K
KCT
Guest
So how long are you willing to wait?I still have hope, but i would never marry him unless he came back to the church
So how long are you willing to wait?I still have hope, but i would never marry him unless he came back to the church
lol I plan to. I just need to find a way to ask him so he doesn’t see it as me dragging him or it wont do any good at all.Volunteer and drag - I mean - bring him along.
I don’t know. I live a lot of my life on intuition and trust in the Lord that everything will work out. I’ll wait until I feel like I shouldn’t.So how long are you willing to wait?
Oh, and also, you might approach it as something you thought would be FUN to do together, to get to see a different side of each other while helping others! If you’re both in a frat and sorority, wouldn’t it be pretty easy to bring up? I was never in one, but from what I understand from friends who were, they really are big on volunteering and such. It’s all about learning and growing togetherlol I plan to. I just need to find a way to ask him so he doesn’t see it as me dragging him or it wont do any good at all.
One needs to be prudent, I agree, and I don’t suggest the OP get her hopes up about this relationship. But really, “NEVER” would be an untruth. SOME men will change for the right woman AND by the grace of God if they are willing to see it… It is a risk one has to assess in choosing that path. There have been many posts on that here on CAF and I know that I am not alone. My wife openened my eyes to the faith and to my faults and failings. But I will remind the OP that it took many, many years and it wasn’t by her love alone but through the grace of God. The OP needs to proceed with utmost caution.Relationships where one is trying to “help” someone become what they think that person should be NEVER WORK. Young women see young men they think are projects, kill themselves trying to “fix” them, thinking that when his life is all sunlight and roses, he’ll finally wake up and be grateful. He’ll give you all the credit for his wonderful life, love you eternally, and you will feel special and worthy.
While true, I don’t know a single women that loves to hear that they need to change, either. And we don’t have a crystal ball to know how this individual will act in the face of this situation. I agree that nagging, itself, never changes anyone. And many problems in marriage have to do with the nagging, not the issue that needs to be addressed.Men resent constantly being told they need to change. If he does change, he’ll most likely feel emotionally blackmailed into it, harbor resentment, and eventually, return to the way he is and wants to be. By then you’ll have three or four kids, and he will be turning your oldest son onto porn, thinking it is a rite of passage for a young boy. And then you’ll be on the board asking us what to do…
It really bothers me because he watches porn and wont go to mass on sundays. I try to ignore it because i don’t know what else to do. But I really care about him, and i want him to have a close relationship to God.
Is this someone you want to spend any time with, let alone possibly a lifetime together? the porn habit alone would be a deal breaker for me or any of my daughters. that means at best an immature sexual adujustment with the problems that implies, and at worst a deep seated moral and psychological problem. certainly does not bode well for any women with whom he has a relationship.
It doesn’t end very well either.Here’s the story of how he reacted when he read my e-mail about porn:
–it doesn’t start off very well–
And, what were his reasons?So, he e-mails me back with all the reasons he likes porn
So, now expressing your thoughts and feelings is “silly” and you shouldn’t do so.and ends it with “so in conclusion this message was useless and now u know u shouldnt send me these silly messages… ok bebe ttyllol”
That’s your perogative.We are still together. There are many reasons why I still think he deserves more time to change, and I know that if he does it will be a long time from now.
This is a rather minimalist perspective, as if this is some sort of feat for which he deserves praise instead of a basic requirement for the privilege of dating you!One of the main things is that he has never pushed for a physical relationship.
Wow, I think this would have been a deal breaker for me. Even leaving aside the whole porn issue, to belittle your concerns in such an immature manner was really not acceptable. I don’t care what the extenuating circumstances were, he was being very disrespectful. You deserve better.So, he e-mails me back with all the reasons he likes porn and ends it with “so in conclusion this message was useless and now u know u shouldnt send me these silly messages… ok bebe ttyllol”
And why should one need to “help” one’s boyfriend or girlfriend? They are supposed to be our best friend and trustworthy confidant; not someone who needs “fixing” in some way.Wow, I think this would have been a deal breaker for me. Even leaving aside the whole porn issue, to belittle your concerns in such an immature manner was really not acceptable. I don’t care what the extenuating circumstances were, he was being very disrespectful. You deserve better.
I can see that you love him, and I think it’s admirable that you’re sticking up for him. But honestly, this exchange doesn’t paint a very good picture of him. I know you want to help him, and that is great. It doesn’t look to me like he wants to be helped, though.
Good grief, if I was dating someone who thought I deserved time to change, I’d be out of the relationship.We are still together. There are many reasons why I still think he deserves more time to change,
**Well Jellie, sorry to break it to ya, but he isn’t pushing for a physical relationship BECAUSE he is ahem looking at other women instead and doing who-knows-what when looking at them.Here’s the story of how he reacted when he read my e-mail about porn:
–it doesn’t start off very well–
First off, he wasn’t in the right frame of mind when he read it. I’m not defending him, it was just the worst possible time for him to read the e-mail. He had just had a fight with his mom over something stupid, and he was still angry.
So, he e-mails me back with all the reasons he likes porn and ends it with “so in conclusion this message was useless and now u know u shouldnt send me these silly messages… ok bebe ttyllol”
I was so mad at him I was ready to end us right then and there. I don’t get angry easily but I have NEVER been more enraged then I was at that moment. Needless to say, we had a huge fight.
It ended yesterday with a long phone call in which I yelled at him alot, and I hate yelling. Sadly, we didn’t resolve the porn thing, but we did talk about alot of other stuff like his temper and his closemindedness.
We are still together. There are many reasons why I still think he deserves more time to change, and I know that if he does it will be a long time from now.
**One of the main things is that he has never pushed for a physical relationship. We kiss, and that’s as far it goes. He’s never even tried for anything more. **I know that he is with me for all of the right reasons.
He is a genuine person, and he wouldn’t change just to please me. If he did he would already have pretended to change. I know that when/if he does come back to the faith it will be true and lasting. He does nothing half way.
He is not perfect and has many serious flaws, but I trust him. I thank God everyday for having him in my life. I will continue to pray for him, and just wait and see what happens.
**BINGO!! I could see if he was ashamed of what he is looking at (as in it’s an ‘addiction’ that he’s trying to kick), but he’s not!!! So therefore, if it were me, I’d move on NOW before it’s too late!!Jellie, I am a father of teenaged daughters, and have read this thread with great interest. My heart aches for you.
If you were my daughter, my advice to you would be this is your first boyfriend. He’s not a keeper. Move on before your heart is in jeopardy. I mean, the man DEFENDS porn instead of being ashamed of viewing it.
All of the people on this thread can not be wrong, can they? We’ve all been there. Listen to our advice.
While I believe that a husband and wife are called to get each other into heaven, you have no obligation to a boyfriend of three months.
This will not end well if you stay with him.
Jellie, I have to admit this does sound very immature. I think instead of spending so much enegry on arguing with him over this, you need to think about ending the relationship.So, he e-mails me back with all the reasons he likes porn and ends it with “so in conclusion this message was useless and now u know u shouldnt send me these silly messages… ok bebe ttyllol”
Father God a soul is at risk and another dear soul is willing to stand in the gap for him. I lift her to you and ask for Your protection on her as she tries to win her bf’s soul. Direct her Lord and lead her as you protect her from heartbreak. We pray that she would be used as a tool to soften him and lead him back to the faith or even to the faith for the first time. I praise You that their are young people who are still close to Your heart. I praise You that she is so willing to follow You. Continue to strengthen her and mold her to be the women You dersire her to bethat is a bad sign right there, I hope you mean nervous about his reaction, not afraid of his possible actions.I But know. Hopefully.
Ahhh!! I’m scared…
.