Felicity, I was struggling with another issue, the CC’s ban on IVF, when I heard a simple statement by Pope B16, and suddenly everything clicked - it explains everything from fornication and homosexual acts to contraception and IVF. The statement: The sexual act in marriage is the outward (visible) sign of a mystery which is deeper and invisible. In other words, there’s more to sex than meets the eye.
When a ship approaches an iceberg, the captain must be aware that the larger part of the iceberg is immersed under water and not visible - there’s more to an iceberg than it meets the eye.
The CC is replete with such mysteries which mean more than their outward appearance, and if your bf would be Catholic, I would only give the example of the Sacraments of the New Testament. But since non-Catholic religions do not believe in some of our Sacraments, I will also give examples from the OT.
Consider the following:
-the parents bring a newborn to the church, he is sprinkled with water, and everybody makes a big deal about it and celebrates. How ridiculous is that to someone who doesn’t know or doesn’t believe that there’s more to Baptism than it meets the eye? However, Christians (both Catholics and non-Catholics) know and believe that when the baby is sprinkled, God washes away the effects of the original sin and puts an indelible sign on the soul, a sign that sets us apart from non-baptized persons and stays on our souls as a sign of eternal victory (in Heaven) or eternal shame (in Hell).
-people line up with great reverence, receive and eat a piece of wafer, sometimes also take a sip of wine. What was the reaction to this of an atheist college professor, who desecrated the Eucharist and posted a video on youtube? Something like, c’mon, stupid Catholics, it’s just a piece of wafer! But we know and believe that the Eucharist is truly the body and blood, soul and divinity of Christ (Protestants do not believe this).
-the Bishop puts some oil on the foreheads of people, and again Catholics make a big deal out of it and a celebration. Ridiculous (for an atheist). But we know and believe that the Holy Spirit descends on us during Confirmation.
-in the OT, Moses made a serpent of brass, elevated it, and people bitten by snakes survived when they looked at it. There was more to this serpent than a piece of metal, more than it met the eye.
-a certain man from Galilee was crucified and died on a cross. This is nonsense to atheists, but Christians know and believe that Christ mysteriously paid the price for our sins and earned eternal life for his followers.
How about sex? The world will tell you that it’s just a recreational activity, similar to playing tennis or having dinner. Hence, it’s OK for non-married people to do it, for two men or two women to do it with each other, to contracept and avoid pregnancy, or to create babies in a Petri dish through IVF and thus leave out sex from the procreative act altogether.
However, the CC teaches that there is more to sex than it meets the eye, it is the outward appearance of a deeper mystery, the mystery of oneness (unity) and total self-giving of a married couple (man and woman). This unity and self-giving brings forth the fruit of children, procreation as an act of participation in God’s creation. Thus, when we are dealing with sex, there’s more to it than it meets the eye, and we better play by the rules established by God, rules that the CC is fortunately aware of and teaches us through the grace of the Holy Spirit. The CC teaches that dissociating the unitive act from the procreative act is a sin. Contraception prevents procreation; IVF is procreation without the unitive act.
Just as the wise captain of a ship will not ignore the invisible part of the iceberg, since that larger and invisible part which is under water could destroy and sink the ship, the wise spouse will not ignore the rules for proper use of sexuality in marriage, and contraception definitely has the potential to destroy and sink marriages. The more contraception, the more divorces and messed-up marriages. And sorry, this is not something that Pope Paul 6 invented in 1968 to forbid the use of the Pill and make our lives difficult, this has been the constant teaching of the CC for 2000 years and it was the understanding of the Jewish people in OT times (other forms of contraception were available way before the Pill). When the Episcopal Church decided in 1930 that contraception was OK, and other Protestant denominations and even the Eastern Orthodox Churches followed suit, that was a mistake and a departure from a constant teaching and tradition of 2000 years. When we misunderstand the proper role and rules for sex, other mistakes follow, see ordination of active gay Bishops in the Episcopal Church.
The fact that contraception is wrong (gravely disordered, a grave sin), also sheds more light on why abortion is wrong. There’s more to abortion than killing a human being. While contraception prevents, abortion destroys the fruit of unity and self-giving of a married couple. Even in the time of St. Thomas Aquinas in the 13th c. it was still disputed whether the soul enters the human body immediately at the moment of conception, or perhaps only later such as 40 days after conception. However this dispute was never used to justify abortion in the early phases (first 40 days) of pregnancy, abortion was always and universally condemned, based on the understanding that it destroys the God-given fruits of marriage and it defeats the God-ordained natural purpose of marriage. Contraception rather than destroying, prevents the fruits, and defeats the natural purpose of marriage.
Someone on these forums has the signature: “Faith makes things possible, not easy.” Living a marriage in accord with God’s plan and avoiding contraception is not easy, but it’s possible with faith and will be rewarded by God with much peace and happiness.
I’m not sure if that’s reflective of their denomination’s attitude towards contraception, or just his mother’s passive agressive attitude towards me.
and shock him immediately so severely, but be prepared that eventually you two will have to talk about this.