How can you change sexual orientation or lose it?

[genesius28]

Well, first off, the attraction isn’t sinful… even the catechism says that. Being attracted to someone isn’t something you can decide – it just happens.

Speaking from my own personal experience, there’s not much that can be done to change it… Either you’re attracted to the same sex, or you’re not. I had my first crush on a boy when I was in kindergarten, before I even knew there was a term for it… It wasn’t until fourth grade that I realised I might be gay. I prayed constantly for God to take those feelings away from me and make me straight, until finally I realised that it wasn’t going away… I couldn’t **make **myself be attracted to girls.

It’s a hard struggle to accept it, when you’re taught your whole life that it’s “wrong” to feel this way, but in the end your friend is just going to have to accept that we don’t choose who we’re attracted to… and having his friends there to support him in that struggle is extremely important. Some people manage to at least pretend to be straight… they get a girlfriend, get married, maybe have kids – but they usually end up miserable. I know several gay men who used to be married because they felt that’s what they had to do, and finally they just couldn’t take it anymore. And in addition to making themselves miserable, their wives were also hurt.

So your friend has some choices: he can accept his attraction and move on to the next stage in his life – whether he chooses to remain celibate, or starts dating (which is ultimately up to him). Or he can try to fight it, attempt to change his orientation, and potentially become even more miserable.

 

[BobObob]

One of my best friends is a homosexual who, in fact, hates the fact that he is one. He even (almost) attempted suicide and self-harm as an act of punishment towards himself. I am the only one who knows that he is.

Make sure he gets professional help, such as a professional counselor or psychologist. That cannot be stressed too much. He is definitely at risk, as many homosexuals are.

But then again, what if the orientation really is sinful (despite the fact that it’s unfair if it would)?

The orientation isn’t considered a sin according to the Catholic Church.

 

[shaky]

What a heavy cross a sexual disorientation must be.

I thank God often, that despite growing up in a perverse society, I have grown up relatively unscathed. How many people are sexually disoriented, wounded, abused? I think somehow it must mitigate their guilt. That some have been so wounded and abused even by clergymen and religious is now haunting the Church. Nowhere is safe from this scourge of lust.

A sexual disorientation is certainly not sinful, but chastity is an imperative and a homosexual inclination makes marriage impossible. So the only logical conclusion is celibacy.

Given that two males or two females cannot actually have sexual intercourse with one another, the ‘matter’ for the sacrament of marriage to be consummated simply isn’t there. Two men or two women can manipulate each others’ bodies for sexual pleasure, but that is just a kind of mutual masturbation. Same-sex ‘marriage’ is physically impossible.

It’s absurd how disordered our sexuality has become, but if we can think clearly enough about it, for just a moment, we can see clearly how we ought to handle it.
The difficulty is that we need the grace of Christ for that clarity.

What gets me even if a homosexual person wants to change. The logical way is to train their mind to only look at and think sexual thoughts towards women! But catholic theology says this would be a Sin to do so.

 

[cemiller]

What gets me even if a homosexual person wants to change. The logical way is to train their mind to only look at and think sexual thoughts towards women! But catholic theology says this would be a Sin to do so.

To look at a woman with lust is the sin. Lust being the desire to use her body for your own ends, which turns her into an object and degrades the womans dignity as a child of God. And if reorientation is possible, it will be a lot more then simpley learning to look the other way…

 

[Leegal]

One of my best friends is a homosexual who, in fact, hates the fact that he is one. He even (almost) attempted suicide and self-harm as an act of punishment towards himself. I am the only one who knows that he is.

Sorry, but homosexuality ISN’T a choice may be the cause of something genetic or environmental (he claims it’s environmental.). It’s the same way people can have the desire to be straight, but if it doesn’t get into them, they can’t do anything about it.

I have given up on society because they don’t understand homosexuals and their struggles. I mean, people even claim it’s sinful. Yes, homosexual ACTS are, but what about the attraction itself? It’s not the fault of the gay person. Not all gays want to be gay. I mean, I’ve seen tons of websites like jesus-is-savior.com and they condemn gays without understanding homosexuality really.

He even told me that he doesn’t invite lustful thoughts. This means that he gets “turned on” when he sees someone that “has it”, but that’s it. He gets aroused by what he sees, not thinks.

Yes, thinking lust is sinful, but why would the orientation be a sin? It’s his choice to engage in sodomy or not, but it isn’t his choice to be attracted or not. Sin is brought about by temptation, but isn’t homosexuality a temptation to do sin itself? Since when has temptation become a sin?

But then again, what if the orientation really is sinful (despite the fact that it’s unfair if it would)? I wouldn’t want him to be a proud gay, so the best thing to do is to help him change or just make him an asexual.

No, sexual orientation is not changeable. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Homosexuals who live chaste lives are following God’s law.

I do not believe it is the orientation that is the sin, it’s what we do with our orientation that creates sin.

Afterall, unmarried heterosexual people are also prohibited from engaging in sex before or without benefit of marriage. So, the sin comes in when we choose to act on these urges in a wrong manner and with someone who is not with us in a consecrated marriage.

Your friend is made in the image of God. We do not know how or why some people are oriented in one way or another. God knows. And God understands and judges accordingly.

As to his “urges” – we all have urges or have lusted. It’s not only homosexuals who are tempted. Lustful urges are not exclusive to one orientation or another.

 

[cemiller]

No, sexual orientation is not changeable. Love the sinner, hate the sin. Homosexuals who live chaste lives are following God’s law.

There is no proof that Orientation is not changeable. NARTH is claiming to have a moderate rate of sucess and they are the only one’s that are really studying it. To claim that it is definitely not changeable is to state an opinion that is not based on reality or facts. That doesn’t mean I think that everyone can change their thought processes, but if there are psycologists out there that say they have success then everyone needs to at least acknowlege the possibility of change, since their really is not evidence to the contrary…

 

[Joe_5859]

There is no proof that Orientation is not changeable. NARTH is claiming to have a moderate rate of sucess and they are the only one’s that are really studying it. To claim that it is definitely not changeable is to state an opinion that is not based on reality or facts. That doesn’t mean I think that everyone can change their thought processes, but if there are psycologists out there that say they have success then everyone needs to at least acknowlege the possibility of change, since their really is not evidence to the contrary…

Well put. I’m not sure why some want to dismiss out of hand even the possibility that orientation can change. The fact that NARTH has had even one case of success would seem to illustrate that point.

As you said, not that this means that everyone can change, but at least some can (and have).

 

[SwissGuard25]

I don’t want to sound mean, but it is a choice.

Homo sexuality is a choice based off of perversion. For sexual pleasure. A man can become so interested into the enjoyment of Sex that he looks for new ways to pleasure himself better. Get more of an erotic perverted experience. Breaking the covenant of Sex and the natural bond between a man and a woman.

I hope i haven’t offended anybody.
If I did I am truly sorry.

Take Care and
God Bless.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

I don’t want to sound mean, but it is a choice.

Homo sexuality is a choice based off of perversion. For sexual pleasure. A man can become so interested into the enjoyment of Sex that he looks for new ways to pleasure himself better. Get more of an erotic perverted experience. Breaking the covenant of Sex and the natural bond between a man and a woman.

I hope i haven’t offended anybody.
If I did I am truly sorry.

Take Care and
God Bless.

And what about the guys that at age four get a crush on a guy when they have no idea what sex is? How about those who have never engaged in sex and don’t look at porn or masturbate and yet are inexplicably attracted to only their sex and not the other?

 

[SwissGuard25]

And what about the guys that at age four get a crush on a guy when they have no idea what sex is? How about those who have never engaged in sex and don’t look at porn or masturbate and yet are inexplicably attracted to only their sex and not the other?

No boy at the age of four likes girls.
Okay you make good points but here’s what I want you to do for me. I want you to show me this. Where someone for no reason likes the same sex.
Don’t Get me wrong I believe they’re people and should be treated equally.

Take Care and
God Bless.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

No boy at the age of four likes girls.
Okay you make good points but here’s what I want you to do for me. I want you to show me this. Where someone for no reason likes the same sex.
Don’t Get me wrong I believe they’re people and should be treated equally.

Take Care and
God Bless.

My dad had his first crush (on a girl) around age four…

How exactly am I supposed to prove it. I can’t prove magical unicorns didn’t cause them to get a crush on a person… Sometimes you get a crush on someone and you don’t know why, sometimes they just happen

 

[Joe_5859]

I don’t want to sound mean, but it is a choice.

Homo sexuality is a choice based off of perversion. For sexual pleasure. A man can become so interested into the enjoyment of Sex that he looks for new ways to pleasure himself better. Get more of an erotic perverted experience. Breaking the covenant of Sex and the natural bond between a man and a woman.

I hope i haven’t offended anybody.
If I did I am truly sorry.

Take Care and
God Bless.

I know that you qualified your post every which way with the fact that you don’t want to offend anyone, but I cannot imagine someone who suffers from same-sex attraction not being offended by what you are saying.

I don’t think we need to go there. The act is certainly a choice because all of our acts involve our free choice. But if someone who suffers from same-sex attraction insists that they did not choose that orientation, I’m inclined to take them at their word on that point. Even if they are wrong, I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt in that regard and focus the discussion on homosexual acts, which no one can argue is not chosen.

To insist that they don’t know what they are talking about and that they really must have chosen that orientation is a surefire way to be dismissed and ignored.

 

[cemiller]

And what about the guys that at age four get a crush on a guy when they have no idea what sex is? How about those who have never engaged in sex and don’t look at porn or masturbate and yet are inexplicably attracted to only their sex and not the other?

I have read theories that would say that a disconnect with a male role model during early childhood can create a void for same sex approval and bonding. That is especially true around that age. Boys HAVE to get the attention and approval of other boys. Most at that age have absolutely no interests in girls what so ever. If the boy doesn’t get this connection at that age he keeps searching out for it. Eventually when the boy hits puberty the craving for male attention morphs to sexual desires as a continuance of the same base need. I don’t remember at all where I read this or I would post the link, and it’s not a fact, just a theory. It does seem to make sense to me though. I’ve noticed my own son, and all of his friends, are the same way. They may play with girls when they have to, but they really want other boys to rough house with. Not to say that there aren’t some boys that gain intrests in girls a little earlier then most, but it seems the general rule that boys don’t really like girls that much around that age…

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

I know that you qualified your post every which way with the fact that you don’t want to offend anyone, but I cannot imagine someone who suffers from same-sex attraction not being offended by what you are saying.

I don’t think we need to go there. The act is certainly a choice because all of our acts involve our free choice. But if someone who suffers from same-sex attraction insists that they did not choose that orientation, I’m inclined to take them at their word on that point. Even if they are wrong, I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt in that regard and focus the discussion on homosexual acts, which no one can argue is not chosen.

To insist that they don’t know what they are talking about and that they really must have chosen that orientation is a surefire way to be dismissed and ignored.

It just comes across as ignorant and hurtful. Some don’t want these attractions, but they just happpen, constantly being told that they can just make them go away wears them down as they try to make those feelings go away, failing and again resulting in them feeling powerless. Constantly being compared to paedophiles makes them feel terrible, after all how would you feel if you get told you’re basically as bad as someone who likes molesting children?

 

[SwissGuard25]

My dad had his first crush (on a girl) around age four…

How exactly am I supposed to prove it. I can’t prove magical unicorns didn’t cause them to get a crush on a person… Sometimes you get a crush on someone and you don’t know why, sometimes they just happen

I mean evidence at the age a man realizes he is Gay. Like statics.

I don’t know what ages boys started liking girls. I has my true first crush in first grade.

 

[SwissGuard25]

I know that you qualified your post every which way with the fact that you don’t want to offend anyone, but I cannot imagine someone who suffers from same-sex attraction not being offended by what you are saying.

I don’t think we need to go there. The act is certainly a choice because all of our acts involve our free choice. But if someone who suffers from same-sex attraction insists that they did not choose that orientation, I’m inclined to take them at their word on that point. Even if they are wrong, I would rather give them the benefit of the doubt in that regard and focus the discussion on homosexual acts, which no one can argue is not chosen.

To insist that they don’t know what they are talking about and that they really must have chosen that orientation is a surefire way to be dismissed and ignored.

Thanks now I feel better.

We can never truly know if they choose or if they’re “born” with it.

 

[SwissGuard25]

It just comes across as ignorant and hurtful. Some don’t want these attractions, but they just happpen, constantly being told that they can just make them go away wears them down as they try to make those feelings go away, failing and again resulting in them feeling powerless. Constantly being compared to paedophiles makes them feel terrible, after all how would you feel if you get told you’re basically as bad as someone who likes molesting children?

It’s has nothing to do with being ignorant it has to do with the fact it is for pleasure. Again I don’t want to sound mean but God gave us sex as a covenant to commit yourself to a certain woman and have a child with her. Sex is a deal with your lover and with God. If a child can not be produced then God’s part of the covenant is cut off.

Again sorry if I hurt anyone. I know how you can take this issue personnel you know with your Friend and all but I don’t think he should kill himself.

Take Care and
God Bless.

 

[InSearchofGrace]

One of my best friends is a homosexual who, in fact, hates the fact that he is one. He even (almost) attempted suicide and self-harm as an act of punishment towards himself. I am the only one who knows that he is. …

A message from our Pope for youth and adults in a recently published book, Pope Benedict XVI and Peter Seewald (2010) Light of the World: *The Pope, the Church and the Signs of the Times:*Sexuality has an intrinsic meaning and direction which is not homosexual. The meaning and direction of sexuality is to bring about the union of man and woman and in this way give humanity posterity, children, future. This is the determination internal to the essence of sexuality. Everything else is against sexuality’s intrinsic meaning and direction. This is a point we need to hold firm, even if it is not pleasing to our age.

and a link to a paper by Dr. Richard Fitzgibbons: "Same-Sex Attractions in Youth and their Right to Informed Consent "

which he presented at the Twenty-third Workshop for Bishops in Dallas, Texas, on February 16, 2011 and was sponsored by The National Catholic Bioethics Center and the Knights of Columbus. It was revised September 30, 2011.

Dr. Fitzgibbons’ paper touches on many if not all of the issues raised in this thread.
,

 

[SwissGuard25]

InSearchofGrace:
Sexuality has an intrinsic meaning and direction which is not homosexual. The meaning and direction of sexuality is to bring about the union of man and woman and in this way give humanity posterity, children, future. This is the determination internal to the essence of sexuality. Everything else is against sexuality’s intrinsic meaning and direction. This is a point we need to hold firm, even if it is not pleasing to our age.

Exactly Holy Father Benedict XVI is right.
Sex is not just for pleasure but for a sacred boned between A Man a Woman and God.

 

[Dakota_Roberts]

I mean evidence at the age a man realizes he is Gay. Like statics.

I don’t know what ages boys started liking girls. I has my true first crush in first grade.

Please define: gay, homosexual and homosexuality

Thanks now I feel better.

We can never truly know if they choose or if they’re “born” with it.

Even Nicolosi doesn’t believe they “choose” to have these attractions

It’s has nothing to do with being ignorant it has to do with the fact it is for pleasure. Again I don’t want to sound mean but God gave us sex as a covenant to commit yourself to a certain woman and have a child with her. Sex is a deal with your lover and with God. If a child can not be produced then God’s part of the covenant is cut off.

Again sorry if I hurt anyone. I know how you can take this issue personnel you know with your Friend and all but I don’t think he should kill himself.

Take Care and
God Bless.

So even if they can complete the conjugal act if one is infertile they can’t engage in it?