How can a Scrupulous understand Salvation?

[strivingforsainthood]

Hello Everyone.

I recently been heavily battling the illness of scrupulosity. It went “undiagnosed” if you’d say for about a year. Last night, this term came to my attention and I completely found clarity and relatability in every aspect of it.

For the past year, I would obsess over sin and Reconciliation. I would often find myself in deep confusion if I committed a mortal sin or not. I would constantly look back to the memory of the “sin” (which also could have been mere temptations or doubt) several times to each finite moment. Over analyzing each second, as if I would find clarity in doing that. Whether or not a sin was committed.

I would go to confession once a week and it was only here that I had convinced myself that all my sin (venial included) would be truly forgiven. Even if I had received Christ in the Eucharist, I would still feel a desperate need to go to confession having committed a venial sin. Often I would fall into despair. Feeling indefinitely that I was going to send myself to Hell for even the slightest sin or at best Purgatory.

At my lowest, I even entertained the idea of how St. Ignatius handled his guilt (Mortification of flesh) and I didn’t see anything wrong with it in that split moment. That I owed it to Christ for all that I have done to Him. That I wasn’t suffering enough. I constantly asked for more suffering and still, I don’t think I am suffering enough. I still feel guilt for my sins and ties to the world.

I desire to be purified and I want to die a Saint, like we are all called to be.

Now understanding what I was and still am suffering from, can someone please explain to me how to get to Heaven without having a distorted and/or dangerous view of salvation and Our Lord, God?

I understand that Heaven isn’t earned, that it’s a gift. But as someone who is suffering from Scrupulosity, this is hard to imagine. From my understanding, everyone in Heaven is pure and by their own choice are they pure. Their own decisions within life on earth. God offers salvation, but we have to choose it. From St. Faustina’s writings, I don’t want to go to Purgatory. I want to be purified as much as I can be on earth.

I feel like getting to Heaven is a lot on me and my decisions, and I am guessing that’s how I fell into this rut. Any clarity on salvation is what I’m asking for if I am not looking at it correctly. Also if anyone has had a similar experience with Scrupulosity, what was your experience and how did you deal with it?

Thank you!

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I feel like getting to Heaven is a lot on me and my decisions

If you read the writings of St. Faustina (and other similar writers like St. Therese), those writings say right in them that humans on earth are incapable of getting to heaven via their own acts and decisions alone.
St. Faustina’s Divine Mercy prayer says, “O Lord, goodness beyond all understanding, who are acquainted with our misery through and through, and knows that by our own power we cannot ascend to you…”

The best we can do is never going to be good enough. Whether or not you have scruples, you will never make enough correct decisions to get to Heaven under your own power. St. Therese, who also had terrible scruples, came to the same conclusion.

We need to do the best we can, focus on helping others and throw ourselves on God’s mercy at the end.

 

[Jerzy]

https://scrupulousanonymous.org/resources/sa-pdf-archive/

 

[Minks]

@strivingforsainthood

Hi! Most very young children really want the ones they love to approve of them, and, when they are very young, are shattered when those important people are annoyed with them. That depends, of course, upon the demeanor of the adults and the family dynamics in general, as some children become little hellions, some are laid back and roll with the status quo, and some go on to become worrywarts while trying to be perfect when possible. Taking that need for approval through perfection to extremes are the scrupulous, who are tied in knots for fear of doing the wrong thing.

Consider a continuum showing the state of souls, good and bad, or pure and impure. Draw a horizontal line across a piece of notebook paper, or roughly eight inches. On the far left of that line are the souls with the most heinous sins one can imagine, and way too many to count. Way over on the right are the pure souls, unblemished by sins.

If you imagine the severity (venial or mortal) of your own sins, and the number of them, you can easily see that you’re more toward the center, and because you constantly strive to expiate your sins, probably a bit to the right of center. But that is only when your sins are unconfessed! When you have received absolution, your soul is way over on the right, blemish-free! Can you see, now, that you’re not doomed? That you are simply a soul yearning for heaven and trying your best to get there? Rest assured, God sees and God knows.

Our God is an exacting God, yes, but He loves us and has given us the tools to extricate ourselves from the messes we make. He gave us our bodies to keep as holy temples for Him. He gave us our intellects with which to choose what we will do with His gift of free will. He gave us His Son, Who died for our sins. He gave us His Church and our hierarchy to guide us. He gave us the sacraments to help keep us pure—over and over again, as we stumble and fall. He knows our hearts; he knows our intentions.

God has given us so much! He asks us to believe in Him and to trust in Him, as we use these many gifts he’s given to make our paths to heaven as smooth as possible. Just trust in His mercy! You’re trying, as hard as you can, to do and be what you think He wants you to do and be.

He knows we’ll repeatedly fall, so he’s given us absolution through the sacrament of reconciliation; then, He’s given us His Body and His Blood to nourish our souls.

Hang in there! Receive the sacraments of Confession and Holy Communion. TRUST in Him.

Repeat, over and over again.

 

[po18guy]

The Lord knows what you are made of. If He wanted you in flames, you’d be there!

Rather, jump on that anxiety! It is easily treatable and can restore your peace of mind and heart. The gold standard treatment is drug-free.

Just do it.

 

[Justin_Mary]

Now understanding what I was and still am suffering from, can someone please explain to me how to get to Heaven without having a distorted and/or dangerous view of salvation and Our Lord, God?

Pray the Rosary, everyday. Pray for the poor souls in purgatory. Pray for humility.