Horrible Marriage Proposal?

[cmscms]

haha I wonder what he said?

I never met him but I sure know what it is to have her boss me around (topic for another post). I imagine it went something like this

He got down on his knees and said: ’ I want to spend the rest of my life with you telling me to jump and me asking how high’

Then, ‘Carol’ puts a wedding invitation in my hand. Knowing I am Catholic and not asking me if I would take offence at going to a protestant church. I decided to be polite and keep that to myself.

Me: How come there is no RSVP in the invitation

Carol: Do you plan on coming

Me: yes (keeping my opinions to myself)

Carol: Then you don’t need an RSVP you just need to let me know.

Me: OK (walking away thinking she is stranger than I though)

2 days latter discussing with ‘Donna’ whether people would do a group gift or an individual gifts

Me: Don’t you find it odd there was no RSVP in the invitation?

Donna: Huh what do you mean

Me: there was no RSVP in the envelop and Carol said don’t worry about it

Donna: I got an RSVP. I guess you are not invited to the supper

I go over to Carol’s desk trying not to stomp my feet too loudly

Me: Carol, am I invited to the supper?

Carol: No

Me: I won’t be going

3 days later I asked her to speak in private

Me: Why didn’t you tell me I was not invited to the supper

Carol: I didn’t want to hurt you

Me: Did you seriously think I was never going to find out? I walk away fuming and we don’t speak for over a month

By the time she got a job in another office we were speaking again so I went to her goodbye lunch (happy to see her go)

I repeat: Pleas pray for her husband

CM

 

[CountrySinger]

my hubby proposed to my after ONLY knowing me for 3 days. We were on top of Signal Mountain in Dunlap Tn, and he asked me to marry him. The next day he took me to pick out a ring. We just celebrated 10 years. We have 2 amazing, smart, beautiful daughters together. and NO I do NOT regret anything. Yes, we had some rough troubled waters here and there but it was/is all worth it. He is the most amazing man, husband, daddy, and best friend I and the girls could ever have.

So you are saying that theoretically, any single person could be engaged in 3 days? Awesome!

 

[tafan]

So you are saying that theoretically, any single person could be engaged in 3 days? Awesome!

Risky, but if both people understand what it means to be married and that love pimarily and act of will, I see no problem with it. The risk is knowing that your spouse to be thinks this way. But there is a reason why arranged marriages work in a lot of cultures. People understand what they are getting into ahead of time.
Used to work with a guy from india. He took 2 weeks vacation to go back to India to get married. Come to find out, he had never met her. Their parents arranged the marriage. Can you imagine that girl’s fear that not only was she marrying someone she didn’t know but right after the marriage she would be moving half way around the world with him?
We gave him a lot of grief and teasing before the event. Fast forward a couple of months to a company picnic, he shows up with his new bride and she is drop-dead gorgeuous. A lot of young guys in the office wanted his parents to arrange a marraige for them.
They have been happily married for around 10 years now.

 

[CountrySinger]

I wish that my mother had arranged a marriage for me. It would have saved so much heartbreak.

 

[CB_Catholic]

I wish that my mother had arranged a marriage for me. It would have saved so much heartbreak.

My grandmother had an arranged marriage, in the early part of the 20th century, when she was 16. I found out (from her), that the reason they arranged a marriage was because all of her brothers and sisters, except one, had “shotgun” weddings, and they married her off before that could happen to her. Things haven’t changed that much, I guess.

The marriage lasted 44 years, until my grandfather died. Grandma said she never really loved Grandpa, but she got used to him. He was a good husband and she could have done worse.

 

[Catholicdude92]

LOL! I don’t know why, but this struck me.

That “man” should be beaten. Repeatedly. It’s a pet peeve of mine when someone complains about their wife gaining a few pounds after she has a kid or two.

Tar and feathered too.

 

[beckers]

I am just happy he asked!

We were walking and he just turned and said “I can’t wait any long, i have to ask”. He then got down on one knee and asked. Of course the whole time he was pushing the ring in my face because he knew i wanted a small simple ring. He was worried that i wouldn’t like his great-great-great grandmothers ring 9 stone ring. I think that was the part he was nervous about. He knew i wouldn’t say no.

 

[AHapka]

One of my friend’s ex-husband proposed to her by saying “we better get married while you are still hot and I want to have sex with you”. Needless to say, he left her after three years for someone else after she had her son (and wasn’t a size 2 anymore).

While I’m not defending the guy by any means, your friend wasn’t blameless either.

He made it very clear what he was getting married for, and it wasn’t for love. What was she thinking accepting? She sure can’t say she was deceived…

 

[vera_dicere]

Has anyone ever had an awful marriage proposal? What is the worst you’ve heard of?

What would you do if they didn’t fix it?

There are stories out there like this one, I’m sure, but a friend of mine, her boyfriend went to a lot of trouble to make some home made chocolate pudding and he put the ring in it.

They were eating, and eventually after the meal, he realised she hadn’t found the ring! She’d swallowed it.

The next day, he came back round with a hot cup of coffee which he’d put laxatives and stool softeners in. (Seriously).

And sure enough, by the end of the evening she needed to “go”.

Long and short of it, he stood outside the door once the noises had finished and said “you see anything you like?” (Again, seriously!!!)

And she was like “I see a ring in my… you SOB!”

She made him come in and fish it out!!

That was back in 2002 and they’re still married, though this story was NOT told at the wedding reception.

 

[CountrySinger]

While I’m not defending the guy by any means, your friend wasn’t blameless either.

He made it very clear what he was getting married for, and it wasn’t for love. What was she thinking accepting? She sure can’t say she was deceived…

That is what I wanted to say! Lol. She was one of those people who got by on her looks only. She was the “Body” and I am the “Brains”. That is what we were known as in our hometown. I hope I find someone who loves me in spite of my looks (of course, if my trainer does his job, I will be pretty one day).

 

[ac_claire]

Well I never got a proposal at all. Not really. The man who was courting me at the time had come right out and said that we should get married…and the two of us had talked about marriage in a general sense and after awhile, just from our discussions, it became clear we were on the same page. Then one day he says something to the effect of, “should we go get your ring this afternoon?” (I can’t even remember exactly!) And I was like, “ok, sure” lol. And that was it.

We went and bought my ring that afternoon and then I called my family and told them that I was engaged. Not too romantic, but it worked out fine for us.

 

[PaulinVA]

I wonder - does the proposal have a correlation to the future success of the marriage?

I proposed to my wife quite on the spur of the moment - we knew we were going to get married. I asked her on my knees as I was searching through ornaments putting up my parents Christmas tree. I ended up on my knees right in front of her, so I asked.

I joked later that it was an accident

We bought a ring a little later. There was no way I was going to buy a ring she would wear for the rest of her life without her (name removed by moderator)ut.

Do the 'mutual decisions" endure better than the man finally asking?

 

[ac_claire]

I wonder - does the proposal have a correlation to the future success of the marriage?
…
Do the 'mutual decisions" endure better than the man finally asking?

I don’t know, but I’d bet there’s no real correlation. Just depends on the people, the couple, etc. For us, a big romantic down on one knee with rose petals type thing would have embarrassed me. And my soon-to-be-husband knew that, so we just sort of…became engaged.

I think the proposal would only be a predictor of future success or failure in a marriage if the proposal were somehow linked to the important qualities in a good marriage…such as commitment, trust, communication, maturity, seriousness about faith/vows, etc. But I don’t see how the proposal could be linked to or be an indicator of these qualities in most cases. Just my $.02.

 

[PaulinVA]

I think the proposal would only be a predictor of future success or failure in a marriage if the proposal were somehow linked to the important qualities in a good marriage…such as commitment, trust, communication, maturity, seriousness about faith/vows, etc. But I don’t see how the proposal could be linked to or be an indicator of these qualities in most cases. Just my $.02.

Well, I was just wondering. It seems to me to be a decision, a business decision, a decision about the course of your life. The whole “man pops the question” has always baffled me. And, as I said, the man showing up with a ring and asking is just foreign to me.

I guess what’s right for the couple is what’s right for the couple…

 

[cmscms]

I remembering being a kid and watching TV and the man pulling out a ring and the woman being so happy. I am not sure what I said to my mom but she told me ‘That is TV. No man would ever spend that much on a ring unless he was sure of a yes. Usually they talk about it first and the woman knows it is coming’

I think society has a way of turning the normal yet happy things in life into undue pressure and money making opportunities

 

[agapewolf]

There is a difference between a proposal and discernment of getting engaged. A proposal is certainly fine to be a surprise and romantic (and actually has some theological backing with TOB).

Engagement/marriage should be discerned together. The proposal is a seperate thing.

 

[ac_claire]

There is a difference between a proposal and discernment of getting engaged. A proposal is certainly fine to be a surprise and romantic (and actually has some theological backing with TOB).

Engagement/marriage should be discerned together. The proposal is a seperate thing.

It is a separate thing. I think, because of that, the proposal alone shouldn’t really matter. If it’s a horrible ‘proposal’ but the rest of the engagement/discernment is good, then it really shouldn’t matter. A lot of people are actually embarrassed being outwardly ‘romantic’ like that…

 

[AHapka]

theological backing with TOB)…

What’s TOB?

 

[agapewolf]

Theology of the body

 

[lizaanne]

Well - I was way too young to even consider marriage, not to mention being in an intimate relationship with someone 10 years older. I was 19, he had just turned 30. We had been dating for several months. He had huge mental health issues, on medication, but I was “in love” .

So we are out to a dinner theater to see my cousin in a play he had a staring role in, and sitting at a dinner table with a bunch of people we didn’t know. He leans over to me and asks me to marry him - just like that, out of the blue. I just put my head down and didn’t say anything, but I think others at the table knew something was up between us. So I excused myself and went to the ladies room just to calm down a bit. A woman from our table came in and asked me if I was ok. I said, yes, I’m fine, he just asked me to marry him. Said as if he just asked me if I could pass the potatoes. She asked me if I said yes, and I said “no way, he has way too many issues”. She looked stunned and just went back to the table. I was FURIOUS with him for doing this in public where I couldn’t talk to him about it. Talk about putting someone on the spot!!!

My date and I didn’t really speak for the rest of the night. The awkwardness was so thick you could feel it. We continued to date awhile longer after that and then he started cheating on me with someone. Horrible break up then I moved out of state.

Now ---- to counter that ---- my dear husband went down on one knee after Easter Vigil Mass when he was received into the Church, right in front of the Tabernacle (old Church in England, in a chapel off to the side of the altar), and asked me to marry him. I went down on my knees in front of him and said yes with tears in my eyes. It could not have been more perfect. We had been dating long distance for eight months, him in England, me here in the US. I had been in England for a week to meet him in person for the first time. We were engaged for nearly two years before marriage due to discernment, and immigration paper work. We will celebrate four very happy years of marriage this year!

~Liza