How do catholic women or men justify their consciences with using contraception?

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Seaborgium

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How do catholic women or men justify their consciences with using contraception?
 
Outside of those who are ignorant of the teaching you mean?

How do any women or men justify their conscience with any sin? It’s pretty easy. We are excellent liars to ourselves.
 
I think that depends. For couples who just don’t want kids, or who want a small family for convenience purposes, they probably think God couldn’t possibly care about contraception when people are starving to death, kids are dying of preventable diseases, and there is rampant genocide in the world, etc.

For couples who do have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, and would be open to more kids otherwise - they act out of fear and hope God will understand and forgive.
 
Ignorance or stubborn-ness. Many don’t understand why the Church teaches what she does nor do they want to understand. Others feel more “culturally” Catholic and don’t think they have to follow any rules because “God knows their heart.” :rolleyes:

Proper catechesis is so essential.
 
My wife justifies it for medical reasons, and just enjoys the “benefit” of the contraceptive side. She is not Catholic though.

I don’t justify it, and wish she would use NFP with me, and accept it if we had kids. It would be hard, and she is correct that we can’t really afford it right now (we can’t even afford ourselves really), but I still dislike that she uses it, and she is well aware of that fact >_>
 
Seaborgium said:
How do catholic women or men justify their consciences with using contraception?
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I would say the vast majority of Catholics don’t give it much of a second thought. They may or may not realize the church teaching, but if they do, I don’t believe they view it with the same gravity as the church does. Besides, it is so common place in society there are few opportunities for it to register with them that what they are doing is seriously wrong. Even church going Catholics will most likely not hear more than a passing mention of contraception from the pulpit. I have attended mass weekly for at least 15 years at several parishes, and can not remember a single homily that focused on contraception.

I believe there are a few who have studied church teaching and simply do not understand it or agree with it…and therefore choose to ignore it. I am sure it weighs on their conscience, but they believe the church is wrong. I had a conversation with someone regarding contraception and after establishing that they knew it was considered sinful by the church, but did not agree with the teaching, ultimately said, “I am in a situation where we cannot have more children (nfp has failed multiple times), but I am not willing to put the strain on our marriage that years and years of prolonged abstinence will cause when there are other options available. I understand that the Church doesn’t see these as morals options, but I don’t get it. I believe that God understands my situation, understands why I have made this decision, and will judge me accordingly. I can live with that.”
 
Rationalization- I’ve heard the statement that the goal of contraception like condoms which prevent fertilization and NFP are the same, ergo, than the use of them is equivalent.
That since either can fail at about the same rate (actually, according to NFP advocates, the risk of condom failure is greater than NFP) that both are equally ‘open to life’.

Again, it’s like any other sin, humans have an almost limitless ability to rationalize their actions to themselves. Combine this with doubts about the authority of the Church, the influence of the culture around them, pressures within the marriage, presumption about God’s forgiveness, etc. and it explains why a lot of Catholics take these actions.
 
I didn’t connect the dot, lol… Meaning if the church says NO, it means that also God says NO. I used to make assumption that the church came up with their own rules. Anyway, now i know they are guided by the Holy Spirit so if God says so, I better do so.

The couple could also use abstinence if they want to cool down with family. I believe that Natural birth Control is allowed.

Blessings!
 
Sometimes it’s misunderstanding really. We were told in our marriage prep that condoms were okay at times. But that’s about all we were told about family planning during the marriage prep. I already knew what NFP was, but my husband didn’t. After about a year or so of marriage, we started following the church’s teaching. And nearly immediately, our sex drives came almost exactly in line with each other where before we had been mismatched.
 
If you’re not very involved in your Catholic faith then I secular society has a great influence in shaping your choices. At the very least it points you in certain directions. It makes the lie easier to tell yourself.

For me, my college years were a distant and dark time. Confronted with the first chance at freedom was eye opening, as I grew up in your typical Catholic family - Mass each week, Catholic Schools, a good prayer life. I never new that so many different opinions and options existed. I stopped being involved in my faith. Stopped going to Church. Didn’t pray much. And I dove into the secular college lifestyle without thinking.

So for me it was a willingness to look the other way and to let my emotions and desires trump the years of quality Catholic formation and guidance I had been given.

I think this happens to a lot of people as the head out of the house and on their own.

Thank God for His mercy and forgiveness!
 
Rico_S said:
I would say the vast majority of Catholics don’t give it much of a second thought. They may or may not realize the church teaching, but if they do, I don’t believe they view it with the same gravity as the church does. Besides, it is so common place in society there are few opportunities for it to register with them that what they are doing is seriously wrong. Even church going Catholics will most likely not hear more than a passing mention of contraception from the pulpit. I have attended mass weekly for at least 15 years at several parishes, and can not remember a single homily that focused on contraception.

I believe there are a few who have studied church teaching and simply do not understand it or agree with it…and therefore choose to ignore it. I am sure it weighs on their conscience, but they believe the church is wrong. I had a conversation with someone regarding contraception and after establishing that they knew it was considered sinful by the church, but did not agree with the teaching, ultimately said, “I am in a situation where we cannot have more children (nfp has failed multiple times), but I am not willing to put the strain on our marriage that years and years of prolonged abstinence will cause when there are other options available. I understand that the Church doesn’t see these as morals options, but I don’t get it. I believe that God understands my situation, understands why I have made this decision, and will judge me accordingly. I can live with that.”
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I myself agree with this. My wife is bipolar and has a bad anger issue. She has gotten better though through medication. We live in a travel trailer and have for the last six years. We have one kid and we love him to death. However there were times she shoved him away when he wanted a hug, physically and mentally hurt him. And even now we have worked out these issues. We have no room for another kid and cannot afford it. My wife also has a hormone inbalance to where the NFP doesn’t work. When she is not fertile there are times I cannot even be near her or touch or embrace her. This is not her fault. I want the NFP but it doesn’t work for our situation. I see it as taking the lesser of the 2 evils and pray that God judges me on the love that I have for my family and the forgiveness that I have with my wife and not the fact that we use condems. I always wondered about this though. I think God judges us on what is in our hearts and how much love and forgiveness we have for one another. I hope!
 
For me…it was complete and total ignorance on the Church’s teachings.

I did use contraception but I was a non-practicing Catholic who thought pre-marital sex was just “a test drive.” 🤷

I wanted to ditch all contraceptives anyway and started looking into alternative methods of family planning.

This brought me to FAM…or the secular version of NFP.

While I wasn’t a good Catholic girl who should have waited until marriage to have sex. I can say that neither my husband nor I have used any form of contraception during our marriage at all.

I honestly believe that the vast majority of Catholics who use contraception…do it out of sheer ignorance.
Others did do it out of ignorance and, upon finding out what the Church actually teaches, have a VERY difficult time making the switch. I think this is out of fear.
 
JackieMom said:
I think that depends. For couples who just don’t want kids, or who want a small family for convenience purposes, they probably think God couldn’t possibly care about contraception when people are starving to death, kids are dying of preventable diseases, and there is rampant genocide in the world, etc.

For couples who do have serious reasons to avoid pregnancy, and would be open to more kids otherwise - they act out of fear and hope God will understand and forgive.
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Rampant genocide? Source?

Peace,
Ed
 
edwest2 said:
Rampant genocide? Source?

Peace,
Ed
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Burma? Syria? The Congo? The Sudan?

Not that it’s applicable to this thread… What I was saying is that some people feel that God has “bigger fish to fry” than couples who use condoms. They don’t think it’s a big deal compared to the atrocities being committed all over the world.
 
Seaborgium said:
How do catholic women or men justify their consciences with using contraception?
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They don’t. Their blinded and until their sight is restored they will keep doing it.

“Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”
 
They use it because the generation of women who are 30-45 years old now were fed vicious lies by the women who came before us from the “free-love” generation! We were told “some celibate Cardinal thinks he belongs in our bedrooms” and “it’s not like it’s Dogma or infallible teaching - just men in robes trying to keep women suppressed” and “it’s not like it’s a sin or anything.” Of course, parishes in America did not speak out about it from the pulpit in the 80’s and 90’s while we were growing up. Neither did my Catholic schools (K-12). We were being raised in the middle of the “me” era - truly, the beginnings of rampant moral relativism. Our teachers told us, “Jesus loves you and He wants you to do whatever you want to be happy.” We never discussed sin. Or that there are limits on what we can do to seek personal happiness. Or that true fulfillment comes only from God. We just did not know. Many still don’t know.

I believe when you know better, you do better. However, there are some who prefer to live in the lies they were spoon fed . . . . Pray for them!!! Pray they don’t corrupt yet another generation!
 
Suslar said:
They use it because the generation of women who are 30-45 years old now were fed vicious lies by the women who came before us from the “free-love” generation! We were told “some celibate Cardinal thinks he belongs in our bedrooms” and “it’s not like it’s Dogma or infallible teaching - just men in robes trying to keep women suppressed” and “it’s not like it’s a sin or anything.” Of course, parishes in America did not speak out about it from the pulpit in the 80’s and 90’s while we were growing up. Neither did my Catholic schools (K-12). We were being raised in the middle of the “me” era - truly, the beginnings of rampant moral relativism. Our teachers told us, “Jesus loves you and He wants you to do whatever you want to be happy.” We never discussed sin. Or that there are limits on what we can do to seek personal happiness. Or that true fulfillment comes only from God. We just did not know. Many still don’t know.

I believe when you know better, you do better. However, there are some who prefer to live in the lies they were spoon fed . . . . Pray for them!!! Pray they don’t corrupt yet another generation!
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This is spot on.
It’s been a slow erosion of social morals that Catholics at the time didn’t think was a big deal or would amount to much.
The damage has been done and we have a lot of social norms to clean up and change! We desperately need confident, vocal, Catholics willing to take a stand in today’s world - the repair it’s not going to be easy or quick, but it must be done!
Peace.
 
JackieMom said:
Burma? Syria? The Congo? The Sudan?

Not that it’s applicable to this thread… What I was saying is that some people feel that God has “bigger fish to fry” than couples who use condoms. They don’t think it’s a big deal compared to the atrocities being committed all over the world.
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I’m watching all of these situations and trust me, if it doesn’t affect them, most people don’t care about it. Your comparison makes no sense.

Peace,
Ed
 
Suslar said:
They use it because the generation of women who are 30-45 years old now were fed vicious lies by the women who came before us from the “free-love” generation! We were told “some celibate Cardinal thinks he belongs in our bedrooms” and “it’s not like it’s Dogma or infallible teaching - just men in robes trying to keep women suppressed” and “it’s not like it’s a sin or anything.” Of course, parishes in America did not speak out about it from the pulpit in the 80’s and 90’s while we were growing up. Neither did my Catholic schools (K-12). We were being raised in the middle of the “me” era - truly, the beginnings of rampant moral relativism. Our teachers told us, “Jesus loves you and He wants you to do whatever you want to be happy.” We never discussed sin. Or that there are limits on what we can do to seek personal happiness. Or that true fulfillment comes only from God. We just did not know. Many still don’t know.

I believe when you know better, you do better. However, there are some who prefer to live in the lies they were spoon fed . . . . Pray for them!!! Pray they don’t corrupt yet another generation!
Click to expand...
Ah, the “free-love” generation…the feminists…the ones who celebrated the Pill and legal abortion as if they were sacraments… 😦 what a mess they have made…

I can’t speak for Catholics because I left the church at the age of 10 after my mother died. Not through my own consent, but because my convert father never returned. So society shaped my values, since Daddy didn’t take that role. And society said there was nothing wrong with sex outside marriage, as long as you didn’t get pregnant (contraception took care of that). And if you did happen to get pregnant, there was always abortion to fix the “problem.”

I literally did not know anything else. I thought sex = love. And that it signaled a relationship between me and the other person. Little did I know that all those years would end up warping my viewpoint of sex…Well, I won’t go into it here. Needless to say I saw nothing whatever wrong with contraception and even after I returned to the Church, I kept using it because my husband expected me to. 😦 Whatever the excuse, I sinned. Big-time.

The Church, OUR Church, has been too quiet on these issues for decades now. Catechesis must improve, and our priests need to go through all of his and make it plain to Catholics in the pews. At least my sons understand what I did not. It ends with me.
 
edwest2 said:
I’m watching all of these situations and trust me, if it doesn’t affect them, most people don’t care about it. Your comparison makes no sense.

Peace,
Ed
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Apparently I have been unable to convey my point to you. What I meant was not that contracepting couples literally think about genocide or starvation when they reach for the condoms - they just think that contraception is “not a big deal” when compared to other horrfic things going on in the world. Why worry about condoms when people are killing each other and starving.

I’ve heard it often. “Really, God couldn’t possibly care about how my husband and I plan our family when there are people out there doing ___.”
 
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