How are Catholics supposed to date?

[whatevergirl]

I second the above sentiment. I wasted a lot of time dating men back in college, who were absolutely not marriage material for me …and so why did I bother? I dated some guys before my husband who were ‘love’ interests, but discerned tha we were not right for one another in the long run…for marriage, etc. But, there were too many 1 month here and there in the mix…what a waste of time! I was always a strong Catholic, but I admit, not as devout as I am now…I think if I were single now, I would treat dating MUCH differently. :yup:

 

[Arclight]

I enjoyed college. I dated a boy in junior and senior years of college. We got engaged in between our junior and senior years. We graduated on Monday and got married on Friday of the same week.

It’s twelve years of marriage for us in May.

Don’t waste time dating someone who is not even a potential spouse.

Your mileage may differ.

I’m not saying that this was your case so don’t get offended, but since you mentioned the scenario, we called this the MRS Degree. I didn’t consider any of my dating as a “waste of time”. I enjoyed all of it, and would do it again if I could replay my life. Ahead of my college days were my service days, more graduate/professional school, and a career, before I was ready to marry.

To the OP: don’t to so quick to tie yourself down now unless you can tell the future.

 

[Sillara]

Your mileage may differ.

I’m not saying that this was your case so don’t get offended, but since you mentioned the scenario, we called this the MRS Degree. I didn’t consider any of my dating as a “waste of time”. I enjoyed all of it, and would do it again if I could replay my life. Ahead of my college days were my service days, more graduate/professional school, and a career, before I was ready to marry.

To the OP: don’t to so quick to tie yourself down now unless you can tell the future.

Yes, I’ve heard the term MRS degree.

I actually graduated with a BA, thanks. And I got my MA in Shakespeare after I got married.

If I had it to do over, I would have skipped dating the boys I dated in my freshman and sophomore years. It did no one any good.

What is the purpose of dating, particularly from a Catholic perspective? To find a spouse. If the one you are dating does not meet that qualification, you are only setting yourself (or your boyfriend/girlfriend) for getting hurt.

 

[Arclight]

Yes, I’ve heard the term MRS degree.

I actually graduated with a BA, thanks. And I got my MA in Shakespeare after I got married.

I said it wasn’t a comment directed at you personally.

If I had it to do over, I would have skipped dating the boys I dated in my freshman and sophomore years. It did no one any good.

I disagree strongly. For one thing, I enjoyed the company of almost every woman I dated and even the blown love affairs I can look back on with some sense of humor if not regret.

What is the purpose of dating, particularly from a Catholic perspective? To find a spouse. If the one you are dating does not meet that qualification, you are only setting yourself (or your boyfriend/girlfriend) for getting hurt.

Teenagers and young adults are inevitably going to get hurt romantically. That’s life. As for the purpose of dating? I suppose its whatever you choose to make of it.

 

[Sillara]

As for the purpose of dating? I suppose its whatever you choose to make of it.

If dating is not to find a spouse, then it is simply placing oneself in pointless near occasions of sin.

 

[whatevergirl]

If dating is not to find a spouse, then it is simply placing oneself in pointless near occasions of sin.

To a degree, but not necessarily. I think that if you are hanging out, going bowling, eating out, movies…it can just be a time of fun, getting to know different people. I think that if you get the sense that someone really is wrong for you though, and you continue dating…the longer it goes on, it can lead to a colossal waste of time. I dated a lot…I learned a bit from all those experiences, but…in looking back, I also wasted a lot of time…Meaning, I think there were times I just didn’t want to be alone on a Friday night, so I said yes to guys who liked me, but I didn’t feel the same way. Not smart!

I also learned areas that I needed to change in me, from dating. I think that for everyone, this might be a bit different. There are no cookie cutter answers to dating…but since the thread is titled, how are Catholics supposed to date? It probably suffices to say that being a bit more discerning on who your spend your time with …is best. I personally don’t believe in marrying the first and only person someone dates…that’s just me. I know it works, in some cases, but that’s just me.

 

[Arclight]

If dating is not to find a spouse, then it is simply placing oneself in pointless near occasions of sin.

Yeah. Imagine that.

 

[whatevergirl]

Yeah. Imagine that.

 

[whatevergirl]

I think that the same argument can be made for couples who are dating, know they want to marry one another…and are holding off on a wedding until say graduating or something. There can be tempting situations for near occasions of sin, in those scenarios, as well. Dating a number of people before choosing someone to become serious with, in and of itself, doesn’t increase or decrease promiscuity. It depends on the person’s core values, and the other person’s core values. And it depends on the boundaries you create for yourself, when dating. I didn’t let guys come back to my dorm room for example, back in college days…I also most of the time, met them at restaurants, as a neutral ground. I think that for people who allow men/women to hang out in secluded, private places…the temptation will be greater for sin, whether the couple is engaged to be married or just dating a few different people. Boundaries is key in dating. As a Catholic, it’s a good idea to date like minded individuals…that are cherishing their own purity, and wish to not compromise that in the person he/she is dating.

 

[Arclight]

… I think that for people who allow men/women to hang out in secluded, private places…the temptation will be greater for sin, whether the couple is engaged to be married or just dating a few different people…

A freshman in college is an adult, under no one’s supervision but his or her own. Self-control, everyone has to learn it.

 

[whatevergirl]

A freshman in college is an adult, under no one’s supervision but his or her own. Self-control, everyone has to learn it.

Holy cow, that came out totally wrong…lol
I meant to say…If people allow THEMSELVES to get into compromising situations, no matter the situation, then a near occasion of sin can be present.

yes, self control is necessary in all dating circumstances. I agree. I think though, that even the best self controlled people can be tempted and if you lean over a flame long enough, you might slip and burn yourself. Only Christ was perfect in all regards.

 

[Belgarion]

Yeah. Imagine that.

Yeah, REALLY imagine that!

Dating for fun isn’t really all that bad, but how often does that fun turn into the wrong kind of fun.

That is essentially the topic of this conversation here. The OP wants to know about the right kind of fun and enjoyment that would take place within a dating relationship.

But you also have to realize that even though you may be having the right kind of fun, and doing the right thing by not getting physical…you could still be doing something imprudent.

You could be giving away your heart, rather than your body, to someone who you know you won’t marry. You could be stealing time and preparation from your future spouse.

Why give your heart and your time to someone you know you’re not going to marry? (Dating TO find out, is fine)

Even worse though, is dating when you’re not ready to get married.

I see WAY too much “Don’t worry about getting serious if you’re not ready to be tied down”

First, I have a problem with that phrase “Tied down”. It puts marriage in a demeaning and negative light.

Also, the very fact that you would date someone, KNOWING that you aren’t even wanting to get married any time soon, can be misleading, to yourself, and to the one you’re dating.

What’s the purpose? I understand not dating seriously to avoid giving your heart to someone too soon, but not dating seriously because you have no intention of giving your heart to them even if things work out?

pointless.

 

[ack]

It might be worth pointing out that Arclight describes himself as “not very Catholic at all” in his profile.

The differences in opinion that I’m seeing in this discussion probably reflect the differing worldviews of the people posting them, hence the inability of each party to understand the other’s point of view.

Yeah. Imagine that.

 

[Arclight]

Yeah, REALLY imagine that!

Dating for fun isn’t really all that bad, but how often does that fun turn into the wrong kind of fun.

That is essentially the topic of this conversation here. The OP wants to know about the right kind of fun and enjoyment that would take place within a dating relationship.

But you also have to realize that even though you may be having the right kind of fun, and doing the right thing by not getting physical…you could still be doing something imprudent.

You could be giving away your heart, rather than your body, to someone who you know you won’t marry. You could be stealing time and preparation from your future spouse.

Why give your heart and your time to someone you know you’re not going to marry? (Dating TO find out, is fine)

Even worse though, is dating when you’re not ready to get married.

I see WAY too much “Don’t worry about getting serious if you’re not ready to be tied down”

First, I have a problem with that phrase “Tied down”. It puts marriage in a demeaning and negative light.

Also, the very fact that you would date someone, KNOWING that you aren’t even wanting to get married any time soon, can be misleading, to yourself, and to the one you’re dating.

What’s the purpose? I understand not dating seriously to avoid giving your heart to someone too soon, but not dating seriously because you have no intention of giving your heart to them even if things work out?

pointless.

I don’t have a problem with “tied down”. Stop being so thin skinned and looking for reasons to complain.

Lighten up. We’re talking about dating in college. The OP could be anywhere, literally, in a few years, doing things he can’t even imagine now, so his outlook on life, goals in life, circumstances in life, women he meets in life, are all going to change, and possibly drastically. If he’s a normal guy, his going to get his heart cracked more than once before he settles down. So let him experiment, make a few mistakes, and mature on his own without laying down the Right Way To Date, No Exceptions Please that is so far divorced from how life typically plays out that its almost laughable.

 

[Arclight]

It might be worth pointing out that Arclight describes himself as “not very Catholic at all” in his profile…

Only by comparison to the numerous candidates for sainthood on this forum. Thank God for that.

Why do you think that’s worth pointing out? This thread isn’t about me. Seems like a kind of petty thing to do.

 

[ack]

You’re new to this subforum, you never introduced yourself, and we don’t know you.

If you think that copying something from your biography was “petty”, then you must be embarrassed that people would be reading it. Maybe you shouldn’t have put it there in the first place.

Only by comparison to the numerous candidates for sainthood on this forum. Thank God for that.

Why do you think that’s worth pointing out? This thread isn’t about me. Seems like a kind of petty thing to do.

 

[happymommy]

I don’t have a problem with “tied down”. Stop being so thin skinned and looking for reasons to complain.

Lighten up. We’re talking about dating in college. The OP could be anywhere, literally, in a few years, doing things he can’t even imagine now, so his outlook on life, goals in life, circumstances in life, women he meets in life, are all going to change, and possibly drastically. If he’s a normal guy, his going to get his heart cracked more than once before he settles down. So let him experiment, make a few mistakes, and mature on his own without laying down the Right Way To Date, No Exceptions Please that is so far divorced from how life typically plays out that its almost laughable.

I think Belgarion, a teenage guy, is the best one to speak of this and I think he has it right…Good job my friend! I pray my children are as wise as you in protecting their heart for their spouse!
now, you and I have had some “fun” going back and forth on another thread about saving certain things for marriage, so I think you know where I stand! But I do not like the tone you are taking with others posting on here. If you have a different opinion, by all means, fill us in, but don’t be rude!!

 

[Arclight]

Holy cow, that came out totally wrong…lol
I meant to say…If people allow THEMSELVES to get into compromising situations, no matter the situation, then a near occasion of sin can be present.

yes, self control is necessary in all dating circumstances. I agree. I think though, that even the best self controlled people can be tempted and if you lean over a flame long enough, you might slip and burn yourself. Only Christ was perfect in all regards.

OK, I misread that too.

The time to learn restraint is not at at the time restraint is needed, and yes, people are going to fail over and over again.

People who grow up under proper guidance aren’t going to need to meticulously avoid every temptation in fear of failing. Dealing with temptations that will be ever increasing in gravity as one grows up – and occasionally failing – are also a part of maturing. Hiding behind a shield, which a lot of what I’m reading seems to suggest, is not a practical way of living.

 

[Belgarion]

I don’t have a problem with “tied down”. Stop being so thin skinned and looking for reasons to complain.

Lighten up. We’re talking about dating in college. The OP could be anywhere, literally, in a few years, doing things he can’t even imagine now, so his outlook on life, goals in life, circumstances in life, women he meets in life, are all going to change, and possibly drastically. If he’s a normal guy, his going to get his heart cracked more than once before he settles down. So let him experiment, make a few mistakes, and mature on his own without laying down the Right Way To Date, No Exceptions Please that is so far divorced from how life typically plays out that its almost laughable.

Funny how you mentioned “Divorced”
What do you think happens when you get emotionally attached to someone that you have no intention of spending the rest of your life with?

You’re forgetting one important aspect here. That mentality you’re propelling is self centered.
You’re not taking into account his future marriage and family.

More importantly, you’re not taking into account what is best by God’s standards. (Not surprising)

I’m not saying he should shut himself off from every woman he meets. But he shouldn’t be wasting his time wooing someone for the sake of wooing. Like you said, he could be anywhere in a few years. Therefore the very actions you recommend are shown to be even more illogical.
Thanks for proving my point.

happymommy:

I think Belgarion, a teenage guy, is the best one to speak of this and I think he has it right…Good job my friend! I pray my children are as wise as you in protecting their heart for their spouse!

:blushing: Aw, thank you.

 

[Arclight]

You’re new to this subforum, you never introduced yourself, and we don’t know you…

Did I step on someone’s blue suede shoes again?