much church forced down their throats-- Catholic and non-Catholic.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Also, be mindful that we are in the world but not of the world. I’ve seen some friends go overboard trying to shield their kids and build some kind of idyllic world around them, a little bubble. Kids did not go for it, rebelled, and some have fallen away as adults due to too much isolation and too much church forced down their throats-- Catholic and non-Catholic.
[/quote]

Fair point.

However, I am of the belief that in elementary years, children don’t see themselves as living in the world and not of it. When they are thrust into an environment where everyone is allowed to do things they aren’t (because their peers are not living by Catholic values) they see it as “everyone is having fun and I’m not.”

At least that was my experience in “Catholic” school but to each their own.

 

[1ke]

However, I am of the belief that in elementary years, children don’t see themselves as living in the world and not of it. When they are thrust into an environment where everyone is allowed to do things they aren’t (because their peers are not living by Catholic values) they see it as “everyone is having fun and I’m not.”

Well, that’s what’s called a character building experience. My BIL and SIL did not let their kids see PG13 movies until they were actually 13. Much wailing and gnashing of teeth with all 4 kids over that. Well, them’s the breaks. They all lived.

Let me also say, your future spouse may have opinions on this. And, they need to be taken into consideration also.

And lastly: life happens Well laid plans may need to be put aside and new ones formed due to life circumstances. You may have every intention of staying home and homeschooling only to find you need to go to work outside the home.

Don’t be rigid. There’s are many seasons in life. Don’t set yourself up for disappointment by having a vision for your future that you and more importantly your spouse and kids can never live up to.

There’s nothing wrong with homeschooling-- in fact, it has a lot of merit and is a wonderful choice for many families. Just don’t get tunnel vision or dig in your heels over it.

 

[Anicette]

I don’t completely agree.

Sure in some situation homeschooling choice would be challenged or impossible for reasons that couldn’t be anticipated. A liitle flexibility is better.

But in my personal experience, the question of schooling should arrive early in a relationship, and at the very last during engagement. If the two are agree, it will save difficult time anfd argument the year before the first school year.

If someone have a preconceived strong preference for schooling it is unlikely to change before he has test it, so the other should be aware of it.

And no all edcucational choices are equal.

 

[AdamP88]

I’m a high-school English teacher, but my mother home-schooled my younger siblings so I have some experience of home-school.

How do you homeschool a child with ADHD or attention problems?

I am somewhat skeptical about diagnoses of ADHD, but what I do in the classroom would be to balance between different activities and try to have something like a stress-ball that they can play with.

Is it beneficial to have a curriculum, such as Seton Home Study School?

I would say it depends on the child. Some kids really need the structure and some thrive with more freedom.

Does anyone have any experience with “unschooling”

Not directly, but as a theory I think it’s a bit flawed in some major ways. It also assumes that a child will always gravitate towards learning but I don’t necessarily think that is the case. Some structure is good for all kids in my opinion.

How do you deal with family members who are critical of your unconventional choice to homeschool?

I don’t homeschool as I have no kids yet. But my mother encountered no resistance with the family. In fact I’ve and Uncle and and Aunt who also did it.

Some of her friends questioned it, especially in the area of “socialisation” but she always had an answer ready.

 

[Anicette]

Hi @DivineMercy01,

I am happy that you consider homeschooling and I encourage you.

As an homeschooling mother, my experience is different than thoses in USA because I live in France where homeschooling is confidential.

However we have a strong Catholic schools network that is very cheap, state found and enroll a lot of students. yet, the curriculum is the same as public schools.
Homeschooling is also rare because the norm is that two parents are working. It is difficult to raise up to poverty line without two salaries.

So we are poor, but have currentlu enough to eat and I don’t regret my choice.

My experience is very limited as my child of 3 years old 1/2 is in her first year, as the school mandate start at 3 here.

1. A child with special need may or not be homeschooled. You can took informations now, as yoyu work on educational field, but you will see later what is possible if you would be concerned, and it is not sure! Don’t be too worry now!
2. You don’t start to homeschool 7 children! Just with one by one, unless you have twins! you adjust little by little. And be honest, families with 7 children are very very rare now. At least in my area/knwoledge, I don’t know a single one.
   I have only 2 children, and I have to admit that it is hard to manage baby with the homeschooled child! It is an adaptation every day. At the beginning we were working all day, now we are more focus on the time of baby nap to do productive work…
3. depend of the age of the Children. It exists for kindergarten, I am a friend who lend me her private lesson. But for kindergardten it is in no use necessary! manipulation, children’s magazine, books, songs, and educational games are all that is need. And knowledge of the official goals .
4. Yes. I let my child choose what she wants (more or less) in the panel of all activities we have at home. She usually wants to do something. No problem of motivation. It can work well aty this age. For kids who are properly learning to writte and read, it may necessary to have more structure. depend on the ability of the parent and the child.
5. i was very afraid, but finally apart my father who react badly when I evoke this possibility, no one was aware before we started and nobody said something. I have a friend who tried to convince me that school even publics are better, and I didn’t find that supportive. Others friends
6. I was very afraid, but apart my father before we started, nobody said something. Sopme friends expressed their worry or even tried to convince us that school are betters and we have prejudiuce against them.
   But my husband is very ashamed because he is a teacher, and he loose public disgrace or loosing his job ifg something bad happened. He is not supportive, he don’t implicated himself, because it is my choice, he only tolerated it fotr this year. next year, we will see, but we have two our differents opinions.

 

[Anicette]

I just want to add, In my exprience my child is autonom, happy, have the will to work, learn very quickly. i see her progress that is impressive. But she is not social at all due to homeschooling. She is very happy to stay at home with the quarantine time!
And no, being an homeschooling family does not mean that he have no family challenge. Conflicts can be exacerbated because we have no or few activities apart each others. If our children said dirty words or act badly in public, we don’t have thje excuse that he model school! It is us that would be ashamed

Homeschooling is a fundamental choice that change everything, but we don’t have to think that homeschooling= happiness. Because many others factors play in it.

 

[Anicette]

I don’t homeschool as I have no kids yet. But my mother encountered no resistance with the family. In fact I’ve and Uncle and and Aunt who also did it.

Were you critical? For what reasons? Were you a teacher or planned to be one at this time?

For the context, my husband, also a teacher was not especially supportive of homeschooling, even if he toterated it for our child.

 

[AdamP88]

No I’m not critical. I wasn’t actually homeschooled. Only my younger siblings. I think my opinion is that there really must be some sort of formal structure to it. That’s why I’m sceptical of unschooling. Maybe my profession influences that .

I’m not sure yet if I’d do it myself as I’ve no children yet.

 

[heidi_storage]

Plans are great, and if homeschooling is important to you you should bring it up in any serious relationship; it seems to me, though, that you’re a little premature in asking for advice about hypotheticals now. There aren’t any actual children in your immediate future, or any engagement, correct? Asking about homeschooling 7 kids, or kids with ADHD, is asking about some specific hypothetical situations. I’d focus more on What’s Next.

 

[AdamP88]

No harm having a discussion about it though. She said she was in education. Maybe it’s just a topic of interest.

 

[Peeps]

When it comes to public schools, I think it’s really important to check out the results of the standardized testing that is given to all the public school students in YOUR city or town.

In the city (different state, different area of the U.S.) where we used to live while our children were young, around 70-80% of the children were achieving at or above grade level, at ALL the public schools and at all age levels. Good scores were not just being achieved on the “rich side” of town, but also in the poorest areas–and there were some very poor areas in our city–the people didn’t even have indoor toilets, and the only heat was coal stoves! VERY poor for this time in history.

In our current city, 15% of the students achieve minimal standards for their grade levels.

15 %.

It’s shocking.

And with the exception of a few schools (out of dozens) in the “rich areas” of the city, ALL of other schools are getting these absymal, inexcusable results.

What it means to me is that in the future, only 15% of our population will be capable of holding down a job, and that means that all of us who worked throughout our lives and earned a pension will be paying property taxes at an even higher rate than we pay now (we currently have the 4th highest property tax rate in the nation) to pay for these people to be clothed, fed, housed, and receive basic medical care because they will be incapable of working at any but the most menial and low-paying jobs.

I would NEVER send children to the public schools in our area. As terrible as it sounds, I do not want them to be around children who are doing so poorly, and I do not want them taught by teachers who have been unable to figure out a way to teach the children of our city.

But in the city where we used to live, we were happy to send our children to the public schools, and my older daughter did extremely well and had amazing teachers (who were paid a pittance compared to what the teachers in our current city are paid).

So check out your public school and private school achievement test scores. Be thorough–make sure that the tests results you are seeing are from standardized testing in several disciplines, not just reading or “life skills” or whatever.

And even in you live in an area of your city where there are “good” schools with high test scores, don’t assume that you will be allowed to send your children to these neighborhood schools. For around 10 years in our city back in the 1990s, the children were bused to achieve racial balance–thousands of families pulled their children out of schools, not because of racial prejudice, but because they didn’t want their children on a bus at 6 in the morning and riding for an hour every day–and pay the 4th highest property taxes in the nation for this experience! The private schools in our area were packed, and new private schools were started,along with thousands of families who decided to homeschool. The experiment was ended after ten years, and now the schools are more segregated than ever.

So be aware that your child may not be able to attend the neighborhood school.

 

[AdamP88]

What it means to me is that in the future, only 15% of our population will be capable of holding down a job

As a teacher, I disagree strongly with this conclusion. Standardised testing is not an indication of future earnings. It doesn’t take into account the student’s aptitude in practical areas or trades.
Now I’m a teacher of a particularly academic subject (English), and I encounter kids who really excel at English but I don’t see them getting on well in the work world. I have other kids who are rubbish at English and do very well at woodwork, metalwork, or science and maths.

 

[DivineMercy01]

But she is not social at all due to homeschooling.

How do you know this is due to homeschooling and not just her personality?
Just saying, I know some antisocial people who went to public school or Catholic school and some very social homeschoolers. It depends on personality.

In fact, my friends who homeschool their kids say their kids know how to socialize with ALL ages, not just their age. Public school has a tendency to box kids into socializing with their own age group.

 

[DivineMercy01]

Homeschooling is also rare because the norm is that two parents are working. It is difficult to raise up to poverty line without two salaries.

So we are poor, but have currentlu enough to eat and I don’t regret my choice.

Okay, it is the norm to have 2 working parents. However, as I stated in the original post, my job doesn’t pay enough for it to be worth putting kids in daycare/Catholic school. For me personally, working would put us in the “two income trap” where my whole paycheck and then some would be going to tuition, uniforms, transportation, etc.