How are we to understand Sociopaths?

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There are sociopaths and in the extreme they may be psychopaths as well.

We had a co-worker who was the ultimate control freak. He would disrupt the work process to the point of forcing his will upon everyone that he came in contact with. (We used to nick name him “POD” for Prince of Darkness). He would bring a negative attitude to every meeting and just cause havoc with anyones schedule. Mean spirited was the ideal way to describe him.

BUT he was not a threat to anyones physical well being. He relished being in control of everything that he encountered and he tried to force his way into things that should not have been his concern.

He had what I call a toxic personality. He was in a position of power and he was corrupted by his authority. He was a family man and he had had his own circle of friends (that he abused at work also - he was an equal opportunity sociopath).

Some folks in life are real jerks, but they are not what I consider truly evil. They will not kill or physically harm anyone (at least I think they won’t). He made life in the office torturesome to both his co-workers and his managers. He probably should have been fired but his technical ability was valued enough to keep him employed.

The only real answer to how to understand sociopaths is that a reasonable person simply can not ever understand them.

Each have their own motivation for being the way they are or doing the stuff that they do. Some get a high off getting other people angry or frustrated (like my former co-worker). Some get some sick sense of accomplishment in making other people miserable or seeing if they can get away with doing something that they know is wrong.

BTW my former co-worker considers me one of his best friends, a dubious distinction that I don’t reciprocate I discovered that the only way I could accomplish what needed to be done was to humor him, and pretend that I agreed with everything he said.
 
There is another issue as well.

When a “somewhat” normal person has to deal with a sociopath on a regular basis, … when you wake up in the morning, you just do not know what direction the next attack will be coming from.

After a while, you come down with some form of PTSD … you are just waiting … anticipating … the next barrage … complaints that are unaddressable and unresolvable … and it’s all your fault, of course.

So, if you suspect someone is a sociopath or worse, and if you are not unalterably committed to that person … then unplug.

If it’s someone you are merely dating or some social connection, then just disconnect.

If it’s a parent, then reduce the contact.

A spousal situation is more difficult because of the marriage bond.

Pray a lot. Invoke the direction and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
 
Disconnecting for me was easy. I retired, BUT for my co-workers they were/are stuck with him. Some have since left in anger or frustration.

At some point this sociopath will pay the consequences. He will irritate some manager and get himself fired, or he may push someone off the edge and that person will exact revenge. I think this character knows what he is doing in pushing peoples buttons. He has been warned several times by his managers, but it goes in one ear and out the other, in a day or two, he reverts back to his ornery self.

In terms of lost time and efficiency, I think this guy has cost the government a huge sum of money. On some projects he has tripled or quadrupled the project schedule and in many instances he has virtually halted projects altogether or made projects fail. In over 30 years of federal employment I have never seen one individual have such a negative impact on so many projects.

IF one were to guess, one might think he were a sabateur from a foreign power. He has had that kind of impact on productivity. I blame both him and management for not recognizing and fixing the problem. My guess is that there may be many other PODs in the work force. They are not so destructive that they will hurt or kill someone, but they are just real jerks and mule behinds.
 
Once again, people that have virtually no training in the subject are attempting to determine what is, and what is not, included in Sociopathy.

This is what is classified as a Personality Disorder. This literally means that the persons personality is fused with the various elements that make up sociopathy. You can not separate the person from their sociopathic tendencies.

Just as is true with all other disorders, there are ranges of intensity among sociopaths. Some have all of the characterstics of a sociopath, others have only some of the characteristics, and others may well only have a few of them. Some may well be able to control their tendencies, other may not. Some can, and do feel remorse, others could murder their child and feel no remorse at all (other than getting caught).

There are degrees of sociopathy, just as there are degrees of virtually everything else. One of the finest pathologists I know is a sociopath to a mild degree. He feels no real empathy for the victims, but he has an intense curiosity and feels like he HAS to solve the who did what to whom involved in forensic pathology.

All personality disorders begin before the child is born, and are intensified through life experiences. If a child with those tendencies sees his parents lie and cheat, he learns that this is acceptable behavior. If his parents abuse him, he learns that love really doesn’t mean anything, and the only thing that matters is whatever makes you feel good now.

It is a combination of both innate characteristics, and learned behaviors that make up a sociopath. Not all of them are bad people, in fact many are not. Only the extreme sociopaths usually end up on the other side of the law. But if they are a generally beneficial sociopath or an extreme ax murderer sociopath, this IS their personality and it is extremely difficult to change them in even the slightest detail.
 
wcknight said:
Disconnecting for me was easy. I retired, BUT for my co-workers they were/are stuck with him. Some have since left in anger or frustration.

At some point this sociopath will pay the consequences. He will irritate some manager and get himself fired, or he may push someone off the edge and that person will exact revenge. I think this character knows what he is doing in pushing peoples buttons. He has been warned several times by his managers, but it goes in one ear and out the other, in a day or two, he reverts back to his ornery self.

In terms of lost time and efficiency, I think this guy has cost the government a huge sum of money. On some projects he has tripled or quadrupled the project schedule and in many instances he has virtually halted projects altogether or made projects fail. In over 30 years of federal employment I have never seen one individual have such a negative impact on so many projects.

IF one were to guess, one might think he were a sabateur from a foreign power. He has had that kind of impact on productivity. I blame both him and management for not recognizing and fixing the problem. My guess is that there may be many other PODs in the work force. They are not so destructive that they will hurt or kill someone, but they are just real jerks and mule behinds.
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Monte_RCMS said:
There is another issue as well.

When a “somewhat” normal person has to deal with a sociopath on a regular basis, … when you wake up in the morning, you just do not know what direction the next attack will be coming from.

After a while, you come down with some form of PTSD … you are just waiting … anticipating … the next barrage … complaints that are unaddressable and unresolvable … and it’s all your fault, of course.

So, if you suspect someone is a sociopath or worse, and if you are not unalterably committed to that person … then unplug.

If it’s someone you are merely dating or some social connection, then just disconnect.

If it’s a parent, then reduce the contact.

A spousal situation is more difficult because of the marriage bond.

Pray a lot. Invoke the direction and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Click to expand...
 
Yes so right that one needs merely to diassociate from the psychopath - which I have personally done - but the residuals of their behavior on one’s psyche can kind of get to you at times… especially if you have the mutual acquaintance of friends or even more - time to invoke our Blessed Mother and our dear Lord and the angels and saints! God is so good and the shelter He gives us, when called upon, is amazing!
 
wcknight said:
Disconnecting for me was easy. I retired, BUT for my co-workers they were/are stuck with him. Some have since left in anger or frustration.

At some point this sociopath will pay the consequences. He will irritate some manager and get himself fired, or he may push someone off the edge and that person will exact revenge. I think this character knows what he is doing in pushing peoples buttons. He has been warned several times by his managers, but it goes in one ear and out the other, in a day or two, he reverts back to his ornery self.

In terms of lost time and efficiency, I think this guy has cost the government a huge sum of money. On some projects he has tripled or quadrupled the project schedule and in many instances he has virtually halted projects altogether or made projects fail. In over 30 years of federal employment I have never seen one individual have such a negative impact on so many projects.

IF one were to guess, one might think he were a sabateur from a foreign power. He has had that kind of impact on productivity. I blame both him and management for not recognizing and fixing the problem. My guess is that there may be many other PODs in the work force. They are not so destructive that they will hurt or kill someone, but they are just real jerks and mule behinds.
Click to expand...
I’m sure you and I never worked in the same agency, but there was this one guy who would deliberately recommend the worst of the alternatives when his advice was sought.

It wasn’t obvious except when someone from outside was able to observe for a while.

He was very good at doing his mischief. Never got caught. Retired happily after decades of damage.

I have encountered these guys in the private sector, but their damage was limited because the company would and did go bankrupt. A lot of damage, but their course/path was “short circuited” by the inherent fault-stopping/ like a rip-stop … of the nature of the business. In government, there is no limit.
 
Wow - God is so good! Although my initial association with the psychopath was through mutual friends - whom I was concerned he may have turned on me - and I know attempted to - I was just affirmed in the friendship and allegiance to me by those same friends! I have a lot of stuff coming up soon, which I mentioned to them - and they went out of their way to promise to help me through it and have assured me that, no matter what, they were my friends first and their first concern is helping me. Have known them for many more years than the evil one and am frankly inspired and exceptionally grateful! ! I care not to discern psychologically any longer what made him be this way - I am certain in the fact that he chose evil over good, despite every opportunity to not go that route,. I recall him saying many times, when I professed my allegiance to my faith, “I was you.” But I always knew he was never, ever me. I made a different choice - and thankfully am so blessed because of it! What concerns me on this blog is this attempt at excusing and rationalizing - and lack of accountability. We all deserve what we get - and I deserve little, in terms of having associated with and having welcomed this devilish person into my life - and realize I deserve no reward for having finally walked away from him/it all - but God has undeservingly blessed me with some temporal rewards!! Prayers, prayers, prayers!
 
One interesting thing about sociopaths is that they will almost never answer a question.

Why?

Because 1) their paranoia will make them look for some aspect of the question as a trick question that might trip them up

and, 2) there might be some way in which the question might be turned, in some way, to their advantage.

Interesting to observe that phenomenon in action. Once you realize it, that behavior becomes extremely obvious.

And often when asked a question, the sociopath will answer “I don’t know” . Even to something as easy, as you’re in a fast food restaurant and when they are asked what they want, from a very brief menu, they will answer “I don’t know” … or, “I can’t decide” … and will take an hour to pick something … while they examine every facet of the decision.
 
That is SO true! I recall asking the psychopath simple questions - like, after his “courting of me” by attending mass together, which he figured out worked with me, if he would like to get a bite to eat after - which became a huge quandry for him! He would go back and forth and then, once agreed upon, would not be able to choose anything or anyplace. I found this SO odd for a guy who seemed to confident in so many other ways?!

SO blessed that the aforementioned mutual friends are being awesome and helping me out with stuff I have going on right now!
 
Sociopaths are very sick people .The problem being they don’t recognize that they have a problem or they just deny it.They definitely are separated from the HS.we have to someway get them to accept that God loves them personally and cares about them emencely.They have to realize that Jesus went through His agony just for them.
 
Sometimes a sociopath will make a statement or asks a question that makes no sense … “Don’t you think you should work for world peace” or some global thing like that.

If you say “yes”, then before you say another thing, they have you signed up for the Peace Corps in Africa. If you say “no”, then they publicly denounce you to the world as being utterly uncaring and callous.

No joke.

AND, if you say you don’t understand the question, they don’t explain more fully … they simply repeat the exact same words, much louder and dripping with sarcasm … as if you are stupid and/or deaf.
But a sociopath will try everything to pin you to the wall.*
 
One of the interesting “aspects” of folks who have to deal with sociopaths is the emergence of psychosomatic illnesses.

In particular, benign tumors.

Tumors which leave the doctors scratching their heads as to cause.

The “victims” are often under a “double bind” “curse” from the sociopath and their body is so stressed that the only way out is to erupt in some kind of illness that may provide some excuse for a time out.

When you see benign tumors, then that is a clue to start looking at psychological factors, … such as a sociopathic agent working on the client/patient.
 
Monte_RCMS said:
There is another issue as well.

When a “somewhat” normal person has to deal with a sociopath on a regular basis, … when you wake up in the morning, you just do not know what direction the next attack will be coming from.

After a while, you come down with some form of PTSD … you are just waiting … anticipating … the next barrage … complaints that are unaddressable and unresolvable … and it’s all your fault, of course.

So, if you suspect someone is a sociopath or worse, and if you are not unalterably committed to that person … then unplug.

If it’s someone you are merely dating or some social connection, then just disconnect.

If it’s a parent, then reduce the contact.

A spousal situation is more difficult because of the marriage bond.

Pray a lot. Invoke the direction and guidance of the Holy Spirit.
Click to expand...
This is true, and being in contact with these people damages others throughout their entire lives. Imagine how many relationships these individuals go through in their lives, and how much collateral damage they cause. It’s mind-boggling. To think of all the energy people spend just trying to understand and cope with the wreckage they leave…We could probably solve the Middle East problems if we weren’t dealing with all this! (only slightly in jest).

Someone who grows up with this type of person as a parent? Without a lot of therapy, a terribly affected individual who will be shut down in many areas of his or her emotions, and not very trusting. How could you trust when you’re always waiting for the next nuclear bomb to drop?
 
wcknight said:
Disconnecting for me was easy. I retired, BUT for my co-workers they were/are stuck with him. Some have since left in anger or frustration.

At some point this sociopath will pay the consequences. He will irritate some manager and get himself fired, or he may push someone off the edge and that person will exact revenge. I think this character knows what he is doing in pushing peoples buttons. He has been warned several times by his managers, but it goes in one ear and out the other, in a day or two, he reverts back to his ornery self.

In terms of lost time and efficiency, I think this guy has cost the government a huge sum of money. On some projects he has tripled or quadrupled the project schedule and in many instances he has virtually halted projects altogether or made projects fail. In over 30 years of federal employment I have never seen one individual have such a negative impact on so many projects.

IF one were to guess, one might think he were a sabateur from a foreign power. He has had that kind of impact on productivity. I blame both him and management for not recognizing and fixing the problem. My guess is that there may be many other PODs in the work force. They are not so destructive that they will hurt or kill someone, but they are just real jerks and mule behinds.
Click to expand...
Now imagine the psychological and relationship damage he has inflicted upon others during his lifetime. It’s staggering to consider, isn’t it?
 
Oh, boy, have I ever seen the sabotage! Endless self-sabotage which makes life more difficult for himself, family, and co-workers, and that doesn’t even count the direct sabotage.

The self-sabotage makes it easier for him to dodge blame, because he’s “only” hurting himself directly.
 
Actually disturbing…although, Blessed be God, I have been able to have had nothing to do with the psychopath for close to a year now - and have been very blessed that some mutual friends saw through much on their own - the very person who made this all the more clear and solid to me after she went through a similar yet even worse experience - after I had not heard from her for a while recently, prefaced her first communication and “confession to me” with “I ask for your forgiveness and prayers” , and told me that she is back with the psychopath - and tried, lamely, to justify it. Kind of devastating.! Her history and stories were worse than mine - and although I tried to be mellow in my reaction, I had to admit that to her that it broke my heart for her. She does not respond any longer to my simple texts of " How are you? Just saying hi, etc.". She has once again succumbed to the isolation imposed by this type! It blows me away as she is the one who alerted me to this behavior and we had several heartfelt, “oh my gosh - you too?!”, talks about this very thing among so much else and I had been ever thankful for her provision of information and emotional support! Again, God is so good and this has in no way affected my resolve and realization of the truth - but so sad for her!! Need to keep her in my prayers!
 
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