Alex:
I’ve been married to my Catholic spouse for nearly 10 years. We eloped and that worked out well for us. There were various reasons why we didn’t have a church wedding, but one of the reasons was that it just wasn’t that important to us.
You need to be real honest about what you expect from your spouse in terms of practicing faith in the future.
My husband will NEVER, EVER, EVER worship in a protestant church with me. My situation’s a bit more complicated because he’s the non-practicing person in the relationship. Still, if I want him to go to church with me, then it’s going to be a Catholic Church. There is just no way a Catholic will seriously worship in a Protestant church for any length of time.
Before RCIA, I didn’t get that. I thought like you…a church is just a church like any other church on the block. Now that I’m going through it, I totally get the reasoning.
If you accept that the Catholic Church is really the church that was given to us by Jesus through St. Peter, then why would you accept anything less than the church that Jesus, himself, gave us?
Anyway…until we had our son, I was okay going just kind of floating around in my non-denominational Christian bubble and he was happy sleeping in on Sundays (and so was I actually!)
Now that my son’s around elementary school age, it’s very important to me that he’s educated in faith. It’s really not that important to my husband, so the responsibility is something that I need to take on.
In light of the dynamic, I finally checked out my parish’s RCIA class. I started going because my status and relationship with the Catholic church needs to be clarified.
If you are going to get into a mixed marriage, then you need to do it with your eyes wide open.
You need to realize that your spouse will not come to your church and worship with you or take communion with you because in Catholic eyes, Protestantism is just BS/‘faux’ religion.
They might show up out of love and respect for you or a special event, but if they are practicing Catholics, then they aren’t going to ditch their faith for yours. That’s just reality.
If you have kids and you raise them Catholic, you (as a Protestant) will not be able to share in the Eucharist with your kid because you are not in full communion with the Catholic Church.
Yes, there is respect because you are a Christian and are trying to live a Christian life, but Protestantism is different than Catholicism.
If your spouse-to-be is devoted to her faith, then she isn’t going to change her belief system for a man. She’s just being real with you.
Men come and go, but Jesus is forever
A mixed marriage is one thing, but a mixed marriage w/kids is an entirely other struggle! There are plenty of couples who navigate this successfully. Still, every couple has to find their own way and there isn’t a manual.
You are welcome to PM me and ask more questions if you want.
Jo