Honeymoon/nfp questions

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Personally, I don’t think anyone is ready for marriage unless they are ready to accept kids whenever.

Meaning, they better be prepared to get pregnant right away. If you aren’t prepared for that possibility then you aren’t ready for marriage.
That’s true. “Ready to accept” just means acknowledging the possibility and prepared to adapt as circumstances may require.

During the honeymoon, one will either be infertile, fertile, having period or a combination of these. ( Unless one is using cycle affecting form of ABC.)
 
Originally Posted by Luvz2travel
What I don’t understand is why kids are considered so much of an problem to be avoided at all costs such as this example.
NFP is a legitimate and responsible consideration for a Catholic couple. “At all costs” is just the anti NFP lie spread by traditionalists who stand in judgement of others of whom they feel jealous and resentful. Doing NFP means that you accept what nature has in mind for you regardless of your plans. That IS NOT “at all costs”. “At all costs” means employing contraception and abortion to force your plan.

Haters gonna hate.
 
NFP is a legitimate and responsible consideration for a Catholic couple. “At all costs” is just the anti NFP lie spread by traditionalists who stand in judgement of others of whom they feel jealous and resentful. Doing NFP means that you accept what nature has in mind for you regardless of your plans. That IS NOT “at all costs”. “At all costs” means employing contraception and abortion to force your plan.
Yes.

I also object to the “at all costs” terminology.

As a previous poster mentioned, both members of this couple are in school and they have only one income. It’s quite possible that any delays in finishing their programs will lead to much greater expenses, much greater debt, and a longer-than-necessary period of little income–all of which could hamper their ability to provide for children. That might be a reason for them not to get married right now but, by the same token, if it’s a reason serious enough to delay marriage, it’s also a reason serious enough to do NFP.

Also, not getting solid experience with NFP before having children is a major risk factor for NFP failure. It’s much easier to get a good start with NFP under ideal conditions before adding in stuff (sleeplessness, disturbed temperatures from night feeding, breastfeeding, etc.) that will make NFP harder.
 
Hi all,

First some background info, I am getting married this May. My husband and I are both virgins who plan on practicing NFP. We just finalized our date so I have had NO NFP classes yet, but have started taking my temperature every morning and have been charting my cycles for a little under a year now on an app called clue and most recently an app called Lily. One more thing, we will be using NFP to avoid because I am in grad school with no job and he is in school too with a job that only covers his tuition.
  1. According to these apps, I will be fertile during the time we could get away to go on a honeymoon. Should we still go if we cannot partake in the marital embrace? I just don’t want it to be a tempting/frustrating time.
  2. So I assume that if you are married but practicing NFP that you pretty much have to act like you are dating during your fertile periods, because you want to make sure to not get either party wanting to have sex and then you cannot. Is this correct?
I don’t think an app will give you a very accurate prediction on what will happen a number of months from now.

I would still plan for a honeymoon, even if you need to avoid consummation. You might not get the opportunity to have a vacation together for a while.

I would suggest planning your honeymoon to follow the wedding, and to see what happens. Maybe plan to go somewhere with a lot of activities, just in case.
 
Yes.

I also object to the “at all costs” terminology.

As a previous poster mentioned, both members of this couple are in school and they have only one income. It’s quite possible that any delays in finishing their programs will lead to much greater expenses, much greater debt, and a longer-than-necessary period of little income–all of which could hamper their ability to provide for children. That might be a reason for them not to get married right now but, by the same token, if it’s a reason serious enough to delay marriage, it’s also a reason serious enough to do NFP.

Also, not getting solid experience with NFP before having children is a major risk factor for NFP failure. It’s much easier to get a good start with NFP under ideal conditions before adding in stuff (sleeplessness, disturbed temperatures from night feeding, breastfeeding, etc.) that will make NFP harder.
I generally agree. Avoiding sex for a few days isn’t “at all costs”. Some couples end up not consummating on the wedding night anyway for a variety of reasons.

There was an episode of All in the Family where Archie becomes jealous of Edith’s former beau, and he asks her if on their wedding night he was “her first”. She replied in her usual innocent fashion, “No Archie, remember, it was the next night. you fell asleep.”
 
I generally agree. Avoiding sex for a few days isn’t “at all costs”. Some couples end up not consummating on the wedding night anyway for a variety of reasons.

There was an episode of All in the Family where Archie becomes jealous of Edith’s former beau, and he asks her if on their wedding night he was “her first”. She replied in her usual innocent fashion, “No Archie, remember, it was the next night. you fell asleep.”
Hilarious!

Yeah, there are lots of reasons why the main event might not happen on schedule–illness (not uncommon when traveling), menstruation, exhaustion from wedding festivities, etc.
 
Thank you all for the responses. Turns out, my pretty regular cycle is now the longest it has been since I have been keeping track for a year so I have no idea about timing anymore, but I think we are going to try to go on a honeymoon. I am just unsure how that works if you leave the country and name changes and passports.

Anyways, I would like some more advice on the second question. If you are practicing NFP and avoiding sex during fertile times, this means you cannot do something to get the other person wanting sex so you kind of have to revert to dating when it comes to physical boundaries. One person said since you are married you can take it as far as you want, but I assume if you are trying to not get pregnant, that is clearly not the case.

I don’t think we are avoiding kids “at all costs.” To me that is complete abstinence, if I did get pregnant I would just have to stop going to school or maybe drop my second degree and just go for the one.
 
Jackie,

When I said that once you are married, you can take it as far as you want, I was referring to the fact that marriage eliminates the barriers that are by now familiar to you in a dating relationship. Completing the act will no longer be a sin. With the prohibition against consummation removed, you might find that approaching the border of consummation without crossing it proves to be difficult territory in terms of frustration for one or both of you and also in terms of being tempted towards behavior that is not both unitive and procreative (a whole separate discussion).

I would think that your plan of reverting to your dating rules during the times you wish to avoid full physical contact makes sense. Anyway, as you say, your family plan may well evolve over time. It sounds like you are both working through these issues, and that is the main thing, to be in agreement on them.

I commend you for having a family plan and for doing things the right way in accordance with the Church. I’ll bet you are going to have a great marriage!
 
Anyways, I would like some more advice on the second question. If you are practicing NFP and avoiding sex during fertile times, this means you cannot do something to get the other person wanting sex so you kind of have to revert to dating when it comes to physical boundaries. One person said since you are married you can take it as far as you want, but I assume if you are trying to not get pregnant, that is clearly not the case.
I wouldn’t think of it as “reverting to dating”. You’ll be married, and you’ll work out for yourselves where the line is. I assume you’re not going to live separately, so there will be a level of intimacy there already that was not there before. No one here is going to be able to tell you what is going to work for you. If you’ve both agreed to use NFP, then you probably have good enough reasons and if you don’t have good enough reasons, it will be more difficult to say no.
 
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