How do I come to hate the sin of self abuse?

[Riley259]

Hitetlen:

It has been observed that some little girls (very young ones, under one year!) masturbate, even all the way to orgasm. How can something be “sinful” when young children, who are the most innocents among us, also practice it? What is wrong with innocent pleasure? It hurts no one. It is hard to understand the lack of compassion of some people, who are willing to condemn almost anything just because it gives pleasure.

Do you know this definition? “Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere might have fun”.

Masturbation can hurt alot of people eventually including oneself, a spouse, and others in the family. The act is done purely for pleasure and this thus distorts the purpose of the sexual act in it’s ideal and intended form. A Catholic understanding of sexuality point out the beauty of the sexual act when rightly ordered: a self-donation out of love for one another leaving open the possibility of life. In contrast, masturbation is done for purely selfish reasons and is inescapably tied in with lust. This habit eventually distorts a purer understanding of sexuality and love. I suggest you read books by Christopher West - he does a great job of explaining the true meaning of sexuality.

 

[AndyF]

Shameless:

I have been struggling with self abuse (masturbation) for 20 years, since age 13. I am a married man. I once heard someone say to stop sinning we must come to hate the sin. How do I HATE this sin? I’m not going to sugar coat it, it feels good, I do it for lots of reasons, including when I am stressed out, etc. I know it is wrong, I am trying to stop but it has been part of me for so long it is difficult to give it up. How do I come to really HATE it? I really dislike it, but I’m not sure I really hate it.

One of the charteristics of habitual sin is the loss of revulsion. I would recommend you start slow to reduce. Perhaps, go for a week, then 2 weeks, and if you fail, don’t give up but carry on where you left off. Start with something you can handle.

You will need to start something else as a compensator. Start a devotion to the rosary, or to the Sacred Heart. You can find a good site at www.theholyrosary.org. If you don’t know the prayers, print them out and you will eventually memorize them. Study the mysteries of the rosary, and learn to concentrate on them when praying.

You will need to have a one-on-one confession, not public, with a priest on a regular bases, and after each, it is important you go to communion. Confession will make you more humble and receptive to the Holy Spirit for change, and communion will give you the extra strength to combat temptation.

Start observing the obligations of the Church, do charitable works. I guarantee you will start noticing a change, as Mary promised in Promise #11.

Andy

 

[Shameless]

AndyF:

One of the charteristics of habitual sin is the loss of revulsion. I would recommend you start slow to reduce. Perhaps, go for a week, then 2 weeks, and if you fail, don’t give up but carry on where you left off. Start with something you can handle.

You will need to start something else as a compensator. Start a devotion to the rosary, or to the Sacred Heart. You can find a good site at www.theholyrosary.org. If you don’t know the prayers, print them out and you will eventually memorize them. Study the mysteries of the rosary, and learn to concentrate on them when praying.

You will need to have a one-on-one confession, not public, with a priest on a regular bases, and after each, it is important you go to communion. Confession will make you more humble and receptive to the Holy Spirit for change, and communion will give you the extra strength to combat temptation.

Start observing the obligations of the Church, do charitable works. I guarantee you will start noticing a change, as Mary promised in Promise #11.

Andy

Thank you, some good points here. I really like the Rosary but I have a hard time finding the time to say one. I’m usually only able to do one decade a day.

 

[marcadam]

Hitetlen:

marcadam:

You make a logical error here, that because innocents might unknowingly pleasure themselves thusly, it is innocent pleasure. That doesn’t follow.

If you would point out the difference?

Sure. It is an equivocation on the word “innocent;” in the first case meaning a person who is below the age of reason and not capable of making a moral decision per se; in the second, as an adjective describing the given act as being amoral, that is, having no moral weight. It is similar to the logical error behind the pun: “God is Love; Love is blind; Ray Charles is blind; ergo, Ray Charles is God”.

Hitetlen:

marcadam:

The experience of many is that it does [cause harm].

Hmm, do they go blind?

I was speaking more of the damage it does to their view of sexuality and their relationships with members of the opposite sex. I don’t think it causes blindness.

Hitetlen:

marcadam:

If you find this impossible for yourself, if your own zeal and anger trump your reason, perhaps you would be better off elsewhere, for your own sake.

Anger? Where did that come form?

Perhaps “anger” is a bit too harsh. I’m thinking more of your mocking tone and apparent refusal to treat your debating partners as though their position might have substance behind it, and to investigate just what that substance might be. Your mischaracterization of the Catholic position, to wit: “It is hard to understand the lack of compassion of some people, who are willing to condemn almost anything just because it gives pleasure.”

This variously condemns us as discompassionate and completely misstates and mocks the Catholic argument, such that I have to believe that either (a) you don’t really even know what it is, or (b) you’ve read/heard it, but your preconceived notions gave it a very high “Ginger factor” (“blah blah blah Ginger blah blah No! blah blah blah…”). So, your inital response to this thread may not have been “angry” per se, but it certainly was not respectful.

Hitetlen:

I have been baptized and raised as a Calvinist (Presbyterian), so I am not exactly unfamiliar with [Puritan] teachings…

My point was that Catholics are not Puritans. Whatever Puritans believe is immaterial here. I’m not sure if Puritans even do teach that it is sinful to “have fun,” but even so, Catholics do not. Others have written more comprehensively on the subject, but to highlight a point you seem to have missed: Catholics are not against sexual pleasure qua pleasure; in fact, we’re all for it in its proper context. If you want to debate this, then by all means, let’s have a discussion. OTOH, whacking away at a strawman of your own invention, while fun for yourself I’m sure, will get you nowhere.

Summing up: if what you desire is to be treated respectfully, treat others with respect. Caricaturing them and their arguments, then mocking said caricature is not respect.

 

[Fergal]

It is not a hate of sin you must develop but a deeper love for God. The earlier prevents an action because of a negative feeling the latter because of a positive one.

Daily Mass and Weekly Confession are your key.

 

[Shameless]

Fergal:

It is not a hate of sin you must develop but a deeper love for God. The earlier prevents an action because of a negative feeling the latter because of a positive one.

Daily Mass and Weekly Confession are your key.

That makes sense, how do I develope a deeper love in God (that is real)?

 

[Fergal]

Shameless:

That makes sense, how do I develop a deeper love in God (that is real)?

What I have found that really helps my development of a deep love of God is 1st of all a steady prayer life IRRESPECTIVE OF FEELINGS!! Then try to develop a continuous awareness of the presence of God.

Daily Mass is a wonderful privilege given to us thanks to Pius XII. Receiving Christ himself, daily, is the greatest safeguard we have over temptation to sin. When sin occurs you have removed yourself from the privilege of being able to receive Christ and it hurts you especially if you are devoted to going to Mass daily, not to mention hurting Him who has so much stored up that he wishes to grant you.

Daily Rosary is vital as it is ***the * ** weapon against evil according to Padre Pio.

A true and deep knowledge that it ***is * ** a sin and it does offend God works well too but it is hard to have especially in the moments of weakness and strong temptation as the devil puts all sorts of justifications into our minds.

So you see that deep love of God leads us to a deep change in our ways of life away from sin and towards the practise of wonderful virtues.

That is the true mark of love. Change.

Don’t confuse love of God with emotions as they fool the heart.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

You’ve got to identify any obvious triggers that lead you down that path of temptation ane one-by-one, eliminate them.

I find it hard to imagine that any normal man, out for a drive or out shopping couldn’t get his thoughts going in the wrong direction. I mean sex is everywhere and as a society we have become so accustomed to seeing the filthy, sleezy ads, suggestive t-shirts, commericials and programs, and the total expectation by society that everyone should be “hooking up”.

You want to stop truly? Shut off the TV for starters and start reading spiritual books in place of TV. God will provide the necessary graces when you begin to make sacrifices in an effort to stop. . After a few days, your mind will have a difficult time focusing on self-satisfaction as opposed to pleasing God and respecting the law He authored, reserving that act for the creation of life, and for unitive purposes with your spouse. You cheat you self, your wife, and God because masturbating serves neither purpose.

Try this…

The next time you even find yourself just beginning to head down that road thought wise, turn your thoughts to something else: Children being sexually abused. In fact, you might want to consider offering up the sacrifice of not giving into your own desires of the flesh to some child hiding and pleading with God for the horror to end. One person, giving up a few seconds of sinful sexual self-pleasure, for the intention of a suffering child will certainly bring you, and the unknown child, some graces from God.

You want to talk about being manly? Only you know just how much strength it will take to say “no” to yourself. Just think: Somewhere out there is a man who is in the process of sexually abusing someone for his own pleasure, and while this far is worse than self-abuse, it too is addicting. You may include in your offerings, a sacrifice for the intention of the abuser to turn from sin and get the help he needs. This too, benefits the unknown child.

Bottom line is that sacrificing your own desire for the intention of someone else, is a way to show God you mean business. Then, count your successes, not your failings. If you are engaged several times daily, work at getting it down to once daily. If you are doing it once daily, work at getting through one day without giving in, offering all of that pain of not giving in, for some intention of your choice. Keep chipping away until you are manaing to go days, weeks, then months between failures. And, when you fall, get back up and go for even more yardage. Barry Sanders was great for chipping away at that yardage, but then he would just burst through for a long run. Its good he didn’t focus or get down on himself for those 3, 4 or 5 yard runs. They add value in their own way because they keep the ball moving.

 

[Lux_et_veritas]

Fergal:

What I have found that really helps my development of a deep love of God is 1st of all a steady prayer life IRRESPECTIVE OF FEELINGS!! Then try to develop a continuous awareness of the presence of God.

Daily Mass is a wonderful privilege given to us thanks to Pius XII. Receiving Christ himself, daily, is the greatest safeguard we have over temptation to sin. When sin occurs you have removed yourself from the privilege of being able to receive Christ and it hurts you especially if you are devoted to going to Mass daily, not to mention hurting Him who has so much stored up that he wishes to grant you.

Daily Rosary is vital as it is ***the *** weapon against evil according to Padre Pio.

A true and deep knowledge that it ***is *** a sin and it does offend God works well too but it is hard to have especially in the moments of weakness and strong temptation as the devil puts all sorts of justifications into our minds.

So you see that deep love of God leads us to a deep change in our ways of life away from sin and towards the practise of wonderful virtues.

That is the true mark of love. Change.

Don’t confuse love of God with emotions as they fool the heart.

Excellent post, as usual Fergal!!!

I call it, unconditional worship and prayer. It has been something I’ve been working on with my confessor. He’s been getting me into shape and I’ve never been so glad I began talking to him about how my prayer life was lacking.

Prayer is truly the first step and as I mentioned earlier, sacrifices are as valuable as prayer. They can be penitential.

What you are trying to do, Shameless, is to tame the apetites. When you learn to tame any one apetite, you begin to learn how to tame the others. If you have an apetite for expensive capuccino’s, try switching to basic coffee for a while just to tame that appetite. If you only buy name-brand clothes from department stores, buy off-brand clothes at discount stores. It’s kind of like working out. If you work your arms one day, you need to work the legs the next day. Learning to endure the workout for the arms, aids you with the discipline of getting the legs in shape.

Mortification is very important, and this is where sacrifice comes in. To grow spiritually, we need to look to the Cross and realize that it is not all birth and resurrection. There was a cross in between them and this signified the sacrifices we would need to make. Sometimes the hardest sacrifices involve some kind of apetite we have. It could be sexual, financial, food, computers, TV, video games. How many people really count the number of hours they engage in these things, then compare that against the number of hours spent in prayer or worship? This is what got me on the road to learning to love God more, and as Fergal mentions, ultimately drove deep change in me.