You say “very embarrassed to admit this”, I can’t even wrap my mind around why? I guess it stems from you passing judgement on yourself for your thoughts and feelings even though you’re not God.
Romans 14:10 - You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.
Romans 2:1 - Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.
So, in judging Mary actually has very little to do with it. Divine births have been going on for a LONG time, Noah was a divine birth. So was his nephew, the son of his brother Nir.
The envy and jealous have to do with YOU and only you. Envy is an individual finding flaw or not being able to find a quality in themselves that they THINK they see in another. This stems from what happened at the fall of man, the dualistic mind. YOU are PERFECT, YOU are a wonderful creature of the Most High God. There is no perfect in creation, there’s no “standard”. Everything in Gods creation is perfect, right and exact. It always has been and always will be. I
t’s when humans are beguiled by another being into not knowing that they’re perfect, made in the likeness and image of God and believing they’re flawed that they lose the complete being that God created, and they start to look for what they think they can’t find in themselves in others.
So rest assured, Mary is no more important than the ones before here, here’s another birth:
**Behold, the wife of Nir, whose name was Sopanim, being sterile and never having at any time given birth to a child by Nir -
Sopanim was in the time of her old age and in the day of her death. She conceived in her womb, but Nir the priest had not slept with her. From the day that that The Lord had appointed him to conduct the liturgy in front of the face of the people.
When Sopanim saw her pregnancy, she was ashamed and embarrassed, and she hid herself during all the days until she gave birth. Not one of the people knew about it. When 282 days had been completed, and the day of birth had begun to approach, Nir remembered his wife, he called her to himself in his house, so that he might converse with her.
Sopanim came to Nir, her husband; and, behold, she was pregnant, and the day appointed for giving birth was drawing near. Nir saw her and became very ashamed. He said to her, “What is this that you have done, O wife? Why have you disgraced me in front of the face of these people? Now, depart from me and go where you began the disgrace of your womb, so that I might not defile my hand on account of you, and sin in front of The Face of The Lord.”
Sopanim spoke to her husband, Nir, saying, “O my lord! Behold, it is the time of my old age, the day of my death has arrived. I do not understand how my menopause and the barrenness of my womb have been reversed.” . Nir did not believe his wife, and for the second time he said to her, “Depart from me, or else I might assault you, and commit a sin in front of the face of The Lord.”
And it came to pass, when Nir had spoken to his wife, Sopanim, that Sopanim fell down at Nir’s feet and died. Nir was extremely distressed and said in his heart, “Could this have happened because of my word? And now, merciful is The Eternal Lord, because my hand was not upon her.”
The archangel Gabriel appeared to Nir, and said to him, “Do not think that your wife Sopanim has died because of your error, but this child, which is to be born of her is a righteous fruit, and one whom I shall receive into paradise, so that you will not be the father of a gift of God.”
When they had gone out toward the grave, a child came out from the dead Sopanim and sat on the bed at her side. Noah and Nir came in to bury Sopanim and they saw the child sitting beside the dead Sopanim, wiping his clothing. Noah and Nir were very terrified with a great fear, because the child was fully developed physically, he spoke with his lips and blessed The Lord.
Noah and Nir looked at him closely, saying, “This is from The Lord, my brother.” And behold the badge of priesthood was on his chest, and it was glorious in appearance. Noah said to Nir, “Behold, God is renewing the priesthood from blood related to us, just as He pleases…”
Noah and Nir hurried and washed the child, they dressed him in the garments of the priesthood, and they gave him bread to eat and he ate it. And they called him Melchizedek .**
<3
we actually earn merit when we say no to temptations…