Horrible envy

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I know that envy is one of the mortal sins, and I struggle with jealousy/envy. And it’s not just any type either. I am very embarrassed to admit this, but I sometimes feel envy toward the Holy Virgin. The reason being that I can’t seem to get over why she is so chosen by God. Why her of all people. Why did God favor her above all others? I can feel the effects of those horrible feelings bubbling up from time to time, but it’s not like I actually *want *to or strive to be jealous/envious. I actively my best to find reason with myself and pray, telling myself that the very nature of grace is not about competition or favoritism, but rather something charitable that can help other people spiritually around you. But I still sometime can’t help those feelings. It’s like the envy or jealousy has a life of it’s own sometimes and exists inside me independently of my will. I pray the rosary in the evenings, and as you maybe can imagine since the rosary revolves a lot around the Holy Virgin, it can get pretty tough.

I don’t know what to make of this, and I feel bad about it. Last Sunday during mass, after confession, I felt those envious or jealous feelings creeping up on me. I was afraid I had committed a mortal sin right there, but I figured that maybe it wasn’t and I was just scrupulous, so I took the communion in hopes that it might help my healing. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not.

What do you make of this? Am I in a really bad spot?
 
Maybe you can seek a spiritual advisor to help you out. Just remember, for now: you are not your emotions.

My aunt had a problem where she would pray the Hail Mary and say "Hail Mary full of grace… " and suddenly would think “yeah right!”
It caused her torment for a long time. Ultimately she accepted that this form of temptation was not her fault and was not sin, and was successful in moving beyond it.

It’s good that you recognize how problematic it is. That’s the first thing. I think, given time, you will be doing just fine. But try to seek someone you can just talk to about it.
 
Envy & Jealousy are like a Cancer…they will eat away at you,until one day you say,do or think really bad things…they get you into negative mental thoughts… you must change this into positive thoughts… for your own good
 
I know that envy is one of the mortal sins, and I struggle with jealousy/envy. And it’s not just any type either. I am very embarrassed to admit this, but I sometimes feel envy toward the Holy Virgin. The reason being that I can’t seem to get over why she is so chosen by God. Why her of all people. Why did God favor her above all others? I can feel the effects of those horrible feelings bubbling up from time to time, but it’s not like I actually *want *to or strive to be jealous/envious. I actively my best to find reason with myself and pray, telling myself that the very nature of grace is not about competition or favoritism, but rather something charitable that can help other people spiritually around you. But I still sometime can’t help those feelings. It’s like the envy or jealousy has a life of it’s own sometimes and exists inside me independently of my will. I pray the rosary in the evenings, and as you maybe can imagine since the rosary revolves a lot around the Holy Virgin, it can get pretty tough.

I don’t know what to make of this, and I feel bad about it. Last Sunday during mass, after confession, I felt those envious or jealous feelings creeping up on me. I was afraid I had committed a mortal sin right there, but I figured that maybe it wasn’t and I was just scrupulous, so I took the communion in hopes that it might help my healing. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not.

What do you make of this? Am I in a really bad spot?
Been there, done that.

I can’t tell you what you should do but I can tell you what I did: I prayed directly to Mary and told her that I was having unwelcome feelings of jealously towards her. I’ve had this feeling towards Mary in the past and more recently I’ve had it towards the Doctors of the Church. Confront this evil head on with prayer and petition. When you just pray and talk to her as your mother and confidant, you can be reminded that you are her son or daughter and that she is your mother, and that her heart is melting with love for you, and that this whole envy business is completely and utterly lulzworthy.

Remember: there is absolutely nothing that God does that he does not do for the benefit of those whom he loves. The graces we receive exist that we may bring joy & light to others. The grace given to Mary was not that she would be the mother of mankind. It was that she would have children numbering beyond the stars. We are the grace given to Mary, and she is ours. She is a spiritual mother granted to you by Almighty God. Treat her as such.

Also remember that we are defined by our choice, not by our feelings. You have already chosen to detest this feeling swelling within you. Continue to detest it.
 
I know that envy is one of the mortal sins, and I struggle with jealousy/envy.
Actually, envy is a “capital sin” (or “deadly sin”), which is not the same thing as a mortal sin.

Envy can lead one towards certain mortal sins, but feelings of envy are not in themselves sinful, if they are unchosen by us. They are just feelings, which are not sins until one chooses to indulge them or act on them.

Prayer is always a great way to deal with any temptation, including unwanted feelings of envy. So continue to pray and you are doing well. Discussing further with a trusted priest will help you discern better when envy is sinful or merely an unwanted feeling.
 
You say “very embarrassed to admit this”, I can’t even wrap my mind around why? I guess it stems from you passing judgement on yourself for your thoughts and feelings even though you’re not God.

Romans 14:10 - You, then, why do you judge your brother or sister? Or why do you treat them with contempt? For we will all stand before God’s judgment seat.

Romans 2:1 - Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgment on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things.

So, in judging Mary actually has very little to do with it. Divine births have been going on for a LONG time, Noah was a divine birth. So was his nephew, the son of his brother Nir.

The envy and jealous have to do with YOU and only you. Envy is an individual finding flaw or not being able to find a quality in themselves that they THINK they see in another. This stems from what happened at the fall of man, the dualistic mind. YOU are PERFECT, YOU are a wonderful creature of the Most High God. There is no perfect in creation, there’s no “standard”. Everything in Gods creation is perfect, right and exact. It always has been and always will be. I

t’s when humans are beguiled by another being into not knowing that they’re perfect, made in the likeness and image of God and believing they’re flawed that they lose the complete being that God created, and they start to look for what they think they can’t find in themselves in others.

So rest assured, Mary is no more important than the ones before here, here’s another birth:

**Behold, the wife of Nir, whose name was Sopanim, being sterile and never having at any time given birth to a child by Nir -

Sopanim was in the time of her old age and in the day of her death. She conceived in her womb, but Nir the priest had not slept with her. From the day that that The Lord had appointed him to conduct the liturgy in front of the face of the people.

When Sopanim saw her pregnancy, she was ashamed and embarrassed, and she hid herself during all the days until she gave birth. Not one of the people knew about it. When 282 days had been completed, and the day of birth had begun to approach, Nir remembered his wife, he called her to himself in his house, so that he might converse with her.

Sopanim came to Nir, her husband; and, behold, she was pregnant, and the day appointed for giving birth was drawing near. Nir saw her and became very ashamed. He said to her, “What is this that you have done, O wife? Why have you disgraced me in front of the face of these people? Now, depart from me and go where you began the disgrace of your womb, so that I might not defile my hand on account of you, and sin in front of The Face of The Lord.”

Sopanim spoke to her husband, Nir, saying, “O my lord! Behold, it is the time of my old age, the day of my death has arrived. I do not understand how my menopause and the barrenness of my womb have been reversed.” . Nir did not believe his wife, and for the second time he said to her, “Depart from me, or else I might assault you, and commit a sin in front of the face of The Lord.”

And it came to pass, when Nir had spoken to his wife, Sopanim, that Sopanim fell down at Nir’s feet and died. Nir was extremely distressed and said in his heart, “Could this have happened because of my word? And now, merciful is The Eternal Lord, because my hand was not upon her.”

The archangel Gabriel appeared to Nir, and said to him, “Do not think that your wife Sopanim has died because of your error, but this child, which is to be born of her is a righteous fruit, and one whom I shall receive into paradise, so that you will not be the father of a gift of God.”

When they had gone out toward the grave, a child came out from the dead Sopanim and sat on the bed at her side. Noah and Nir came in to bury Sopanim and they saw the child sitting beside the dead Sopanim, wiping his clothing. Noah and Nir were very terrified with a great fear, because the child was fully developed physically, he spoke with his lips and blessed The Lord.

Noah and Nir looked at him closely, saying, “This is from The Lord, my brother.” And behold the badge of priesthood was on his chest, and it was glorious in appearance. Noah said to Nir, “Behold, God is renewing the priesthood from blood related to us, just as He pleases…”

Noah and Nir hurried and washed the child, they dressed him in the garments of the priesthood, and they gave him bread to eat and he ate it. And they called him Melchizedek .**

<3
 
I know that envy is one of the mortal sins, and I struggle with jealousy/envy. And it’s not just any type either. I am very embarrassed to admit this, but I sometimes feel envy toward the Holy Virgin. The reason being that I can’t seem to get over why she is so chosen by God. Why her of all people. Why did God favor her above all others? I can feel the effects of those horrible feelings bubbling up from time to time, but it’s not like I actually *want *to or strive to be jealous/envious. I actively my best to find reason with myself and pray, telling myself that the very nature of grace is not about competition or favoritism, but rather something charitable that can help other people spiritually around you. But I still sometime can’t help those feelings. It’s like the envy or jealousy has a life of it’s own sometimes and exists inside me independently of my will. I pray the rosary in the evenings, and as you maybe can imagine since the rosary revolves a lot around the Holy Virgin, it can get pretty tough.

I don’t know what to make of this, and I feel bad about it. Last Sunday during mass, after confession, I felt those envious or jealous feelings creeping up on me. I was afraid I had committed a mortal sin right there, but I figured that maybe it wasn’t and I was just scrupulous, so I took the communion in hopes that it might help my healing. I don’t know if I did the right thing or not.

What do you make of this? Am I in a really bad spot?
First, envy is not a mortal sin. Envy is what’s called a “deadly” sin or a “capital” sin.

From the Catechism:
1866 Vices can be classified according to the virtues they oppose, or also be linked to the capital sins which Christian experience has distinguished, following St. John Cassian and St. Gregory the Great. They are called “capital” because they engender other sins, other vices. They are pride, avarice, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth or acedia.

2539 Envy is a capital sin. It refers to the sadness at the sight of another’s goods and the immoderate desire to acquire them for oneself, even unjustly. When it wishes grave harm to a neighbor it is a mortal sin:
St. Augustine saw envy as “the diabolical sin.” “From envy are born hatred, detraction, calumny, joy caused by the misfortune of a neighbor, and displeasure caused by his prosperity.”
2540 Envy represents a form of sadness and therefore a refusal of charity; the baptized person should struggle against it by exercising good will. Envy often comes from pride; the baptized person should train himself to live in humility:
Would you like to see God glorified by you? Then rejoice in your brother’s progress and you will immediately give glory to God. Because his servant could conquer envy by rejoicing in the merits of others, God will be praised.
​
What makes these sins (including envy) “deadly” is that they corrupt your mind into being able to justify performing actual mortal sin as a result. (“It’s not fair that the Joneses have all of that. I am going to take it for myself”)

Practicing the 7 contrary virtues will help overcome the 7 capital sins.

Pride → humility
Avarice → liberality
Envy → kindness
Wrath → patience
Lust → chastity
Gluttony → abstinence
Sloth → diligence

The idea is rather than to beat yourself up regarding envy, work to counter it by being as kind to people as you can be. If you concentrate on practicing brotherly love in that way, it will become almost impossible for envy to creep in.

Now since you are talking about the BVM, perhaps concentrating on devotion of thankfulness for her Son may have a similar effect: since we are getting so close to Lent, maybe take special time to meditate on the Stations of the Cross (as a personal devotion outside of your parish’s weekly celebration of the Stations). You could study each of the Stations in detail and then take your own time in meditating on them in detail.

I don’t know if there is something like this where you are, but in my area (metropolitan DC), the Franciscan Monastery has beautiful outdoor Stations that wander through their gardens. It is ideal for long term meditation in relative privacy. Even if you don’t have outdoor stations available, you can still do so in your parish church (or, for that matter, you could meditate on them at home). The point is to take the extra time to truly meditate and cogitate on the nature of each of those stations. That will help tenderize your heart and help develop an attitude of thankfulness. And that will help your relationship with Our Lady.
 
Remember that it’s only a sin if you consent, otherwise it’s just a temptation 🙂 we actually earn merit when we say no to temptations… 🙂

I know it’s annoying to struggle with them though… one thing that I found helpful, is turning to prayer instead of trying to fight the temptation in a way where you focus on it. Don’t even focus on the feeling, etc, - just instantly go to prayer, and this seems to eventually take away a lot of its power. Also, ask Jesus for a love for His Mother, and ask Mother Mary to help you love her 🙂 she was chosen so that we could be with God! 🙂 and she loves us each, individually, as a Mother.

God bless! 🙂
 
Another way to fight envy is to pray for those that cause you envy (althought the Blessed Mother is not in need of prayer although desires you to pray for others! Sincerely pray for others (this is more powerful than you think!!!) Also, spend an hour in Adoration of our Lord at either your parish or one that has Adoration… again, powerful!

My prayers,
mlz
 
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