How do I confess something so shameful?

[hulahoop]

I am due to make a very thorough general confession with my priest in a week and a half, and I’m struggling with exactly how I should confess something which I feel very ashamed of and embarrassed about.

In an effort to please my husband, I initiated some very questionable sexual practices between us which I discovered he had enjoyed in the past. I’d rather not go into specifics here. Suffice it to say, he did not exert any pressure on me to do so, I went there all by myself.

But how do I confess this?
Just how specific must I be with my priest? Would the way I’ve worded it here suffice? Please help or advise…I just want to make a good confession.
I’m sorry if I have offended anyone here…

 

[Claymont79]

I don’t have an answer for you, but will pray for your peace of mind. Others on here usually have the technical answers from the CCC that should give you some guidance. I doubt that it’s as bad as you are perceiving it if you are married.

 

[jpjd]

Yes, the way you worded it here is very good. Print out the second paragraph of your post and read it to him if you have to. It gets the point across without being too graphic.

 

[FrDavid96]

I am due to make a very thorough general confession with my priest in a week and a half, and I’m struggling with exactly how I should confess something which I feel very ashamed of and embarrassed about.

In an effort to please my husband, I initiated some very questionable sexual practices between us which I discovered he had enjoyed in the past. I’d rather not go into specifics here. Suffice it to say, he did not exert any pressure on me to do so, I went there all by myself.

But how do I confess this?
Just how specific must I be with my priest? Would the way I’ve worded it here suffice? Please help or advise…I just want to make a good confession.
I’m sorry if I have offended anyone here…

What I am about to type, I mean in all seriousness, and not in the least way to be sarcastic…

You have already said what you need to say right here on an internet post for all the world to see. If you can say it on the internet, you can say it in confession.

Just say what you said here.

 

[fbl9]

ask yourself just how is what yous did as a couple is sin,are you sure what you both did is a sin…as near as i can tell there are two trains of thought here at CAF…one beleives a couple is free to enjoy one another in the marital embrace as long as tab “p” finishes in slot"v"… the other is only tab p goes in(near) slot v only unto finishing…sorry i can’t offer anything more…if there is no sin no need to confess what is not sin,perhaps the best thing would be, is to consult your confesor…when talking to him, if i could be you , i might try to explain the why of the why are you ashamed of the acts…

 

[hulahoop]

What I am about to type, I mean in all seriousness, and not in the least way to be sarcastic…

You have already said what you need to say right here on an internet post for all the world to see. If you can say it on the internet, you can say it in confession.

Just say what you said here.

No, no, I don’t take what you’ve said sarcastically at all!
Thank you!
My overriding concern is that I don’t sugar coat it or skim over it whilst confessing it…yet, still find a way to let the priest know how wrong I perceive my actions to be without having to go into every salacious detail.

I guess I was just trying to figure out the proper wording without having to spell it all out for Father…which I know they generally don’t encourgae you to do so when it’s sexual subject matter.

 

[hulahoop]

ask yourself just how is what yous did as a couple is sin,are you sure what you both did is a sin…as near as i can tell there are two trains of thought here at CAF…one beleives a couple is free to enjoy one another in the marital embrace as long as tab “p” finishes in slot"v"… the other is only tab p goes in(near) slot v only unto finishing…sorry i can’t offer anything more…if there is no sin no need to confess what is not sin,perhaps the best thing would be, is to consult your confesor…when talking to him, if i could be you , i might try to explain the why of the why are you ashamed of the acts…

Thanks for your reply.
I want to be able to explain why confessing this particular act troubles me without giving away too much. After all, this IS the internet, and I really, really don’t want to offend.

All I feel comfortable sharing is that the acts in question fall into the category of what is sometimes referred to as BDSM. Something I never engaged in before, and have no intention of ever doing so again. And my husband is on the same page with me here.

True, what happened was just between the two of us, and it did end in us completing the marital act. But it still felt wrong, shameful, perhaps even deviant. Hence my overwhelming conviction that I need to confess it.

 

[FrDavid96]

No, no, I don’t take what you’ve said sarcastically at all!
Thank you!
My overriding concern is that I don’t sugar coat it or skim over it whilst confessing it…yet, still find a way to let the priest know how wrong I perceive my actions to be without having to go into every salacious detail.

I guess I was just trying to figure out the proper wording without having to spell it all out for Father…which I know they generally don’t encourgae you to do so when it’s sexual subject matter.

What I hope you understand is that you already know what to say. You’ve already said it. The priest will know that you think it’s wrong by the very fact that you’re confessing it.

 

[hulahoop]

Thanks for your reply.
I want to be able to explain why confessing this particular act troubles me without giving away too much. After all, this IS the internet, and I really, really don’t want to offend.

All I feel comfortable sharing is that the acts in question fall into the category of what is sometimes referred to as BDSM. Something I never engaged in before, and have no intention of ever doing so again. And my husband is on the same page with me here.

True, what happened was just between the two of us, and it did end in us completing the marital act. But it still felt wrong, shameful, perhaps even deviant. Hence my overwhelming conviction that I need to confess it.

What I hope you understand is that you already know what to say. You’ve already said it. The priest will know that you think it’s wrong by the very fact that you’re confessing it.

I know that you’re right.
But I’m more than a wee bit OCD and scrupulous, so I have an unfortunate tendency to turn these things over in my mind ad nauseam.

I’ll most likely confess what I said in the initial post in the way I worded it, then it’ll be ball in Father’s court…I’m going to ask him if he needs more clarification or details, and knowing Father as I do, it’s pretty certain he will not want me to elaborate.

This is a pretty long overdue general confession for me, and I’m pretty wracked inside about it. I’m sort of doing the prodigal daughter thing here, I’ve grown lukewarm and apathetic about my faith and the sacraments these past 3 or so years, and it’s only recently that I’ve felt the pull of the Holy Spirit calling me home.

I used to be in the confessional no less than once a month, I take this sacrament sooooo seriously. For me, since I converted 10 years ago, the sacrament of reconciliation has been the single most healing one for me.

I just want to feel that healing again.

 

[FrDavid96]

One more thing to add. When you posted your first message, everyone who read it had a pretty good idea what you were getting at–we didn’t need you to go into any more specifics. Would the priest hearing the confession not look at it the same way?

 

[hulahoop]

One more thing to add. When you posted your first message, everyone who read it had a pretty good idea what you were getting at–we didn’t need you to go into any more specifics. Would the priest hearing the confession not look at it the same way?

Exactly! Nail on the head, there.
That’s where the OCD/scrupulosity kicks in though, my friends.

I’m plagued with the endless and circuitous questions/worries “Was I specific enough” or “Did I hold back too much?” Even when we clearly know in our heads the obvious answer, the troubled and scrupulous mind charges into overdrive.

 

[fbl9]

Thanks for your reply.
I want to be able to explain why confessing this particular act troubles me without giving away too much. After all, this IS the internet, and I really, really don’t want to offend.

All I feel comfortable sharing is that the acts in question fall into the category of what is sometimes referred to as BDSM. Something I never engaged in before, and have no intention of ever doing so again. And my husband is on the same page with me here.

True, what happened was just between the two of us, and it did end in us completing the marital act. But it still felt wrong, shameful, perhaps even deviant. Hence my overwhelming conviction that I need to confess it.

sorry i wasn’t asking you details,but i was coming from what you mentioned about being overly scruplous,something which recognizable from what you posted…yes confess to maybe that degree,but i don’t desire to know anything else nor would your confessor…

 

[hulahoop]

sorry i wasn’t asking you details,but i was coming from what you mentioned about being overly scruplous,something which recognizable from what you posted…yes confess to maybe that degree,but i don’t desire to know anything else nor would your confessor…

And I will be doing just as you all have advised.
And you’re all right, I pretty much had this figured out before I even posted, but just felt the need for some confirmation that I was indeed handling this truthfully yet not crossing the line, so to speak.

 

[po18guy]

What I am about to type, I mean in all seriousness, and not in the least way to be sarcastic…

You have already said what you need to say right here on an internet post for all the world to see. If you can say it on the internet, you can say it in confession.

Just say what you said here.

Amen, Father! Why do we so often fear to tell it to the Forgiver of man, and fear not to share it with other sinners who have no power over sin? OP, simply write it and read it, if that would make it easier. Ask men about how embarrassing it is to confess sexual sins, we have done it all, I’m afraid.

Christ’s peace be with you.

 

[hulahoop]

Amen, Father! Why do we so often fear to tell it to the Forgiver of man, and fear not to share it with other sinners who have no power over sin? OP, simply write it and read it, if that would make it easier. Ask men about how embarrassing it is to confess sexual sins, we have done it all, I’m afraid.

Christ’s peace be with you.

Oh, in the way I’ve worded it here, I would not fear to share it with Father. It was only if I was told that I needed to graphically spell out the sin that I would be wracked by fear. And I sure as heck wouldn’t have the guts or bad judgment to post full disclosure on this or any other internet message board.

Thanks for your reply, and Christ’s peace to you, too.

 

[fbl9]

And I will be doing just as you all have advised.
And you’re all right, I pretty much had this figured out before I even posted, but just felt the need for some confirmation that I was indeed handling this truthfully yet not crossing the line, so to speak.

if it were me in your postion my confession on this matter would sound along this line…i have sinned during martial relations by doing actions which harm/go against the unifying effects of marital relations,but held the procreative element intact…something like this will ensure that this sin is covered and not leaving the priest guessing as to what is being confessed…

 

[Timothysis]

if it were me in your postion my confession on this matter would sound along this line…i have sinned during martial relations by doing actions which harm/go against the unifying effects of marital relations,but held the procreative element intact…something like this will ensure that this sin is covered and not leaving the priest guessing as to what is being confessed…

I’m at a loss as to what “sin” was supposedly committed. And what do you mean by “*doing actions which harm/go against the unifying effects of marital relations?” * I don’t believe I’ve ever read that in the CCC. According to the poster, everything ended the way it should have. Where is the sin?

 

[fbl9]

I’m at a loss as to what “sin” was supposedly committed. And what do you mean by “*doing actions which harm/go against the unifying effects of marital relations?” * I don’t believe I’ve ever read that in the CCC. According to the poster, everything ended the way it should have. Where is the sin?

bdsm acts go against the couple being one…in bdsm there is control over the other,not mutual giving and pleasure…

 

[Copperman]

I am due to make a very thorough general confession with my priest in a week and a half, and I’m struggling with exactly how I should confess something which I feel very ashamed of and embarrassed about.

In an effort to please my husband, I initiated some very questionable sexual practices between us which I discovered he had enjoyed in the past. I’d rather not go into specifics here. Suffice it to say, he did not exert any pressure on me to do so, I went there all by myself.

But how do I confess this?
Just how specific must I be with my priest? Would the way I’ve worded it here suffice? Please help or advise…I just want to make a good confession.
I’m sorry if I have offended anyone here…

A few months ago our Priest made a point of telling all of us that there are no new sins. He said that people think their sins are unique and they’re not. Most Priests have “heard it all before”. They are there to heal. It feels good to confess and unload the burden. I will pray for you.

 

[Timothysis]

bdsm acts go against the couple being one…in bdsm there is control over the other,not mutual giving and pleasure…

If both agree to what’s going on then I would have to say that it is indeed “mutual.” Besides, it doesn’t sound as if it was serious, either. Not all married couples gaze deeply and lovingly into their spouse’s eyes while they are going at it.

I wonder what encyclical covers bdsm…