How chaste were we really?

[joandarc2008]

It seems to me like on many of these posts many of us defend the virtues of chastity and modesty AS WE SHOULD. However when we read further we find that many of us have also had lives that weren’t so in line with what the Church teaches. I am curious to know if people are willing to answer how chaste are we really? Granted, sin can be forgiven in confession if we repent from our sin. I am not in any way trying to poke holes in the Church’s teachings - I am just wondering if we as a population are quick to judge sometimes without looking at ourselves.

God bless,

 

[Nessie86]

Sooo true… you know, I think it might be the people who have made mistakes in the past, or even who are stuck in sin currently, are the most passionate about staying away from it and living chastely, just because we know how bad the consequences are from experience! I have certainly, for various reasons, not always lived a chaste life, though I have always desired such a life. If most people knew what I had done… well, just let this be a lesson to parents: I always seemed the good girl, I even bought myself a $100 gold purity ring before I went off to college, and yet I still fell. But because my mom told everyone what a wonderful daughter I was, I never felt like I could talk to her about anything. It was so painful! So, parents, don’t put your kids on pedestals, they need to be able to talk to you!

 

[Snowy]

I don’t know why the polling box says that “I may not vote on this poll”.

Thanks for sharing, Nessie, every bit of information of that kind is useful for a parent.

 

[Il_Cattivo]

I am unmarried and had multiple partners but am now chaste

never gonna mess up again… my life is about to get real serious with a deployment to Iraq so I don’t have time for sin

 

[joandarc2008]

Il Cattivo - I learned in Iraq back in 2004 that it was at that time that temptation was the greatest. There was a lot of stress and very few of the ways that many were used to “blowing off steam.” I saw a lot of good men and women that I thought were close to God do things that astounded me. Especially in that time period right after they got home and the danger had passed. Back then I did not have the faith I do now. I guess what I am trying to say is it really easy to sometimes say that I don’t have to work as hard at this or that because… but evil and temptation always find a way to find us if we do not walk closely with God. It can even be in some of the different challenges and ethical dilemmas you will find over there.Take care, good luck, God bless, and keep your head down.

God bless,

 

[MFTM]

I answered that I am unmarried and a virgin but not waiting for my wednight because I intend to remain in a state of holy virginity dedicated to God for the rest of my life. That is with the grace of God of course.

 

[puzzleannie]

this strikes me as precisely the kind of personal information solicitation that is banned on these forums.

 

[James_Miller]

This isn’t fit for public discussion, in my opinion. It is open ended and could go on and on and on forever. Also young people read this forum.

 

[joandarc2008]

I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone by starting this thread but there are no names atached ot any of these answers and on top of that they are no different than any of the other discussions on sexuality that are on some of the other threads. It is about looking at ourselves as a whole. Yes, we know what the ideal is. Yes, we know what God wants of us and I think many try to achieve that, but how many of us actually have. It seems to me like there is a lot of judgement out there coming from people that if you listened to them you would think that there were many people that were virgins on their wedding night and the rest of us were in the minority. This is what makes it hard for young people who have sinned to come back to the faith, the unfounded judgement of their peers and the misunderstanding that God carries that same judgement.

God bless,

 

[joandarc2008]

I answered that I am unmarried and a virgin but not waiting for my wednight because I intend to remain in a state of holy virginity dedicated to God for the rest of my life. That is with the grace of God of course.

Are you going into a religious order or are you planning on being a layperson MFTM if you don’t mind me asking. I left that option off and I do apologize.

 

[jmcrae]

I am truly sorry if I have offended anyone by starting this thread but there are no names atached ot any of these answers and on top of that they are no different than any of the other discussions on sexuality that are on some of the other threads. It is about looking at ourselves as a whole. Yes, we know what the ideal is. Yes, we know what God wants of us and I think many try to achieve that, but how many of us actually have. It seems to me like there is a lot of judgement out there coming from people that if you listened to them you would think that there were many people that were virgins on their wedding night and the rest of us were in the minority. This is what makes it hard for young people who have sinned to come back to the faith, the unfounded judgement of their peers and the misunderstanding that God carries that same judgement.

God bless,

I happen to believe that it is a minority who have sex before their wedding night.

When I opened this message, I thought it was going to be about other kinds of unchastity before marriage, aside from actual sex. Some people have their hymens intact on their wedding night, but that’s all they have intact - their minds aren’t pure, and they still have the wrong idea of what marriage is about (ie: thinking, “Finally, now I get to have sex!” instead of being focused on the partnership aspect of marriage) - I thought that’s what the poll was going to be about.

 

[Nessie86]

My :twocents:? Even some of the young people that appear to be strong in their faith, etc, are falling. Maybe having sex, maybe not going quite that far, but in any case, they usually feel alone, and completely awful about themselves. They feel like they are living a lie, and that they are terrible people. When the topic finally gets brought up in a safe setting, like a small, close-knit bible study, they are amazed that almost everyone is dealing with sexual impurity in some way. This is something that needs to be talked about more–young people need to know that they are not alone in all this, that God will forgive them, that they can start over. Those of you that remained chaste, that’s wonderful! But don’t slip into the trap of thinking you know those people who fall—who they are and what they go through because of their mistakes would probably surprise you. It is SO HARD being a young person in this world. I went to a very liberal, secular private college, and sex was EVERYWHERE. It was impossible to get away from. If you wanted to wait until marriage to have sex, and people knew it, they either thought you were stupid and naive, or they had this strange fascination with you, “Why would you do that?” And then there were the people that would go to great lengths to get you to “loosen up”. And with all the stress and hardship of college, it’s hard to stay strong all the time. And the guilt just eats away at you. There needs to be more people willing to talk about this with young people, willing to help them get back to God.

 

[joandarc2008]

Thank you Nessie, that is exactly what I was trying to say but I was unable to put so eloquently as you did. I think places this provide anonymity that those small groups do not as well. Sometimes it only takes one person who does not have the right reasons for being in a group to bring a group a down or keep someone from opening up. I have to admit that I did not live the life I wish that I would have. I could make all of the excuses I may want to about not having been in the church, or having been brought up that these were my decisions, etc. However, none of that matters. I knew it was wrong and at the time I wanted what I wanted when I wanted it. I think that is the same teenage/young adult mentality that keeps people under 18 from voting, people under 16 from driving, and people under 21 from drinking. Yet how is that the law can see you as old enough to “be at the age of consent” for sex but not to drink or vote. This fascinates me to no end.

God bless,

 

[MFTM]

Are you going into a religious order or are you planning on being a layperson MFTM if you don’t mind me asking. I left that option off and I do apologize.

I have applied to my archbishop to become a Consecrated Virgin Living in the World. This is a very ancient form of consecrated life that was restore to an active possibility for women by the Second Vatican Council in 1970.

From my own experience, the most difficult aspect of celebacy/chastity (and I am NOT using a Clintonian definition of “purity” here) has to do with social pressure and not physical temptation regardless of one’s age . Therefore, it is a source of great encouragement to know that there are others who have either never fallen or who have fallen and repented.

 

[joandarc2008]

Good luck on your quest MFTM, I hope it brings you much happiness and a closeness with God. One my df and my best friends is a former friar (the archbishop disavowed theri order over how it was set up nine years ago - politics not substance but oh well everything happens for a reason) and it is a big step that should be respected.

 

[Methodi]

It seems to me like on many of these posts many of us defend the virtues of chastity and modesty AS WE SHOULD. However when we read further we find that many of us have also had lives that weren’t so in line with what the Church teaches. I am curious to know if people are willing to answer how chaste are we really? Granted, sin can be forgiven in confession if we repent from our sin. I am not in any way trying to poke holes in the Church’s teachings - I am just wondering if we as a population are quick to judge sometimes without looking at ourselves.

God bless,

I am A Catholic,who lived a very lurid past for years.I was away from the church for over 25 years. I sinned in every way possible, however I always felt God tapping me on the shoulder so to speak I would repent for a while ,then I would go back to my old sinful habits . I would think to myself,how many more times is God going to beckon you. I attended church but would fore go communion, because I was in mortal sin. The last couple of years,I have been on the straight & narrow,but who knows,I may fall again.The priest I go to confession to tells me God knows man is weak, & that God is not out to get us.He tells me That God Loves me Just the way I am,sometimes I am not sure,LOL! As a young man I was very much into My Church,I wish sometimes I had them days of innocence back. I think a lot of us go through these things,I am not sure that maybe its a meant to be thing, the things we go through before we totally try to dedicate ourselves to God

 

[graceandglory]

Major misconception here.

Just because someone is a virgin on their wedding night does not mean they are or were chaste up to that point.

Chastity is a virtue.
There’s a lot of sinful messing around someone can do while remaining a virgin.

There are a lot of unchaste celibate people out there with addictions to pornography and other sexual addictions.

Chastity is a condition of the heart and the soul.
It’s possible for a non-virginal person to be more chaste than a virgin.

God won’t score us on our body parts, but on our hearts.

 

[joandarc2008]

Major misconception here.

Just because someone is a virgin on their wedding night does not mean they are or were chaste up to that point.

Chastity is a virtue.
There’s a lot of sinful messing around someone can do while remaining a virgin.

There are a lot of unchaste celibate people out there with addictions to pornography and other sexual addictions.

Chastity is a condition of the heart and the soul.
It’s possible for a non-virginal person to be more chaste than a virgin.

God won’t score us on our body parts, but on our hearts.

Grace and Glory you raise very good points here. I have had the discussion with my df than on a daily basis in our minds we probably commit the seven deadlies. However, it is whether or not we act on them that makes them mortal or venial - please correct here if I am wrong. And you are right a person that does not choose to have sex but looks at pornography or follows the “Clinton definition” isn’t really any better off than the person who forgoes their virginity prior to marriage. I guess that definetly would have been a much more interesting pole.

God bless,

 

[strngrnrth]

I don’t try to go around judging people for unchastity. I try to let people know there are better choices, because I’ve tried the rest and now I have the best – my dignity.

 

[graceandglory]

daily basis in our minds we probably commit the seven deadlies. However, it is whether or not we act on them that makes them mortal or venial ,

Why do you think they are referred to as “Deadly Sins?”
It’s because they are mortal.

I’m certain a criminal in solitary confinement for life can still commit mortal sins in his mind.

But that’s just my opinion.

A moral theologian might have more to say on that.