Housesitting - Scandal?

[Bookcat]

Please explain to me how the OP’s situation, in any way, shape or form can do this


This is getting out of hand- “scandal” is not hiding around every corner, and if anyone thinks it is, I urge you to get professional/spiritual help- asap!!

See the entry there on “scandal of the weak”

 

[Bookcat]

Well, okay then. I’m all for considering the aspects of the situation. Obviously. Otherwise, I would’ve never even brought the situation up. But if even you can’t say that it’s seriously wrong, I’m going to go ahead and do it – unless someone else has concerns about. If that is the case, please raise them.

I am not there… I do not have really a circumspect view of the various aspects involved.

If it where me and I were not married and living in my local-- I would be looking to find another way.

The concerns you raise though-- are very valid concerns. We do not want to be the cause of scandal or give the impression that Christians are engaging in having their “boygirl- friends” – sleep over. There is even the scandal of the weak to consider as Paul points out in his letter to the Romans mentioned above.

And of course there is also the potential lessing the effectiveness of future Christian witness to ones neighbors.

Your Pastor or confessor can perhaps advise you and ask you further questions etc.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

See the entry there on “scandal of the weak”

And just where is that link?
I know you posted 3, I looked at one, and now the rest are gone.

If you are referring to the Jimmy Akin article, sorry Bookcat- apples & oranges.
We are not talking about a couple “co-habitating”, we are talking about someone house/pet sitting!
Anyone who sees scandal, OF ANY TYPE in this situation, really needs help!!

 

[Bookcat]

And just where is that link?

!

Same place you got that particular definition of scandal --entry right below it. Same author.

 

[Oneofthewomen]

Well, okay then. I’m all for considering the aspects of the situation. Obviously. Otherwise, I would’ve never even brought the situation up. But if even you can’t say that it’s seriously wrong, I’m going to go ahead and do it – unless someone else has concerns about. If that is the case, please raise them.

OrangeOwl, you do what you think is best for you and your pets!
I really urge you to talk to a priest about this, I am really concerned about soem of the advice you are getting here.

 

[Bookcat]

I am not there… I do not have really a circumspect view of the various aspects involved.

If it where me and I were not married and living in my local-- I would be looking to find another way.

The concerns you raise though-- are very valid concerns. We do not want to be the cause of scandal or give the impression that Christians are engaging in having their “boygirl- friends” – sleep over. There is even the scandal of the weak to consider as Paul points out in his letter to the Romans mentioned above.

And of course there is also the potential lessing the effectiveness of future Christian witness to ones neighbors.

Your Pastor or confessor can perhaps advise you and ask you further questions etc.

They will know better your local as well…

 

[OrangeOwl]

I am not there… I do not have really a circumspect view of the various aspects involved.

If it where me and I were not married and living in my local-- I would be looking to find another way.

The concerns you raise though-- are very valid concerns. We do not want to be the cause of scandal or give the impression that Christians are engaging in having their “boygirl- friends” – sleep over. There is even the scandal of the weak to consider as Paul points out in his letter to the Romans mentioned above.

And of course there is also the potential lessing the effectiveness of future Christian witness to ones neighbors.

Your Pastor or confessor can perhaps advise you and ask you further questions etc.

Scandal is all about avoiding “reasonable misperceptions.” I’m not even in a relationship with this person. It’s just a friend of the opposite sex. But I figured it would be assumed by everyone that we are in a relationship.

So these are the false assumptions that a person would have to make to get to scandal: That I am in a relationship with this person. That I am also in the house on the nights that this person is staying over. That we are sleeping in the same bed. That this means it’s ok for unmarried people to be sleeping together.

Obviously, even Jimmy Akin doesn’t think you have to bend over backwards to avoid scandal. Could I take the dogs to a kennel or have a stranger watch them at her house (if she even agreed to it)? Sure. But this is the best option for me and my dogs.

Frankly, I’m not going to talk to a priest every time I have an itty-bitty concern. I think you have to make up your own mind every once in a while. After all, if I asked five priests about this situation, I would probably get five different responses.

 

[1ke]

Is there any element of scandal in this situation?

No.

I suggest you review the Catechism section on scandal. A lot of people misunderstand what scandal is.

Someone dog sitting for you is NOT scandal.

 

[anp1215]

Scandal is all about avoiding “reasonable misperceptions.” I’m not even in a relationship with this person. It’s just a friend of the opposite sex. But I figured it would be assumed by everyone that we are in a relationship.

So these are the false assumptions that a person would have to make to get to scandal: That I am in a relationship with this person. That I am also in the house on the nights that this person is staying over. That we are sleeping in the same bed. That this means it’s ok for unmarried people to be sleeping together.

Obviously, even Jimmy Akin doesn’t think you have to bend over backwards to avoid scandal. Could I take the dogs to a kennel or have a stranger watch them at her house (if she even agreed to it)? Sure. But this is the best option for me and my dogs.

Frankly, I’m not going to talk to a priest every time I have an itty-bitty concern. I think you have to make up your own mind every once in a while. After all, if I asked five priests about this situation, I would probably get five different responses.

Do the housesitting. It is cheaper and it is the best option for your dogs. Kennels can be a valid choice, but it’s not ever the best choice; it’s always preferable for your pets to stay in their home environment where they are comfortable. There’s less risk of any stress related problems and no risk of catching a disease from another dog. And keep in mind-I’m sure the vast majority of kennel employees are caring and responsible. But in the end, they are strangers (unless you happen to know all the employees). A friend took her dog to get a teeth cleaning at the vet’s. One of the kids who worked there took her outside for a walk. The dog got away and died on the highway. I know that’s not a kennel, so it’s different, but when that happened I decided I would not leave my pets in the care of strangers unless I absolutely had to. I’m not trying to scare you, just trying to help you see that the housesitting option is far preferable! I would never use a kennel unless I had no one to care for my pets.

 

[Bookcat]

Scandal is all about avoiding “reasonable misperceptions.” I’m not even in a relationship with this person. It’s just a friend of the opposite sex. But I figured it would be assumed by everyone that we are in a relationship.

So these are the false assumptions that a person would have to make to get to scandal: That I am in a relationship with this person. That I am also in the house on the nights that this person is staying over. That we are sleeping in the same bed. That this means it’s ok for unmarried people to be sleeping together.

Obviously, even Jimmy Akin doesn’t think you have to bend over backwards to avoid scandal. Could I take the dogs to a kennel or have a stranger watch them at her house (if she even agreed to it)? Sure. But this is the best option for me and my dogs.

Frankly, I’m not going to talk to a priest every time I have an itty-bitty concern. I think you have to make up your own mind every once in a while. After all, if I asked five priests about this situation, I would probably get five different responses.

I have given my thoughts above – and noted that I do not say conclusively one way or the other – I am simply discussing the matter.

Certainly we are to avoid scandal* and scandal of the weak* etc etc etc and judge with prudence (which may involve seeking counsel) and a well formed conscience. This matter was of concern to you. And I think it is a valid concern that your conscience raised.

Consider too in your prudential judgment forming --that it would be a logical thought for someone to think that she is a new girl that one has invited to stay the night…or the weekend with you.

Again just things to consider.

 

[Timothysis]

Their concern is not regarding “someone” housesitting but a boyfriendgirlfriend. Giving the appearance that they are “sleeping over”.

Such is a valid concern.

And their further knowledge of how things are presumed in their area there further plays into the question. Another valid aspect.

So, am I giving scandal to my neighbors when my brother and sister-in-law visit and I am alone in my house with my sister-in-law when my brother goes to the store or a friend’s?

There are two kinds of people with regards to scandal; those who scandalize and those who choose to be scandalized.

 

[Bookcat]

No.

I suggest you review the Catechism section on scandal. A lot of people misunderstand what scandal is.

Someone dog sitting for you is NOT scandal.

There is more to be considered then what is in the Catechism.

His conscience raised a valid concern

 

[Bookcat]

So, am I giving scandal to my neighbors when my brother and sister-in-law visit and I am alone in my house with my sister-in-law when my brother goes to the store or a friend’s?

There are two kinds of people with regards to scandal; those who scandalize and those who choose to be scandalized.

Normally I would think not.

 

[OrangeOwl]

So, am I giving scandal to my neighbors when my brother and sister-in-law visit and I am alone in my house with my sister-in-law when my brother goes to the store or a friend’s?

There are two kinds of people with regards to scandal; those who scandalize and those who choose to be scandalized.

Yes… what about when only one of my parents stays over? Do you think that people think we are in a relationship? That’s happened once or twice before even when I was in high school.

I’m curious what you think about that, Bookcat. Does this mean that I can’t even have my family (of the opposite sex) visit me?

 

[Bookcat]

Yes… what about when only one of my parents stays over? Do you think that people think we are in a relationship? That’s happened once or twice before even when I was in high school.

I’m curious what you think about that, Bookcat. Does this mean that I can’t even have my family (of the opposite sex) visit me?

yes they must sit on the front porch

 

[OrangeOwl]

yes they must sit on the front porch

So you agree that making family members stay at a hotel is crossing the line.

 

[Bookcat]

So you agree that making family members stay at a hotel is crossing the line.

Sure – in many cases.

Prudence and right judgment though must take the various aspects that are involved in a question-circumstance into account.

In some things --the answer can be quite clear. In others more thought and work must be undertaken to arrive at a good judgment. One size does not fit all.

(and of course there are things that can “never be done” …intrinsic evils…)

 

[Bookcat]

Catechism:

1786 Faced with a moral choice, conscience can make either a right judgment in accordance with reason and the divine law or, on the contrary, an erroneous judgment that departs from them.

1787 Man is sometimes confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decision difficult. But he must always seriously seek what is right and good and discern the will of God expressed in divine law.

1788 To this purpose, man strives to interpret the data of experience and the signs of the times assisted by the virtue of prudence, by the advice of competent people, and by the help of the Holy Spirit and his gifts.

1789 Some rules apply in every case:

• One may never do evil so that good may result from it;
• the Golden Rule: "Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them."56
• charity always proceeds by way of respect for one’s neighbor and his conscience: "Thus sinning against your brethren and wounding their conscience . . . you sin against Christ."57 Therefore "it is right not to . . . do anything that makes your brother stumble."58

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a6.htm#III

 

[OrangeOwl]

Sure – in many cases.

Prudence and right judgment though must take the various aspects that are involved in a question-circumstance into account.

In some things --the answer can be quite clear. In others more thought and work must be undertaken to arrive at a good judgment. One size does not fit all.

(and of course there are things that can “never be done” …intrinic evils…)

Glad to hear it. Just so you know, I’ve decided to have a family member (of the opposite sex!) housesit instead. I’m still not sure about the friend housesitting – but this turned out to be the better option anyway.

 

[Bookcat]

Glad to hear it. Just so you know, I’ve decided to have a family member watch my dogs instead. I’m still not sure about the friend housesitting – but this turned out to be the better option anyway.

More info --and it actually reflects your good desire to seek the good and avoid the evil

Catechism:

1786 Faced with a moral choice, conscience can make either a right judgment in accordance with reason and the divine law or, on the contrary, an erroneous judgment that departs from them.

1787 Man is sometimes confronted by situations that make moral judgments less assured and decision difficult. But he must always seriously seek what is right and good and discern the will of God expressed in divine law.

1788 To this purpose, man strives to interpret the data of experience and the signs of the times assisted by the virtue of prudence, by the advice of competent people, and by the help of the Holy Spirit and his gifts.

1789 Some rules apply in every case:

• One may never do evil so that good may result from it;
• the Golden Rule: "Whatever you wish that men would do to you, do so to them."56
• charity always proceeds by way of respect for one’s neighbor and his conscience: "Thus sinning against your brethren and wounding their conscience . . . you sin against Christ."57 Therefore "it is right not to . . . do anything that makes your brother stumble."58

scborromeo.org/ccc/p3s1c1a6.htm#III