How Catholic School Destroyed Our Faith

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FaithDestroyed

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It was amoung other things, my husband’s strong faith that attracted me to him. I was raised Catholic though my father was an Atheist and son of a Baptist minister… and my mother was a non-practicing catholic. My husband, (boyfriend at time) was committed to his faith and attended mass every Sunday. We moved to a town in Northern NJ, perfect for raising our children. We eventually had four and enrolled them in the local Catholic school. It was a wonderful school where I spent countless days volunteering. Class mom, book sales, playground duties, trips, dignitary luncheons for which we donated flowers… I worked part time to afford to keep them in school yet be home for the crucial part of their lives… It was a woderful time. As our oldest child approached High School we began receiving letters from the only Catholic one in the area. They were stark, cold and glaring. Very unlike the warm Catholic grade school we had fallen in love with. The High School letters were very unwarm and almost militaristic in tone.

We decided to continue tradition and enroll our oldest in this school and continue with blind faith that surely financial aid would be provided considering tuition for all four of them amounted to more than half of our income. We suddenly found that requesting financial aid meant you were made to feel like trash. You were told to change your lifestyle (I assure you we have a humble home, no fancy luxuries nor wanted for them)… You were dismissed by the financial department often. Calls ignored. After agonizing months our monthly tuition for all four was adjusted from the (twice our mortgage payment) to a few hundred with a balloon payment at the end of the year (our entire tax refund). Suddenly, during the second year with our second oldest now attending this High school our bank account was drained. Not only did this mistake take everything but it caused bills to bounce, car payment to default, no food or gas to be bought… The financial aid department was incredibly rude when we called to ask them to correct the issue, no appologies, no concern, in fact we were made to feel a nusiance… but we were promised that next month it would not happen again.

The following month our account was drained again. We are a middle class family. I called in tears and was met with the same “Oh, it’s you again.” attitude. In fact I was laughed at. Honest to the Lord above laughed at. Long story short, under the direction of the younger children’s school we wrote a letter. They had had it with the financial department as well. Found that many parents were having the same problems and they themselves were unable to communicate. Not one thing in this letter was untrue. We cried as we wrote this letter. At the time we were close to losing our home. Our car was repossesed and our marriage was cracking under the financial stress.

Long story short. The priest of this school threw all of our children out… Screamed at our daughter… Shunned my husband as he attempted to speak to him… but after finding truth in our story invited them back.

Our oldest is now in college. Our second oldest will be attending college this fall. Our two younger children are still in these schools. Their “pre-beg” tuition is equal to our daughter’s college tuition… I have been so shunned I no longer have anything to do with their school. My poor husband has been destroyed spiritually. Disgusted by the greed of the so called Catholic schools. Disgusted by the Diocese.

We no longer attend church. Faith has been destroyed. Anxious to be done with tuition. Sadly our children won’t be carrying on the tradition.

Thank you for allowing me to vent. I am writing a book “I Did Not Survive Catholic Scool” (the downfall of traditional Catholic Schools in NJ).
 
Two words for people reading this: home school

This is a horrible story. Very horrible. I really don’t know what to say. Catholic schools have to have money to run them, however, they should be sensitive with families, honor their word on payment schedules. At some point I can honestly see why you would throw your hands up. But I want to remind you that the faith is not the people working at the school or even the school, the faith is what YOU teach your children. That’s the reason that I highly suggest homeschooling. I personally think homeschooling is the new catholic school tradition 😉

Edit to add: my children attended our parish school for a short time, I can relate somewhat.
 
So I guess the real question I have is… Why exactly did you continue sending your children to this horrendous school? (I’m genuinely interested) Was there a reason that public school was an unacceptable substitute? Catholic school is great and all, but to the point of financial hardship is frankly imprudent.

Further, you go on to state that you’ve stopped going to church, and that your children will not be continuing the faith. Who exactly are you trying to punish here? The school that gave you hardship? You could have done that by simply not sending your children there. The Catholic Church? We’re not working off of an attendance basis. This move not only endangers your souls, but those of your children as well. Please, rethink this move.

I am not trying to tell you how to live your life, but as a Catholic I must remind you of the vows you took. When you had your children baptized, you not only brought them into the Church, but you also took on the responsibility of raising them in the faith.

–

As to home school, I cannot recommend that. I have yet to meet someone who was home schooled and is (socially) well adjusted; which is sad, considering I really do emphasize with the frustration at the state of many of our schools in the United States, both public and private.
 
I’ll pray for you and your faith. You seem to be at a crossroads and can decide to carry the cross before you or throw it down and stomp your feet and tell everyone how unfair this cross is. That is what you have just done, but you called it “venting.”

BTW “tradition” is not the reason to choose a school.

May you find Christ your journey.
 
Lamentation said:
–

As to home school, I cannot recommend that. I have yet to meet someone who was home schooled and is (socially) well adjusted; which is sad, considering I really do emphasize with the frustration at the state of many of our schools in the United States, both public and private.
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Hi, my name is Amber, and I’m socially well adjusted (I know it’s hard to convince you over the internet, but I promise I am!). 👍

To the OP, I can’t recommend homeschooling enough (granted, I had a great experience).
 
Lamentation said:
As to home school, I cannot recommend that. I have yet to meet someone who was home schooled and is (socially) well adjusted; which is sad, considering I really do emphasize with the frustration at the state of many of our schools in the United States, both public and private.
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I’ve met some ill adjusted public schooled folks, therefore I can’t recommend it 😦 honestly, some parents notice that their child isn’t thriving in school so they homeschool: might have some merit to your notice. Years ago that’s why homeschooling started : children not thriving.
Now they’re drugged up to get along in school and end up, well you know. Bishops across the US are now supporting homeschooling as much as catholic schooling, I hear them speak at conferences all the time. I don’t want to debate homeschooling, but wanted to mention that homeschooling wasn’t so mainstream years ago, we are just now seeing well adjusted adults coming out of homeschooling.
 
misspriss said:
Hi, my name is Amber, and I’m socially well adjusted (I know it’s hard to convince you over the internet, but I promise I am!). 👍

To the OP, I can’t recommend homeschooling enough (granted, I had a great experience).
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Hi amber. 👍
 
MomaMary8 said:

“BTW “tradition” is not the reason to choose a school.”

Yep.

FaithDestroyed wrote:

“Suddenly, during the second year with our second oldest now attending this High school our bank account was drained.”

Why did you do a second year. Heck, why did you even do a first year?

Grownups do math and figure out, can I afford XYZ? We don’t just buy stuff (including school) and then figure out how to pay for them.

“Long story short. The priest of this school threw all of our children out… Screamed at our daughter… Shunned my husband as he attempted to speak to him… but after finding truth in our story invited them back.”

Wait–you stayed long enough for all for of the kids to be in this high school? How do you even have four kids in high school at the same time without adoption or twins or triplets?

“Our two younger children are still in these schools.”

Why?

“Thank you for allowing me to vent. I am writing a book “I Did Not Survive Catholic Scool” (the downfall of traditional Catholic Schools in NJ).”

What a terrible misuse of your time, especially since it sounds like you loved your kids’ elementary school and you hated the high school. Why beat up on Catholic schools generally when your bad experience was with 1.00 schools?

I’m kind of afraid to ask how you guys are paying for college.
 
I am sorry for your negative experience. I know it must have been bad.
But why would you abandon the church over it?
 
I don’t really understand. You stopped going to Church when it was a school that wronged you. Did I miss something?
 
Lamentation said:
So I guess the real question I have is… Why exactly did you continue sending your children to this horrendous school? (I’m genuinely interested) Was there a reason that public school was an unacceptable substitute? Catholic school is great and all, but to the point of financial hardship is frankly imprudent.

Further, you go on to state that you’ve stopped going to church, and that your children will not be continuing the faith. Who exactly are you trying to punish here? The school that gave you hardship? You could have done that by simply not sending your children there. The Catholic Church? We’re not working off of an attendance basis. This move not only endangers your souls, but those of your children as well. Please, rethink this move.

I am not trying to tell you how to live your life, but as a Catholic I must remind you of the vows you took. When you had your children baptized, you not only brought them into the Church, but you also took on the responsibility of raising them in the faith.

–

As to home school, I cannot recommend that. I have yet to meet someone who was home schooled and is (socially) well adjusted; which is sad, considering I really do emphasize with the frustration at the state of many of our schools in the United States, both public and private.
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We continue to send our younger children so that they may continue to practice their faith on a “daily” basis. I also continue to bring them to their CCD obligations. My husband who was a faithful church goer has halted his participation. As I stated, I was raised Catholic by an Atheist and non-practicing Catholic. My father passed away recently and there is not one person who can dare challenge me when I say that there is no way such a sweet, kind, moral man went to hell for not being Catholic.

Our children are beautiful. They are all moral, polite and well rounded because our values at home are instilled in their schools as opposed to the local public school where drugs and other things run rampant… Our older children are both EMT volunteers and can attest to this…and until the events that transpired with the school our youngest son had interests in becoming a priest. I try to encourage him but he too was profoundly effected by being thrown out of school by a priest because of his parents financial issues.

We feel obligated to keep our youngest children in these schools. It’s like having to pick and choose which one is worthy of sacrafice. This is not to say we aren’t disgusted by these schools that are financially run more like upscale private schools.

I never said my children would not carry on their “faith”… I said the “tradition” our family had started generations ago. I and my husband went to Catholic school, as did my mother and his parents, as did our grandparents. I am truly destroyed by this. Heart and soul.
 
Lamentation said:
As to home school, I cannot recommend that. I have yet to meet someone who was home schooled and is (socially) well adjusted; which is sad, considering I really do emphasize with the frustration at the state of many of our schools in the United States, both public and private.
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I have to disagree wholeheartedly and am sorry you have not met home schooled folks who aren’t as “well adjusted” as you like yet.

But that is a very common misconception thrown around society today that some how you must attend something larger than your home to be “socially” adjusted properly.

Home schooling has existed since the beginning of Man. Compulsory education has only existed very briefly in relation and overall has had a detrimental effect on society as a whole. Which I know sounds pretty harsh but society did just fine for thousands…again thousands of years without the modern form of education.

Lets name some “well adjusted” home schooled folks.

ST. Therese of Lisieux
George Washington
Abraham Lincoln
St. Kateri Tekakwitha
John Adams
Winston Churchill
Robert E Lee
George Patton
Sandra Day O’Connor
Booker T Washington
Leonardo Da Vinci
St Joan of Arc
Eli Whitney
Thomas Edison

we could go on and on and on

granted you haven’t “met” them.

I think it should give us pause when we contemplate what education in this country really is and what we have expected it to become. It was never intended to be a device to adjust our children to a “well adjusted” society. In fact it is just the opposite a device to adjust our children to the sick society we really live in.

Education should not be confined to the jail like settings of modern schooling.

In parting I will add what our focus should become in education God and His treasures for us, in the words of the home schooled and maladjusted St Therese of Lisieux:

“Another time I was working in the laundry, and the Sister opposite, while washing handkerchiefs, repeatedly splashed me with dirty water. My first impulse was to draw back and wipe my face, to show the offender I should be glad if she would behave more quietly; but the next minute I thought how foolish it was to refuse the treasures God offered me so generously, and I refrained from betraying my annoyance. On the contrary, I made such efforts to welcome the shower of dirty water, that at the end of half an hour I had taken quite a fancy to this novel kind of aspersion, and I resolved to come as often as I could to the happy spot where such treasures were freely bestowed.”
 
“Discussed by the greed of Catholic schools” --that quote stands out to me. It is seriously expensive to educate students at schools. Public schools depend on the generosity of tax payers, but they typically spend far more per student than Catholic schools. It is not greedy when private schools ask parents to cover the actual cost of educating high school students.

I completely sympathize with the op over the difficulty in paying for Catholic school tuition, so I support vouchers and homescholing. My family home schools and we send our high schoolers to Catholic high school. I would love it if the money we pay in taxes could help provide for our children’s Catholic education. Parochial grammar schools often have lots of help from the people in their parish, but even with that, as more people opt for “free” public schools, some parishes find they can no longer afford to have grammar schools. Catholic high schools are traditionally not part of a parish so they depend on private donations and tuition to cover their full expenses. That’s not greedy.
 
“The greed of Catholic schools” --that quote stands out to me. It is seriously expensive to educate students at schools. Public schools depend on the generosity of tax payers, but they typically spend far more per student than Catholic schools. It is not greedy when private schools ask parents to cover the actual cost of educating high school students.

I completely sympathize with the op over the difficulty in paying for Catholic school tuition, so I support vouchers and homescholing. My family home schools and we send our high schoolers to Catholic high school. I would love it if the money we pay in taxes could help provide for our children’s Catholic education. Parochial grammar schools often have lots of help from the people in their parish, but even with that, as more people opt for “free” public schools, some parishes find they can no longer afford to have grammar schools. Catholic high schools are traditionally not part of a parish so they depend on private donations and tuition to cover their full expenses. That’s not greedy.
 
gardenswithkids said:

““The greed of Catholic schools” --that quote stands out to me. It is seriously expensive to educate students at schools. Public schools depend on the generosity of tax payers, but they typically spend far more per student than Catholic schools. It is not greedy when private schools ask parents to cover the actual cost of educating high school students.”

Exactly. 1) Parishes have traditionally subsidized the school–Catholic high schools do not have that source of funding. 2) It’s much more expensive to run a high school than an elementary school.

I was just looking it up, and public schools in NJ spent $18k per year per student in 2011-2012.

northjersey.com/news/new-jersey-spent-18-047-per-pupil-in-public-schools-last-year-1.629831

Presumably, it costs NJ more than $18k per high school student–$18k is just the average and covers everybody from kindergartners to high school students taking calculus, AP physics, AP chemistry, and all kinds of expensive to teach college prep subjects.
 
We no longer attend church. Faith has been destroyed. Anxious to be done with tuition. Sadly our children won’t be carrying on the tradition.
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Horrible treatment, I agree. But with all charity: what part of the Catholic faith do you find not to be true based on the actions of this school’s financial department and the priest in question? The Church is full of sinners, and sin has bad consequences, typically for others besides the person committing the sin. But another Catholic’s sin does not make one part of the faith not true.
 
FaithDestroyed said:
…
We no longer attend church. Faith has been destroyed. Anxious to be done with tuition…
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It is Lent. Please come back to Church. You send your children to a Catholic school you don’t even like and struggle to afford. Mass is free. God’s grace is free. But His grace is not cheap. Jesus paid for that grace with His life.

Not all Catholic schools are affordable. Not all dioceses are well run. Not all Catholic teachers and priests and even bishop’s are holy. That is the remarkable thing about God’s gift of free will. The price of free will is that we can freely reject God’s gift of grace. Please don’t reject one of the best bargains out there in Catholic education: Sunday Mass.

It’s Lent. Try giving up your anger. Get to Confession and get to Mass. Don’t put your trust and faith in schools, Catholic or otherwise. Put your faith in God. He paid the price for what you really want.
:gopray:
 
gardenswithkids said:
It is Lent. Please come back to Church. You send your children to a Catholic school you don’t even like and struggle to afford. Mass is free. God’s grace is free. But His grace is not cheap. Jesus paid for that grace with His life.

Not all Catholic schools are affordable. Not all dioceses are well run. Not all Catholic teachers and priests and even bishop’s are holy. That is the remarkable thing about God’s gift of free will. The price of free will is that we can freely reject God’s gift of grace. Please don’t reject one of the best bargains out there in Catholic education: Sunday Mass.

It’s Lent. Try giving up your anger. Get to Confession and get to Mass. Don’t put your trust and faith in schools, Catholic or otherwise. Put your faith in God. He paid the price for what you really want.
:gopray:
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I concur. It is Lent. Give it up. Return to sacraments with a vengeance.

Read Lamentations 1:12
Lamed. O all ye that pass by the way, attend, and see if there be any sorrow like to my sorrow: for he hath made a vintage of me, as the Lord spoke in the day of his fierce anger.
 
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