S
seekingpeace62
Guest
First, a little background on me. I am a cradle Catholic. I fell away from the church in my 20’s. My parents were devout Catholics their entire lives and my brother is still strong in his faith. My sister was extremely devout and was employed at her church for 30 years. She died in October of 2011 from pancreatic cancer. Her bravery and positive state of mind during the year that she battled the cancer impressed me, which I attribute to her strong faith. She had 3 priests presiding at her funeral mass. This whole experience made a big impact on me. A year and a half after her death (last March) I felt an overwhelming desire to return to church. I went to church that week and haven’t missed since.
I was away about 40-some years, so there is so much I have forgotten or never knew. After my confession, the priest asked me if I was planning on having my marriage blessed. I didn’t know anything about it, but felt that it must be important.
I was a bit apprehensive about approaching my husband about it. He was raised Methodist but has not practiced any religion for many years. We married in his mother’s Methodist church 23 years ago and it was a very reverent and spiritual union. At that time, I was completely unaware of the impact it would make now that I want to return to my Catholic faith.
I was surprised when he was extremely supportive of going through it. It touched me and made me realize how much I mean to him that he would do this for me. He has made it very clear that he would never desire to join the church but he supports how important it is to me. He had his first interview with the Diocese last November so we are at the beginning of the process. It seems overwhelming to me since he had 2 prior marriages that need to be annulled. It was so long ago, it’s difficult to come up with living witnesses. This is my first and only marriage.
Now for my question. I didn’t learn until last September that I cannot receive communion. I actually found out by researching the internet to learn more about he process of validating our marriage. I called my priest to confirm if this was true. When he said it was, I sobbed that entire day. I had a total meltdown. When I first returned I was unaware that I wasn’t supposed to receive. Receiving communion each week had an even greater meaning to me after being away so long. It gave me the strength I needed to continue to move forward and leave my past and all its mistakes behind.
Since I learned I can’t receive, I sit in the back pew because I cannot keep my tears from flowing throughout mass. My heart is broken because it has taken so much for me to come back and now I feel as though this is an obstacle that is weakening me. I cry every time I think about how long this will take. It was very difficult during Advent because I was not able to feel the joy of reconciliation and forgiveness. I feel punished and cast aside for having made this mistake. I strive every day to be a good person and amend my life but I can’t feel peace. I know I should pray more often to receive spiritual strength, but each week I get worn down a little more.
If it were up to me, we would life as brother and sister until the marriage blessing. I would gladly forgo any intimate contact if it meant I could receive the Eucharist. I approached my husband regarding that and he thought it was ridiculous. That made him angry, since we’ve been married for 23 years. Not being Catholic, he doesn’t understand what the Eucharist is and why it means so much to me.
I guess I’m looking to hear from someone else who has gone through this and could offer some advice as to what I can do to develop patience and strengthen my faith while waiting for the blessing to occur.
I was away about 40-some years, so there is so much I have forgotten or never knew. After my confession, the priest asked me if I was planning on having my marriage blessed. I didn’t know anything about it, but felt that it must be important.
I was a bit apprehensive about approaching my husband about it. He was raised Methodist but has not practiced any religion for many years. We married in his mother’s Methodist church 23 years ago and it was a very reverent and spiritual union. At that time, I was completely unaware of the impact it would make now that I want to return to my Catholic faith.
I was surprised when he was extremely supportive of going through it. It touched me and made me realize how much I mean to him that he would do this for me. He has made it very clear that he would never desire to join the church but he supports how important it is to me. He had his first interview with the Diocese last November so we are at the beginning of the process. It seems overwhelming to me since he had 2 prior marriages that need to be annulled. It was so long ago, it’s difficult to come up with living witnesses. This is my first and only marriage.
Now for my question. I didn’t learn until last September that I cannot receive communion. I actually found out by researching the internet to learn more about he process of validating our marriage. I called my priest to confirm if this was true. When he said it was, I sobbed that entire day. I had a total meltdown. When I first returned I was unaware that I wasn’t supposed to receive. Receiving communion each week had an even greater meaning to me after being away so long. It gave me the strength I needed to continue to move forward and leave my past and all its mistakes behind.
Since I learned I can’t receive, I sit in the back pew because I cannot keep my tears from flowing throughout mass. My heart is broken because it has taken so much for me to come back and now I feel as though this is an obstacle that is weakening me. I cry every time I think about how long this will take. It was very difficult during Advent because I was not able to feel the joy of reconciliation and forgiveness. I feel punished and cast aside for having made this mistake. I strive every day to be a good person and amend my life but I can’t feel peace. I know I should pray more often to receive spiritual strength, but each week I get worn down a little more.
If it were up to me, we would life as brother and sister until the marriage blessing. I would gladly forgo any intimate contact if it meant I could receive the Eucharist. I approached my husband regarding that and he thought it was ridiculous. That made him angry, since we’ve been married for 23 years. Not being Catholic, he doesn’t understand what the Eucharist is and why it means so much to me.
I guess I’m looking to hear from someone else who has gone through this and could offer some advice as to what I can do to develop patience and strengthen my faith while waiting for the blessing to occur.
