How are men supposed to make their romantic intentions known in the aftermath of metoo?

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Then that tells you right away this is not the sort of woman to consider as a potential spouse.
 
That’s fine. I’m not worried about getting rejected. I’m worried about losing my job or something along those lines. Maybe losing friends. A woman calling a man a creep is dangerous nowadays
 
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Don’t take this the wrong way but do you think you should be dating (right now) in the first place if you’re this distrusting of the women you meet?
 
Anyway it blows my mind that guys are confused about their intentions being misconstrued as sexual harassment. I can understand being afraid of a false accusation if you’re in a position of power, though. But I honestly wonder how these men (that are saying women are seeing a simple date request as a MeToo story) are actually going about asking women.

As a woman who is generally uncomfortable with guys I haven’t met before, my advice is definitely on the safe side. Build a friendship/some sort of relationship with a woman first. Have some conversations, keep it friendly. It allows both of you to get an idea of the other’s personality without ‘committing’ to a date. This doesn’t have to be really long, just friendly conversations the first couple of times you see each other will do.

Then ask for a date. If she says yes, great! Keep your hands to yourself. Normally the woman breaks the touch barrier but if you’re somehow desperate to do it, a friendly pat on her hand or back when you’re leading her somewhere can do the trick.

As for kissing…normally doing it on the first date is weird. Most guys shouldn’t be that socially stunted that they cannot read cues but unfortunately that’s the impression I’m getting.
But honestly leaning in or simply asking is not a big deal. Nobody is saying that you need to ask in such an emotionless and formal manner. In fact a lot of my friends actually find it romantic or even ‘hot’ when the guy bothers to ask if she’s okay with doing with whatever he wants to do.

I think more guys are saying that women likes xyz more than women are actually saying. I currently have a guy that is messaging me again and again even after I said no, and I won’t be surprised if someone’s telling him that I would probably like him if he’s persistent enough. 🤢
 
Dating at work has had sticky wickets for a very long time.

What about at Church events, volunteering, at a cooking class, in a hiking group.
 
I try not to have feelings for anyone I know at church because I don’t want to make anyone feel awkward

Basically I don’t try to like anyone at a place where I like being at.
 
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😦 isolating oneself is a sad way to live. Make friends! Friendship is important for Christians. Jesus had close friends, both men and women, he is our example. In fact the Catechism tells us:

2347 The virtue of chastity blossoms in friendship . It shows the disciple how to follow and imitate him who has chosen us as his friends, who has given himself totally to us and allows us to participate in his divine estate. Chastity is a promise of immortality.

Chastity is expressed notably in friendship with one’s neighbor . Whether it develops between persons of the same or opposite sex, friendship represents a great good for all. It leads to spiritual communion.
 
And unfortunately I have had a lot of guys who will be very creepy and pushy, and then back off and say “geez, I was just trying to talk to you!” and complain that they were just being polite.
 
The problem is that what you’re describing is a very subjective experience, and it’s the exact reason that men are worried about making any sort of advance to any woman. A man tries to chat a woman up–if she’s attracted to him, it’s fine; if she’s not, he’s a creep.

Now, perhaps you’re describing truly disturbing behavior–men groping you, or talking about how you make them want to do obscene things. If this is the case, then you need to find some better men, because most men aren’t nasty perverts; but if–as I surmise–you’re talking about men talking to you, trying to get you interested in going out with them, chatting with you in public places, then I think it’s problematic to label them so negatively even if you’re no interest in them and you think you’ve made that perfectly obvious.
 
heidi_storage said:
if she’s attracted to him, it’s fine; if she’s not, he’s a creep.
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I find this belief by itself to be extremely disturbing. It lets men get away with bad behavior because “they’re hot, so it’s fine,” or lie to themselves that the problem is their looks and not their behavior. It raises a big red flag for me when a man says that that he’s going to be pushy and rude and

Frankly, I could do without the constant being chatted up in public places or trying to get you to go out with them. Nowadays it’s like trying to read a book on the bus without being all happy and smiley and chatting is some sort of insult to men, because they want to chat you up instead and not just let you read. And the vast majority of my experiences weren’t men I willingly wanted to spend time with, but just men who happened to be occupying the same space I was. Plus a giant list of things plain old shouted from cars or passing men or something like that (what is even the point of that?).

The trouble is “trying to get a woman interested” much of the time means ignoring her when she says no, trying to tell her that she should give you a chance, not letting her do what she’s there to do, and basically acting like she’s being rude for buying groceries in a store or taking the bus to work and not wanting to talk to you. It can get pretty exhausting when it’s the third time this week you just want to read your book and you have a guy trying to wheedle you into a conversation that you don’t want to be in. And then they’ll turn around and say they were just being polite, why are you such a female dog that you won’t even have a conversation?

Think of it like dealing with salespeople. Only half the time when you commute to work, you have someone trying to sell you the next wonder product. Maybe you just want to read, but they’re pushy. You say “uh-huh” and go back to your book and they say, oh, but don’t you want to hear how great the product is? You tell them no and they tell you oh, just give them a chance, and sit down next to you and start talking about how great their product is. Maybe they start quizzing you and getting in your face trying to find out what product you are using. And you finally get mad and tell them to GO AWAY and they start complaining that they were just trying to show you something you might like, geez, why are you so rude? It’s so hard to be a salesperson these days because people take offense to you trying to tell them about your product!
 
About half of them women. About 10% are Catholics who actually try to live their faith.
 
FloridaCatholic said:
That’s not really the first move. Many women will just think you’re just trying to be friends unless you go beyond that and break the touch barrier.

especially nowadays. even if you go out with a girl and say that, many girls won’t think it’s a date, they’ll think it’s just hanging out
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That is not true. You are saying touch is how women know guys want to be more than friends, but can do the same with words. Talk to them. There is more to a relationship than either friends, or dating. Or you you saying you would rather have a woman reject your touch than your words?

My husband was a friend first. Then there was the time in between where we were both using words to see if the other was interested in us. That can be a very great part of a relationship story. Trying to let them know without coming right out and saying “I like you, do you want to date” can be a very flirty, creative part of a new relationship.

If you are actually dating and you know that someone likes you because of different signs, I doubt asking for a kiss is necessary. You can tell. If you have to ask yourself if you should because you are unsure how she feels, then maybe you need to get to know her better.
 
So you’ve never heard of anyone asking? Great, you can be the first. It will make you stand out as uniquely respectful and polite. If it turns off a couple of girls who prefer Neanderthal Man, they probably weren’t your type anyway, besides being a #metoo risk.
 
When I was young, just after the invention of the wheel, I went in to a shoe repair shop to buy some leather shoe laces. Once inside I was served by a very nice girl of about my age and I left the shop. I had the phrase ‘feint heart never won fair lady’ probably from an old film. I decided to go back and ask her out. So back I went and bought another pair of laces…and I couldn’t find the courage, so off I went again. Then I decided to try one more time, she saw me returning and disappeared in to the back somewhere and I was confronted by a very burly shoemaker. Naturally I asked for another pair of laces and never returned. I’d even blush when I drove past. Funny now.

So yes, sometimes this sort of thing can be scary for a girl! I never repeated this kind of thing.
 
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